Who was bullied at school? I could do with some help thinking this through. Longish...

[TooTicky]

My dd1 (10) gets bullied at school. It is instigated by one girl who seems to have complete control over the other girls.
The headmaster has been great and really tried to integrate them but it is a long term problem and I can't see it being resolved easily.
It doesn't help that I think too much emphasis has been put upon my dd's problems with socialising (which are noticeable but not crippling away from school - but huge in school, largely due, I think, to previous bad experiences and feeling unable to trust anybody). And not enough emphasis upon the appalling behaviour of the problem girl.
So. She has one more year at this school. It is a small school - no other groups of children to hang around with.
She is extremely bright.
If this year starts as badly as the last one ended, should I just deregister her and homeschool her for a year?
I am worried about the exclusion she has already experienced and about the effects it will have on her if she has another year of it. I well remember the awful feeling of being unwanted and despised at school.
Poor love was so pleased and surprised recently when she had been playing with various children in a park....she said, "They actually liked me! I'm not rubbish after all!"

So, would it be unfair to make her suffer another year of it? Academically, she could easily cope without school. She'd probably learn more under her own steam.
How would you feel if you were her?
How would you feel if you were me?

Many thanks to anybody who has read this far

filly, what a fab post. Agree absolutely.

I spent my schooldays being told I should toughen up, learn to live with it, ignore them, the problem was my oversensitivity, etc. etc. The blame was left very firmly at my door - the ed psych was sent to see me All the time I was bewildered as I could just not see why anyone would want to make anyone else's life a deliberate misery. I always, somehow, realised within myself that those who expected me to just put up with that were wrong, but have really had that confirmed and reinforced since reaching adulthood. In which situations/circumstances do we expect adults to put up with these kinds of things? (I am talking about, in my case, constant remarks and comments, exclusion, having balls thrown at my head, spit, sweet papers and chewing-gum put in my hair, having songs made up about me, etc.) And vulnerable children are supposed to find it character-forming.

My schools were 'good' schools - there was little physical violence - but the climate of bullying was dreadful. There was no tolerance for anyone even a little different. A boy in the year below me who had learning difficulties and was a 'dreamer' went through hell.

I live in Germany, where, it seems, there is still more tolerance for bullying than nowadays in the UK and school (not just education) is compulsory. I have resolved that if my children are bullied, I would still rather be prosecuted for non-attendance (on the assumption that a prison sentence will not ensue) than allow my children to go through what I went through.

Many thanks to those of you who have shared your stories. I am confident that we have made the right decision. Dd1 is noticeably happier and lighter of mood.
What's more, I have told ds1 and he has accepted it very well.

I think Bradford on Avon is the Woodcraft group we are on the waiting list for - really should chase it up.

TooTicky - Just catching up with htis as I havn't been online since Friday

I didn't see you post of 00:27 - unfortunatly no, we don't live in Wilts but howabout an "Email penpal"? Shall I speak to DD about it?.

I think you have made the right decision

I would like to echo another poster - how about taking up a musical instrument? DD1 plays the flute and has been a real confidence booster - she plays in the school orchestra and really enjoys it.

There is a music school on a sat am near us. DD dosn't go to it but I would imagine it could be a source of "meeting new people".

Good luck
Sonnet xx

Ooh yes, email penpals could be fun. Let me know what your dd thinks
I am feeling vastly trepidatious about the whole thing but I think it is the right thing. Well, I hope so!

i know this is an oldish thread now, but it struck a chord with me as i was bullied at school. i went to a rough school and my parents were middle class and i was a sensitive and probably at that time was quite gentle in nature, as my parents had brought me up to be like that. i was miserable and used to come home and cry to mu mum every day. she gave me great advice, which only now i can appreciate, all these years on. she told me that i was fine as i was to be myself and not change to please or appease other people. once, when i wasn't invited to a party everyone else was going to (in mid teens) a mate asked the 'hostess' if she could invite me, so i was dully invited. my mum knew all about the situation and said she'd drive me there if i wanted to go. i thought long and hard about it and decided not to go. i think my mum was proud but in her usual manner didn't say much, but i could tell she was.

it was a tough time and i moved school eventually and made great friends very quickly, but i was insecure for years. now that i'm in my 30s i can see my mum's wisdom and have learned that it's ok as an adult to know that not everyone likes you and not to worry as there's plenty people who do and if you're true to yourself and have a clear conscience then you can't go far wrong. as a child i really ddin't appreciate it and thought that just because a handful of no-mark girls didn't like me that everyone ddin't. a child's world is so small and i suppose they judge the whole world and all future experiences based on their current, little world and circle of friends.

so, anyway, what i'm trying to say is that i'm sure you're teaching you DD the same lessons as my mum taught me and she may not appreciate it now, although i'm glad things are improving for her, but in years to come, she'll remember that you cared, listened ad were supportive.

i have a son, so probably no chance to pass on those mum/daughter pearls of wisdom, don't think boys experience the mind games of girl bullying (thankfully for me!)