I'm finding it difficult not to compare my ds with his classmates

[Freakbag]

There are only 11 pupils in ds year. It's a small village school, only 50 odd in the school as a whole.
The village is small so everyone knows eachother, 4 out of the 11 live on the same road!

Most of the children in ds class I have interacted with, they have been to my house I have socialised with their parents. I also volunteer for reading sessions at the school.

I have an idea of how most of the kids in ds school are doing academically. I know that ds is one of the lower achievers in the class.

In my head I am stressed because ds isn't up to the same standard. I need to overcome this as it's driving me mental.

I get frustrated & stressed when he lacks any enthusiasm to do his reading or maths at home because I am imagining all the orher kids in his class reading fluently and keenly to their parents.

Rationally I know they all develop at their own pace and I certainly don't want to push ds and make him resent learning. I want him to have fun, learn whilst playing and doing his own thing but I'm feeling the pressure.

I feel awful and need a slap

We all know it's madness to compare our DC with other DC but you can't help doing it. You just have to give yourself a bit of a talking to and remind yourself of how fortunate you are etc etc.

Reading is such a biggy isn't it. We lived overseas in a country where kids seem to learn to read a lot later than the Uk which was interesting. The kids all ended up reading the same as the UK and I wondered if the fact that they waited until they were a little older helped the less focused or able as they weren't being badgered to learn to read before they were ready. Iyswim

He will be fine. Keep reading books with him. Buy him books about the things he is interested in. He WILL be able to read. Keep it fun and he might end up being a life long reader. Doesn't have to be fiction books. Try books about Star Wars etc - for example

Books like this. There are lots more reading books like this on Amazon

And being top of the class in primary school does not mean that this will continue in high school. I speak from experience. Try not to worry, keep reading with him and make it fun. Don't focus on the outcome, focus on the time together

If it is any consolation, most parents "grow out of" comparing quite so hard come year 3 or 4. Book bands are the easiest to measure achievement marker and they tend to be much of a muchness come year 4 for most kids, barring SN.

ds was a hopeless reader in y2. I tried to raise the concern with the school his reading was so bad, but they weren't bothered.
Then in year 3 something for him clicked and he started to take off. He is now at grammar school.

Your ds may or may not follow my ds path, but ages after I stopped worrying about ds I remembered that when I was teaching (year 3 and 4) I often had boys who did the same. There does seem to be a thing with boys that they aren't ready for reading until 7+, and then suddenly the penny drops. I now listen to readers in dd2s class, and have done since reception, and I usually get the poor readers to give them extra help. Looking back I can see the same pattern with a particular group of boys, really struggled through reception and year 1-2, then suddenly it seemed to come together and the penny dropped.

Keep reading out loud to him, sit so he can see what you are reading, make stories a positive fun activity, try different times of the day for him to read to you - dd2 reads much better over breakfast than in the evening. Try fact books instead of story books.

Chase the school, ask what they are doing to help and at what point they woudl consider testing him for underlying issues

Have you tried other sources to practice reading. DD seems to enjoy reading more on the computer than the book. We still do both but she does not complain when doing it on the computer as there are more pictures, activities, colours, annd she can press the sound if she can't merge a word.

School use Bug Club: www.activelearnprimary.co.uk
This is on top of the 3 books she brings weekly

We also use starfall.com which is free.

I am sure there are more sites too. DD is in year 1 and reading yellow; she is the bottom of her class and it is not that the other children are gifted or anything.

Just persevere and keep practicing every day; unless you have other concerns about learning difficulties he will get there.

Here comes a slap as requested!

I had a DD who did not read at all in any way till she was nearly 10. She now has an MA!

Just relax!

I think it sounds more serious than a lot poster suggests. Yes, there maybe a possibility that he might just click one day, but if not, he will really struggle in KS2 as mrz suggests.
I don't think it's "one of the lower achievers in the class" level, even in class of 30, he would be bottom of the group, imo.
Possible sen or spld?

I agree with Blossomdeary. You can't stop comparing with other children, but if he is at the lower level, that doesnt meant he is not going to progress in next years. Reading will suddenly click at some point. Even sibilings in one family could be in different stages.

teen we read every morning and evening. I read with the kids in his class and notice from their reading diary that my ds is reading way more frequently than many of those that are brilliant readers. Although I know it's possible that reading isn't being noted. I don't get it! We're trying & practicing but it's such a slow progress.

Yes out we both hate biff!
The school have some fab usborne books which come home occasionally

That's were I'm torn brief I'm feeling the pressure to push him when I have friends who's dc are HE and aren't reading at all at 7.
I feel like I'm pushing him when he's not ready just to fit in with the school system

Thanks for the link and ressurance mercy

Funny paxallin as I have a 3yr old who I don't compare to her peers at all!

My ds was the same so we stopped reading his school books and started reading books about dinosaurs, sharks and volcanoes. There are quite a few at 'learning to read' levels.
We also watched wildlife documentaries and films with the subtitles on.

Thanks steppe really reassuring & helpful.
He has extra work with the ta on phonics but his teacher isn't too worries. She just says he's a boy! I have a parents meeting tomorrow so will see if she's still saying this.

