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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

My daughters SAT

66 replies

user1499673395 · 10/07/2017 09:34

Hello all,
I am very new to posting and on the site, I do often do google searching and always come on here for advice, tips etc.
So, about me, I have one daughter she is the youngest in her class. So she is getting ready this September for 'big school' is she ready, yes she is, are her parents - hell no!
Last year we were talked to about SAT's I am very lucky to have lots of friends that are teachers, tutors etc so I do know how unimportant the SAT's are in terms of where they take your child their words not mine...so I do feel very strongly about this issue.

My daughter is bright, she tries her best in everything she does and boy did she try her best in these SAT's.
On parents evening we were told she aced at everything apart from Maths so we got a tutor who is a maths professor and was wonderful, and he did tell us that SAT's this year would be harder.
My daughter did not pass the mark, and we decided to tell her different.
We felt that she is 10 and due to the fact that they bare absolutely no importance on where she will be at her time doing her GCSE's we gave it a lot of thought and decided to tell her that she passed anyway.....we just feel that telling her she failed would really knock her and we understand that a child has to have disappointments in life but in this case, we felt that they were not important.....
I am also glad that I did, her little face of relief, stating that she had been 'really worried' really chocked me up if I am honest.
A 10 year old child - really worried about it all, and its not because of us, I can tell you that although she is our only child we are quite cool parents actually.
This is our reason for telling her that she has passed. The first one being that SAT marks really do not matter at all, that they are for the school.
Imagine us telling her that she didnt pass? Imagine all that hard work we have put in, working on making our girl a strong, caring person who excels at music, English and more importantly has the most beautiful manners you have ever seen....
Imagine the confidence knocked right out of her just because she didn't quite get a couple of marks???
She has gone to school today, knowing that she worked hard, because she did, because we even paid for tutors and she literally missed it by a few points. I am glad that we decided to tell her that, a 10 year old should not be worrying about exams, although her worry does tell me how hard she was working, because she was tutored twice per week and had extra lessons - asked for by her by the way, we did not force this at all - that is how we know she worked hard.
A few of my school yard parents were quite disappointed in their child for 'failing' that it was the schools fault or some of them bragging at how wonderful their child is that they will go into top sets etc.... whilst I applaud mums and dads in the yard that I have become very fond of them over the years, I cant help but wonder the pressure they have put on their child.
Gifts such as new dog, holidays for passing them and allowing the bragging on the yard to commence this morning, when I was asked, I just said my daughter passed and she is happy.....
When my daughter was 5, she came with me on my graduation as I got my law degree, it was the hardest thing I have ever done since she was a baby all she has ever known is me studying and having a baby starting university was very hard....but what it has done is show her how to apply herself and so I decided to tell her how fabulous she is and how hard she has worked as she doesnt need her confidence knocked for nothing and now what will happen is she will apply herself in the future still!!!!
To see my little girl this morning happy, non the wiser, no confidence destroyed because she has failed has been the correct decision.....
I know some people would disagree but honestly I cant tell you how unimportant they are compared to what is really important like manners, playing out, friendships, family and knowing that your child did her best....that was good enough for me!

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sirfredfredgeorge · 10/07/2017 10:47

She would never find out, there is no reason why she would.

when I read her report and also the sat results were in there too....

Your child is really so disinterested in her life that she doesn't read her own report, or ask her teachers how she did, or any of the other ways she might find out?

teaandakitkat · 10/07/2017 10:49

You shouldn't have lied. That doesn't help anyone.

The very fact that you hired her a tutor suggests to me that you do care about her results and that you added to the pressure on her.

If you felt that strongly that they were unimportant you should have downplayed the whole thing and pretty much ignored them. Or kept her off sick that day.

I don't agree with testing either, I'm in Scotland and we are due to have it introduced this year I think. I will be withdrawing my kids from testing and not saying another word about it.

Marv1nGay3 · 10/07/2017 10:59

Also, thinking about how my own DD might react if she found out that I had done this... I think she might assume that I was embarrassed of her results and that I felt she was not good enough. I really think this could be storing up problems for the future, sorry. Please change your mind and be honest with your DD. It would be easier to explain sooner rather than later.

