Should DD be punished by the school for a habit of chewing things?

[Sisel]

So... I get to my DDs school earlier as was greeted my the deputy head asking if she could have a word. She then proceeded to tell me that my daughter had been in red Zone twice this week for chewing pencils when she’d been told not too.
For background so as not to drip feed:
My DD is nearly 6. She had no disabilities or behavioural issues and I’ve never had any concerns. She has however, always had a habit of chewing things that’s she hasn’t yet grown out of.
A few months ago, the class TA pulled my husband aside and said to him that strictly parent to parent the school was getting through loads of stationary as my daughter kept chewing on it and could we buy her a chew necklace to keep in school as she could chew on that instead of on the stationary. We obliged and bought her the necklace which she keeps in school.
Today, when the deputy head spoke to me I said “I understand you have to deal with bad behaviour but I really don’t consider this issue a behavioural issue and don’t think it should be linked to discipline as she’s not subconsciously doing it” she said “I see where your coming from but the chew necklace you got DD she’s now now saying hurts the back of her gums so she is reluctant to use it” then I said “can I get back to you as we are in a rush to get to swimming lessons” and that’s how I’ve left it.
When I got home I spoke to my husband and he said he’s glad I had the presence of mind to question them and that I should speak to them and say that we are happy to provide anything to aid her with the chewing habit so schools property isn’t damaged but that we don’t want her punished for chewing.
I did a bit of research and it seems to suggest that chewing of this nature is subconscious and it’s a way of them controlling anxiety amongst other things. I’m also wondering if the chew necklace is making her feel like she stands out as different to the other children.
My daughter was upset this evening as she’s already missed one break time this week for chewing, where she had to sit inside at break and think about her actions and now she has to miss another one tomorrow.
To add, I did check with the deputy and she said her being in red was purely to do with chewing and no other bad behaviour.
So....what do I do? How do I tackle it with the school? I’m anxious to maintain a good relationship with them but also mindful that my daughter is dealt with fairly.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you

Agree she could have sensory issues even with no evident other traits or behaviours. Ds used to chew and suck collars, tie, cuffs etc as a compensatory or comforting instinct. Gradually he gravitated towards having something more discreet in a pocket and blutak to fidget with while concentrating.

sisel I was diagnosed with anxiety as an adult... that was long after id stopped seriously chewing things but it may be linked so perhaps you should consider speaking to your gp? I mean it could be something completely different but clearly it is more of an issue than a simple habit.

She really shouldnt be actively punished for something that she does not seem to have that much control over. If it is indeed caused by anxiety punishing her will only make the whole thing worse. If her chewing is requiring a chew necklace etc then it has gone beyond being a habit that anyone could punish her out of!

You are right to ask the school not to punish her and instead to work with you in finding some sort of constructive way to deal with this.
Those pencil toppers seem like a good idea.

Chewing on things like this in children can be a sign of zinc deficiency.

Try giving a supplement or maybe even having levels tested.

I’m on the case ordering pencil toppers.
Do you think the schools pastoral manager might be able to help? She seems lovely.

I understand this is upsetting for you, OP, and I have no practical advice, but my niece was a chewer at school and unfortunately had few friends as a result. The other children found it “disgusting” and “gross”, so please do what you can to reduce the habit. You’ve had some useful suggestions here.

Absolutely! Pastoral manager or SENco will be able to help. If it's anxiety or needs to do it, then telling her to stop will only make it worse as she'll be more anxious about it and have to self-soothe more.

It can’t help to ask people.
I’m not sure ever describing 6 year old as gross is helpful.
Sensory seeking would be my thought. An ot with a background in sensory integration could really help- but it would probably have to be a private referral.
Talk to people, demonstrate that you care, are on same page over wanting to help and find a way to move forwards.
Good luck!

I would say just go straight to sendco.
Is it a private school? The fact you said ‘pastoral manager’ made me wonder?

Well the teachers have told me numerous times she’s extremely popular with her peers. She gets invited to all the parties and always has people calling after her on the playground saying “hi (daughters name) so far she’s not unpopular... hope that doesn’t change 😢

No it’s a state school but the pastoral team have an excellent reputation apparently, although I’ve never dealt with them as of yet.

