Stigma related to summer born deferral

[BlusteryShowers]

I am considering deferring my July born son to start Reception a year later. I wasn't going to but missing preschool due to covid and wider reading has made me question this again. He's currently 3yo.

I wanted to hear from those who have sent their summer born to Reception after age 5 and whether you think it was the right decision.

*- Have you or your child come across any stigma from other families about them being in the "wrong" year?

• My son has always been 98th centile for height. Does your child seem noticeably older than their peers? Has this caused any issues?

• Is/was your child bored by the extra year at preschool?

• Did you discuss this with your preschool provider and was their assessment of your child's readiness helpful?*

Thanks in advance for any replies.

Fourplasticrings- I do get the reasoning (I am also a teacher) but do you not have any worries about problems later on? For example there is no guarantee she will stay in the same year group for senior school and she may not be able to play in sports teams with her own year group? Also although there may be no stigma now, later on there might be?

To make her move year groups they have to be able to say it's in her best interests, which is nigh on impossible. If you can be fined for missing two weeks of education for a holiday due to the importance of every school day, it's fairly nonsensical for the school to argue it's in her best interests to miss a year. I haven't heard of anyone who has been forced to have their kid skip a year- and I know of quite a lot of kids who've had a compulsory school age start. Ultimately, the official age for school start in this country is five, so it's not delaying so much as choosing not to start early at four, which is a legal right. The argument that then needs to be made is 'Why should people starting at the stated admission age be penalised by missing a year of EYFS provision?'

As for sports, whether there's an issue varies from sport to sport and the level at which it is played. We could send her to an out of school club and just enter her in her age bracket, were it a problem. For many, like football, she may well struggle anyway, because she'd be physically a year younger than those she'd be competing against. Ultimately though, I think mental health concerns are more pressing than her potentially not being to play in the under tens in Year 5.

As for stigma, I'm not too concerned tbh. I got picked on for having ginger hair, but there was a fairly popular ginger girl in the same year group and no one ever pointed it out. I do think there's an element of, if they are going to pick on you, they'll find some reason for doing so.

@StuntNun

My DS2 is being educated out of year because he started school in a country where they start later. When we moved to England they tried to "jump" him into the appropriate year for his age and it was a complete disaster. His new teacher realised on the first day that he wasn't capable of year 6 work and the school asked whether they could move him "back" to year 5 which was actually the year he would have been going into in our old country.

- Have you or your child come across any stigma from other families about them being in the "wrong" year?

No, the school managed it extremely well and there have been no issues. For his birthday parties we always write e.g. "DS2's 12th birthday party" on the invitations because otherwise he gets cards with the wrong age on because people forget. It's a totally minor issue and easily solved with the reminder.

- My son has always been 98th centile for height. Does your child seem noticeably older than their peers? Has this caused any issues?

Right now (going into year 9) he is much taller than most of his friendship group because he hit puberty earlier on - he is a more than a year older than a couple of his friends. However children vary so much in height and development that most of the time there was no noticeable difference. He happens to be taller than his friends but he isn't the tallest in the school year.

- Is/was your child bored by the extra year at preschool?
N/A

- Did you discuss this with your preschool provider and was their assessment of your child's readiness helpful?
Not the same process but there were concerns that the high school might decide to put DS2 back into his correct year group for age, i.e. start high school straight into year 8, missing out year 7 entirely. We knew which school he would be going to and they were perfectly willing to confirm that they would keep educating him out of year once he started there. We also had to apply to the council alongside the school for permission to educate him out of year and this was only accepted because he has learning difficulties. I think without the statement of special educational needs he would not have been permitted to move school years.

This is my point exactly. It won't work in senior school this poster was able to apply for the correct age group due to LD and has a statement. There are going to be massive issues when these primary school children that have been kept back reach senior school.

Can't you just delay to legal starting time of Summer term?

DD's pre-school teacher told me that the advice they give is that if your child is struggling socially/emotionally then defer, if they are struggling academically (but no SEN) then don't defer. So we didn't defer, but ended up with DD repeating a year (along with a couple of others, so no stigma). Though I think that was due to lack of support by the school in her first 2 years...

