Just been hauled into HT office !!!!!! I'm so mad !

[alisonmc]

Hi all,
I hate my DS school! At my DS school I am probably the only parent that actively tries to help DS with his work. We read every night, he likes doing sums and other spelling activities...........so what is the problem - here goes:
a) We as parents "we are working against the school" by showing DS different methods of addition and subtraction, etc (see previous posts);
b) HT is worried about DS socially "does he do any activities outside school, has he got any friends, etc, are we putting too much pressure on him" - felt like saying FO!
c) HT is "very cross that I have obtained past SATs papers and DS has done them - well I might add!"
d) HT had DS in office on Monday for an incident "but was sorted out at the time, so no need to tell you about it" - until today that is !!!!
e) HT wants a meeting with DH & myself "to put us back on the right track!"

How ludicrous can this be ? There are thousands of children that get no help or support with their work, have severe home lives, etc - but a child who has loving and caring parents, great social life and home life is getting all this........

I am absolutely livid !

Well, what do I know, my ds has zero interest in football! (waits for all Mumsnetters to pile in to tell me that a child who can read but can't play football is a wonky table or some such and I am a bad parent)

Why is the so called 'string method' silly?
It shows children that addition and subtracion can be done in any order and teaches them about place value. It also enables children to add and subtract larger numbers mentally when they are older, so that they can make estimates and check their work. The grid method cannot be used mentally and needs a paper and pencil. Teaching children this method early just to get questions right on a SATS test has no benefit. Shouldn't your son persevere with the method that he finds difficult?

When I was little my siblings and I would have been the sort to request extra maths or revision papers. Partly because we were academically-minded children who did enjoy the work, but a lot because we knew our parents would be pleased and proud if we were like this.

Children pick up a lot about ways to please their parents, I do think that many of the children who are asking for past papers and extra tests and homework at a young age may not being explicitly encouraged by their parents to do this, but they're picking up on very strong messages about parental approval and how to get it.

to be succinct if you can't work with the school then you must not work against them..

I think she sees it more as working with and for her child. Your child must be your priority.

against the school will do child no favours in the long run

if there is no better relationship in juniors I would change schools

Alisonmc- I think that this could all be fairly minor. Maybe doing sats at home breaches the don't stress out kids with sats guidelines or something. I think you should try not to work yourself up into a frenzy of worry before you hear what the school have to say. Or do you like doing that so that you feel relieved when it's not nearly as bad as you imagined? (I do this every once in a while. Go in expecting to be crucified and then you're relieved when it's just a little finger amputation sort of thing.) I don't know. It just all sounds like mountainous molehills to me. Your son is agreed to be a bright cutie by all. He's a fabster and these are mere details. It just sounds like a matter of listening to the head and considering whether she is right or not to me. And saying "uh huh I hear you i'll have a think about it thanks" before going home and mulling it over and then either rejecting it or accepting it with or without reservations.

I have yet to come across a school that would be against supportive parents. Perhaps you should go to the meeting then come back and tell us what was said.

Interesting post, fennel.

Sadly I have seen first hand what pressure on children can do to them.

I grew up in South Africa where the children sit exams three times a year. The average of those exams is calculated, and failure in three or more subjects means that the child is forced to repeat the year. This works on many levels, it ensures that the children do learn, and generally the education standard is higher, and those children who are weaker academically are held back to the next year where they are more likely to succeed. However, the pressure on children to do well, especially in later years can be immense, and teenage suicide in the matric (last year) year of school is not uncommon.

