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Upset Mummy AIBU

57 replies

MarvelMummy13 · 20/09/2017 21:32

I was looking for a little advice on the following situation. Sorry its so long .

I have received a phone call from my partner whilst I was at work today explaining the following scenario. Bearing in mind my child walks home with her friend and their mummy from school and by the time they walk home I'm home from work or my partner is depending on my work rota. Tonight I was on the late shift so he picked her up

My partner picked up our child from said friends house at which he was told by this lovely lady that she had been called into the class at the end of the school day to both of our children sat on a mat with another child.

She was told that the children had smeared paint over their hands on the back and the front and then put their hands on each other including their shirts and then had put their hands on another child who wasn't involved and got paint all over this child and on items in the room. The other mother was then told to tell me how my child had misbehaved today. The teacher said our children didn't show any remorse when told it was wrong and were devious and for their actions the children were told to sit in the quiet corner and were excluded from a tea party in the afternoon and told to stay there until their mothers came . My child had said sorry originally when she did it but was told to apologise again at the end of the day and the teachers were apologising to the parent with paint on their shirt . I know for a fact if I or any of her nursery teachers slightly raised their voices my daughter would be extremely upset and quiet she always has been this way.

The three teachers were stood up and the two children were sat on the floor. The other mother said she felt like she was being told off through the children and the children were being looked down on now parenting and child development classes often tell you to be on the same level as your child . Its was unnecessarily intimidating.

Now these are my issues with the following situation. All three children started school for the first time ever 2 weeks ago. All the children attended the same private nursery which is just next to the school and not part of it and in this nursery I cannot count the number of times I brought my child home and she was absolutely caked in mud and paint and the nursery had told me she was playing and they encourage them to get messy and I often walked in to children running around with paint everywhere It was called messy play. I understand the children shouldn't do this now if these are the rules of the school but 2 weeks ago they were in nursery and when we explained this the teacher said it was just naughty and devious. At 4 years old my child is extremely attentive smart and caring especially to others I do not want her labelled as the bad child because I swear she is not she helps me when I've been extremely poorly and is so thoughtful bringing me blankets and helping me around the house.

They should have been told once and said its not acceptable in school now and then they should have moved on . How long were they sat on this mat watching other children enjoy a tea party and being excluded. Why was I not called and why were they passing messages through another parent. Also this was also done in front of another 6 or 7 pupils why was it not done in private . Where were the teachers when the children were caking themselves in paint ? If this is so appalling then why last week when my daughters friend put permanent marker on her cardigan did someone not come and speak to me and apologise

Both myself and the other mummy are extremely devastated by how our children were treated today as its been a rough first week and a half with them both being extremely nervous and even tears on the doorstep of school in a morning i'm worried after this ...no I know after this tomorrow It will be a struggle to get her through the door. They've been there 2 weeks !

I've spoken to the other mother, my SIL and my two of my work colleagues who are involved with working with children in a workplace setting and the other mother has spoken to her family member who is a HV and they've all said it was handled terribly . I just don't know how to proceed Im not happy at all

OP posts:
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Littlefish · 20/09/2017 21:43

She won't be labelled as a bad child. The best thing you can do is to remind your child about appropriate behaviour and then just forget about it. This really isn't a big deal.

user789653241 · 20/09/2017 21:48

I think putting paint all over the child who wasn't involved, and on the items in the room, is not acceptable behaviour imo.
My ds got covered in paint many times(by accident), but done it to himself, so it wasn't a big issue.
But once my ds's hair was covered in paint by another child on purpose, ds told me that other child was in trouble, and made to apologise to him.
And teacher came out to talk to me about it at pick up. I would imagine that other parents must have been told by teacher as well.

user789653241 · 20/09/2017 21:50

Oh, for got to say, I agree with littlefish. Most of the kids get into trouble.
They don't label the child, especially young ones because of silly incident.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 20/09/2017 21:52

It sounds like they were pretty naughty TBH. Saying it was OK in nursery (really?) doesn't excuse it.

I agree with Littlefish that you should have a chat with your DD about using equipment in the way she's been asked to and move on.

MarvelMummy13 · 20/09/2017 21:52

I completely get that I agree, Ive explained that to my child and I don't disagree it was not good behaviour. I would even offer to buy a new shirt if its needed we've actually found out it was the third child who put it on the other child. But its just how it was handled is my issue .

