Daughter struggling in reception.

[hattyhatshats]

My daughter is 4 (5 in May) and starting school has been really difficult.

I admit I didn't do a huge amount of academic prep before she started and I don't think her pre school did either, but i didn't realise how far behind she was. Or how hard she would find it.

The homework that comes home is so difficult to complete, she rarely wants to sit still, I've tried bribes, being firm, breaking into short sessions, making it fun, and finally shouting out of pure frustration (I know that wasn't cool).

At our last parents evening I was told she "had a long way to go" and keep working on things at home - doing the homework and extra tasks set, practise the high frequency words daily and go through the reading books more than once.

I want to help, but I'm getting so stressed about this as we've had another weekend where a significant part of the weekend has been spent trying to get this bloody homework done whilst she wanders off, chats rubbish and uses all the delaying tactics that I've ended up in tears (under the duvet in my bedroom where she can't hear me). It's almost as though she has a very short attention span but on top of that doesn't want to think and will just make random guesses all the time.

I am going to meet with the teacher but I wondered if anyone had any advice, reassurance, similar stories (hopefully with a happy ending?!) or specifics I should ask about when I meet her?

I would love to take her out except I can't stop working and her twin loves it and she would be devastated to be split up from him.

Listening to people on here she doesn't seem that far behind, maybe I've spent too long listening to the schools own goals and my friends with genius kids!

She is a summer born so you could always start her again next September when she is compulsory school age

It’s not necessarily as simple as that.
Yes, legally, summer born children don’t have to start school until the term after their 5th birthday.

But, big but, if you want them to go into Reception then, rather than straight into Year 1, you need to get the relevant admissions authorities to agree to your DC having a delayed entry to school. Delayed entry isn’t a statutory right - parents have the right to request delayed entry, but the admissions authorities don’t have to agree to the request.
How likely they are to agree varies from area to area.

And the fact that OP’s DD has already started school could make the whole scenario more complicated.

If OP took her DD out of school with the intention of starting her again next September, she could end up in a scenario where, instead of redoing Reception, her DD has to start Year 1 in September. And not necessarily in this same school if her space has been filled by another child in the meantime.

My ds is in reception and since starting I don't remember him being set any homework, even over the holidays. We try to read with him 3-4 times a week but that's all we do.
Maybe it's all a bit too much for her at such a young age.

I don’t think it’s nessary to remove her in order to repeat reception. One of my friends had two sons repeat reception. There’s nothing to loose in asking if op thinks it might help.

In my LA you only need the HT permission and the LA then has to rubber stamp it.

The real issues with compulsory school age is that you might have to reapply for the place ( so need to still pass normal admission criteria including distance, siblings etc) you also need to reapply to stay out of cohort for juniors and secondary. But in reality that’s just a email so not majorly hard work

Neither of mine did any HW in reception, or much in y1 or 2 - youngest is now 15.

Seems weird that your DDs school has so much when it was always 'YR is all about learning through play' and the powers that be were wanting it to become more child led not less.

How stupid to be giving homework to such a young child- homework is a waste of time.

I agree the homework is WAY too much at this age. My daughter is in reception and doesnt turn 5 until July. I think she may be the youngest in her class. She does in the main, enjoy doing her homework but I really think it's too much at this age. They are just getting used to going to school! My daughter has a phonics book AND a reading book every week, parents must complete the reading diary weekly. Then on top of that there's phonics or maths homework alternatively each week. As well as additional seasonal projects. Its WAY too much in this foundation stage.

Have you had her eyesight and hearing checked recently?

Always check both when a child is struggling at school. It’s quite common for a slight problem that the child compensates for at home to be enough to make schoolwork a struggle, and she won’t know she should be able to hear or see better than she can.

I'm going to sound really stupid now - how do I get her hearing and eyes checked? I assume I can just take her to an optician for her eyes? But what about her hearing? Is that via a Gp?

We've had similar with DD. She started behind (didn't attend a school nursery) and didn't want to engage with formal learning. She caught up by Y5 and is predicted to do well in her KS2 Sats. Reading and spelling are her least favourite things still but she's old enough to know why we do extra at home.

Things that helped us:

• playing Orchard Toy games. Loads to choose from and they progress from game to learning.
• sound out everything in your day to day life, spot letters and numbers out and about. I would reward myself with a little sweet for finding a letter (DD ignoring my attempts to engage) but soon DD wanted the action.
• I made DD her own shopping list. First with pictures and starting letter, then adapted it for words. She loved getting her own shopping. When she had enough, we paid and left. Short and sharp fun if it's just a couple of things.
• phonics I spy.
• playing the jolly phonics songs. Awful but my kids liked them.
• colouring/drawing for pencil control. Do this together too.
• do as much or as little homework as suits. Sometimes I might just do something similar verbally with DD if she wouldn't do the sheet.

Yes, you should be able to get her eyes tested at the opticians. Our local optician will do eye tests from 4 yrs and has charts with symbols (house, tree, boat etc) for kids who haven’t learnt their letters yet.

DS1 has had his hearing tested, this was done at our local hospital. He was referred by a doctor rather than by us booking him in ourselves.

