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Original poster

Should DD be punished by the school for a habit of chewing things?

111 replies

Sisel · 21/03/2018 20:19

So... I get to my DDs school earlier as was greeted my the deputy head asking if she could have a word. She then proceeded to tell me that my daughter had been in red Zone twice this week for chewing pencils when she’d been told not too.
For background so as not to drip feed:
My DD is nearly 6. She had no disabilities or behavioural issues and I’ve never had any concerns. She has however, always had a habit of chewing things that’s she hasn’t yet grown out of.
A few months ago, the class TA pulled my husband aside and said to him that strictly parent to parent the school was getting through loads of stationary as my daughter kept chewing on it and could we buy her a chew necklace to keep in school as she could chew on that instead of on the stationary. We obliged and bought her the necklace which she keeps in school.
Today, when the deputy head spoke to me I said “I understand you have to deal with bad behaviour but I really don’t consider this issue a behavioural issue and don’t think it should be linked to discipline as she’s not subconsciously doing it” she said “I see where your coming from but the chew necklace you got DD she’s now now saying hurts the back of her gums so she is reluctant to use it” then I said “can I get back to you as we are in a rush to get to swimming lessons” and that’s how I’ve left it.
When I got home I spoke to my husband and he said he’s glad I had the presence of mind to question them and that I should speak to them and say that we are happy to provide anything to aid her with the chewing habit so schools property isn’t damaged but that we don’t want her punished for chewing.
I did a bit of research and it seems to suggest that chewing of this nature is subconscious and it’s a way of them controlling anxiety amongst other things. I’m also wondering if the chew necklace is making her feel like she stands out as different to the other children.
My daughter was upset this evening as she’s already missed one break time this week for chewing, where she had to sit inside at break and think about her actions and now she has to miss another one tomorrow.
To add, I did check with the deputy and she said her being in red was purely to do with chewing and no other bad behaviour.
So....what do I do? How do I tackle it with the school? I’m anxious to maintain a good relationship with them but also mindful that my daughter is dealt with fairly.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 22/03/2018 07:10

Send her in with her own pencils. The school can't let her chew a shared resource - if nothing else it will spread germs about.

Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 07:16

I remember someone with a son with autism who told me the OTs around here have a year long waiting list.
My gut is that chewing in this instance is just one of those things that some people subconsciously do.
She doesn’t show any signs of dispraxia or anything like that.
I do understand that other people have to use the equipment and for hygiene reasons there’s no way I’d want my own daughter having to use someone’s chewed up pencil so I’ll buy her some pencils, pencil toppers etc for her own use.
I am going to speak to the deputy today about this punishment thing as I’m not happy about it.

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 22/03/2018 07:29

I think it’s ridiculous to be punished for this. So what if she wants to chew. Some children like to hold something to fiddle with, some like to chew. If they were concerned about her injesting wood or plastic I’d understand their point maybe but then they would be pointing you in the right direction not keeping her in at break.

Have you tried the teething necklaces. I had some for dc to fiddle with when I was bf. They tend to have different shapes and textures, wood, plastic etc.

GnotherGnu · 22/03/2018 07:37

It would help to get a diagnosis for her, if necessary by way of a private referral - it needs to be via a paediatrician or OT with qualifications in sensory integration. You will then be able to point out to the school that they have a duty to make reasonable adjustments and that punishing your daughter for having a disability is unlawful.

Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 08:13

Thankyou Gnother. Do you have an idea about how much a private referral would cost? I would definitely go down that route if the price was within our means.

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IceBearRocks · 22/03/2018 09:18

Can I ask what you are diagnosing her with ??? I want to chew. My DD chews her hair ...she doesn't have any issues she just does it idelly....

But her pencil toppers and sleeves and allow her own pencils. If she wants to chew ...
IMO if you are saying she has no other issues then why would you want a private diagnosis.

TheHungryDonkey · 22/03/2018 10:57

It’s worth trying an NHS OT before paying. We were referred in Bristol recently. We had an assessment at Southmead hospital and they sent an OT to our home to put things in place. We also went to a sensory workshop there which was really useful. It’s not all total doom and gloom on the NHS and they were very good.

LoopyLoo92 · 22/03/2018 11:18

I dont think this warrents being in the red zone. Our school red zone is usually for hitting or hurting a child. Even amber is for not listening/etc.

My son hums when he concentrates....he doesn't realise he's doing it. It came to a head last year when he came home upset that he had been told off by the head teacher as other children had complained about him humming. I asked why we hadn't been told about it sooner, why had the children not told him to stop, why hadn't they mentioned it to ta or teacher in class instead of going straight to the HT...

