Advice about girl who keeps telling dd she can't join in (Year 1)

[dinny]

And tells a couple of girls she (X) won't be their friend if they play with dd.

Spoke to teacher about it last week and she had a general chat at circle tme about letting everyone join in - teacher told me X had already been reprimanded for telling 2 new girls they couldn't join in.

What should I do? Speak to teacher again? Head? Mother? Argh, bloody playground!

speak to teacher again

don't speak to head or mother

its the teacher who needs to deal with it

say what, Twiglett (I know it's prob obvious!)

what can I say to make her realise I will not tolerate it?

Hi Teacher, I know you've already addressed this once but it is still happening and DD is finding it incredibly upsetting. It is clearly bullying, can you just explain the school's anti-bullying policy and outline what steps you can take to address this.

thinking about it .. it might be something for head to be involved in too .. but maybe later on

"plan to take" not "can take"

head is pretty useless in many ways - would dread to get her involved as she will handle it so badly!

bumping this - just can't sleep, keep thinking of how to handle it....

teacher, head, mum...

I agree - go back to the teacher and mention that you know she has already addressed the issue but it is still happening. Your DD is upset and you don't want this to be an ongoing problem. What does the teacher suggest? It might be that the teacher will talk to the other girl or her mum. I would't talk to the mum yourself, not yet. Any yes, maybe the head, but I would give the teacher another chance first.

In the meantime, give your DD lots of reassurance and ways of appropriate handling this. Remind her that it is not her fault etc. Lots of hugs and support at home too.

Sounds like teacher needs some proactive suggestions on how to deal with bullying. When my ds had some similar troubles at school last year (age 6), I spoke with his teacher who was absolutely brilliant at dealing with it. Some of the things she did: 1) a buddy system at recess...each child would be assigned a buddy (not necessarily someone they played with regularly) and would be required to play with their buddy for the whole lunch break. She did this for a week and then redid it a few more times in the school year when there seemed to be problems rising again. 2) Rearranged the seating of all the kids in the class to break up chatty or cliquey groups. Also redid this several times during the school year. 3) Spoke to the class as a whole about being nice. 4) Spoke to the offending children's parents without naming names and suggested they speak to their children about being nice and sharing. 5) Spent some time on the playground during lunch break to more closely supervise the children and the dynamics herself (usually primary lunch supervision is done by teaching aides). 6) Found things that ds was better at academically than offending children and praised him for them. Perhaps you could write out the above list and give it to the teacher as suggestions of ways she can change the dynamics in the class.
I also found it helpful to talk with ds myself and give him suggestions of how to deal with the behavior. ie things to say to redirect nasty comments or exclusionary behavior (also had to convince dd (4) that it was probably not the best idea to go and "kick their heads in" like she wanted to, as a way of solving the problem).
Good luck...I know how heartwrenching it is to have a bullied child.

I would keep on and on at the teacher. At this age it should be relatively easy to sort it out.

LOL at SofiaAme's 4 yr old DD's suggestion for protecting older brother!

thanks for the suggestions all
going to definitely write out Sofia's suggestions.

only thing is today is our teacher's training day as she is a NQT so can't se her and I am not around Thurof Fri! typical, suppose will have to wait till Monday....