Should DD be punished by the school for a habit of chewing things?

[Sisel]

So... I get to my DDs school earlier as was greeted my the deputy head asking if she could have a word. She then proceeded to tell me that my daughter had been in red Zone twice this week for chewing pencils when she’d been told not too.
For background so as not to drip feed:
My DD is nearly 6. She had no disabilities or behavioural issues and I’ve never had any concerns. She has however, always had a habit of chewing things that’s she hasn’t yet grown out of.
A few months ago, the class TA pulled my husband aside and said to him that strictly parent to parent the school was getting through loads of stationary as my daughter kept chewing on it and could we buy her a chew necklace to keep in school as she could chew on that instead of on the stationary. We obliged and bought her the necklace which she keeps in school.
Today, when the deputy head spoke to me I said “I understand you have to deal with bad behaviour but I really don’t consider this issue a behavioural issue and don’t think it should be linked to discipline as she’s not subconsciously doing it” she said “I see where your coming from but the chew necklace you got DD she’s now now saying hurts the back of her gums so she is reluctant to use it” then I said “can I get back to you as we are in a rush to get to swimming lessons” and that’s how I’ve left it.
When I got home I spoke to my husband and he said he’s glad I had the presence of mind to question them and that I should speak to them and say that we are happy to provide anything to aid her with the chewing habit so schools property isn’t damaged but that we don’t want her punished for chewing.
I did a bit of research and it seems to suggest that chewing of this nature is subconscious and it’s a way of them controlling anxiety amongst other things. I’m also wondering if the chew necklace is making her feel like she stands out as different to the other children.
My daughter was upset this evening as she’s already missed one break time this week for chewing, where she had to sit inside at break and think about her actions and now she has to miss another one tomorrow.
To add, I did check with the deputy and she said her being in red was purely to do with chewing and no other bad behaviour.
So....what do I do? How do I tackle it with the school? I’m anxious to maintain a good relationship with them but also mindful that my daughter is dealt with fairly.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thank you

Miaow, no-one writes that OP's child is disgusting or repulsive. Your cursing of other people's children on the other hand is disgusting.

My DS also has his bad habbits which the school doesn't help with. I don't want him to grow up and still do them so sometimes I have to tell him off for his own good. Even now it doesn't look good.
I do apologise OP if I didn't sound nice but I probably have imagined my DS doing it and what I would have done. He did quite a bit of damage with his chewing as well but nothing as sever as in your case.

I was a chewer - at school we all had our own pencil cases, so it was only my pencils that got chewed and it wasn't a huge problem. I have ASD (Aspergers) and I find it much, much easier to concentrate if I am chewing or - even worse, since I don't know I'm doing it - humming tunelessly. The chewing I stopped, I think as I went into secondary school and realised it looked "babyish" which was something the other girls called me quite a lot, but the tuneless humming and whistling persists to this day. I drive people nuts but I honestly don't realise I'm doing it! (and I do stop when it's pointed out)

I would also recommend contacting Chewigem for suggestions, I've bought from them before and they are very good.

I sympathize OP, also having a chewer (who has ASD). This isn’t a UK website but it has lots of examples of different chew toys which might be useful:

Thinking Toys

If someone has an answer how to stop chewing pens I'd love to hear it because I'm 42 and I still do it now! I don't realise I'm doing ignore most of the time: my pen just automatically makes its way into my mouth.

I have ASD and I'm a sensory seeker. Nice to know that so many people on here find me so repugnant 😐

There’s some good advice on here. I can’t work out if you are in the UK or not, but it sounds like she would possibly benefit from an OT referral. Does she have any other ‘quirks’?

The thing with sensory processing is it’s sometimes trial and error. Just because a chew necklace is designed to be chewed doesn’t mean it feels right or gives the right sensory feedback.

My son was always sucking his clothes. I bought him a load of muslin cloths because it is a bit grim finding wet duvets and clothes by surprise.

But she shouldn’t be punished for this. Absolutely not. A meeting with the Senco is useful in this situation.

Am saddened at the lack of understanding on the first page.

Though this made me laugh Why don't you suggest booking some sessions with the school counsellor to explore the possibility of underlying anxiety and to put in place some habit replacement therepy. How many Primary schools have 'a school counsellor ?

I agree with you 100% that this isn't a behaviour issue as in 'well behaved / naughty' that should be 'punished'. It is a behaviour issue as in sensory seeking. Seeing an OT would be ideal, but specialist OTs are like hens teeth around here so there might be a wait, and the school might not be able to refer (Education can't refer here, it has to come from a HCP - might be different in your authority). So might be worth getting your GP to make a referral asap, as could well be a long waiting list.

Absolutely no other quirks at all. I’ve never had any concerns and neither has anyone else.
I am in the UK maybe mom might have thrown you as here we say mom (although they teach mum at school) what is SENCO? I think I’ve heard of it but don’t know what it is.

Backforgood Actually, the school does have a counsellor, I remember them saying on the look round the school...