FrToddUnctious · 10/07/2017 10:59

Won't she notice that her target grades/set at secondary for maths are lower than other kids who did pass?

FlowersandBees · 10/07/2017 11:00

Why has your child not read their own report? Have you stopped her from reading it? Very wrong on so many levels.

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2017 11:01

Do the new SATs really talk about "failing"? Lots of people are using the word........

VonHerrBurton · 10/07/2017 11:04

Good point Bertrand - has the word fail/failing actually been used? I sure hope not.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 10/07/2017 11:05

Older parent who disagrees with them too. I did briefly consider keeping her off sick, but she was very happy to take them and has recently said that SATS week was the best week of year 6 so far so I'm glad I didn't entertain that idea for long. We will find out the results today with the report, read it through, talk it over and then that will be it done with.

ReinettePompadour · 10/07/2017 11:23

I suppose that technically you didn't lie to her as there is no 'pass or fail' result.

She just got a score that said she wasn't working at the expected level which should help you give her more of an idea on what she needs to improve on.

However for you to use the phrase 'you passed' suggested there was a pass or fail system in place and if you were genuinely not bothered about SATs why employ a tutor?

For what its worth, high schools usually do their own testing anyway in year 7 because SATs aren't very accurate on the potential outcome at GCSEs.

DD sat and 'passed' level 6 SATs (old money) which should have put her in the top sets at high school. However on retesting in the Autumn they found massive gaps in her knowledge (because the old system taught to the test) so she was placed in the middle band to help her catch up.

Does it make a blind bit of difference to her expected GCSE grades? Nope, not a jot. They move the grades frequently depending on how the child performs all through high school. Initially she was expected 6's or B/C grades and now shes expected 8s or A grades across the board.

It really doesn't matter what they predict her GCSE's to be based on the SATs information, who really cares how much your child has moved up a scale or how many levels they've improved since being in primary school. The only people this makes any difference to is to the high school where they can say 'ooohhh look we got MiniReinette to move up 4 levels aren't we a brilliant school' when the reality is children progress at their own pace and you cannot put a timescale on that progress.

Please don't lie to your DD, it wont end well.

Marv1nGay3 · 10/07/2017 11:34

No there is no such thing as pass or fail- it's working towards expected level, working at expected level or exceeding expected level.

CatsInKilts · 10/07/2017 11:35

DD did SATs this year. There was no mention of "passing" or "failing", and the emphasis was very much on just doing their best.

I can see why you lied to her, but I'm not convinced that she won't eventually find out that she scored below 100.

totallyliterally · 10/07/2017 11:44

It is a hard lesson to learn that sometimes you can't be great at everything. It isn't 'normal' to be great at everything.

Children need to learn this.

We learn from failing, we learn how to change the way we working and that it isn't a fail but an opportunity for next time.

She will find out. And will feel utterly shit like you're embarrassed about it.

If you had just said 'oh you did so well, we know you've worked really hard and did your best, the score doesn't matter now, we are just very proud of you'

Reality is kids only know and care about these scores if parents tell them about them.

Most kids don't give a shit (in a good way)

TeenAndTween · 10/07/2017 12:06

Last year DD got 100, 97 & 96.
Neither we nor the school had made a big deal of the 'magic 100'.
We told DD her scores, said we were really pleased and proud of her, and then she was pleased and proud of herself too.
We said not to discuss scores with others as some would have done better and some less well one someone would end up feeling upset.
Job done.

titchy · 10/07/2017 12:30

She will find out. And will feel utterly shit like you're embarrassed about it.

This, in droves.

Plus she will in all likelihood found out publicly, at secondary school, when she's put in Maths set 4 and everyone else she thinks got the same score is in sets 1 or 2.

Number 1 rule of parenting - never ever make significant decisions based on your child's reaction in the here and now. Decisions need to be made with the long term in mind. A bit of upset now vs a huge pile of gut wrenching disappointment in the future. You seem to have chosen the latter.

