Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Original poster

okayyyyyyy, dd1 has not eaten since midday (apart from a carrot) and has cried since realising that it is school again tomorrow...

115 replies

oliveoil · 23/09/2007 21:10

... so I am thinking tomorrow will be very shit and crap

is the best way to pander and say oooohhhhh no dd1 poor you [cuddle cuddle] or be all brisk and matter of fact and leave her wailing at the door?

she is sensitive and I am a wuss

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
LOOBYLOU2 · 01/10/2007 22:50

There's only 16 in the class at the moment (the remaining 14 join in January), 6 of which are girls. She appears to have made friends with three of them - she mentions their names more frequently than the other two and we've already been to two birthday parties!

I try not to fire too many questions at her when I pick her up but I am not sure she is enjoying the classwork that much. She thinks the day is too long so maybe she is not getting the stimulus ..... it's very early days I know.

Yes, had to bite my tongue with DH over "stop worrying" - if only it were that easy!

Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 11:13

hello again all

yesterday was ok(ish), she cried on the way in but only because her new friend (she has a friend!!!!) was crying and it set her off

today disaster. She was awake half the night with 'a pain' so I have had about 3 hours sleep

we didn't know what to do but thought she was making it up so we sent her in, she was sobbing at MIL's saying she didn't want to go

school have phoned saying she has been sick 3 times but not much, teacher thinks she may be making herself sick (says it is mainly saliva) and is happy to keep her there

I await a call shortly however when lunch hour looms, I have made her packed lunch the best packed lunch in the world but I don't think it will help

fuckshitcrappoobollocksarseshitfuckpissbollocks

on a lighter note, how long does the Disney on Ice last for LoobyLou2, we are off there on Saturday?

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 02/10/2007 12:58

Shit, OO, you're having it really bad with her aren't you? Much worse than me it seems and I really feel for you. You don't think her 'pain' was a tummy ache and she's genuinely ill do you? Did she eat breakfast? Sorry - I know you'll have already made a decision on this, i.e. decided she's not actually ill but it does become difficult to see what's happening sometimes doesn't it?

Are the teachers supportive in a helpful way? I mean do they have suggestions for you to try out with her? Is this something they're familiar with? I must confess that her reaction seems very extreme, like dd only more violent.

Looby, my dd was saying this morning that 'there's too much school' and she cried in bed for 10 minutes before getting up but she was fine when I dropped her. In fact she said, for the first time ever 'it's ok for you to go now mum' at the door. Usually she likes me to watch as she hangs up her coat, gets her name, changes her book etc. But she's also been very happy with the wet lunchtimes. They've been sitting in the big hall watching Disney DVDs as it's been too wet to go out. She's liked that.

tortoiseSHELL · 02/10/2007 13:01

oo, just seen this. At ds1's school, parents are allowed to go in and have a school dinner with their child (for all ages, not just reception) - is there any chance you could do this - maybe if there's someone she's friendly with you could persuade her mum to do it as well, to make lunch into a positive experience?

I'm so sorry she's having a rough start.

LOOBYLOU2 · 02/10/2007 13:05

Hi
My morning was good but that was because I let her wear her "Indcredibles" eye mask ....
Tomorrow morning we have to take cakes for the Harvest Festival and Granny is coming too so that's tomorrow's incentive taken care of ... just Thursday and Friday to worry about now

The ice show is about 90 minutes with a fifteen minute break. DD really enjoyed it but during the interval asked when the princesses were coming on (distinct lack of those this year!)

imaginaryfriend · 02/10/2007 13:19

LOOBY I know what you mean about the incentive! Today I've got myself roped in for making a rabbit's birthday party for when dd gets home. sigh ...

ekra · 02/10/2007 13:20

OO- poor you and your poor DD1. I suffered a lot of anxiety when I first started school but then lots of people of my generation did. I wasn't sure how my DD1 was going to be when she started school a few weeks ago but she seems to have been coping OK despite her being an anxious, inhibited little girl at times.

I winder if your school has a 'nurturing' unit or something like that. At the school where my mum works, they employ a support assistant to do individual and small group work with children who need a little more TLC (for whatever reason) Also, when my nephew started school, he had a tendency to be inhibited and his teacher recommended him for an extra class whih a support assistant who helped the children to be more comfortable in class. They learnt to be silly and look foolish without caring. He's in Year 3 at Junior school now and does very well in school.

I don't suppose all schools have such resources but it might be worth asking. Your dd1 sounds like she has a greater amount of anxiety than the average child and the school should have a plan B if she is not showing any signs of settling in soon. If she's so anxious she is making herself sick and not sleeping what are you supposed to do as a parent? Your DD can't be the only child that has ever acted this way. I hope there is a good strategy out there that has been proven to help and that your DDs school is aware of it.

Sorry for butting in.

Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 13:22

oh I am jealous glad to see your children seem to be settling a tad better

I don't know if she was ill or not, but on Sunday she claimed she had a bad head and then said 'will I have to go to school tomorrow?' And seemed fine until you said "how is your head dd1" and all of a sudden it was 'hurting' again

so fuck knows really (apologies for bad language but I am v tired and fed up)

I will keep her off tomorrow if she claims she is still ill and give her the benefit of the doubt. I have no idea what to do for the best tbh.

School said she was ok at lunch today but didn't eat anything (nothing new there then)

I can't go in at lunch as I work and MIL has to collect dd2 and deal with her. Also don't want to mark her out as different to everyone else.

am off to do some work now and try to stay awake...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 02/10/2007 13:23

ekra, you more or less echoed my concerns. OO's dd seems to be having a particularly hard time settling in and I wondered if the school have some ideas? You definitely need some support.

imaginaryfriend · 02/10/2007 13:24

Clashed with you OO.