Verbena, like I said, there are lots of children with very good reasons for chewing etc. I do, out of my own money, buy different fidget stuff for children in my class. Am always open to different ideas to support children.

Obviously punishment was not appropriate.

You were very rude.

A Senco is the person who deals with children with any additional needs. I’m not saying your child has, but they can help you make sure things like your pencil toppers are in place and used. If school staff have an issue with the chewing, the Senco would be the ideal person to speak to, especially with the list you already have. Senco stands for Special Educational Needs Co ordinator. Don’t be put off by the title. They should help you make sure your child is being treated fairly, especially if she has a sensory or anxiety need causing her to chew things.

I find it absolutely shocking that she was punished for this, and that some people here feel its reasonable.

I used to chew everything - apart from pencils actually because the taste is horrible - but I loved chewing jersey jumpers. Also jaw clench and teeth grind at night - so that's obviously not even conscious.

It's not "bad behaviour". Is this stuff at schools normal?! If it is, I'm homeschooling DS! . I'd be so upset if this happened with my son.

See the school counsellor/ get a letter from your GP.

@Anarchist "it's a non issue"

Exactly! - or at least it should be

I'm a grown woman and still chew this . I have my own pens at work because if I'm using a pen without even thinking about it I'm chewing it !! Bits of plastic , whatever can't help it always have . I have had anxiety on and off since childhood though and have always used comfort behaviours like this which I'm guessing this is ( with me )
Nice to know I'm gross though 😂

I have a chewer. He's 8. Doesn't appear to want for friends. It drives dh nuts, but I think it's sensory and am reluctant tobollock him.for the equivalent of chewing his hair. He also flaps, but is becoming aware and stops himself in certain circumstances. I also think ds may :) ave dyspraxia or dsd but school look puzzled when I mention it. I teach secondary and we seem to be much more on the ball re Sen than my dc school.

I chew pens and pencils religiously and always have. I am not anxious. Utterly subconscious. Not sure I could stop if I wanted to. I am some way past 35 and have a very senior job.if I can’t stop I can’t imagine how difficult it must be if you are six. Probably worth giving her her own pencils etc and telling her not to chew other peoples stuff but definitely not something that deserves punishment.

backforgood would you always seek OT for this behaviour? I have a child that does this The Human Mothboy - like thehungrydonkey's Ds, it's cloth he chews, not hard things.

Magnus - as I said, OT's trained in sensory stuff are in very short supply in our authority, so I wouldn't be surprised to be told I couldn't get that far, but I would if I could, yes.
Like all these things though - it depends how much it impacts on their life. I've known several people who chew hair or jumper cuffs etc even as adults, and, if it doesn't bother them, then live and let live I say, but if it were impacting on the way my dc was being treated, then I would.

Backforgood- hope you don't mind, I have pmed you.

I use these in my class for a child who needs to chew. They are a sleeve that slips over an ordinary pencil.

My D'S has sensory processing issues. The school referred her to paediatric OT who gave us and the school lots of ideas to help. Ask to speak to the senco and point out to the deputy head that they should be helping and should be able to recognise sensory behaviour in a child. On a practical note as others have said, chew toys, fiddle toys, pencil toppers, her own pencil case will all help.

Pead OT services (like most) are massively over stretched (our trust has one at the moment!), most areas haven’t got the funding to do anything sensory related even for those who are screaming out for it. Sadly I don’t think pencil chewing is going to be accepted by an OT referral team

There are some great ideas on here though of things that can help direct the chewing to more suitable products or to fiddling which is more ideal

I still chew pens OP - haven’t lost any friends because of it. I do find it annoying when I break my pens though. I still don’t notice I do it. I also chew my nails & used to chew jumpers (my 13 year old does that now - drives me mad). I hold a lot of stuff in my mouth when running out of hands - so presumably am a bit tactile with my mouth. I would stop chewing pens if I could tbh - largely due to hygiene - but it really isn’t easy as telling her.

I’m not an anxious person - am generally seen as pretty robust (my robustness has been well and truly tested over the last year or so)

Punishing her is crazy - and more likely to increase anxiety than just reminding her.

Definitely get her her own pencils. In terms of chewing bracelets and necklaces they vary a lot in terms of how soft/hard they are. My eldest son who is severely autistic bites things really hard when upset and has shredded through sweatshirts etc (god knows how he didn’t rip his teeth out). I bought him a range of chewable things. He seems to like the softer squishier tubey ones (and they seemed the nicest to me) - some are very hard. The soft are more noticeable to anyone sat near her though. There is a wide range so may be worth seeking a discreet style so she doesn’t stand out.

In terms of OT - my severely autistic son who has very intense sensory needs that impact directly and severely on his behaviour couldn’t get community OT. Even if you did they’d just tell you about chew toys. You’re better off just trialing things yourself

It would be good if you could provide her with her own set of stationery so she wasn't chewing stuff the school had paid for or needed to be used by other children.