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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My daughters SAT

66 replies

user1499673395 · 10/07/2017 09:34

Hello all,
I am very new to posting and on the site, I do often do google searching and always come on here for advice, tips etc.
So, about me, I have one daughter she is the youngest in her class. So she is getting ready this September for 'big school' is she ready, yes she is, are her parents - hell no!
Last year we were talked to about SAT's I am very lucky to have lots of friends that are teachers, tutors etc so I do know how unimportant the SAT's are in terms of where they take your child their words not mine...so I do feel very strongly about this issue.

My daughter is bright, she tries her best in everything she does and boy did she try her best in these SAT's.
On parents evening we were told she aced at everything apart from Maths so we got a tutor who is a maths professor and was wonderful, and he did tell us that SAT's this year would be harder.
My daughter did not pass the mark, and we decided to tell her different.
We felt that she is 10 and due to the fact that they bare absolutely no importance on where she will be at her time doing her GCSE's we gave it a lot of thought and decided to tell her that she passed anyway.....we just feel that telling her she failed would really knock her and we understand that a child has to have disappointments in life but in this case, we felt that they were not important.....
I am also glad that I did, her little face of relief, stating that she had been 'really worried' really chocked me up if I am honest.
A 10 year old child - really worried about it all, and its not because of us, I can tell you that although she is our only child we are quite cool parents actually.
This is our reason for telling her that she has passed. The first one being that SAT marks really do not matter at all, that they are for the school.
Imagine us telling her that she didnt pass? Imagine all that hard work we have put in, working on making our girl a strong, caring person who excels at music, English and more importantly has the most beautiful manners you have ever seen....
Imagine the confidence knocked right out of her just because she didn't quite get a couple of marks???
She has gone to school today, knowing that she worked hard, because she did, because we even paid for tutors and she literally missed it by a few points. I am glad that we decided to tell her that, a 10 year old should not be worrying about exams, although her worry does tell me how hard she was working, because she was tutored twice per week and had extra lessons - asked for by her by the way, we did not force this at all - that is how we know she worked hard.
A few of my school yard parents were quite disappointed in their child for 'failing' that it was the schools fault or some of them bragging at how wonderful their child is that they will go into top sets etc.... whilst I applaud mums and dads in the yard that I have become very fond of them over the years, I cant help but wonder the pressure they have put on their child.
Gifts such as new dog, holidays for passing them and allowing the bragging on the yard to commence this morning, when I was asked, I just said my daughter passed and she is happy.....
When my daughter was 5, she came with me on my graduation as I got my law degree, it was the hardest thing I have ever done since she was a baby all she has ever known is me studying and having a baby starting university was very hard....but what it has done is show her how to apply herself and so I decided to tell her how fabulous she is and how hard she has worked as she doesnt need her confidence knocked for nothing and now what will happen is she will apply herself in the future still!!!!
To see my little girl this morning happy, non the wiser, no confidence destroyed because she has failed has been the correct decision.....
I know some people would disagree but honestly I cant tell you how unimportant they are compared to what is really important like manners, playing out, friendships, family and knowing that your child did her best....that was good enough for me!

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FlowersandBees · 10/07/2017 09:52

I think you are so wrong. You have lied to your daughter. In effect you think her results are not good enough. There is a good risk she will find out. How do you think this will affect her? My son's teacher told him his SATS results and they will also be in his report.

Str4ngedaysindeed · 10/07/2017 09:58

How do you mean 'failed'? Did she get under 100 in all the tests?

cheeseandvino · 10/07/2017 10:01

I think you have made a mistake - no point lying even if you somehow did it with good intentions.

I think you have just made the sats result overly important by going to lengths to hide the result - and your dd turned up and did the test. It isn't like she gave up - if she gave it her best shot and you are hiding and misrepresent the outcome - what is the point?

I am sorry for the pressure you felt under.

I think as a parent you need to encourage resilience.

CJCreggsGoldfish · 10/07/2017 10:01

The problem you have is that you've sent her mixed messages. On the one hand you're saying that SAT's marks don't matter, but you got her a tutor, which would suggest otherwise and then lied to her when she did fail - this suggests to me that they do in fact matter very much.

Lying to her is just plain wrong though. She may tell her friends she's passsd, only to discover later through school that's she failed. How is she supposed to handle that? She'll have lied to her friends because the people she trusts most lied to her. You'd have been better telling her the truth, and telling her you think she's brilliant regardless.

FlowersandBees · 10/07/2017 10:02

Indeed...there is no pass or fail in KS2 SATS. A score of 100 or over means they have reached the expected level for their age and they are secondary ready.
I agree that SATS are not too important in the grand scheme of things BUT lying to your child is very bad in my view.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 10/07/2017 10:04

I also disagree, although I understand why you did it.

