I think my son has been treated unfairly

[Ch4rlieboy]

My son had an issue at school on Friday and I’m just wandering what the best advice is to go forward? He’s 5 and in reception and went on his first big trip with school to the beach. My mum went to pick him up from school as I was at work and told me that when she got there the TA (teacher is off sick) invites all the parents in to classroom to collect their children which is unusual as they normally walk them out and let them go one by one once they have seen the parent/carer. As mother walked in, the TA said she had just gave him a very good telling off because he was in the cubical with another boy who was weeing but said that he wasn’t doing anything in there just stood there waiting. So she got into the classroom to find my LO really distressed and crying to the point he was catching his breath while another TA was insisting that he take his PE kit off and change back into his uniform in the class full of children and their parents. He is still upset about the incident and said he didn’t like it that all the grown ups were looking at him in his pants. Now is it just me or is this completely out of order? What shall I do next?

they should have sent him home in the kit and you could have returned it on Monday

School will have wanted to avoid this as most things sent home never come back!

Pineapple are you serious? I have already explained earlier that I wasn’t told about the change to PE kit. If they don’t communicate with me then how am I supposed to know? Anyway I spoke to the TA this morning who was less than hopeful, she gave me attitude and said it was a stressful day and couldn’t see the problem. When I stated I wasn’t happy she then took me to speak to the other reception teacher who honestly looked shocked and agreed it was unacceptable and apologised profusely. The head teacher also agreed that it should never have happened and apologised and also talked to my son to ensure he was OK later on that day. I have made a written complaint to the board of governors about the way the TA acted and about the way she responded to my complaint.

Ahh ok I see now. All the best with the school and your son's PE kit... ;)

There are many oddities and discrepancies in this story. The OP claims not to have received any letters about the non - uniform day - yet everybody else's children were wearing PE kit. Her mum was there, but not obviously looking after the little boy, or she would have taken him elsewhere to change. The boy was in a cubicle (not 'cubical'), yeah, and if he didn't like it he would have walked out, whatever was happening! Don't blame the TA - maybe have a word with the boy about getting changed when he is told to!

Lol have you ever met a 5 year old??!! There aren't any discrepancies I can see.!

This is such a storm in a tea cup! Why would you get faddled about this? You can't sweat the small stuff like this OP. How on earth will you cope when the big stuff arrives. I'd be taking the teachers a box of chocolates and apologising that you hadn't realised that it was non-uniform (been there myself)

Good grief. What an over reaction.

I completely agree with this from P1 Not sure why he was so upset though. The adults would only have been looking because they were concerned he was upset not because they were looking at his pants. confused and getting out of shorts into trousers would only take a couple of seconds with an adult helping him, nothing to get worked up over really and I'm surprised he was even aware of them. Surely they would just be collecting and then leaving straight away? Obviously it escalated into something more than it should have. Hopefully he's forgotten about it by now.

All the staff would have been hot, tired - no exhausted - after herding a class full of Reception children on the beach all day. They'd kindly gone out of their way to find your little boy shorts and t-shirt to wear so he'd be more comfortable during the day, and were, very sensibly, making sure it stayed in school as it wasn't his. In normal circumstances it would be 10 seconds and he'd be sorted. All parents would be loking for their own child and not paying any attention to another child. Nor was he naked - he was in his pants, just the same as a pari or trunks on the beach or at the pool.

I should imagine the other teacher looked surprised becasue, instead of you coming up to thank them for giving the kids such a lovely day, you were being completely ridiculous in raising a complaint about a non-incidence.
This is one of the reasons staff give up teaching. Parents that raise something like this - a complete non-incident - with the HT and Governing body indeed.

Have we established how op was the only one not told about the dress code?? How did everyone else manage to send their kids in wearing the correct kit?

It's worth flagging the lack of communication with the school over the uniform/PE change. How did they communicate it - by letter only? No parental system at your DS school?

I have to ask why your DSs PE kit wasn't already in school. Maybe that's why it wasn't a problem for anyone else, because their kits were already there? Kits should stay in school so available any day of the week. There should also be a spare kit that can be used rather than another child's kit being borrowed. The school would not be able to let your DS wear someone else kit home as it may not come back. Sadly these things do happen in schools.

Also the TA could not leave the classroom to get your DS changed as she needed to be there to supervise the rest of the class. Having the parents in class rather than waiting outside as normal - I'd ask why the change. She wouldn't have been able to let your Mum take him into the loos to get changed as other kids may still be using the loos at that time. Best thing would've have been to wait until all the other parents had gone, then he could've got changed and left the other kids kit behind but hindsight is a wonderful thing and she perhaps thought he was just playing her up and refusing for the sake of it.

parental = parent mail

There is no way every parent but one got told about a uniform change.

Children have always gone to the toilet together. As far as I can see it's a non - issue. At 5 they just don't see the need to stop their conversation if one or both need a wee. If the other child objects it's a different story but really, I wouldn't tell children off for this. When they get into KS2 the boys have a urinal in my school. Trust me there's constant chatter around it.
Getting changed in front of other children's parents? Meh. A lot of children wouldn't be that bothered about this. As the adult in the room the TA should have noticed that your child didn't like it and taken him somewhere more private.
Not knowing that your boy needed to be in PE kit when everyone else did? You've lost the letter / your boy was off when they sent it / you haven't checked the book bag. They have communicated this (clearly) and for some reason you didn't get the message. Shit happens.

Seriously? A written complaint to governors? The teaching and support staff at your son's school are going to just love you.....

I would be upset about this too OP. I don't understand why so many of the replies here are minimising and downplaying it. How can it be appropriate for him to be undressed in front of other parents? I would discuss this with the teacher tomorrow.

