okayyyyyyy, dd1 has not eaten since midday (apart from a carrot) and has cried since realising that it is school again tomorrow...

[oliveoil]

... so I am thinking tomorrow will be very shit and crap

is the best way to pander and say oooohhhhh no dd1 poor you [cuddle cuddle] or be all brisk and matter of fact and leave her wailing at the door?

she is sensitive and I am a wuss

OO ds has been like this to some extent.

He started off crying on the way to school, and lots of crying when I left and also cried throughout the whole day.
Then after a week or so he stopped crying throughout the day and then on the journey.
Now he is sad when I leave but doesn't cry. And he is happy in lesson time but cries at lunchtime.

When my friend took her ds to pm nursery last week, she saw him in the playground sobbing and clutching his cuddly dog . I booked a meeting with the head after that. She said I could take him home for lunch and either keep him home or bring him back for the pm session. I didn't do either of those though as he has been making progress and he is now happy in class time.

But the teacher has been great. She's giving him stickers when he comes in happy after each part of the day ( i.e after break , lunch etc) and has given him cerificates when he's been happy most of the day.

He takes his fave dog with him and is allowed it whenever he likes. It was in the going home box when I collected him today. Thats a good sign as he wasn't clutching it. For the first few days it was stuffed down the waistband of his trousers. Is your dd allowed to take in a comfort toy?

He does have friends though. Just says the day is too long and he misses me.

I have got a few good books. One from Red House books called starting pre school I think. And one from matalan actually.

And finally, sorry I've rambled, I've been bringing him lots of treats when I collect him. They were from the 'staying at school all day pixie'. I know!
First when he was very upset it was a mini transformer or a 'cars the movie' car. Then they spaced out to every few days then now its the odd sweet etc.

HTH

OMG that was a huge post. This is close to my heart though as you can see.

agree re cuddly

ds has a bedtime doggy and his musly. they are filthy by hometime but really help

Haven't had time to read entire thread, but something that the teacher did for my dd2 was to give her a little basket that had her name on it and a little drawing book and some coloured pencils, that way when she first came into the classroom, there was something for her to settle to straight away. I think many small children actually find it a bit difficult to come into a space and make a choice over what to do - it feels overwhelming.
Maybe it is worth talking to the teacher and/or head about the possibility of having a quiet area in the playground where they littlies won't get run over. In our playground we have an area with picnic benches that have some drawing things on them, and some books, for anyone who wants a quieter activity. It is quite well used and ends up being sociable, with some of the quieter ones getting to know each other.
HTH

How did it go today OO? Dd came out in floods of tears tonight but I honestly don't have a clue why. It's very unlike her she's normally so glad to be going home. All she kept saying was 'I just wanted a cuddle'.

awwww, that must have been horrible, bless her

princessmel - she has taken a small teddy today that fits in her pocket, I didn't want to risk her actual main teddy as if it was lost we would never sleep again

still the same, today she sobbed and told dh not to leave her at MIL's, MIL is apparently finding the drop off too distressing (), so I am going to have to negotiate some time off for next week to take her

and my feckin cash card has just been gobbled up my a faulty machine so I can't go shopping now

life is vvvvvvvvvvvvvv crap, I may have to run away and hide in a cave somewhere

I really feel for you all - my dd was like this for ages - and was like it at the beginning of every year until year 4. She was absolutely fine once she was properly in school and getting on with her day - it was the transition from home to school. For what it's worth, she is now a capable, independent-ish but very loving anc cuddly year 7 who goes off to big school by herself in the bus every day.

I found that an old fashioned nanny kind but firm attitude worked best. Acknowledge their feelings "I know you don't want to go to school" but reinforce that they have to "but all children your age have to go to school" and offer something to look forward to "When I pick you up I'll bring some bread and we'll go to feed the ducks"
Oh, and I once called her bluff when she said she felt ill and made her spend the whole day in bed. She still remembers it and has never tried it again!

Oh, and she had a pretend mouse calld Christina who lived in her pocket and was a huge help!

hello ooooooo

aah her school sounds fab. Yes, I think you just need to soldier on and eventually, her anxiety will start to subside.

I went through a phase of getting very anxious about school. Used to throw up a lot and hardly ever ate a proper lunch (in fact, I still have a very nervous stomach today even though I don't 'feel' overly anxious - had to drive to a work interview rather than go on the train because I was convinced I was going to be sick!).

Really bland foods like lettuce and plain bread work well with nervous stomachs. Nothing with strong flavours or tastes.

Is she old enough to learn how to calm herself down? Perhaps you could teach her to take deep breaths and think of nice things when she starts to feel upset.

Poor you. HOpe it gets better soon.