HoneyDragon · 10/07/2017 12:34

If you don't believe in the Sats system why the hell dis you get a maths tutor specifically for them? Rather than ongoing to help her.

I'm with Soup, you have lied to your dd.

And now you're lying to yourself big time. I don't for one minute believe you have the support of a teacher. And you may have grown "fond" of other parents but you are not being pleasant about them.

You need to learn from this very much. Your child is starting Secondary school wheee they will want to foster her independence and she will ultimately be heading toward taking subjects SHE favours and that HER teachers and HERSELF feel she will be confident with.

RedSkyAtNight · 10/07/2017 12:34

Your child would only feel she'd let you down if you'd put huge pressure on her to get a certain result. If you truly were only interested in her doing her best, she'd already feel confident that this is what she'd done.

I agree with others that you shouldn't have lied to her - and I think she is very likely to find out that you have. A teacher will tell her; a child will ask what she got; she'll be put in an intervention group at secondary or a lower set; she'll see that her target scores aren't as high as other children's ...

BertrandRussell · 10/07/2017 12:34

So is 100 the expected level? Like CATs?

ineedamoreadultieradult · 10/07/2017 12:38

I personally don't see anything wrong in her knowing that maths is an area that she is not as good at as other areas. Very few people can be excellent at everything. It's an important lesson to learn.

TheRollingCrone · 10/07/2017 12:41

I...I.. no can't think of anything useful so I, ll have a

HoneyDragon · 10/07/2017 12:41

Bertrand, yes. www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/624645/2017_KS2_scaled_score_conversion_tables.pdf

Although I think the scale for above average differs between Eng and maths, same as KS1 SATs this year.

Lurkedforever1 · 10/07/2017 12:47

Fully agree with everyone else.

There is a big grey area between outright lies and ott rewards for passing, and ripping into a child for failing. It isn't either/or.

You can't avoid some competition. What happens when she tries out for a place on the hockey team, or sits her GCSEs and doesn't get the result you built her up to expect? Will you lie then too and expect the school to go along with it? Nor is it wrong for dc to learn they have strengths and weaknesses. Do you think other parents of dc who don't have your dd's ability in English are all lying to them and saying they do?

Trb17 · 10/07/2017 15:15

Sorry I think you've done wrong here but I'm sure you won't accept being told that so crack on.

No need to say failed or passed at all. Say "you got 98 points so well done at working so hard".

You've made the SATS into something important by getting the tutor and lying to her but that's your choice. It would not have been mine.

xxproudmummyxx · 10/07/2017 15:57

Very strange post.
If you were 100% sure that lying to your daughter was the right thing to do, you wouldn't be posting here.

A few points:
Lying is never ok! What exactly are you teaching your daughter?
Are you sure you are "protecting" your daughter? To me it seems that you are protecting yourself?
If SATS don't matter at all to you and you are not competitive, then why are you doing such a big deal about this?

Surely it would be better for your daughter to be told the truth and to reassure her that it's not the end of the world.

I'm going to be very very honest with you, to me it seems that because you and your husband have "careers", perhaps your daughter is not achieving what you want her to achieve, so it's easier to lie to her, to yourself and to everyone else, imagine what they would think of you?

You mention disappointed parents, surely you are including yourself?

I bet your daughter will find out sooner or later the truth... you are setting her up for failure

Parker231 · 10/07/2017 17:00

How is your DD going to cope when her friends are talking about their scores and your DD doesn't know hers? She is going to ask to see her report and will realise her scores weren't as you told her. A 10 year old isn't a baby and doesn't need protecting from her SAT scores.

mrsglowglow · 10/07/2017 17:22

Don't worry about it now. My daughter did her SATs last year and they have never been mentioned since starting high school. Yes they are recorded somewhere and linked to GCSE predictions but they are not referred to by her teachers or on any reports she has had this year. Like others have said she hasn't failed but just not quite reached the expected standard.

My son did his this year and we haven't yet been given his scores. I'm not going to be making a big deal either way and have just told him well done for working hard and doing your best.

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