I'd be worried about the stopping homework advice, Because if she is behind, and it's simply due to lack of any learning prior to going into school, then stopping could make her fall even further behind and cause issues,

I'd make it fun, short sessions, but I'd recommend you don't just stop.

For ears I rang the doctors and they have me the number for the test centre they use.

I’ve done this twice as we moved home. So really just booked it myself.

Opticians just ring up the local one although I found ASDA had a better choice of children’s glasses.

Eyes - at the opticians. Get her her sister tested as well, so it's something normal, like having your teeth checked at the dentist.

Ears - via GP. Ring and ask as it varies. They may have a nurse able to do it or you might need a referral for testing.

In some areas, school nurses still check both for reception age children, but it's not universal.

I would recommend you set up a meeting with her teacher. Voice your concerns ask why their is so much homework and say its not working for my daughter.
You need them to either come up with a plan to help rather than just piling on the homework and saying she isn't doing well or you can say that your not going to force her in to it and try find alternate methods such as fun learning games and reading.
Every child is different. I'm sure shes fine shes still so young and has plenty of time to improve. Good luck.

Put the home work in the bin. She's 4. Madness. Our school got them to read one simple reading book a week and that age and told us to just read with them or to them. Get out and do fun stuff before she begins to hate school. No idea what type of school would do this.

Thanks all. I'll try and get her hearing and eyesight checked ASAP.

I do definitely think more is expected of them than when I was a kid, it's tough.

My DD is youngest in the year, went into year 1 this year and feel like it took until the end of reception to really get to grips with reading and writing. She used to get upset when I'd bring the reading book out but I didn't push it and she came round to the idea of doing it on her own. Back in the January of reception it was hard to imagine her writing as well as she was come the summer especially after seeing how advanced some of the other children were.

Sometimes I feel like I am on a different planet to mn.
My reception aged child has no homework apart from a reading book that is swapped twice a week, and it has no words in it.

There are kids with books with words which is lovely for them, as far as I’m concerned they are ahead of the curve. My child is not behind because he is 5! How can a 5 year old be behind?
All I want from reception is that he learns the rhythm of the school day and enjoys it.
He loves ‘reading’ his books. He’s taken a giant leap forward and has started drawing pictures, which is wonderful, his cursive writing is terrible.
He was so keen to write all his Christmas cards, but I had to write on the envelope who they were to and from because it was illegible. He also did lovely drawings of him and the remote control car he hoped to get in them .
I’m also of the belief it’s a marathon not a sprint. We’ll work on high frequency words later, much later if we have to. But while he’s five we’ll enjoy pictures and Lego.

I don’t know if he’ll be academic, but I hope he will enjoy school.

Wait til they start streaming and your child is place in a much lower group than his ability. He’ll then be board rigid and will quickly go off school.

You can’t have both. Unfortunately.

@greentulips
Really? You’d be worried about a five year old?

Tbf I am Scottish and the culture is different to England. I shall keep to the Scottish board in future.

Are you sure she's actually behind? I find schools are always setting targets and telling you the next steps / what your child should be working towards etc. This can lead you to think that they are not achieving what they should be.

My friends youngest is summer born, he was 3 last August, she has recently taken her 11 year old out of school as it was causing her severe mental distress, she became selectively mute & is now homeschooling her whilst waiting for an autism assessment. The little one has seen his big sister learning at home & wanted to copy so my friend printed off sheets that have things like drawing shapes, going over dotted lines to learn pencil control, playing picture & alphabet dominoes, colouring, just things to help him have basic skills, he is also suspected to have autism & ADHD, he has only recently started to speak in more than two word phrases & they have learned Makaton together, he can sign nearly 50 words now, she doesn't intend starting him in reception until just after his fifth birthday in September 2021 as he struggles at nursery & if she feels that school isn't right for him will home educate him as well. One thing that she has learned from teaching her daughter is that she doesn't learn well sat at a table & they get much more done if she is allowed to walk around whilst learning, instead of testing what she has learned by asking her to write it down she pretends that she doesn't understand what they are doing & asks her daughter to explain it to her. By doing this she has started to find a love of learning again, they also go out to do learning in different places like the local library, museums etc. She also spends time cooking with her dad, What I am saying is that one size doesn't fit every child & sometimes you have to be creative in how you teach it so that often they don't know that they are learning.

Just to clarify - I don't know she is behind it's just what I've inferred from what was said at parents evening and compared to my friends children (born in same couple of months). I asked it explicitly at parents evening and got told they had a long way to go and that the school would do lots of extra small group work but also to do the homework.

So the comment applied to both of them, but her sibling is happy to do any task set, likes to do flash cards or be asked questions, happy to read. If they're together and you ask a question, she's refers to her sibling and they love to answer! So I need to separate them for all the tasks.

The comment about constantly pushing to the next level def rings true, maybe this is what has led me to believe she is struggling when actually she's perfectly average? (And the cynical part of me thinks it probably doesn't help the school is pushing for top sats results in the city)

She is far too young for school, the English system is just wrong. I would do absolutely no homework with her , and I tell the school she just isn't ready - end of.

Must be very hard for her.