As for chewing....yes its a bad habit.... it probably wont be easy to break. Can you find some pencil toppers? or send her with her own stationary?

Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 14:00

So.... update I went and had a word with the deputy earlier and she was absolutely lovely 😊 she’d been thinking about it overnight and completely agreed with how we felt about it not being a punishable thing. I sometimes get a bit tongue tied or can’t articulate what I want to say but I managed to get my few points across is a kindly but firm way. She’s going to speak to the teachers to ensure that DD isn’t punished. I mentioned the stationary and they said they’ll sort it and I don’t need to worry about buying extra things. She’s going to speak to the Senco person and ask if they’ve ever had anyone with a chewing habit before and how they tackled it.
I might put her name down for the NHS OT but I’ve decided against paying privately as I don’t think it’s nexessary at this point.
Thanks for all those who responded I’ve learnt a lot...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 14:02

Excuse the poor grammar I’m typing one handed with a teething baby in the other arm

OP posts:
Juells · 22/03/2018 14:08

I'd buy some pencil toppers, or use the bits that come with bic biros, they'd probably fit on pencils. I can't see what's so disgusting about a little child chewing on the end of a pencil. It's a comfort thing. My younger child cut things with round-nosed paper scissors all the time - every childhood photo of her, she has lumps cut out off the bottom of her jumpers, off the sleeve turn-ups, lumps out of her fringe...children do things for no reason at all, just because. I think it's very mean of the school to punish her for something that's just a comforting habit.

SunshineAfterRain · 22/03/2018 14:23

I used to teach 2 children.
One continually chewed the rubber on his gym shoes.
The other child had diagnosed pica and would eat dirt etc.
Recent research is linking Pica to an iron difficency.
We never punished either. We always told them to stop. But neither where deliberate 'naughtiness' iykwim it is impossible for them to stop.

I would contact your gp. Cognitive therapy may help.
And personally I would give a kids multivitamin to see if it makes a difference.
Please meet with the school also they don't seem to understand this isn't a deliberate choice on your daughters part. She should not be punished.

SunshineAfterRain · 22/03/2018 14:30

Sorry I missed you latest post.
That's great they are being more understanding Smile

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/03/2018 14:35

DD did this but chewed the sleeve of her school jumper. She shouldn't be punished. You need to find something she can take into school to chew.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 22/03/2018 14:37

DD's chewing was sensory. She has issues with all 5 senses.

Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 15:00

I hope my daughter wasn’t made to stay inside and “think about her actions in silence” at playtime today. I pick her up shortly. If they made her stay in I’ll know that it hasn’t been sorted, if they didn’t I’ll know it has.
Can anyone tell me, I wrongly assumed that it was her teacher who was an NQT who was putting her in red zone and put it down to lack of experience but it wasn’t her it was the teacher and the TA who’ve been there years and years. Surely they must have come across kids who chew things over the years? Have they just punished them all? Maybe I’m overthinking it...

OP posts:
Juells · 22/03/2018 15:24

I must admit that it wouldn't have occurred to me for one second to consult the GP if my child was chewing pencils or twisting hair and sucking it, or sucking a sleeve. Shock

Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 15:35

I might have to ask MN to delete this thread as I think someone from the school has seen it and recognised the story

OP posts:
Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 15:40

As in someone at the school who knows my concerns has somehow read this

OP posts:
Original poster
Sisel · 22/03/2018 15:42

So much for an anonymous forum 🙈 more people must look at mumsnet than I realised.

OP posts:
TulipsandLilacs · 22/03/2018 16:05

Staff or parent?

bigarse1 · 22/03/2018 16:32

have a look into sensory processing disorder as she could have that? ive brought my children pencil toppers that are like chess pieces and they can chew on them. it might just be a case of finding what feels 'right' to her. you can get necklaces that are just like a pendant, maybe she would like something like that?

Mumofmyboy · 22/03/2018 16:45

OP - has you daughter ever had tics? Chewing can be a form of a tic and children with tics cannot control them and should never be punished for having tics - in fact bringing tics to their attention, especially in a negative way, can make the problem much worse.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 22/03/2018 23:39

I can't see what's so disgusting about a little child chewing on the end of a pencil.

The size of the child is irrelevant.
Other children will be expected to use the pencils that she has left saliva/germs on and which are damaged.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 23/03/2018 08:56

Or, as pps have said, she takes her own pencils.

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