Is it ok for a male teacher to say to an 8 yr old ‘only dogs sniff bums’?

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

My 8 year old daughter came home and said a boy in her class had chocolate on his face and her male teacher had said to him ‘only dogs sniff peoples bums’. I was horrified, checked with a friend I trust and my sister also once a teacher if I was right to be and emailed the head saying I was concerned that it showed a lack of judgement on the teachers part. The head wasn't concerned and I got a very dismissive reply. Is it ok? Have I got it wrong? Am I being a prude? Is my whole idea of teacherhood wrapped up in Matilda’s relationship with Miss Honey..?.It’s entirely possible...

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Yes I was horrified. I guess it depends on what you’re used to? I don’t have people who say things like that that I know really.

[PBobs]

The fact that this teacher is "nothing like you" has nothing to do with the fact that he is a man. Are you sexist? Putting aside this teacher's behaviour (the comment is a little odd and the pushing not OK) even your last post seems off the mark. I would assume you would want all teachers to be kind, nice and thoughtful? Not just the male ones. I know as many "good" male teachers as I know female. Although there are just fewer of any type of male teacher in ES.

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

I suppose I’m saying my impression of him is that he isn’t these things. If he was these things then I would love having him as her teacher. My experience of all the teachers we’ve come across so far have been kind gentle thoughtful. There’s a male teacher in the year above that seems to be just that kind of teacher. I don’t have a ‘big personality’ - So y’know he’s nothing like me.

[Crabbyandproudofit]

It sounds odd to me, that a teacher would joke that a child with chocolate on his face had actually got shit from sniffing another child's bottom. Persistently pushing a child into a table (and I understood it to be picking on one child) is bullying behaviour and I would hate it to be my child that this was happening to.

Is it possible that HT is publicly backing the teacher but might have a quiet word with him?

[Mumsymumphy]

I'm a teacher and a parent. I would speak to the head again, especially about what you said in a later comment - about calling your daughter 'the bane of my life' and pushing a boy into a table 'as an ongoing joke'. Referring to a child as the 'bane of his life' to the parent, however jokingly it was intended, is completely unprofessional.

Inferring that a child had poo on their face by saying 'only dogs sniff bums' is just a bizarre response (I'm guessing another child must have commented first along the lines of "Urgh you've got poo on your face!")

At the very least, he needs training on speaking and acting professionally. Ideally, he needs an official warning and further monitoring of interactions with pupils - and parents. Pushing a child into a table? What planet is he on to think this is acceptable? I just don't get it.

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Thank you. That’s a great response. I have emailed the head again saying how I felt it was an issue that was important. So we’ll see if he wants to talk to me about it when we go in this morning. I’ll definitely say it’s ‘unprofessional’ and that he needs further training and a warning. Perfect.

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Crabbyandproudofit - The Head did say he’d have a word but said it in a kind of ‘because you’re so sensitive way’ and that all other feedback from parents has been positive...I did wonder if he’s playing it down to me but the reply email is borderline patronising in tone so he wouldn’t go that far would he if he saw it as a genuine issue?

[TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross]

You keep saying that he's "nothing like you". But why does this matter? Is that what makes people worthwhile, that they are like you?

Regardless of what the teacher said (which sounds a bit dickish, tbf), you do sound as if you have some rather odd perceptions of what a teacher needs to be like in order to be good at their job. Not to mention the weird preoccupation with his being male, as if that has any bearing on the situation. Tbh, it sounds as if you have a very particular view of what it takes to be a successful primary teacher - female, motherly - and you are predisposed to resent this teacher because he isn't any of those.

And you are in for a hell of a shock once they get to secondary and have a whole range of teachers, male and female, with a whole range of personalities! You'll never be off MN being outraged.

[Prequelle]

I don't see a problem

Although I found this funny (albeit a bit inappropriate and he lost his job for it, was with older students though)

[GoGoGadgetGin]

I don't think miss honey is a great example of a teacher.... Private meetings with a child, taking them to her home, derogatory discussions about the head....

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Ha! I do spend a huge amount of my life being outraged - this is true! I do have a very particular view I guess. My kids are 8. I want them to feel loved at school. I think this will help them more than anything else in their futures. I don’t think it matters to me if the teacher is male or female but maybe but if you see that in my replies it does. I am equally concerned about secondary school. But y’know that’s another bridge for another not too far away time.

[pinkhorse]

Major overreaction on your part op. My ds makes jokes like that all the time. At that age they love poo jokes.

[SavoyCabbage]

I think it’s good for children to have different kinds of teachers at primary school. With different methods and different personalities.

I think the bane of my life comment is fine, unless it’s distressing your dd.

The dogs bums comment is over the line I think but we don’t know the context or what was said before. We don’t know if the teacher was responding to another child saying that chocolate-face must have been sniffing bums for example. And we will never know as it’s likely that this happened during a more chaotic part of the day and that your child would have not been able to hear and every little detail of what happened.

[SosigDog]

It’s a childish joke. I couldn’t get wound up over it.

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Prequelle - oh my god! Ha!

[GoGoGadgetGin]

Of course they love jokes about pop etc! 2 I've been told this week that had a 7 yo in hysterics..
Whats brown and sticky? A stick!
What's brown and sticky? A poo!

[OhTheRoses]

I'm with the op. Horrendous thing to say to an 8 year old. I had to think it through to get what it meant. Do wonder how 8 year olds understood it to be honest.

Vis the boy being pushed into table depends on context. When I was 8 the male teacher sellotaped a boy to his chair to keep him still and held another one upside down by his ankles for being rude and it seemed perfectly acceotable but times have changed.

OP I would have raised what you raised with the head and rightly so.

[UnderHerEye]

It’s amazing how many of you seem to think you are education senior management staff.

The head doesn’t actually need you to tell them how to do their job or manage their staff. And you will look like an entitled arse trying to suggest the teacher is given further training and a warning.

If your complaint hasn’t been dealt with to your satisfaction follow the complaints procedure.

[GoGoGadgetGin]

poo jokes not pop!

[Bluntness100]

Yes it's a daft joke and kids do tend to love poop jokes, it's inappropriate but I wouldn't get worked up about it.

I'm more concerned you want your kids to feel "loved" at school, this is a slightly unrealistic view. It's your job to make them feel loved.

At school it's about learning, understanding, being comfortable, being happy even, but being loved? No teachers should not make kids feel they love them. That's wrong on so many levels.

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

Bluntness - I’m really sad you about that. All the teachers we’ve had so far have always made my kids feel ‘loved’. Like they’ll make them feel really special, ask them how they are, hug them. The last teacher we had sent a thank you card for a Christmas present to our house with a special message in just for my daughter.

[commentson]

He’s called your DD the bane of his life. This has annoyed you. You are picking up on everything he does/says. I think you have overreacted contacting the head. The head also thinks so.....

[Shambalawadeewadee]

I’m a teacher. I would not say that to an 8yr old. He doesn’t sound like a ‘big personality’ he sounds like a bit of a knob tbh.

[MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah]

Agree with pp! Who are you to tell people about re-training their staff? You have no context for the remark anyway. Let it go

[AuntieCJ]

Total over reaction.