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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Sexual assault primary school

73 replies

Angryandupset12345 · 11/06/2019 17:34

Nc'ed. Dd (reception) was sexually assaulted at school today by another child in her class at lunchtime.

This boy has been dd's learning partner all year. There was a previous issue in the class earlier in the year, more minor, which I didn't realise he was he was involved with until now, and if I had done, I would have requested they were split up before now.

What do I say to the teacher tomorrow? What should the school be doing? So angry I can't think straight (and also upset for this boy, goodness knows what he's been exposed to).

My instinct is telling me to just pull her out of the school ASAP! But I guess the sensible thing to do is to see how the school deals with it?

OP posts:

Iggly · 11/06/2019 21:13

Most schools I know - the head teacher is the main safeguarding officer so you should be fine on that front!

lucymegan · 11/06/2019 21:22

Oh your poor dd op

admission · 11/06/2019 21:23

Schools have a clear process in such situations. They have rightly informed you as parent and it is quite reasonable that you now want to know what is to happen.
Unfortunately there is a limit to what the school can say to you. If they have followed the process then they will have reported the situation to the Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO) or someone in SS who fulfils this role. The LADO will decide what action to start with regard to the incident, it is not the school who will carry out any investigation. The school will not disclose to you what is happening because it is not appropriate that you know what is confidential information.
What you need to be asking of the head teacher of the school to confirm the incident has been reported to the LADO and that action is taking place. I think it is about whether you have confidence that the school will do everything that is appropriate. If you have any concerns that the school will not follow through then you should report the incident to the LADO, so that it is truly being reported.
You also should be asking the school that your child is kept away from the other party in this incident.

redpinkgreenyellow · 11/06/2019 21:54

The school do not inform the LADO. The LADO is for when there is an allegation against a member of staff.

The school are likely to contact SS for advice.

EuromumAussiekid · 11/06/2019 22:03

I don't believe that a 4-5 year old would intentionally sexually assault another child. I think you're over reacting op

EuromumAussiekid · 11/06/2019 22:05

Why go to the police. Little kids are naturally curious anyway and what can the police do with a 4-5 year old? They can't charge him or put him in prison

AtSea1979 · 11/06/2019 22:09

Surely it’s not classed as sexual assault if there’s no sexual motivation? I’m guessing the boy grabbed her crotch of something for you to use ‘sexual assualt’ which isn’t great but i’d be inclined to treat it as if he’d grabbed anywhere else. Unless it’s something more serious and you have reason to believe the boy is being abused. Even if it’s the former, it still needs raising with the school, I assume the teacher told you? Though i’d be shocked if they informed you it was ‘sexual assualt’

HarleyS · 11/06/2019 22:15

When I was 21, someone pinched my bottom, I looked behind me and it was a little boy, giggling. He was about 6 or 7, his mother had not realised. I was shocked a kid that age could even think of these things, then I figured this is what happens in his house. The boy in your daughter's class is repeating behaviour seen at home or on the TV.

Manclife1 · 11/06/2019 22:26

Ringing the police would be pointless anyway. The age of criminal liability is 10 so would likely just record the crime and refer to social services anyway.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 11/06/2019 23:52

Apparently in my son's class at school a parent was called in because her daughter had been sticking pencils up herself. Another group of girls got into trouble for sticking their fingers up their bums. They were 5-6. I think that there is a lot of natural exploration that goes on at that age. In no way was it linked to abuse, but was a natural curiosity. I think that it would be more unusual for a boy to insert something up a girl or touch them inappropriately, but that's not to say that it wouldn't happen, esp if they were friends or had a close relationship. I think that it would be hasty to jump to conclusions of abuse or that this was an intended sexual assault at this stage. It sounds to me like the class could do with a talk about appropriate behaviour. The NSPCC run a good Pantasaurus campaign. They have an online video aimed at kids. Your dd might find it useful in reinforcing speaking out and saying no. Good luck.

