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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

I think my son has been treated unfairly

60 replies

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:03

My son had an issue at school on Friday and I’m just wandering what the best advice is to go forward? He’s 5 and in reception and went on his first big trip with school to the beach. My mum went to pick him up from school as I was at work and told me that when she got there the TA (teacher is off sick) invites all the parents in to classroom to collect their children which is unusual as they normally walk them out and let them go one by one once they have seen the parent/carer. As mother walked in, the TA said she had just gave him a very good telling off because he was in the cubical with another boy who was weeing but said that he wasn’t doing anything in there just stood there waiting. So she got into the classroom to find my LO really distressed and crying to the point he was catching his breath while another TA was insisting that he take his PE kit off and change back into his uniform in the class full of children and their parents. He is still upset about the incident and said he didn’t like it that all the grown ups were looking at him in his pants. Now is it just me or is this completely out of order? What shall I do next?

OP posts:

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Ginger1982 · 30/06/2018 23:16

I don't quite follow. So your son got into trouble because he was standing in a toilet cubicle with another boy who was doing a pee and then he was told to change into his uniform in front of the whole class?

FATEdestiny · 30/06/2018 23:26

There are a lot of safeguarding issue surrounding toileting issues. He cannot be in the cubical with another pupil. Full stop. This is not negotiable, so it needed to be impressed on him how important it is.

That's a different issue to getting changed though.

No parents should be allowed in the room until all children are changed and ready you be dismissed. Unless they are being dismissed wearing PE kit, which is possible. This is also a safeguarding issue, but a separate one.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:32

Yes he got into trouble for standing in the cubicle. He insists he was in there first but the TA didn’t listen to him, This is his words and he can have a tendancy to blame others so I’m not taking his word for it. The reason they made him get changed is because he had to borrow a PE kit because I wasn’t told that was the dress code for the day and his was at home, I don’t have an issue with them taking the PE back and getting him into his school clothes but making him do it in front of all the parents who were obviously looking at him as he was so distressed I do have a problem with. No other child was made to get dressed.

OP posts:

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 30/06/2018 23:35

How did all the other children manage to get changed in time? It sounds like he was mucking about in the loos; why on earth would he go into an occupied cubicle and stand there waiting? There are multiple cubicles!

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:36

My mum also said that he was very reluctant to take his PE kit off and was getting more distressed as the TA kept insisting that he did.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:39

The other children didn’t have to get changed they were in there own PE kits that they were sent in, my son was wearing a borrowed one which they wanted back because my son goes to breakfast and afterschool club I never get any last minute information. The letter that was sent out said to wear school uniform and another letter informing of the change to wearing PE kit wasn’t sent out so I was unaware.

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catherinedevalois · 30/06/2018 23:39

So why didn't your mum just take him into the toilet and change in there? Not sure why it was so important to the TAs for him to change but at the end of a school trip and probably quite stressful without a teacher they just wanted him to comply.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:43

They were already getting him changed when mum walked into the classroom, he was in his pants already at that point and most of the parents were already in there. As I said previously they wanted the PE kit back as it was borrowed from another child who wasn’t in I believe.

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AugustRose · 30/06/2018 23:46

I'm sure about the toilet issue but as for the PE kit, why didn't they just send him home in it and ask you to return it on Monday? We have a young, inexperienced TA who is familiar with most of the children as she attended the school herself. She has a tendancy to 'play teacher' when on her own which sometimes means behaving in a way the teacher would not. I would raise the safeguarding issue about making your DS change in front of parents.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:53

Exactly my point, I could have washed and returned it for Monday. Also I’m unsure why they couldn’t have just taken him to another room to get dressed instead of doing it in the classroom with all the parents present if it was that important they got it back there and then. I get the toilet issue it’s not appropriate but I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean anything by it, he just needed to go to the toilet. In fact he actually wet himself on the way home because after the TA pulling him out of the toilet and telling him off then making him get undressed he didn’t go. It’s not normal for him to wet himself which is concerning, she must have really scared him.

OP posts:

catherinedevalois · 30/06/2018 23:53

Not sure why he was so upset though. The adults would only have been looking because they were concerned he was upset not because they were looking at his pants. and getting out of shorts into trousers would only take a couple of seconds with an adult helping him, nothing to get worked up over really and I'm surprised he was even aware of them. Surely they would just be collecting and then leaving straight away? Obviously it escalated into something more than it should have. Hopefully he's forgotten about it by now.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 30/06/2018 23:56

I also find it hypocritical that they told him off to that extent about being in the cubicle with another child but then think it’s acceptable to make him get undressed in front of all the other parents who lets face it could be anyone?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 01/07/2018 00:00

He’s normally a bubbly, cheeky boy so I’m surprised it upset him that much too but he was still upset about it earlier and just kept saying all the grown ups saw my in my pants. I will be raising the issue at school on Monday.