Obviously if she finds out, it might be fine but it might give rise to all sorts of insecurities for her...that she's not good enough, that she can't be honest because you value 'success' above all else, that 'failure' is something to be hidden away rather than used positively, that your expectations for her are misplaced.

Even if she doesn't find out, she's starting secondary where results can't be hidden away. She may wonder why she's gone from passing to struggling more, if that happens.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 10/07/2017 10:05

I could not watch my DD go off head held high, full of confidence etc based on a lie. Her classmates will probably be talking about their scores today, what will you say if she comes home and asks what hers were? If she can see the letter/email? We will get DD's today, there is no way I would get away with lying about it, she's going to want to know her exact scores. She may not pass (dyslexic) but I can't hide her results from her. We've had the discussions about what they mean and why they are only a tiny thing in comparison with the rest of her life, if the results prove to be disappointing then so be it. Equally if they turn out higher than expected there will be no huge celebrations.

Original poster

user1499673395 · 10/07/2017 10:09

no, I am not wrong, honestly, her little face on Friday when I read her report and also the sat results were in there too....
It was not a decision we took lightly and involved myself, husband, other family members on how unimportant the marks are anyway, so why tell her she has 'FAILED' when they do not matter! We were going to tell her she had 'FAILED' but how do you explain that to a 10 year old, 'all that practice you did, all that tutoring you asked for didnt work because you failed anyway'???
So no, we as parents did not lie to her, we instilled even more confidence in her.
I saw children today where parents are massively disappointed in them because 'she failed' he failed....cant believe it.
My child is in an orchestra, she plays the violin, she is 10, and put a violin in her hand and she excels, give her English, macbeth, of mice and men which she has already started to study and she excels, it was her maths that she failed in.
That word FAIL is so unfair and so we decided to tell her that she has passed, she missed it by around 2 marks or something and its not important.
The most important thing, I would like to point out is that my child is still confident. Unlike some children today feeling massively under confident and feeling like they let their parents down - my child feels non of that....

OP posts:

Parker231 · 10/07/2017 10:10

Why if you believe that the SAT results are unimportant, did you get your DD a maths tutor? You signaled to her that she was doing poorly in this subject and put her under pressure.

Now you have lied to her, if she finds out, is she going to trust you again? You would have been better praising her efforts rather than the results. Congratulate her on hard work and encourage her to accept that sometimes you don't succeed. You have made it harder for her to cope with the ups and downs she will face during the rest of her school years.

Mumski45 · 10/07/2017 10:14

But its you who is labelling it as a fail. You don't have to use that kind of language to tell her the truth. You can be truthful without being so emotive about it.

She will find out at school and she will be confused. You should be honest with her.

LIZS · 10/07/2017 10:15

Who has used the word "Fail"? Most reports I've read avoid using such negative language and focus on progress. Is that your interpretation of her below 100 score?

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 10/07/2017 10:23

One of the biggest skills in the world, for success at exams, work, mental health, successful relationships, is resilience.

You are not helping her to develop this by hiding away what you clearly perceive to be a failure (even though it is no such thing).

Lying to your children about their achievements and skills is never a good thing. It sounds like you have plenty to celebrate - her musical ability, her work ethic ? Her very genuine achievements will pale into insignificance if she finds you have been lying to her.

Original poster

user1499673395 · 10/07/2017 10:24

I totally understand why you all think i have lied to my daughter, but it was really discussed with teacher, family etc and it was quite strange that although she has excelled in everything she did not gain in Maths.
In her mind, she is working very hard, if we told her that she has passed then she continues to work hard.
If we told her she had failed and lets work on it harder....she has already been working very hard on it.

So we decided to tell her that she passed and how fantastic she is, because she really is fantastic and that is all she needs to know.
She would never find out, there is no reason why she would.
My nephew last year got the worst results out of his class and that lesson watching him struggle this year in his first year of secondary, the failing, the lack of confidence the whole thoughts put on that SAT result has been awful for him.
Why would I instil confidence, manners hard work in a child and then tell her that she has failed for a few lousy points?
Our parenting is probably a bit different to others, we do not believe in competing, we are older parents as we waited for careers etc my husband doesn't believe in the SAT system. If it was up to him we would be travelling the world with no shoes on, on our boat and with all his money!!!
However, until then, I hold my head up high knowing that those lousy points mean nothing and i have made the correct decision for my little girl.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 10/07/2017 10:24

I understand your reasoning but I think it's the wrong decision.

