Is it ok for a male teacher to say to an 8 yr old ‘only dogs sniff bums’?

[reallyconfusedmostofthetime]

My 8 year old daughter came home and said a boy in her class had chocolate on his face and her male teacher had said to him ‘only dogs sniff peoples bums’. I was horrified, checked with a friend I trust and my sister also once a teacher if I was right to be and emailed the head saying I was concerned that it showed a lack of judgement on the teachers part. The head wasn't concerned and I got a very dismissive reply. Is it ok? Have I got it wrong? Am I being a prude? Is my whole idea of teacherhood wrapped up in Matilda’s relationship with Miss Honey..?.It’s entirely possible...

[Weightsandmeasures]

It's neither acceptable nor unacceptable. It's just a silly joke. What's the big deal?

[TatianaLarina]

Really?

If you say ‘only dogs sniff peoples bums’ to someone with chocolate on their face the implication is they have been sniffing someone’s bum close enough to get poo on their face - which would have to be right into the bum crack.

It’s a bizarre analogy as dogs are not sniffing other dogs’ anuses they’re sniffing the scent glands so it’s nothing to do with poo at all.

The confusion of dogs and humans and sniffing, private parts and poo is bizarre and if it was said to an adult the implication would be plain.

[IncrediblySadToo]

I think it’s weird, I mean, why would you see a child with chocolate on their face & think ‘shit’? But people are weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

However...Personally I’d keep a close eye on a man who makes sexually inappropriate comments around kids I’d be FAR more worried about someone who sees this as ‘sexually inappropriate’ or homophobic. That’s worrying.

My response ‘What a silly thing to say. ‘Change subject’’

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I want them to feel loved at school.

Your going to have a long 8 + years.

[WhyAmIPayingFees]

Can’t see what the fuss is about. Sounds like the teacher has a sense of humour and the OP does not.

[ballsdeep]

Maybe your child hasn't told u the whole context of the story. U don't know what was said beforehand and the comment may have been in conversation.

[LJdorothy]

I've called a pupil the bane of my life at parent's night, with the pupil there too. She was a beautifully behaved, hard working, delightful child. Both the pupil and the parents laughed, as it was clear I was joking. I'd never, ever say such a thing about a child who was actually the bane of my life! Maybe you needed to be there, OP.
Having said that, the poo joke is yucky.

[bamboowarrior]

horrid thing to say, seems totally inappropriate and unprofessional.

[FangsTasticBeast]

Bit of a weird thing to say unless they were going around sniffing each other’s bums but I wouldn’t complain about it

One of ds3s teachers was tormenting a couple of them about falling in poo the other week (it was mud)

Unless the child it was aimed at was upset by it but I’d expect his parents to be the one complaining in that case

[Walkaround]

reallyconfused - was your dd upset by the comment and/or was the boy it was directed at upset by it? I think it was a thoughtless, silly comment, but in all honesty, different children have different senses of humour, just the same as adults. I don't think it is your job to be professionally offended if no actual harm was done, tbh. The teacher presumably knows the characters of the children in his class better than you do. Likewise with calling your dd the bane of his life - I know a lot of men and boys who express their affection towards others by calling them pests or pains or plebs, or the banes of their life (with a tone of voice which indicates they mean the opposite). They tend to be faultlessly polite to people they loathe - it's how you know they don't like someone. It may not be your style of communication, that doesn't mean offence is meant or automatically taken.

[NoTNoShade]

I’m absolutely not suggesting he’s a paedophile and I’ve already said earlier in the thread that the feeling loved by your teachers and the hugging is not the norm.

The Also trying to work out the significance of the teacher being male? comments are deliberately obtuse I think.

[BertrandRussell]

Even the professionally unoffended of Mumsnet can’t think it’s appropriate for a teacher to suggest that a child has shit on his face, surely. Without going into the possible inner meanings of a vulgar and unfunny expression. Apart from anything else, it lays the child open to teasing/bullying by his peers, and will make it harder for the teacher to maintain discipline.

[PCohle]

Forgive me, I must have misunderstood the reason you were linking to "bum sniffer" on urban dictionary.