OP posts:

crimsonlake · 01/07/2018 00:00

Surely the rule as in every school I have worked in is that they bring the PE kit and leave it there and only take it home every half term?

TheVanguardSix · 01/07/2018 00:04

why on earth would he go into an occupied cubicle and stand there waiting?

Because he's 5.

This type of question reminds me of when my neighbour saw my then 2 year old run off and asked, "Why is he running?"

Because he's 2, was my answer, before I ran after him.

OP, back to your situation, it sounds like he was made to feel very badly about the cubicle incident. There's a way of teaching kids about what is socially appropriate and what isn't. And nursery/reception is mostly about learning to use our communication to socialise properly. It's a steep learning curve and your poor boy probably didn't quite understand what was with all the upset. The changing in front of everyone was understandably humiliating. People forget how very, very young and unaware kids this age are. It sounds like he was overwhelmed. And it sounds like the TA was exhausted after a long day at the beach.
I'd have a chat with the TA and the teacher.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 01/07/2018 00:14

Thevanguard Thankyou I was beginning to think that it wasn’t normal for a 5 yo to be unaware of these things but you are right 5 is young and social expectations are too complex for them to understand it all. I’m pretty sure he’s never going to go into a cubicle with a child again after that episode tho. So shall I just go in for a informal chat about it or actually raise a complaint?

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peterpanwendy · 01/07/2018 00:26

OP I would go above the teacher to the head or assistant head. That behaviour is unacceptable from the TA and you are right, he is 5. I am a reception teacher and can't believe that your son has been treated this way.

MonochromeDog · 01/07/2018 00:34

Not sure why he was so upset though. The adults would only have been looking because they were concerned he was upset not because they were looking at his pants. Because he's 5! What a stupid bloody comment.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 01/07/2018 00:38

Thank you Peterpanwendy, some other comments on here made me feel like I was overreacting, I shall go into school first thing Monday and make sure I get my point across.

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BubblesBuddy · 01/07/2018 16:08

Op, you are right to raise this. It was sheer humiliation to make him change in front of adults he didn’t know and the school barely knew. Where did he change when he put the PE kit on earlier in the day? School staff can forget how to manage young children after a long day. I would not want to have mg child’s PE kit borrowed either. That’s very cheeky.

I would also question their visit policy regarding the ratio of adults and children too. You expect a bigger ratio where there are greater dangers around - in this case drowning in the sea. So check their risk assessment for this trip too!

Also you need a better system of communication from the school. If they changed their clothes policy for the day, but didn’t tell you, your child shouldn’t be humiliated and probably could have stayed in his normal clothes! What an unnecessary fuss!

Explain that your DS now understands about waiting his turn for the toilets. This is hardly the crime of the century either! He’s 5, not a teenager or an adult. They have over reacted about this too. A gentle reminder about waiting his turn would have sufficed. Good luck on Monday.

aswellihavehayfever · 01/07/2018 16:10

they should have sent him home in the kit and you could have returned it on Monday

RainbowGlitterFairy · 01/07/2018 17:51

Is it the first time he has been in the cubicle with another child?
A big telling off seems over the top if it was a one off, I'm a reception TA and I have to remind lots of children about not going in the cubicle together, but if he's been told a few times I could see why it would be more of a telling off. As for the PE kit, how many times had he been asked? and had he been asked before parents had been allowed in?

You said he's cheeky and often blames others, I would go in calmly and see what the school's side of this is first, it doesn't sound great but it sounds like a slightly stroppy TA at the end of what was no doubt a very hot trip, without the teacher, has been faced with a cheeky child who isn't doing what they were meant to whilst shes trying to get the other children back to their parents and she has just handled it badly. Worth a chat with the school certainly but not sure its worth a complaint until you've given them a chance to tell you their side.

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 01/07/2018 18:31

As far as I’m aware it’s the first time he’s been in the cubicle with a child in school, they haven’t told me otherwise. My mum said from them getting off the bus amd back to class and the parents being allowed in the classroom to pick up their children it was roughly about 5 minutes so not an awful lot of time for this to have all happened. Does it really matter how many times he was asked to change? The point is they shouldn’t have made him do it in front of the parents. I’m going to ask why they felt it necessary to tell him off to that extent for the toilet issue, maybe he has done it before but have t made me aware but I’m sure if it was that much of an issue they would have said something to me before?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ch4rlieboy · 01/07/2018 18:33

And to be fair I wouldn’t be impressed if they had lent his PE kit out to another child either, I’m also going to raise the issue about communication, if they had communicated the change in uniform then this could have been avoided in the first place. It would have been much better if I had been able to take it home to wash it for the other child and returned it on Monday.

OP posts:

pineapple95 · 02/07/2018 16:31

Sounds like a bit much complaining :). It's tough in schools to get all children changed, and it sounds like the op's child hadn't got his pe kit or whatever. Instead of complaining, why don't you just make sure your son has his kit?!

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