Where does it say she has failed? That is your spin on it.

SoupDragon · 10/07/2017 10:25

I totally understand why you all think i have lied to my daughter,

That's because you have lied to her.

VonHerrBurton · 10/07/2017 10:28

If she didn't reach the required mark 'by a couple of points ' and 'aced' everything else, is very talented in other areas, then THAT is what you focus on. That and how proud you all are of her.

She will find out something is amiss as immediate setting was done in my ds' high school based on sat results, it was very fluid and a lot moved around by Christmas of Y7, but she won't be in maths top set.

As mentioned already sats aren't important but you've made it out to be by lying to her. I was amazed at how little you hear from high schools compared to primary. She will be given test results directly, before you. Let her build a thicker skin, you'll wish you had.

FlowersandBees · 10/07/2017 10:28

I think you are being extremely unfair to your child. To lie about the result is disgraceful. I would have praised my son whether he got 99 or 109 or 119....
SATS results are used to set GCSE predicted results. She may wonder why her predicted GCSE grade are lower that others who "passed" the SATS.
Are you ashamed of her results? seems to me you are.

SoupDragon · 10/07/2017 10:29

Our parenting is probably a bit different to others, we do not believe in competing, we are older parents as we waited for careers etc my husband doesn't believe in the SAT system.

I don't believe in competing as such. I told my DC that provided they did their very best, the result didn't matter. With the older two I always focused on the effort grade in their school reports and made it clear that that is the most important thing. I never lied to them about things like this.

I am also an older parent (certainly with DD) who doesn't believe in the SATs system.

Theresnonamesleft · 10/07/2017 10:32

Why do you keep saying fail? She didn't fail, she was 2 marks under. So she got 98 or118.
If you think she will never find out you are deluded. She will want to read the report herself at some point.

eatingtomuch · 10/07/2017 10:37

I disagree and think she will find out. SATs results are used at secondary to look at the progress needed at GCSE to meet the new progress 8 standard. Schools will set core subjects based on SATs results. Your DD will wonder why she is not in the same maths sets as her peers who also passed.
I work in numerous schools and some secondary schools have the SATs results for KS2 on the reports (not many but I have seen them on a couple).
She may even be put in maths booster groups at secondary because she did not meet the grade. How will you explain that to her?

I really do believe she will find out and that would worry me if I were you. How awful would it be if she was told at her secondary school in front of her peers.

eyebrowsonfleek · 10/07/2017 10:39

I think that it's sad that she was aware that pass/fail was determined by a number.

I would have told her that she'd done brilliantly and you were proud of her hard work - especially in maths. I'd maybe listed a few skills she'd picked up in the last 12 months (long division, algebra, decimals etc.)
If she's worked hard and improved her scores then that's a big fat pass imo.

I learned Macbeth and Of Mice and Men for O level. I think she'd be thrilled to know that her English is so good that she's smart as I was at age 14-16. (I got a B in English Lit ) m

I think that she'll be aware of her weakness in maths next year when she's in a low set. Have you considered what you'll tell her then?

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 10/07/2017 10:40

Yup also an older parent, also not into competing academically. 3 children with very differing abilities.

Still do not get your thinking at all. Childhood is a long list of little learning experiences. This was an opportunity to learn.

We cannot always make our children happy but we can do our best to make them strong and accepting of themselves.

Your messages makes me think of all those perfectionist girls who feel they have to do well at everything. The pressure.

There's a lot right with making them realise that no they aren't always good at everything, and that's absolutely fine.

VonHerrBurton · 10/07/2017 10:41

'Not competitive' you're kidding me, right?

Did you say her teacher thought it would be a good idea to lie about her sats results ? Really?

Ginorchoc · 10/07/2017 10:42

I get why you've done it and can't say I wouldn't have done the same, you're saying confidence is the key here to building her up, all children are different and you've done what you think is best for your child. With luck our school didn't do SATS. I guess if she does find out it could lead to trust issues?

Marv1nGay3 · 10/07/2017 10:43

The SATS results have no bearing on her future, as you say, and are mainly about testing whether the school is doing a good job. I have a daughter in Y6 and there is no way I would have got her a tutor for maths to pass the SATS. And why lie to her? If you really believe them to be unimportant then why not have an honest chat with your DD about how it's just testing the school, it really doesn't matter that much etc. She may be disappointed but would be able to move on. How will she feel when she finds out she has been lied to by her mum who obviously thinks these tests are so important that they are worth lying to her daughter over? I am sure you have done this because you love your daughter but I think it is short term thinking, sorry. Will you do this every time she does not do as well at something as you would have hoped?

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