DD is going into secondary out of year, but that has only been accepted because of some SEN backed with several years of ed psych reports and recommendations.

Dc is starting at csa in sept so i dont know yet.
But i have a jun born who really struggled behaviourally in reception just too tired etc.
I dont agree it is pushing the youngest down.
The targets are against the NC not other dc really until gcse.
My eldest probably has pda/adhd but is very immature and has 1 friend - it has decreased since reception. Academically ok but would have been acknowledged more if older (and the teachers dont like her due to the immaturity.)
Also she is rubbish at sport anyway.

Dc2 is tall but wont be tallest. Also very immature so i don't think yr r will be smooth anyway. She is not going to stand out as eldest.

England really need to tackle the bullying. Who gives a crap a child is 4m (16w older at most). The eldest arent always top so deferring doesnt guarantee that but makes it less likely they get behind and fail

Thanks for all the replies today. I've been quite torn about it because some threads go completely the other way and suggest that anyone not taking advantage of the rule is deliberately putting their child at an unnecessary disadvantage.

I'd hate for him to feel ridiculed and different but I've also seen things suggesting that summer borns are more likely to suffer from low self esteem which impacts mental health.

Ultimately, I can honestly say that his enjoyment of school and learning is more important to me than his ultimate grades. I just want him to like school and have good relationships with his peers and staff.

Also, it's been raised a few times about transition to secondary etc. My LA has committed to keeping any deferred children with the cohort they start with, so that wouldn't be a problem here.

I'm leaning more towards not doing it, but I think I will definitely ask for a proper conversation with Nursery in the next few weeks. The handovers at the end of the day are really brief, more so with the Covid stuff so I've really very little idea of where he is compared to his peers since he started the Pre school room a month ago.

@BlusteryShowers the vast majority of July and August born children stay with their usual year, and are absolutely fine. Some of these summer born groups get absolutists who act like it's the only way, perhaps because that's how they deal with their anxieties, but I think it then causes huge worries for others, especially if they are unsuccessful in their request. They also like to reference that other countries start children at 7 etc - speaking as someone who grew up in one of those idealised systems, and who has nieces and nephews there, those children are still reading and writing at around the same age, just not yet at official primary school, the UK is not some.crazed outlier.

It may be that holding your child a year is the right thing for him and that's absolutely fine. Unless he has other difficulties he is also likely to be absolutely fine if he goes to school with the rest of his year too. My July baby is working far ahead of his year group, my December baby is bang on average - it's so much to do with the child.

I have two summer born boys. My eldest has SN and has always struggled emotionally, academically and socially. I think he would have benefited from being a year behind. However, this is mainly because of his SN, not because he is young in his year.

My younger son loves school and has done well academically and socially. He would have hated being kept down a year. There are some children in his class who have been kept back. They are much, much taller than him. He looks like their little brother rather than their class mate.

My experience with my two is that being summer born is not a problem in itself, but it has exacerbated DS1's difficulties.

I'm an August birthday, and if I had an August-born DC I would definitely defer unless it was so obvious that they were 100% ready that it would be mad to.

DH and I did discuss it before we had kids, and decided not to TTC around the July/Aug/Sep birthdates to avoid the situation. DD is a late Spring baby.

I was very academic and did well at school, but I would have done better if I'd been in the year below, especially on the social side of things.

I have a brother who spent a year in hospital at a young age and he repeated a year (mix of state and private with no issues in either) - Autumn birthday so he was a lot older than his peer group, but socially and academically he did so much better in many ways because he was a lot more mature. He was 16 months older than I was at the same points so not surprising really.

The one thing I would never advise is people doing the opposite and putting a child in a year group ahead of their chronological age - I have seen the results of that several times and it was not at all good (unless you just want to count the A*s on the exam certs).

DS is August born, less than 3 weeks before September. He is also registered blind, since birth, and his development is significantly delayed. I was open minded about whether to defer or not, and wait to see how he developed. He's nearly 3 and technically meant to start preschool in September where they will do things like PE lessons and Forest school, but there is no way he is ready for that. He's still barely mobile, no language (very vocal babble but no words for communication). He would just not participate in anything as he would have no understanding on what is going on around him.
So nursery agreed its best to hold him back and I've got the support of a number of professionals to request to defer his reception year. He is very tall for his age but this doesn't concern me if he would defer. Children a year younger than him now are already more advanced than him in many areas.

