Being the only BME kid in an all-Caucasian class

[Confuzzled19]

Would this worry you?

[user789653241]

Weight, I do find your comment a bit odd. I do know it factually exist. I have many experience of it. What do you expect?

And I asked you are question, are you white, or non white?

[user789653241]

*a, not are.

[user789653241]

I was once on the thread about either the term "Oriental" was racist or not. I am from the region used to be called Orient. I don't find the term Oriental offensive at all, I prefer it more than called Asian, which is such a huge place. Many others from same region said the same.
I know it's not PC, but that's what I feel. But the discussion went regardless of our feeling, by white people, who has nothing to do with us.

[Xenia]

I may have no right to be on this thread as I am white and just have happened to have a son the only white boy in his class in London. Howver if I were black I would probably go for the best school I could in terms of university destinations even if that meant there were fewer people who were the same race in it as that determines children's outcomes more than being in a class with people who are the same as they are. It is why Diane Abbott for example was right to choose City of London private school for her son in my view.

[Weightsandmeasures]

Xenia, City of London Boys school is rather ethnically diverse. Why do you think it isn't? He certainly would have been amongst many, many other BME students there.

Irvine, what does terminology have to do with this particular issue?

[Xenia]

Good point but my own point still stands - see this Guardian article www.theguardian.com/education/2011/oct/04/alarm-over-racial-segregation-london-schools

[Weightsandmeasures]

I agree. Lack of diversity is a problem. Diversity trumps lack of diversity and inclusion. Inclusion is especially important because on appearance there can be diversity but no inclusion. So the "other" is present but is excluded and feels very much on the outside looking in.

A fundamental need of every human is feeling a sense of belonging and acceptance. The emotional effort to overcome the exclusion and feeling like an outside should not be underestimated. We know about people suffering from anxiety and depression in arguably far less stressful situations.

Many kids will pretend they are okay but surely being around people who look like you can be comforting, make you feel less isolated, etc. If people bunch you with others who look like you and attach a negative stereotype to you, the problem is with them and their attitude not with being around people who share the same race as you. These negative stereotypes isn't normally attached to white people who hang around as groups at schools so why should a group of students from a BME background suffer such indignity?

The top schools in and around London tend to be ethnically diverse - especially the private schools. Many BME parents are ambitious for their kids and many can afford it or make the sacrifice. BME children are performing just as well and even better than their white counterparts. So there is no difference in ability.

[lljkk]

DC school only has about 6/320 kids not white English ethnicity. I don't know where the German-Chinese-mixed race kids are supposed to go instead (? ). Move out of the county, maybe.

[Yinv]

I would definitely go for the better school academically. If you do find that your dd doesn't like it, then you can move her. Behaviour depends largely on the cohort rather than the school overall. So you could get lucky or unlucky anywhere really. Thats why it best to go for better academics in the first instance.

[amy1008]

I would choose acdamic performance too. At an early age, children don't choose friends based on race. In dd's class, there is another DC from the same ethnicity group as we are. But they are not friends. Similar look won't make children feel more accepted, at least when they're young.

[Weightsandmeasures]

If you are white, you will not see what the issue is and will trivialise the issue. Lljkk, do you suppose the OP is asking this question and have not pondered the impact being the only black child at the school will have on her child? If you are white you will never have had to experience or consider the issues that lie beneath the question the OP is asking.

[cucumbergin]

It's hard to tell from outside how inclusive a school is when there are few other BME parents to ask. And, frankly - which race/ethnicity matters when it comes to academics, because stereotypes (and thus expectations) differ too.

Being the only non-white kid in class/school was pretty shite, tbh, in terms of inclusiveness, and I wouldn't choose it willingly for my kid. But I didn't suffer from low academic expectations because the stereotype for my ethnicity doesn't include that.

[lljkk]

I am foreign. In my small (white, UKIPPY) town, I am very OTHER here.

I find the gossipy aspect of small town a lot more stressful than specifically being foreign.

9yo DD stopped getting invites from Penny after 6yo DS fell out with Joan (Penny's first cousin, unbeknownst to me. Joan would forgive & forget, but not her mother who slagged DS off to her sister, Penny's mom). Luckily I had a separate friendship with Mary (Penny's best friend) that pre-dated DS annoying Joan. Joan's mother lives down the road from me & waves friendly hellos when we meet on footpaths snake.

That's the real problem with small town life. Not colour of skin.

What I meant is some families don't have a choice. They have to make best with what they can.

OP hasn't said anything about viable alternatives, such as academic differences betw. her school choices.

[Weightsandmeasures]

For you lljkk, that may be your experience but for other BME their experience of small town life may be based on and likely to be influenced by the colour of their skin.

Race matters no matter how much we wish it didn't. Hopefully one day it might not.

[cucumbergin]

I am not foreign but British, and small white UKIPPY towns I associate with getting the shit kicked out of me rather than social exclusion, despite family links going back generations.

[lljkk]

cucumbergin, do you recommend that all BME parents of school age children with 98%+ only white schools in their vicinity, should move away or drive long distances to find a school that is... what threshold of %BME people in the school do you think is safe?

[drspouse]

We had a choice between 98% White British and 75%, oddly the schools are very close. 25% not White British is the England mean for children.

[Confuzzled19]

It was never a case of an academically excellent, all-white school vs an academically poor but diverse one. The (fairly) diverse one is still a good school (and rated good by ofsted). Thanks to everyone for their input. I agree if you are white you cannot truly understand where my concerns may stem from as you are living in a country where you are in the majority.

[MistressDeeCee]

If no one tells him he is different, he wouldn't think he is different

Give it time...

OP how old is your child - old enough to have a view (in your opinion) or not?