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MarvelMummy13 · 20/09/2017 21:53

oh and I hated it in nursery all the children ruined clothes but we were told over and over to let them be children and not to dress them up for nursery and its all development blah blah

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shivermytimbers · 20/09/2017 21:54

Sorry but I think the teacher probably acted fairly. If she doesn't make it clear that this sort of behaviour is inappropriate to both your child and others in the class there would be mayhem pretty quickly. If the children know how to conduct themselves, ultimately it benefits everyone as the teacher can plan more interesting craft activities knowing that she won't have to spend her evening tidying up the mess and apologising to parents for ruined clothes

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 20/09/2017 21:55

In the first week of reception two children drew all over my child

Neither parent said anything to me when the teacher was talking to all of us and one of the parents attempted to blame my child

She then refused to let the two children talk to each other outside of school and within another few weeks moved her child to a different school

I dont think they will label your child at all, loads of littleones do 'naughty' things

I really wouldnt worry too much about it, but i can imagineit must be very stressful for you

purplecollar · 20/09/2017 21:56

It's nothing. Forget it. They need to know it's not on now is all. I think you feel really conspicuous when something like this happens in reception with your dc. But over time, everyone gets called in for something or other. This is low on the scale of embarrassment on the whole. Make light of it. The more you make of it, the more others will remember it. Not for the paint smearing. But for the overreaction of the parents.

Expemsiveuniform · 20/09/2017 21:56

You need to put it to bed. Your child misbehaved and was punished. School isn't nursery and making excuses won't help you. You've got to realise they can't do things like that surely?

Is she your first? That's the sort of thing I'd have been upset about with my eldest but by the time no3 came along I realised it happens.

Brandnewstart · 20/09/2017 21:57

My ds1 did this twice at that age, totally covered as were three of his friends. Although I did wonder how they managed to be quite so covered without being spotted earlier, I also made him make a card to say sorry to the teacher as it was a big mess for her to clear up.
It's one of life's lessons and not really a big deal!

2014newme · 20/09/2017 21:58

You're being ridiculous. Nobody is saying she is bad, she behaved badly is what they're saying.
Be "devastated" with her behaviour I can't see school has done anything wrong

MarvelMummy13 · 20/09/2017 21:59

Expemsiveunitform she is very much my first and only maybe thats it ...however the other children involved both are not the first haha .

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user789653241 · 20/09/2017 22:00

Your dd has done something naughty. She was punished. It really doesn't matter if it was actually the third child or your dd.
Just move on.

Expemsiveuniform · 20/09/2017 22:01

You weren't called because it's no biggie.

starpatch · 20/09/2017 22:02

It does sound very harsh given that your child only just started school. My DS reception class had a thinking corner and occasionally later in year a child might miss playtime eg if they hit another child but not at the beginning of the year. Hope she goes in okay tomorrow OP.

Expemsiveuniform · 20/09/2017 22:02

The only reason I asked was because you might take that kind of thing to heart more with no1. Not to excuse the behaviour.

2014newme · 20/09/2017 22:03

@starpatch but that's exactly what happened, they sat in the quiet corner

2014newme · 20/09/2017 22:04

Op yabu and over reacting with all this telling all the family and health visitor
😂.
How can you say it was intimidating, you weren't there! 2nd hand news!
Move on you are likely to have far worse in your child school career!

AdalindSchade · 20/09/2017 22:05

Why do you keep referring to adult women as mummy?
Your dd was naughty, she got told off. Get over it. You can't be this precious all her life.

MarvelMummy13 · 20/09/2017 22:08

how long would you leave a child in quiet corner 2014newme . Im genuinely interested in how long you think is appropriate given they are just 4. And I don't mean that sarcastically.

Expensive : I understood what you were saying but all of the mothers have reacted the same which is why I said it was my first so maybe that was why i reacted this way but and not theirs

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2014newme · 20/09/2017 22:09

I I'm not sure how long I'd leave them there. Half an hour?
The op doesn't know, it could have been 5 mins.

MarvelMummy13 · 20/09/2017 22:10

Adalindschade I apologise. After all this is all I have been called for years I have forgotten mine and their names

Thanks everyone for your input

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2014newme · 20/09/2017 22:12

Your mummy friend needs to calm down about this too youve been winding eachother up

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 20/09/2017 22:15

I'm going to go against the grain here.

I don't think the teacher was being reasonable for two reasons.

It isn't good practice to tell parent a about child b's behaviour. If it was serious enough to call the parent in after school, they should have spoken to that parent about their child and called you separately. It doesn't matter that the children were both involved, it's the teacher who should be talking to the parents as they were the ones in control. How did no one notice that they were painting their hands front to back? Devious is also an unpleasant word to use if that's what was actually said.

Secondly, they are 4 and have only just started school. If it had been me, I would have absolutely told them off and I would have said that I would be telling their parents but I wouldn't have let them miss out on a treat so early in their school life. Too early for sanctions that harsh. Tell the parents and see how the behaviour progresses.

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