Theyre right, the chewing does need to be worked on. Aside from a choking hazard, it's unhygienic and I immediately pictured if/when she borrows someones prize Smiggle pencil and starts gnawing away. She'll cause upset.

The teachers seem fair and give plenty of praise to DD when due. I’d like to work with them before someone’s prize pencil gets bitten (imagine moms whispering in the playground, he DD bit my DD pencil)

Miaow I could have cried at the first few comments. I’m already anxious about it all and am constantly trying to get her to stop. I’m so glad of your post it was like a reassuring hug. Thank you

Some people on here like to think they have perfect kids and love any opportunity to stick the boot in when other parents are struggling. Must make them feel better about themselves or something. They're not worth bothering with.

You're doing all the right things, ordering the chewy pencil toppers and getting in touch with the right people at the school to offer support. Might be worth having some kind of assessment done, just to see if there's anything more the school can be doing for help - it could just be a habit, or it could be linked to anxiety or some other sensory-related issue. I have ADHD and one of my fidgeting habits is chewing.

Do you think, if she had something like a fidget cube or a tangle or something like that, it might distract her from the chewing? It's a slightly less destructive, slightly more "socially acceptable" habit that - if it's anxiety or fidget-related - should have the same effect. If it's sensory related, the chewy pencil toppers should at least get the school off your back.

Don't be hard on yourself

So here is what I’ve written down so far: (excuse the imminent typos)
*possible sensory issues-possibly oral sensory issue-seeking rather than avoiding sensory feedback in her mouth.
*Prehaps don’t refer to it as a habit but call it stimming that provides her with security and comfort
*See Occupational Therapist-explore sensory seeking-sensory integration
*Buy some pencil toppers
*Explore Zinc deficiency possibility
*Ask for school counsellor and enquire about habit replacement therapy
*Ask about a reward system for not biting the pencil?

I chewed my pencils at that age and 30 years on I still do. I can't say it's had a massively negative impact on my life except I have to buy a couple of boxes of biros every 3 months because I eat them.

I do have dyspraxia and sensory issues. If my child is like me I'd simply provide his pencils and let him carry on. It's a non issue.

Googling fidget cube.. thank you

Oh I feel so sorry for her hearing a lot of adults describing her habit as disgusting 🙁 dd now 11, was ( still is!) a chewer. In our case it's sensory/ anxiety related but regardless I'd be horrified if anyone had described her like that. Punishing won't help a bit and I can't believe a School would do that! I actually find not mentioning it more useful. Chewigem do some bracelets that my dd had and a personal supply of pencils with chewy ends. Does she have any clothes preferences/ dislikes?

Sounds like sensory seeking. My dd is like this. I was advised to provide as much appropriate stimulation as possible to satisfy the urge. Electric toothbrush, crunchy foods (carrots etc) for lunch, big curly straws for drinking, Malteser races where you blow through a straw, chew necklaces/pencil toppers, strong flavoured food, ice lolly’s, etc etc.
It has worked fantastically. She still chews occasionally but not in an obsessive way.

I’d be asking to see the SENCO and I’d also phone or take her to the gp to ask for advice. She’s not doing it on purpose, I would be so upset if my child got punished for doing something like that.
I would make an appointment with her teacher as soon as possible and say you don’t want her punished and suggest some ways of dealing with it.

I used to do that when I was a child. I can still remember the sensation now. Its definitely a sensory thing. I don't chew pencils now but will occasionally chew plastic pen lids if I'm not thinking and slip straight back into that childhood thing. I never got told off for it at school. Unless I inadvertently chewed someone else's pencil that I'd borrowed.

I have a few children in my class who have their own stuff (well, school's but not handed out each lesson) because they chew/put stuff in mouths. It is gross, but there are worse crimes out there!

I'm split. There are children who need replacement fiddle things and there are children who just need to stop fucking about and learn some basic social skills. Without knowing your dd it's impossible to tell. Hopefully your school is supportive.

Useless posts saying you need to sort it with absolutely no advice how op should sort it

I'd speak to the school nurse or the SENCO for some advice op.

...and there are children who just need to stop fucking about and learn some basic social skills

And people let you teach children??
I feel very sorry for anybody with kids in your class....you must be so super supportive....especially for those with SEND difficulties. Or do you tell their parents they should stop f*in about too?