I think I agree with you about not going in to eat lunch with her. How would you ever escape form doing that? And it won't help her in the long term will it?

imaginaryfriend · 02/10/2007 13:27

Oh, and has she consistently not eaten lunch at school since she started? She must be knackered and starving when she gets home!

My dd's far from out of the trees. She's not crying at the door but she's still spending almost all day totally by herself so your dd's beating her by having a friend! My dd shouts hello to her one and only friend over the fence in the Nursery. Apparently they're always shouting to each other and the teachers have to drag them off.

InMyHumbleOpinion · 02/10/2007 13:39

There is a little boy in Ds1's class who used to wail every morning, so his mum asks my ds1 to hold his hand, as my ds1 is blase about the whole thing .

It really works! Ds1 is perfectly happy to handhold his classmate into the classroom, her ds is much happier knowing he's not alone and the teacher encourages it.

LOOBYLOU2 · 02/10/2007 14:04

You still there OO???
I'm with IF on this, I don't think we are over it... Myself, I'm just masking the problem.
Last night in the bath she asked if tomorrow was a school day and then groaned and said "but I just don't like it Mummy".

We've all got a bit of a cold at the moment
and she's already asked if you have to go to school if you're poorly .... so I can probably expect that one coming soon.

She got a gold star on the calendar for not crying yesterday too...DH's idea and he is going to come up with a small present or surprise if we get five stars by Saturday

According to my MIL (retired primary teacher) the issues we are all having with the dining hall and playground are really common and they do eventually get over it...but it is a rough ride She was v surprised that the little ones have to mix with the older children in the main playground at lunchtime though.

Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 14:12

yes, still here, on and off, am supposed to be working ha!

I forgot to say, Friday was a REALLY good day, we still had the tears etc but at hometime she came home with a certificate of merit (or something) and it was for "Trying hard and settling well at lunchtime". Her new sensitive little friend had one too, and a badge.

so they are working with her, I can't fault the school tbh, they have a lot of extra people in the classrooms from what I can see to help out

like you say, we will just have to ride it out >

Imaginary - she seems to eat her lunch when she gets home, so about 3.30pm, a long time without food really

OP posts:
bozza · 02/10/2007 14:13

olive is there anything further you could do to encourage her friendship? Any possibility of having the little girl to tea or meeting up in the park or something?

Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 14:14

I thought of the not crying thing, but then didn't want her to think to cry was a bad thing

iyswim

oh I don't know tis all complicated

anyhooo, am off again now to my in tray (especially if I may not be in tomorrow)

x

OP posts:
Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 14:16

bozza - it is her birthday in 3 weeks and all the girls are invited

but parties are another one of her 'things' and she tends to sit on my knee and ignore everyone

so we shall see

dd2 is going to the party as well though and she is a boisterious (sp?) little fecker so will hopefully get dd1 to join in

I am going now...

OP posts:
codswallop · 02/10/2007 14:20
  1. odnt worry abotu eating lunch

  1. i think it MAY be time to eb a little more stern about it( in a loving way)

  2. school soudsn great

imaginaryfriend · 02/10/2007 14:37

OO, my dd's dire at parties too. We've got hers a week next Sunday and I'm so hoping that she come out of her shell a bit more this time.

On Sunday we went to the park with her best mate (the one she yells to in Nursery) and best mate ran off playing with some other children she knew while dd just sat on a log looking glum and waiting for her to come back. She just doesn't seem to make an effort to even try to make friends sometimes. Well, I don't mean that unkindly, I think she just holds herself back all the time and it seems to take her ages to get to know anyone.

bozza · 02/10/2007 15:00

Maybe one on one or smaller groupings better?

Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 21:16

yes, maybe bozza but she doesn't want to be left at someone's house yet and I think it would be odd to have someone here and not reciprocate (or am I overanalysing...)

she came home all wan and forlorn, very pale

had pitta and nuggets for tea (healthy!) and tons of water then off to bed

I think I may keep her off tomorrow if only to get some food in her and give the poor sod a break

or is this baaaaaaaaaaaaad idea?

OP posts:
DottydotsofBloodOnTheFloor · 02/10/2007 21:21

BAAAAAAADDDD idea... Don't keep her off if she's well enough to go in - thin end of the wedge - that way madness lies, etc.etc.etc... It's nearly half term soon - you could tell her only 3 more weeks and she gets a week off?

bozza · 02/10/2007 21:23

Personally I would be wary about starting to keep her off when it seems that her symptoms are mainly caused by her fear of school. And if she is eating her lunch at 3.30 is she eating any less? Not meaning to dimish the issue, becase I do realise that it is a long time for a young child to go without eating.

On the issue of DD not reciprocating on invitations (I had a feeling this might be the case), didn't you say the other girl was a sensitive soul as well so perhaps the mother would have some understanding of your issues? Maybe you could meet at the park or soft play (does your DD like soft play or is it too rough for her?) or something else. Or you mothers get together as well?

DottydotsofBloodOnTheFloor · 02/10/2007 21:24

Bad idea because it sounds like she's making progress - even if it's teeny tiny steps - and you don't want to disrupt that. The school's aware that she's feeling rubbish and they're trying to help. Just keep going - you're being Wondermum and it's working. I would also still vote for bribes - treats at the end of each week just for getting through the week...

Original poster
oliveoil · 02/10/2007 21:29

hmmm okay

she said her teacher let her have a nap/lie down in the home corner, she is soooooooo lovely, can you imagine if she was a battle axe

will think of bribes, atm she has a Start of the week Treat, usually chocolate

off to bed now as I may have 3 hours again tonight

x

OP posts: