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Primary education

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Original poster

Sexual assault primary school

73 replies

Angryandupset12345 · 11/06/2019 17:34

Nc'ed. Dd (reception) was sexually assaulted at school today by another child in her class at lunchtime.

This boy has been dd's learning partner all year. There was a previous issue in the class earlier in the year, more minor, which I didn't realise he was he was involved with until now, and if I had done, I would have requested they were split up before now.

What do I say to the teacher tomorrow? What should the school be doing? So angry I can't think straight (and also upset for this boy, goodness knows what he's been exposed to).

My instinct is telling me to just pull her out of the school ASAP! But I guess the sensible thing to do is to see how the school deals with it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Angryandupset12345 · 11/06/2019 17:37

Also, do I discreetly mention something to the other parents I know with girls in the class? I would want to know if this happened to another girl so I could protect my daughter.

OP posts:
FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 11/06/2019 17:42

What exactly happened OP?

TurnOffTheTv · 11/06/2019 17:44

Please don’t go gossiping to other parents. What on earth is he doing that’s so bad at 4/5 years of age? I’d be very concerned about a little boy who was doing anything so overtly sexual at that age

Original poster
Angryandupset12345 · 11/06/2019 17:46

I don't want to go into detail as you never know who is reading this, etc, so I'm hoping it's possible for people to give generic advice without knowing the specifics of what happened.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 11/06/2019 17:46

I would email the head and class teacher tonight and go and see the teacher in the morning.

Make things as normal as possible for your child tonight and reassure her, if necessary, that she did the right thing by telling you and you love her and are proud of her.

Greysparkles · 11/06/2019 17:48

It's hard to give advice without knowing what you mean by sexual assault? You dont have to go into explicit detail but are we talking "show me yours and show you mine" or something forcibly done to her?

TurnOffTheTv · 11/06/2019 17:48

All you can do is email then tonight then ask for a meeting.

User67836 · 11/06/2019 17:49

I would keep her out tomorrow, Call the school first thing speak the teacher/head teacher. Find out what they are going to do to keep your child and others safe.
Do you want to go to the police?

Knitclubchatter · 11/06/2019 17:49

Make sure it’s reported to SS. Don’t assume someone else will.
My 2yr old was sexually assaulted by a 4 yr old.

EAIOU · 11/06/2019 17:49

Has DD reported this or the school?

Zodlebud · 11/06/2019 17:58

Absolutely do not gossip about the child to other parents. All children need protecting, including the other child. “Spreading the word” can actually stop children being kept safe, even with the best intentions.

Leave a message on the school answerphone this evening saying that you will be bringing your daughter into school tomorrow but you will not be leaving her there until you have spoken to the safeguarding lead and / or headteacher about a serious incident.

And then do just that.

FusionChefGeoff · 11/06/2019 18:08

We really do need details as at that age there's a strong possibility that the boy had no idea that what he was doing was inappropriate. Sexual assault implies a definite motive etc and the way I would react would be very different.

Herocomplex · 11/06/2019 18:10

No one here needs details.

Wildorchidz · 11/06/2019 18:13

No one here needs details.

This.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 11/06/2019 18:13

If 5 year old did anything sexual then that is a massive red flag that he is being sexually abused. I wasn't asking for explicit details but an idea of the seriousness of what happened. For example if he showed her his private parts or lifted up her skirt it's inappropriate and you should let school know and chat to your DD about it but very much normal and the kind of thing that happens. If it was something more serious then it's a serious safeguarding issue and will need a much more robust response to support both children.

Soontobe60 · 11/06/2019 18:14

There's a strong possibility that the boy had no idea that what he was doing was inappropriate. Sexual assault implies a definite motive etc and the way I would react would be very different.

^ this.
Obviously this needs to be investigated. Go into school in the morning and ask to speak to the Designated Safeguarding lead. They will follow the correct procedures. DO NOT spread malicious gossip about the other child around the playground. That is the absolute wrong thing to do.

Teachermaths · 11/06/2019 18:17

I'd be concerned about what the child had seen to assault another child at 4.

If it was an exposure then its likely the other child just thought it was funny and will need to learn about appropriate behaviour.

If the assault was physical then it would require a better safeguarding response.

Bluerussian · 11/06/2019 18:18

We cannot give any opinion without knowing what the boy did.
Did he grope her crotch, try to kiss her?

For goodness sakes, don't go gossiping to other mothers of girls. Speak to the teacher.

UserName31456789 · 11/06/2019 18:18

I do think you need to give an impression of the nature of what happened in order to get measured advice. Of course you shouldn't mention this to other parents - at 4/5 year old if he did anything sexual it would mean it's likely he's been abused himself and needs protecting (as does your DD). You should inform the school immediately and they will take appropriate action to protect all the children involved. Immediately taking your DD out of school sounds like an unnecessary reaction when it sounds like you haven't even informed the school.

ballsdeep · 11/06/2019 18:19

I thibk it matters what happened, not we need to know but just clear in your head.

Did the teacher tell you?

How serious was it? Eg was it a pinch to the bottom or something more serious (also completely unacceptable)

Was there anyone else to witness the event?

barryfromclareisfit · 11/06/2019 18:23

NSPCC for advice. Social Services. School’s child protection officer. Don’t speak to any other parents. Keep your child at home until it is addressed. Don’t let her feel she is being punished.

MN certainly does not need more details.

It makes no difference if the boy had a concept of ‘sexual assault’ or not. He would know he was doing something wrong.

benfoldsfive · 11/06/2019 18:27

It sounds like you daughter has disclosed something to you and the school are not aware.

Leave a voicemail. Arrive at school and 8.20 and demand a meeting. Get someone else to take your dd.

You need to speak to school, safeguarding, head, pastoral care, class teacher and support staff.

Do not pull your daughter from school. Support her and reassure her she has done the right thing and you will talk to school for her. When it comes to assault in children it's so important the people around them react and guide them appropriately and don't over or under react

UserName31456789 · 11/06/2019 18:29

It makes no difference if the boy had a concept of ‘sexual assault’ or not. He would know he was doing something wrong.

No. I've heard people describe exposing or looking at private parts as sexual assault. This is really just natural curiosity and the child just needs to be helped to understand boundaries and what is appropriate and what is private. Likewise if a child has been sexually abused they will often act out what's happened to them. They won't understand it's wrong.

Drogosnextwife · 11/06/2019 18:31

He would know he was doing something wrong

Absolutely not the case at 4/5 years old and shows complete ignorance on your part.
Children who are being sexually abused are lead to believe it is completely normal by the abuser, if this is what's happening to him then he may have no clue its wrong.

As a pps said, it does matter what happened, not that we need to know but children are curios at that age.

PrincessScarlett · 11/06/2019 18:32

It is really hard to give advice without knowing more. I don't mean that we need specific details but we need to know if it was something like lifting her skirt or kissing her or something more serious.

The former is fairly common in primary school and is usually just silliness. The latter implies that the boy has been exposed to something he shouldn't have been at best and at worst is being abused.

Definitely don't gossip with other parents. But do go into school and demand to see the head teacher to see what they are going to do about the situation.