To my sweet (sometimes bossy) 5 year old.
Mummy will leave here home in an hour. I'll put a packet of biscuits in my pocket and walk the mile to your school. I'll stand in the little playground where all the reception children play and wait for your teacher to let you all out one by one. I'll smile and say goodbye to your teacher and try and hold it together as we walk away.
I wish I could explain to you that life is changing. I wish I could make you understand that your first year of school has been cut short. That there is a large chance this is your last day in reception. Your last day with the teacher you think so much of. The teacher you quote at home. The teacher who has been your first adult away from me to see you every day.
I wish I could help you understand it could be a very long time until you can see your class friends again. That when you next see them you will possibly be in the next class. Some of you won't be together because there's 3 classrooms of years 1/2. The walls will be different. Your peg will be different. Your teacher will be different. Your daily routine will be different.
I wish we could enjoy the Easter holidays this year. We wanted to take you to the beach. We wanted to buy rock for your school friends. We wanted to have a rest before we took you back to your school life. Your friends. Your favourite subject pe. You love the art corner. You are in it every day . You have began to read and write. You can now name the planets. You giggle and laugh with your friends after school and you charge ahead together. We sometimes stop at the park and I watch you swing with your friends. I often wanted to just get home because your little brother is getting fed up and we need to cook tea..... I regret that now. I regret it because now I would give anything to have a boring Sunday washing uniform and a rushed morning. Instead we could be looking at 4 months of you being home. I will try my best to help you learn. I will read and write with you. I will try and teach you about animals and seasons. I will take you for a walk to kill the long days. We will try and go outside in the garden. We will eat lunch together again just like we used to. It will be so nice to have you around. But I am still sad. Because I know you are happiest at school. I know you need your friends. I know your teacher inspires you. I know the atmosphere makes you happy. You love being in your school. You love telling us what you now know. What you did at lunch. Who you played with. What you ate. You love your walk home. You love your weekends with us. I don't want this for you. I don't want you to have everything you know removed. I don't want today to be your last day. I don't want you to stop doing the routine of school. Your bedroom is so quiet. Your garden is so small. There are no other children.
I love you so much and I wish I could change all this for you. Your first year of school and you have been robbed of your first disco. Your first school trip. Your first sports day.
I am so proud of how you have adjusted to school and settled in. I am sorry we now have to confuse everything we have taught you. But we hope when you do go back you pick the joy straight back up. I hope you skip up the road and run straight into class. I hope you adore your new teacher and class. I hope this doesn't phase you. Because it breaks my heart to think this could hurt you. This could make you anxious. This could make you worry.
We will get through this sad time. Love you always mummy xxx