The year before I left school a lad joined in the matric year. He?d previously been at a different school, dad was a doctor, mum an accountant, both had good degrees and this lad was highly intelligent and expected to get straight A?s in his final exams and would then be going to one of the top universities in the country. He loved learning, loved maths, science, wanted to be a medical student. But the better his grades got the better they were expected to be. Three weeks before his final exams he took his dad?s gun and shot himself in the head. He didn?t die, he was severely brain damaged as a result. His optic nerves were severed and he lost his sight. He suffered severe epilepsy, his short term memory was severely affected which meant that he was no longer able to process the information he was trying to learn. He did achieve his finals but with d?s and e?s because he no longer had the capacity to be able to remember the information he was given. And all because his parents had such high expectations of him. And after the event his parents said that they?d had no idea he felt like that. They?d always thought he loved learning so much because he had spent all his time with his nose in a book. But he?d done it mainly to please his parents, to live up to their expectations.

I agree with cornsilk.

Help him master that method, then move on.

There's no harm, and in fact positive benefit.

for all we know, the HT may have the best interests of the child at heart

You've already pointed out that he's competitive in his own right (and I have a competitive ds too so I know what they are like) but surely, by teaching him another method when he can't pick up the one he's being taught at school, isn't actually helping him?

perhaps it's worth asking the school (if you insist on giving extra work) what work you could be giving him so you're not covering stuff that's going to lead to him being bored or confused

That's incredibly sad. How awful

why are you doing sats papers with him?

most kids at 7 don't know what sats are and don't have to know

sorry but to me, your HT sounds fab.

they do get round to that way of addition. I am hugely impressed by the way they show kids lots of ways of doing addition and subtraction these days

you're not rather than isn't in that long sentence

Homemama, IME the person spec for "supportive parent" varies hugely across all types of school
I can think of at least two Mn regulars whose exemplary support of their school was viewed as stirring things up/making awkward suggestions
What's considered good and helpful by one school regime might be considered antagonistic and point-scoring by another
Alisonmc, has your ds been formally statemented as G & T by the school (you alluded to this down the thread I think)
I wish you luck with your meeting, but I agree with zippi that if you reach a stalemate with the head then you might want to consider an alternative school for your ds

Aloha - you make me smile - I must be an awful mother, who has only three legs on her table !!

Cornsilk - A question on DS practice SATs paper was as follows:

256 + 97 + 68 =

How do you expect a child of 7 to get this question right mentally????

they aren't expected to get every question on a SATS paper right

some of the questions are there for those who are most able in maths who could add 250 + 90 + 70 and then add all the extra units on (my dd, in yr2, wouldn't manage but I bet there are one or two in the year who might be able to)

You don't AlisonMC. You don't expect anything from infant children. You are treating the exam as a list of things he must learn, by hook or by crook, to do. It's not. It's to give the government an idea of how the school is performing. He's a little boy, he should be doing little boy things!

bet that's not a level 2 question though

Alison, you must feel well and truly ganged up on .

The bottom line is, is that you know your child, better than any teacher. You are the most qualified person to judge his levels of happiness.

In my case, I could clearly see that my pushyness had started to cause a problem.

If you are confident that your DS is happy and rounded then relax with that and accept that the school are probably only trying to help.

I got very pissed off with my sons' teacher because I was at odds with her methods (most of the people on here were too when I described how she was handling my son). When it came down to it I decided to team up with her and to give her the benefit of my knowledge of my son in order to "tailor" her methods to suit him to some extent.

I came to the conclusion that the teacher plays such an integral role in his life that it would be counter-productive to spend a year at odds with her.

It has worked well (with some minor derailments along the way).

Good luck

I changed my ds school at seven because he couldn't read or write and had been bringing an apple laptop home from school for two years for some spurious maths project in conjunction with warwick university which entailed the kids learning prograaming

the head got some massive kudos and went on to join ofsted

the school was very good at pr and crap at eaching kids or recognizing problems like dyslexia, dyspraxia , asd or anything else

I was told it was just being a boy

so i know what it's like to feel aggrieved at a school

I dont think dd1 could do that and she is pretty able in maths

si that really on the year 2 sats?

so when is this proposed meeting going to take place?

Was that a question on the mental maths paper? If not then they're not expected to do it mentally, though some can. Some would add 256+100+70 then adjust, others would add 256+168 then adjust. They are using the various methods they've been taught.