I don't think it benefits anyone, least of all DS, to keep him in his chronological year group.

Not sure how I would feel if he didn't have a disability. I can understand why some want to defer if there is just a couple of weeks in it but those born full term in June/July (so more than a month before the cut off) and no other needs I'm not sure about. There needs to be a cut off somewhere.

I have a dd with a June birthday who is also 98th centile for height. She is 7 now, but had we deferred her I think it would have impacted her quite negatively in retrospect. She is very bright and while quite emotionally immature, one of the most advanced in her class academically. Had she been with the year group below, I can only imagine she'd have been held back quite significantly during the past year, which is when she has begun to really overtake her older classmates. She would also appear head and shoulders taller than most of the year below (not that this would matter). There wasn't any indication of her being academically strong at the point of starting reception BTW, she didn't read until halfway through reception. So I wouldn't do it unless there were concerns or sen/delays.

I wouldn’t do it if they were above average ability because they will be bored and find the pace too slow. I would only do it if you expect them to be in the bottom half academically. That might be hard to tell at 3 but speech etc can be an indicator. Most bright children outgrow primary before year 6 and get frustrated with how boring and repetitive the work is so doing an extra year would be torture. The oldest in class often feel that carries more expectations by teachers and peers to be top/more mature etc and that can be stressful in itself and affect self esteem. Plus it might be harder to do an extra year at 6th form which is the year people most commonly mess up or change their minds about subjects and if they do need to resit a year later on you won’t be able to get child benefit / tax credits etc for their last year at school as they would be over 19 by then. I know several sept birthdays who went to private school so they could be moved up a year. In USA it’s common for parents to accelerate able children (although I think that creates social issues of 16/17 year olds going to uni). You only have to look at the gifted and talented board to see how many parents worry their child is bored at school because the expectations are pitched too low. It doesn’t make sense to me to defer unless there is sen because I think many children are ready for secondary well before the end of year 6.

I wouldn’t do it if they were above average ability because they will be bored and find the pace too slow.

In all seriousness a month or two won't make a difference. Do we worry that the more able September borns need putting up a year in case of boredom?

Reception teacher- I recommend this to friends. No stigma. Children are pretty accepting and there is often a very small age gap between a deferred summer born and a September born.

Do it! Expectations in reception are totally out of whack at the moment.

Why wouldnt it make sense to take a child who might struggle to be average as they are 6m younger than average. And put them in the year below where they would need to be 6m below average to be average.
Also keeping a child up to expectations can be effort from teachers and parents.

Honestly these posts make me so glad I live in ireland where there are no cut offs. The parents decide whether to send at 4 or 5 and there is normally a good mix of both in the class.. It allows parents to allow for their child's individuality without fear of stigma.
One size does not fit all!

I am assuming you are in England? Other countries have very different admission criteria and it does make a difference - eg Scotland seem very flexible on admissions for children born up to 2 months earlier than the usual age cut-off. Other European countries have later start dates and allow a child who needs more time in kindergarten to start school later.

Please ignore any posters on here who state there is no disadvantage after the first few years. It is a life long disadvantage, on average, across the cohort. So the specific examples of summer borns doing well is OK and fine (I am one myself!). But on average summer borns do less well academically (GCSE/A levels etc) and very much less well in competitive sports. This of course impacts what they can access for higher education and beyond.

There are impacts to anything age related - so for example support programmes in school funded by actual age. My child lost out all the way through primary. Their support programme would start in the summer term, not be finished by the holidays, so large gap and then the same support programme would not start in the following academic year. No parent of an autumn born child would either know this or care.

Work experience - often age related so the summer born child in the year group (Year 10, 11, 12 etc) cant access the same as their few month older peer group. Nobody cares because now you mostly arrange this yourselves directly rather than the school or LA.

Join Flexible Admissions for Summer Born - excellent campaign group. Please remember in England the compulsory school age is 5 and the child does not have to be in school until the term after the child turns 5. So all these parents rushing to get their kids into school early - that is it EARLY. Parents of autumn born children have lots of choice of activities if their precious child is a genius and cannot cope with just an engaging homelife. eg French, craft, sport, pre-school etc. Once your child starts at school you lose any funding for any other type of funded establishment - so if you go part-time you lose all nursery funding. The school gets all the funding.