Hi OO,

Ds is getting better. He's not cried this week so far. Its still not great as he still says he doesn't want me to go when I leave but there are no tears. We had a lot of tears after school yesterday though. Its just a result of tiredness and being 'good' all day I think. Plus he's emotional at the moment.

They've had a few wet playtimes and he's liked that. They had a video on in the hall.

princessmel, my dd loved the video in the hall too! She keeps saying in the morning that she hopes it's a rainy day again.

(Hellooo fox!! ) I suffer from a very nervous tummy too. I often don't eat when I've got a stressful day ahead.

When I dropped dd today her teacher asked to speak to me (gulp) and she said that the reason dd was in tears yesterday was because she and two girls in her 'group' were chatting on the carpet at home time and despite being asked to be quiet they continued so dd had her picture confiscated as that was what they were discussing. Then when her name was called to stand up one of the other girls egged her on to go and take it back from the teachers table which she started to do then obviously thought better of it and that's when I saw her in suspended animation in the middle of the room then bursting into tears. She sobbed and sobbed but couldn't tell me what had happened. The teacher said she thinks these two girls are generally egging her on to do things and because she's quite 'passive' / wants to please she's complying. but because she can't bear being in trouble it's throwing her a bit.

All these little dramas. So tiny in the scheme of things but so huge in their little worlds...

OLive

Bless her little heart, she's having atough time isn't she?

No advice I'm afraid, my ds had problems settling in too but his were mainly of the kung fu fighting every kid who wouldn't do as he said kind.

I can only hope, that given time she will settle in and enjoy it.

aha you found it

she didn't eat ANY of her lunch today, not even the 2 biscuits I sneaked in

so I have sat her down and been all strict and said she must eat tomorrow

she said she will, hmmmmmmm

lol at kung fu fighting

OMG olive yuo put biscuits in her lunch box

Well I hope they are home grown orgainc wheat and lentill cookies and not co-op brand custard creams and the like or you are putting MN to shame.

I know I am late in adding to this conversation, but I am in tears myself practically as I write this (although wine is helping to take the edge off it.....)
I have had the same problem with ds (4) since the beginning of term, thought it was improving, but turns out only improving because he has found his "security" blanket in the form of the lovely teaching assistant (he did the same things at nursery). This week he had to be peeled off her at lunchtime, and was very upset that he couldn't stay with her.

He is starting to go in ok in the morning, very wobbily lip, but no actual tears. And he is not eating his lunch either, and now I think it is because he is too upset to eat.
He actually really enjoys school when he forgets. But they are having to wean him off the teaching assistant (and rightly so) and that is going to make things worse.
It is just all draining, the constant "i don't want to go to school" etc. I am running out of the ability to be jolly every morning.

Agree with the Nanny attitude of I understand, but you have to get on with it. But it is so hard. Went to assembly last week (mistake!) and the whole school was quiet apart from ds who was crying and shouting for me.

Secretary at school said her ds son did it for a year! I don't want them to miss out on what a gorgeous boy he is because they might just see him as the boy that cries.
Any ideas?

Swimmingpool - it is soo hard isn't it?
For what it's worth -I don't think it was a mistake going to the assembly. I think it was the right thing to do. He is learning about school and what happens and that you go and (very important!) you always come back! Imagine if you hadn't been there, whay would he have thought then?

It does get better, I promise, it's very early days yet. Do the teachers say that he's OK during the day once he's got over the goodbyes?

The school will have seen it abll before -don't worry about them not seeing what a lovely boy he is. And really don't worry about hi mot eating his lunch - just make sure you've got something good for him to eat the minute he comes out.
Hang in there - it does get better!

Hello again, how is everyone doing this week?

Thought I would do a small update (and tempt fate) and say , today she played with her classmates before school and then went in BY HERSELF and said "I don't need you today Grandma" and toddled off in

first time ever without tears

still not eating much lunch, but not been sick for a week, so HOPEFULLY we are getting somewhere

Well done oliveoil's dd

Im having the same problem with dd1 at nuresry, the crying, almost being sick and not eating.

And she still cried this morning when dh took her in

how old is she?

dd1 cried when she started playgroup, she was nearly 3, took ages for her to settle...maybe till after the October term iirc, still a bit teary until Xmas. Then loved it.

some children find it hard I think, dd2 just breezes through life with a confident air

OO, that's so fantastic! Hurray for your dd!! You must be very relieved.

I am yes, how is your dd getting on?

they had a charity dance thing in the playground this morning, MIL said that dd1 shuffled out and watched and pointed her toes a bit

then the playgroup arrived, dd2 bellowing like an elephant and leading everyone about

how CAN they be so different?