No sen irvine

He wears glasses as his eyesight is pretty poor mainly in one eye. But this wasn't picked up until he was 4, so half way through reception. As he was over compensatin with the other eye and never mentioned anything. I picked it up, not the school.
Before glasses he never enjoyed colouring or drawing or reading.
He also patched for 18 months between age of 4&6.
Although he's now had glasses for 3 years do you think he could still be catching up?

You may have tried all these ideas, but just in case any of them are helpful. (I am always being praised for my 3 primary-age DCs reading abilities/interests, but only one of them is a 'natural' reader, the other 2 (who happen to be boys) have needed quite a bit of input - not in terms of natural ability but in terms of having interest in it.) These are the things I've done that I think have helped.

1. At bedtime, there is no alternative to books. First I read something to them for 10-15 mins, then they get into bed and can either turn their light off straight away or read to themselves for a while. There is no other choice.

1. What I read to them varies - sometimes it's their choice (comfort reading - a chapter of something that one of them loves). Sometimes it's stretch reading (something that I want one of them to try reading for themselves - often breaking off at an exciting bit will cause them to carry on with it by themselves).

1. What they read to themselves is 100% their own choice. I don't mind if it's a book or a magazine. Football magazines are v. popular with one DS, and Blocks (Lego) magazine with another. The WWF wildlife magazine and the Stormforce (RNLI magazine) has also been popular in the past. I encourage family members to give magazine subscriptions as birthday/Xmas presents.

1. The books that got both DSs into reading to themselves were the Dinosaur Cove and the Beastquest series. (starting with reading a bit to them).

1. One DS (7yo) likes reading joke books. Easy to read in little chunks, I think, and enjoyable. He also likes reading his Lego instruction manuals in bed (!) I don't allow building it at bedtime, but he can read manuals and also look at the Lego Ideas handbook. He also likes the 'Battlebugs' series and also the Lego-themes reading books (Ninjago, Star Wars, Marvel etc.) - which are all pretty rubbishy but I don't mind as long as he's reading.

1. The other DS (9yo) is very money-orientated (!) and responded really well to being paid to read. (I daresay some people will object to this, but it works for us!) I 'challenge' him to read something I'd like him to try, and offer him a set amount (usually 20p) if he can read it and then tell me about it afterwards (that way I can check that he has properly read it. Through this method, he has got into new books and series and writes. If he tries something and doesn't like it, that's fine and I don't push it at all - it's only about getting him to try new things.

1. I also play audiobooks at home and in the car. (BBC radio dramatisations of books are especially popular). And I tell them the story of what I'm reading (in a child-suitable format). And I make up stories for them (when I've got the energy) - usually involving ridiculous things happening to pompous characters, which they like a lot.

1. Another thing I have done (which again takes time and energy so i haven't done it as much as I'd like) is things like a letter from Santa with exciting news about an outing, or little notes attached to their breakfast plate when they come down telling them about a treat hidden somewhere in the house. Things like that that they need to read to find out about the reward.

I would keep this fun reading completely separate from school reading (don't do school reading at or close to bedtime). It's all about interest and enjoyment not the achievement.

It's totally normal to compare to other children, so don't blame yourself, but I do agree don't let him aware of this.

For improving his reading, to be honest, when I was little, we didn't have much extra books beside our text books, we still manage fine with reading. So I think you should focus on how to help him to grasp the skills around the reading, like the phonics , the sentence structure and build up the vacabulary etc. If he is not interesting in reading books, maybe try online games, for example, bbc bitsize( if you search for BBC bitsize KS1 games), my DS2 used to like their games. There are math, English and Science games. For science games, you actually not only gain science knowledge, but also practicing your reading skills by reading the questions. Cebbebis Alphablock online game is good too( the name may not correct).Also, the Oxford reading owl has lots of ebook.

You can also buy some English work book for KS1 as well, the books are generally very colourful, it is good for grammar and vacabulary, phonics etc. Only 10 minutes a time, a few times a week , this certainly will help.

My son is exactly the same. If he enjoys something, he excels in it. If he finds something boring, he will be completely uninterested which means he falls behind. Once she's fallen behind, he loses all confidence and gives up totally!

Freakbag - my son was patched and is long sighted. It really affected him. He couldn't read music at all until he got coloured lenses 'oh I can see them now they've stopped moving around'. It can really affect close work.

livelife that is what we have just done, we read his shark attack fact book together. I say together as he finds the large blocks of text a bot daunting so he started off reading a short sentence, then got a bit edgy when encouraged to read another so I read the rest and pick out words for him to read. He enjoyed this as he was able to actually understand the info because I was reading too.
He then watched youtube so we went through how to use the search engine amd type in the letters which he was keen on.

Thank you elfing
I read to him every eveing before bed, I encourage him to read certain words but he's very reluctant to do so, I know he knows the word, he just can't be bothered. It takes alot of coaxing.

A joke book is a fab idea, plus writing letters. His gm writes postcards to us when she's on holiday. I might ask her to send hom regulat letters.

Thanks devilish he hasn't mention any issues about how the text looks but I'll chat to his optition when we go in next about how common this is

He clearly retains knowledge and from what you say he enjoys being read to so he isn't anti reading, just doesn't like doing it. Could he have dyslexic traits? He's on the border age wise where schools may be prepared to test but worth thinking about. If words are jumping around, fuzzy etc then reading is really hard work and it is, understandably, easier to not bother!