Being the only BME kid in an all-Caucasian class

[Confuzzled19]

Would this worry you?

Did I ever say that? It's the opposite. We have all sort of different people on the earth. Some have black hair, some have blond, brown, red, etc.
We talk about it all the time. Some are darker skinned because of their heritage, some children are born different, blind, autistic, etc, so they act different, etc.
Only thing the children should know is that we are all human beings, with feelings. I know it's not easy to promote this, but only thing I am saying is that my ds's school is trying hard to do it, and doing well.

Thank you for your input everyone.

**But if they are born in England, and speaks perfect English, and nothing is different from other kids other than colour of the skin, why do they need to think they are different, unless the adults input the info that they are different?

I think they will think they are different regardless of input from the school/family/whoever , because they ARE physically different and others may well comment on the difference. Whether that produces a negative/positive feeling is another issue, but being the different one isn’t always easy

Yes, that's what confused me too irvine
First you say they won't notice they are different if nobody tells them.
Then you say you talk about it all the time?

I do understand that, OP. But we, as a parents, I think we need to tackle that when it happened.
My ds is in YR6, in mostly white(98%, haven't checked recently, but the figure I remember from the past) school. There are only one or maybe two non white each year. And he is doing totally fine.

drspouse, I really don't get your point.
They don't treat my ds as different because of his skin colour.
They must all know there are black, white, brown, yellow, red, different coloured skinned people in the world. I think the children see the difference in colour of skin same as difference in colour of hair, eyes, etc. Unless they are reminded they are different people by adults, I do believe they just see it that way. Same way as very fair skinned blond/blue eyed child or red haired child won't be treated different.

My point is that children DO see that they are different. They are not daft or blind.
If adults talk about it positively they see it as a good feature and something to be proud of.
If adults never mention it they will think it is shameful.

I still don't get it. Like I said, we talk about differences. That we are all different. But I don't talk about difference in particular, that my ds has coloured skin and his mates doesn't, or that his friends are all Caucasian and he isn't. I don't feel like my ds feels ashamed at all.

Maybe read some adult narratives about growing up like this then.
Because not mentioning colour and therefore feeling you mustn't mention it is a strong theme.

Well, can't you see, that everyone has different experience, so you and I have totally different opinions. Neither me or you are wrong. We just have different view, that's all.
I have grown up in US when I was a child, living in England now as a non white, so I have very good understanding of racism, importance of heritage and so on.

Yes, I can see that, but I'm also listening to adults who say they said/thought it was all fine as a child, but now see it wasn't great.
I always try and remember that my children are children and don't necessarily know what's best.

I think the US have a different attitude to different races.

When did you move to the US?

No. I think it’s better actually. When I was at school people tended to stick with their own ‘kind’. I was the only one of my race. There wasn’t even someone from a similar cultural background (Eastern European Muslim from ex soviet area). Consequently I mixed with everyone easily.

Seriously?

My son was the only white boy in his class as few years ago (he is white blonde, doesn't even tan not that any of that matters). It wasn't a problem for him or us and the next year there were a few white children in the class.

White people are not historically oppressed nor are they discriminated against in today's society.

Ocean, is that a question for me?

Lived and attended school as a teenager both in west coast which there were lots of different races in school, and in the east coast where the pupils were pre-dominantlt white.

Yes but how old were you then irvine is what I was wondering?

Early/mid teenage years.

Actually, I can't really see the point of age, Ocean. My sister was few years younger than me, so she experienced primary(elementary) school.
I have spent some time in US as a uni student, and also I worked for British company for long time. Now I am surrounded by mostly white parents and teachers at school.
It all depend on the people you are surrounded with. Racism is always there, but for me, it's the level I can ignore easily. And more people get educated with diversity, it gets better.

And if you know what I am talking about, I was a victim of horrible racial abuse on certain forum. But I haven't lost my faith for humanity yet.