I have been fighting for this for over 12 years now. My child finally this year was able to be in the correct year for them. They are thriving.

Best of luck, x

Where parents choose to defer a child that has no SEN and wasn’t born prematurely, I think there deserves to be a stigma attached to the decision tbh. It’s just trying to get one up for your child at the expense of other children.

My class had a deferred child in it last year, and on the whole it was fine. But it was frustrating when the parent complained that a couple of boys were too loud in the classroom and it was distracting her daughter. We just thought tough shit really, if this woman had wanted to avoid her dd being in a class with boys that were a year and two months younger than her dd, then she shouldn’t have altered her year group.

Had I been born half an hour later I would have been in the year below. Going to school in the 70's and 80's there was no choice and you just got with it. It was fine.
I have a summer born son and didn't think about deferring him.
I don't think you should be able to defer a child unless there is notable SEN delay or that child was very premature ie: supposed to be born in October, but arrived in August.

@NailsNeedDoing
that's awful of course there shouldn't be a stigma if you defer your child. My biggest regret is not deferring mine. he struggles so much and he'd have being so much happy with children in the year below both educationally and emotionally. We have a cousion who has transferred he will be 5 in August and is starting reception this year, he is more delayed than what my child was but no SEN involved and it is still a struggle to understand him, there's no way he should have gone last year and I think it's awful that there's people out there who would think bad of him or his parents because of the (right) deacon they have made.

I'm a primary teacher with 16 years' experience. I believe in the UK children start school far too early. I deferred for my August-born son (he is now 13 and excelling academically) and my 10 year-old went part-time until he had to be in ft education. Again, he's doing very well.
I now have a ten week-old baby and she will also be going in part-time until she has to be ft. No regrets.

I also live in a country where children don't start school until around 6 and deferring is very normal and quite common - where I live 16 % of children were deferred in the last year for which there are statistics. You do have to apply, but it's fairly usual for a request to be granted - especially where there are SN, but also for children at the younger end of the year and sometimes simply for physical smallness. We will be having to make this decision for dd, who is physically tiny and born on the cut-off date so would be literally the youngest in the year. We don't currently intend to defer, as it happens. But there is no notion whatsoever here that deferred children have somehow gained an unfair advantage - indeed you might be looked at a bit askance if you could defer but don't, as you're 'taking a year of their childhood away'. I'm absolutely astonished that there are parents in England who actually resent deferred children in their dc's classes It's school, not some kind of race, with education as a limited resource to fight over.

How idiotic to be resentful
1 dc born in sept first 10d many of whom will be due in aug.. Are you resentful of them?
2 many children are born months early some aug were due dec!
3 children do not develop to a strict timetable yes averages but eg walking 7m to 3yrs old.
4 would you not feel resentful of a SB child who is disruptive/distracting lags behind so needs TA help? More are diagnosed with ADHD so it is the expectations for their 'age' that are wrong.
Children are as bright as they are. Being youngest justmeans everyone thimgs they arent as bright.
Does everyone think their sept borns are just magically brilliant - no they arent they are 6m older than average 12m than some. However the effect on the rest of 30 kids of 1 being a few weeks older minimal and it wont guarantee them a top spot it just makes bottom less likely. And allows identification and help lower down the school if there are issues.

I’m amazed at how negative so many posters are here OP. Definitely worth joining that Facebook group.

DS was born 6 weeks early in mid August, he’s about to turn 4. He’s also had quite a few health issues (thankfully nothing chronic). No SEN but emotionally not ready to go especially with Covid and missing preschool. We agreed with local school and the council that he could go next year instead of this September.

Overall and based on the research I’ve done (which I doubt very much is rubbish as a PP has suggested), I think it’s the right decision for us. My only hesitation is about the transfer to secondary as we’re quite keen to go private if we can - many selective schools aren’t keen on out of cohort. However will cross that bridge later - and it sounds like delay to Reception at CSA is going to become more common / allowed so I’m hopefully they’ll change their stance.