How is it inappropriate InTheRoseGarden??

What do your dc wear on the beach or at the swimming baths ?

He wasn't naked, he had his pants on. He was stepping out the a pair of shorts and into his own trousers. It is a complete non-issue for a 5 yr old.

OP everyone on here just think teachers/teacher assistants can not do a damn thing wrong!
But they just human beings like us and make mistakes, you have every right to be concerned about you DS having to change in front of all those parents.
The TA may have been stressed out after a long day at the beach with the children, but like OP said she spoke to her after the weekend about the incident and she had a bad attitude! And didn't think anything of what she had done was wrong, when in fact the other reception teacher and head agreed with OP, so you had every right to write to board of governors.

There are a lot of safeguarding issue surrounding toileting issues. He cannot be in the cubical with another pupil. Full stop

Bollocks.

The safeguarding issues relate to adults around children not 5 year olds with other 5 year olds.

Whylie
they are human beings like us and make mistakes
So forgive them? That would be the kind thing to do. Or object to ‘attitude’ - what is she? A servant? And try and wreck her career. Over not very much. You decide.

the change to PE kit was communicated to the parents via the notice board outside of the classroom, it was a last minute change and because my son goes to breakfast and after school club I don’t ever see the notice board as I don’t go near his classroom, the teachers told me they would communicate things with me via notes in his book bag but they hadn’t been doing that for a while. I stand by my complaint, it clearly distressed my son and he’s at school to learn and also to have fun while learning, getting that distressed because of a TA is not acceptable.

I'm not sure this necessitated a letter to the governors. You stated that the teacher apologised, and the head also had a word with your son to make sure he was OK. What do you expect the governors to do?
I do sympathise with your situation, at that age I remember being mortified at the school nurse seeing me in my knickers, but would happily run around at home or on the beach in a pair of my brother's swimmers.

What do I expect the governors to do? As stated in my letter to them I want someone to explain to her what the issue is and why it should have never happened as she clearly didn’t see an issue. If she can understand the issue then hopefully it will stop this happening again. I also want her to apologise which if she had done in the first place the letter to the governors would never had gone out.

Your letter you the governors will just make you look like a tit Ch4rlieboy. And single you out as that parent.

It's a massive over reaction. School complaints policies go like this:

• express to the class teacher what the problem is and having it resolved there and then.
• if not resolved, go to Senior Management Team (head, deputy or assistant) explaining your problem and the outcome you want. Keep communication open with them until issue is resolved

• The Chair of Governors only check if what the head (or SMT) was fair and just. Governors do not resolve the issue themselves (unless exceptional circumstances). They are just there to say "yeah" or "nay" as to if the Head did a fair job.

All that will happen from you're letter to the governors is it will be battered back your the Head to say this matter still isn't closed. Head will contact, play lip-servic to what you want to hear. Get confirmation from you the matter is closed and that will be that.

This did not need a letter to the COG, it needed you to go back to the Head and ascertain that you are still not happy after your initial conversation because if X, Y and Z. Head could (can) resolve these within a matter of moments in a very low-key way. Then you wouldn't have been earmarked as That Parent so soon in your time at the school.

NB, and as full disclosure, I say all of this as
(a) a Primary Vice Chair of Governors
(b) a secondary parent governor
(c) a teacher myself
(d) a mother of 4 (aged 3-13)
(e) and a parent who gained the That Parent lable years ago in our primary school.

I can't believe some of the replies on here. If my child was made to be in their pants in front of parents I would be furious. It is embarrassing and many children this age would be humiliated by being made to do that.

Oh dear. One of "those" parents. You got an apology from the teacher and the head but you just couldn't stop yourself carrying it on.

Would you like the poor TA Hung drawn and quartered? Would that satisfy you? Or do you want her sacked?

She made an error of judgement at the end of a long tiring day. Why couldn't you just leave it at the double apology. You sound vindictive and unpleasant, OP. Your reputation will go before you in the staffroom now. So unnecessary.

I’m a teacher and completely agree with the OP.
For one, non uniform but everyone in PE kit; it is quite normal for children to already have their PE kits in school. Some parents don’t want to send it and keep it in school (reasons that are important to them and fine if PE kit is there on PE days).
Secondly, not understanding why a child is crying and adults only looking because he is crying is of course an adults reasons for looking BUT a five year old DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THIS AND SHOULDN’T BE EXPECTED TO!!! A five year old will see adults looking at them and naturally some will believe it’s becuaas they are almost naked in their underwear and not because they are crying. The staring will make the looking worse.
Thirdly, a child in a cubicle wit another child whilst they are waiting is in fact a common occurrence with YR. Yes it is to be discouraged but fucking frightening them to the point of sobbing is OTT and quite frankly abusive! There is no actual need to shout at a five year old. Especially if it is not a common occurrence with that particular child.
Fourthly, a child changing in full view of other parents is a gross breech is safe guarding. As a parent myself I would be outraged that my child was undressing in front of, ineffect, strangers. They know the kids but not necessarily the parents. FFS why not stand the kid in the playground to get dressed if it isn’t that much of an issue
Fifthly, whether the adults were hot or not and had a hoard of kids after a trip is NOT A GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE for losing your rag. You are a professional even at the end of the day and if in those circumstances you do blow, you apologise profusely.

Do some people forget or are simply ignorant about the expectations of the workplace?

Lastly, a TA who speaks rudely to a parent (or a parent believing so) IS something to complain about. And yes, an office complaint is the right thing to do as there was so many wrong-doings here.

I hope you get the answers you need as well as safe guarding being the upmost importance. Retraining is in order.