Very concerning that there are people who pretend (1) that racism is no longer an issue in the UK when anecdotal evidence plus actual evidence shows that it is just as bad as even except it is now more covert (eg, unconscious bias). Theresa May commissioned a review in 2016 and the facts show that the UK has move very little since the MacPherson's Report (ref Stephen Lawrence). The Guardian also did a series during the latter part of last year collecting even more data than is found in May's report. The data was so upsetting I could only read it in small bits. Racism is very much alive. It has never gone away. It's now embedded in our institutions, the way we perceive and treat BME people, etc.

(2) It is also worrying when people say they don't see race. It is of course nonsense. Not seeing someone's race is trying to ignore a fundamental part of who they are and the experiences they have had. It's very important to see race. The thing is to see it, understand how being of a different race affects our experiences in terms of how society views and treats us, and ensure we are not part of the problem in perpetuating injustices.

(3) Children do see race. As the only BME in the school, your daughter will be aware of it. She will want to be like her classmates. It's not fun standing out and being the other. More so if you are BME. As someone pointed out, white people have not been an oppressed race or considered "the other" or "the lesser" and that makes a big, big difference in terms of standing out.

OP, I don't face the problem you are grappling with. However, in your shoes I wouldn't put a BME child in this situation. For me, the problem would be the impact on her self-image. At that age kids do not want to stand out. They want to be like their friends. Wear the hair like their friends. Look like their friends, etc.

She may not face overt racism, in terms of name calling but it is very likely she will feel, at the very least, awkward. Find a more diverse school if you can.

Weight, I wonder you are white or non white. Your post remind me of discussion on MN if certain thing is racist or not. Some are, some aren't, from receiving end's point of view. But white people decide what is racist and what isn't.
No one pretends there is no racism.

I do think it is slightly different in areas where most people are not white such as where I live in London however. I am not saying there is not racism against non whites even in mostly non white areas of London but if most of a school is not white for example then no one is going to be picking on the non white children due to their colour. They might pick on them due to some other random thing that sadly some teenagers will always find but it is not likely to be colour (although I suppose it might be a sunni v shia or high caste v low caste thing or India v Pakistan).

I don't think white people should decide what is racist when the racism is against people who aren't wrhite. However it should be an objective test.

Honestly, I do have a horrible experience of racism as a child. But I also had lots of great help from others who are more tolerant and open minded. Same as an adult, some take a mick, find it fun to ridicule, but there are others who are willing to stand up for us.
It's great people are so concerned and make life better for us.

I do think racism do exist and I am not denying it at all, but there are people who might feel like me, that colour isn't the problem, if people see each person as an individual. It's quite funny, that my dh who is white is more concerned about ds being bullied because of his race than me.

Only thing I wanted to say on this thread is that my ds, who is a real minority is not feeling any negativeness because of it yet. He may, in the secondary school, I don't know, but if he does, I will fight it no matter what.

Irvine, it's not about thinking it exist. It factually exist.

Treating someone as an individual is also seeing everything about them, including their race, and respecting that. That is where the world needs to be.

There is a really good report by the government written by BME leadership addressing this very issue of "not seeing colour". They go much further than I have said here and regard such things as "I don't see race" as insulting of one's intelligence and a hindrance to addressing racism. They also think it is ignores how much race matters in people's past, current and future experiences and outcomes.

If the OP can help it, she should send her child to a school that is more diverse. Diversity trumps lack of diversity on every measure that matters. I do not know the difference in the academic attainment of the schools the OP is comparing but unless the gap is massive, I would advise against choosing the less diverse school. If the gap in attainment is small, any advantage the OP's daughter would have benefitted from might be undermined by the brain space she would have to give to dealing with standing out and trying to fit in and the possible impact on her sense of self.

Moreover, if the gap in attainment is small, the OP's daughter will do just as well at either school because what will make any difference will be how much the OP invest in the time her child receives attention and support at home.

I imagine that the schools are not do far apart in attainment that going to one rather than the other would mean a entry to a Russell Group university vs a non-Russell Group university when she eventually gets to A level stage.

Protect your child as long as possible from the damaging effects of unconscious and covert racism. Confidence and sense of self affected so young can be hard to overcome.