Norestformrz · 12/06/2019 05:27

"Ringing the police would be pointless anyway. The age of criminal liability is 10 so would likely just record the crime and refer to social services anyway."

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 12/06/2019 05:48

Just echoing the previous comments about not pushing for knowing the consequences for the boy. It’s confidential information and they won’t tell you.

All you need to know is what they are doing for DD. Maybe the school need to do a lesson on appropriate touching or whatever the behaviour was. That way, if it happened to any other girls, they may say something or, if any other children witnessed it, they would know it wasn’t ok.

Beautiful3 · 12/06/2019 06:25

In the morning take your daughter straight to the office. Ask to speak to a safe guarding officer as you have something urgent to discuss. They should have a meeting with you straight away. Explain what happened and ask for them to be separated.

spanieleyes · 12/06/2019 07:33

The safeguarding officer will already be aware of the situation, you will need to leave them to deal with social services and you won't be informed of the outcome. You need to speak to the Head about ensuring your daughter and the rest of the children are kept safe and the child involved is supervised so there are no repeat incidents.

Manclife1 · 12/06/2019 08:02

@Norestformrz I’m sure that’s what they say but the reality will be a referral to social services and signpost to other agencies.

stucknoue · 12/06/2019 08:08

It sounds like the school are on to it, goodness knows what the boy has been through, sounds like he's known to social services. Yes you should speak to school formally (email is good because there's a paper trail) and say they need to split them up and (assuming more than one class in the year) he should be in a different class next year though depending on how serious he may be sent to a different school for his sake, or potentially social services may take action of course.

It comes down to what happened, the thresholds for safeguarding are different to years ago but they still need to be balanced and fair

SchoolDSL · 12/06/2019 09:54

I have been the DSL in my school for a number of years. Schools and their staff are very well trained in what to do.
Your daughter has made a disclosure to you. You should listen to what she tells you, do not ask leading questions, let her tell you what she wants to tell you. Tell her that you will need to tell someone else at school about this as you can't keep it a secret. Write down everything she says.
Arrange a meeting with the DSL at school as soon as possible. hand them all the information and in the first instance leave it with them. They may well have far more information about the boy involved and will contact Social Services to take advice. They will then decide on the level of risk and work with the parents/carers of the boy involved.
You certainly should request assurances that the situation will be monitored to the extent where this boy isn't allowed to be alone with other children.
Social Services will judge the nature of the incident (using criteria developed with other agencies - I think its a traffic light system).
Please do not discuss it with other parents as these things quickly escalate and the parents/carers may become targets themselves.
Hope that helps?

Original poster

Angryandupset12345 · 12/06/2019 11:36

Thank you again for the helpful replies, and I'm sorry to hear some of you have been in similar situations.

We have now had a response from the school which we are satisfied with. We think adequate measures have now been put in place to hopefully protect dd and with regard to safeguarding the little boy.

OP posts:

benfoldsfive · 12/06/2019 11:36

Schooldsl. School know, that's how she found out, they told the op!

SchoolDSL · 12/06/2019 11:44

@bensfoldfive Sorry I missed that bit!

Bluerussian · 12/06/2019 12:47

Glad to hear it, Angry.

benfoldsfive · 12/06/2019 13:47

Great advice though @schooldsl just shame the school didn't make it clear to op they were acting upon the incident

Zoflorabore · 13/06/2019 05:08

I know in my dd's school that the head teacher is the safeguarding lead as it always mentions it at the top of every newsletter.

From what I know about SG then the school will have already informed SS and the boys parents. Depending on what has happened there may be involvement from other agencies.
Schools make safeguarding the children their absolute top priority and they will be doing everything possible to support both children.

Does your dd need to see a doctor? Does she seem affected what has happened? It's so difficult as she is very young and unlikely to express just how she's feeling. This is alien territory to you both and it sounds like you're doing everything possible.

I'm very sorry this has happened to your little girl op

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