Bullying, and other things, of dd (7) - advice needed. Have appt. with Head.

[VladimireIlychUlyanovPan]

Dd is in Yr3. She is Highly Sensitive Child, slightly small for her age - 3ft 11" - and does well academically.
BUT. since starting back school she tells mum that she is being bullied by a 'friend' (name-calling, so far). When she has been here, she is grinding her teeth in sleep, and wet the bed - things she has never done before.
ALSO. The school is v. small, and for maths and literacy, she has been put in a group with a couple of boys in higher years than her, who are on the same book band, and have "behavioural" difficulties..>. And with a teaching assistant, whilst the other groups have a teacher. With her demeanor and presentation, it seems just wrong!!
We do have an appt on Friday with Head. I am sure there should be an anti-bullying policy to see (?). Do other MNers have anything to add please??? Anything?

there should be an anti bullying policy

(dd also in yr3)

girls can be very verbal with each other - are you sure the 'name-calling' is all it is? has she fallen out with some friends or something?

how do you know about the maths/literacy grouping?

Not sure aboutthe name calling being the extent. Did occur to be in may not be, but dd is pretty honest aboutthis sort of thing. We have drilled into her about speaking up, and saying if something is wrong.

Groups - her mum has seen the lists up in the classroom and knows the boys involved, as I say the school is SMALL...total roll of 70.

yes, that is small. I think it also (the small size) makes it harder when you fall out with a particular child. Poor dd.

Might be worth a chat with her class teacher before seeing the head on Friday? Perhaps when you/her mum drops her off tomorrow - just to find out she/he's noticed anything bothering her?

thanks fox. We are seeing the class head as well on Fri.

I am thinking the school must have a bullying policy to see. And yes, as HSC, she is quite and particular, and probably does present as a potential 'victim' to someone who is wishing to bully. Fortunately she is pretty well 'defended' in her own mind, so will speak up rather than enduring rubbish like this.

You should ask to see the Anti bullying policy, it should clearly state how the school should deal with instances of bullying. Ask to see it in advance, I'd expect them to deal with it asap. We were very lucky when ds had problems (when he was younger) the school were fantastic. Dealt with the problem quickly and (most importantly) sensitively. Once you've looked over the policy, make a list of questions that you want to ask, based on that policy. This gives you a chance to be prepared and have a clear idea of what they should do.

I think it is more the groupings that concerns me. I fear that she has been put there as a child who is easy to 'manage', so she lightens the load whilst the teaching asst. focuses on the troublesome ones. And then I look at 'will she then present as a potential victim to those children?'

thanks rant. Mum is taking her to school tomorrow, so will call and ask her to collect a copy of the policy tomorrow morning.

We did homework this evening, and she was very good. I really don't wish to have her penalised for the sake of school management issues if it can be avoided.

here's a standard anti bullying policy if you want to see it (from kidscape)

www.kidscape.org.uk/professionals/antibullpolicy.shtml

Once you have discussed what is going on and how you'll move forward, I would push for a second meeting in a few weeks time (I think this is a good way of letting them know that you are going to keep an eye on their progress iyswim).

Sorry, not much advice, but agree that the placing of you HSC DD with kids with behavioural difficulties is highly questionable.

It certainly does not seem to be for her benefit so much as it is a way of balancing things out.

Definitely challenge that. Good luck for friday.

thanks fox. The pc won't open it but am sure it will in a mo.

We did think that fixing another appt. would be good.

it may be easy to resolve so fingers crossed, she's back to her normal self soon (if it is the grouping that's upsetting her, hopefully, they can just rejig. I imagine the other 'friend' has a fair bit to do with it)

thanks Che. The head is a bit of a doer, as it were...and I fear would see HSC as just being 'shy'. dd is not 'shy'.

If you get the feeling he doesn't take it seriously, perhaps pass on any literature you may have on the subject?

If it doesn't educate him a little then at least he should realise this is recognised and not just a made up name for shyness.

I will, Che. But Mrs XXXX is a woman......

If the head is a doer, then I would be confident that they can sort this tbh. Good luck.

You know, every Head Teacher I had was a woman.... but in my head, they're always men! (Sorry Mrs. XXXX)

my advice is that after every such discussion, you send a follow up letter to the head, copied to the governors

it is amazing how much that focusses the mind (of the head)
good luck!

Sorry for the delay..the laptop went awol...

yes, minty, I would follow it up with a confirmation to the head..it is a v. small school.

When I say a doer, I mean that she likes things in nice straight lines and lists..not someone who takes to things that don't fit in with her perceptions very easily.

and cat. I do have a bit of a problem with your advice. Name-calling IS bullying. One doesn't have to 'leap' to bullying from there. One is already there.

and as for the 'nasty boys' bit..I know what real life is...and the 'inviting round to tea' bit is a tad guache. BUT, I do say thanks for taking the effort to reply though. I do see what you are saying, and am not entirely dismissing it. Really.

To finish off, and to thank posters for their replies...

saw Head and Class Head this afternoon.

They recognise the potential for behavioural problems from the older boys, and have been keen to keep an eye on it..so far so good. They did demonstrate an openess which was great, and reassured us that the teacher sets all of the work, and the assistant assist children as they go - the teacher does all of the assessing.
The bullying has been nipped in the bud by the Class Head, by raising in in a 'personal development' session, and dd says it is no longer a prob. >.

All in all, we both feel a great deal relieved after talking with the staff, and they asked us to return if anything is of concern.

thanks again for all replies. This was a new situation for dd's mum and I, and advice/expectations was much appreciated.