Could you perhaps elaborate on what you felt this was adding to the thread if you don't in fact feel this is useful information for the OP to act on?

[TatianaLarina]

Has anyone said that?

[PCohle]

For the love of god he said "only dogs sniff people's bums".

Do you seriously think the OP should have (another) meeting with the headmaster and insist this was actually a veiled reference to rimming because urban dictionary says so?

The headteacher will piss himself.

[TatianaLarina]

bum sniffer

[Smotheroffive]

I fail to see how the ill-advised targetted joke is in any way sex-linked.

Theres no mention of which sex of bum he referred to.

It's just a poo joke. A knobbish joke to be in with the kids and failing. It's pandering to the lowest form and crossing boundaries.

He was simply trying to reference the chocolate on the face as being poo. There's nothing in the words given here to suggest otherwise is there?

[Smotheroffive]

I meant discussing different teachers styles and interactions is a good opportunity for DC to learn perspectives.

[PCohle]

NoTnoshade I don't think the remark was particularly sexual. Accusing a male teacher of being a paedophile on the basis of one joke you find distasteful seems a wild overreaction.

The OP seems perfectly comfortable with previous teachers frequently hugging her DD. Surely pushing children's physical boundaries is much more alarming?

[Smotheroffive]

Discussing the differences that DC experience is a great way of getting perspectives into their minds.

I think poo jokes are just as funny as the next person; however, it is close to the knuckle when its targetted at a child that's feeling uncomfortable about that, and a decent teacher will realise theyve totally missed the mark and follow it up with something reasonable.

Telling people what a big personality you have, sounds arrogant, and foisting inappropriate [personalised] jokes on children that obviously haven't appreciated it, plus pushing a child into a desk, is all adding up to a teacher who isn't clear on boundaries.

AFAIK you do lay your hands on children in any way, and I'm not someone who thinks a child who's hurt and is crying shouldn't get an arm round a shoulder or for very young ones sat on a lap for a cuddle. Showing yourself to care is boundaries as is being a boorish teacher who's up himself and pushes his pupils around and make crude pointed jokes at others expense.

It all hinges on the heads boundaries for his teachers. As a new teacher that he's probably recruited he's fairly invested in wanting/needing this to work out.

Have you spoken with other DMs about him? Have you heard any other derogatory remarks/incidents?

Tbh I would be raising it direct with the teacher to gauge their response, and their side of events also. If you have a shy and unsure DD it can feel overwhelming and scarey, and he's needing to moderate ang regulate himself as not all will respond well to his style. He needs to recognise that if it's affecting children's access to learning.

You might find, on speaking directly to him that he's a completely reasonable sort, and sensitive to his pupils reactions. Him saying he's a big personality should be accompanied by an acknowledgment that his style, anybatyle that's strong, is going to rub some up the wrong way, and need insight on his part to be flexive around his learners styles.

If he's continually targeting pupils for crude jokes, pushing individuals into tables and putting his 'big personality' above the needs of his pupils, someone does need to do some moderating for him! Enforce some bounadries and regulation.

[NoTNoShade]

Surely the significance of the teacher being male is that men are far,far more likely to be sexual predators than women and the first stage of grooming a child is pushing the boundaries with sexual language to see how the child reacts.

[Ithinkmycatisevil]

Possibly a little inappropriate given the age of the child, if it was y6 or secondary then I'd have thought it pretty funny! But 8 may be a bit young for that sort of joke. Not worth getting your knickers in a twist over though.

Also trying to work out the significance of the teacher being male?

[PCohle]

I agree with Bookworm.

Given you've already spoken to the head about it so they are aware of the possible issue, I'm not sure why you want to raise this again.

Young kids are not the most reliable reporters of events and your comments about the teacher ("y'know he's nothing like me") give a pretty clear indication of the sort of message your DD is picking up from you.

[WendyCope]

Said 8 yr old is not getting her 'usual' level of attention (from a woman ) and doesn't like it.

Used to being 'teachers pet'

[Bookworm4]

I've reiterated several times all this is being reported to her by a coddled 8 yr old who knows Mummy doesn't like said teacher, how accurate are any of the tales?