Parents Evening last night and came away feeling like crap

[Karenhibbert2]

I had my parents evening last night for my 4 year old who started Reception in September, I came away feeling like a failed parent. I'm not sure if the school is expecting to much or indeed my child is behind, but for a summer born 4 year old to be able to write 1-10 and add and subtract one from numbers (Writing the number not just visual which she can do) and write words like Cat, Dog etc too much???
She does not have full hand motor skills yet so I don't expect her to be even able to write properly yet? So when the teacher said that by the end of the school year they expect her to be writing sentences, again I was surprised.

My daughter can count 1-20 and add and subtract 1 verbally and knows all her phonic sounds and can pronounce words like MAT, CAT, BAT, DOG, FROG etc and easily reconize them and write some letters and also knows all her 2D shapes (Square, Triangle, circle,oval etc) but they are expecting her to now know 3D shapes!

Are the School asking to much as my feeling was all they really care about are their KPI's and not learning at my daughter's pace.

Please let me know your thoughts, as at the moment I really want to write something on the feedback report other than Bugger off I will home school her!

A light up fairy wand or a Jedi light sabre are great for developing correct letter formation movements become automatic and also support shoulder girdle strength.

I would seriously get no work done

If home education is an option for you, I would recommend it. I taught my four dcs at home until they had learned all the basics at their own pace. We spent a fraction of the time doing formal learning and socialised loads. It's not for everyone and financially it was really tough, but we're glad we did it. No parent should come away from a parents evening feeling like you did.

A light up fairy wand or a Jedi light sabre are great for developing correct letter formation movements become automatic and also support shoulder girdle strength.

I would seriously get no work done

She was telling you their expectations for the end of the year. Some will reach them, some won't. And writing is usually done as a part of a variety of activities, not sat stuck at a desk for any length of time.
I think you've taken it a bit literally.
I think you will be surprised by what she will have learnt by the end of the year.

One of these on the index finger air writing the letter in a darkened room works well too

"Go on I totally dare someone to do it for an observed lesson once - added bonus points if you can get the observer either joining in or got with the lightsaber."
Already done with Ofsted lady

Mrz, I can't admire you enough. All those things you come up with to help children are just amazing.

My dd could read fluently going into Reception. It turned out that she was one of two in the class who could; and the entire focus of her first parents evening was her refusal to colour in...
The teacher was obsessed with (quite literal) box ticking. Said at least three times "I have to be able to tick the box" and was quite annoyed with my refusal to give a shit about the colouring.

There wasn't a box for reading so it didn't count. Some kids just don't fit into boxes.

i LOVE making visitors/observers to my room join in with random things.

I had the headteacher dance to 'what does the fox say' once.

Can't take credit for them I'm just good at collecting good ideas from many different places.

I think that some teachers are just better at parents' evening than others as well, and it depends how they phrase stuff.

Much easier to hear "your child is thriving, has lots of friends, listens well and is polite and kind. Now, the next stage is to work on motor skills, so that we can read her writing well by July, and can read her lovely ideas"...

The last meeting I had about ds2 was quite upsetting/frustrating, as it was just full of targets, and no mention of achievements.

But then I am a school governor, and know exactly what the targets are (as I see the data and endless graphs...), and know that the teachers are under so much pressure, it is ridiculous.

DS2 is year 5, ahead in almost everything, which is a bloody miracle in today's data, but his handwriting is simply appalling. Legible, but appalling. So, the whole slot was taken up talking about his handwriting, because this is a box that has to be ticked. Nothing positive at all.

But, as you know, he won't be ahead in writing at the end of KS2 if his handwriting does not improve. His teacher has a responsibility to tell you that.

I know that, Feenie , I am just saying that it is very hard to hear. Even if you understand the targets, and are involved in the tracking. You don't hear the good bits, just the "targets" which sometimes seem impossible to reach.

His handwriting is now legible, and at least he is writing pages of good work now without getting cramp. It just isn't pretty, or tidy, or neat. It is, in reality, just like DH's - they both hold the pencil at a weird angle. We have tried all sorts of pencils, grips, and the rest of his motor skills are absolutely fine.

My point is, parents' evenings would be a lot easier to handle if you have a mix of targets and achievements.

I just get his work us great, his behaviour excellent and he'll have no problems reaching his targets - next! It's nice to hear but takes two minutes after waiting usually over half an hour. I get that there are quieter children and it can be hardee to find things to say about them, but I do try to remember something funny or interesting that happened to share with their parents, it's not very fair otherwise.

Sorry about the typos, I can't find my glasses

I start by asking parents if they have any questions for me (that get's the complaints out the way).

Then I tell them all the awesome things about their children.

Then I tell them the level I expect them to finish at end of year. I tell them that with a lot of hard work they can achieve... (one step higher than I think they can achieve). Then I give things they can do at home whilst making clear I won't put them on that level unless they are really secure.

Quite often the children and parents will step up and prove me wrong :p

How do you work that in the new system where there aren't levels TeacherBob? Does your school still use some kind of level system? Our school don't seem to be even trying to communicate progress.

because life without levels means people just have levels.

1b
1b+
1w
1w+
1s
1s+

All levels. :)

I think it is really sad that 4 year old are forced to write.
They are simply not ready.
My dyslexic 4 year old should have been playing in a sandpit instead of which i had her teacher tell me very seriously that because of her lack of writing skills 'she would never get a good job when she was older'...

I am not sure what she has said that is so offensive. She has said: what will help her with letter formation is working on her pencil grip. It's a constructive thing to do. And motor skills are useful all round. I don't think she suggested that your 1. DD was failing. 2. That you were a bad mum.

DS who is 4 can read/write/add/subtract and even multiply. He is number obsessed. I am aware he is well aware of 'academic expectations' for his age. He doesn't have the best fine motor skills though and at parents evening we were told to work on his cutting/scissor abilities. I didn't take offence at that and say 'but but but...look at everything else he can do...'. She also suggested that we do a bit more play doh stuff. So instead of taking this as a comment on my parenting we have been doing a bit more play doh/craft than usual this weekend and will continue to do so.

Sorry not aware, I meant to say 'ahead'. DS has no idea of academic expectations of any kind. He spent most of today half naked kicking a balloon. 🙄

I think it's sad that people are talking about children being "forced" to learn new things. The truth is most children want to learn ...it's impossible to stop them at this age.

The problems arise when teachers feel under pressure to get every child to point A by a certain point and point Z by another and instead of helping the child to grow and progress they become anxious.

I hope the teacher is talking about end of year expectations

DS is in Reception and just turning 5. We had his parents evening and his fine motor skills are also shite. Teacher told me about Funky fingers. Search on Pinterest and you will find loads of fun ideas for improving fine motor skills.

Parents eve last week for ds was mainly about how he has settled in. They gave me a chart with what they are expected to learn by the end of the year (govt chart) and a school chart with what they are currently working on. There doesn't seem to be any pressure though. If you're not happy can you make another appointment to clarify what is expected of your dd then decide where you go from there?