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Parents Evening last night and came away feeling like crap

79 replies

Karenhibbert2 · 11/11/2016 08:55

I had my parents evening last night for my 4 year old who started Reception in September, I came away feeling like a failed parent. I'm not sure if the school is expecting to much or indeed my child is behind, but for a summer born 4 year old to be able to write 1-10 and add and subtract one from numbers (Writing the number not just visual which she can do) and write words like Cat, Dog etc too much???
She does not have full hand motor skills yet so I don't expect her to be even able to write properly yet? So when the teacher said that by the end of the school year they expect her to be writing sentences, again I was surprised.

My daughter can count 1-20 and add and subtract 1 verbally and knows all her phonic sounds and can pronounce words like MAT, CAT, BAT, DOG, FROG etc and easily reconize them and write some letters and also knows all her 2D shapes (Square, Triangle, circle,oval etc) but they are expecting her to now know 3D shapes!

Are the School asking to much as my feeling was all they really care about are their KPI's and not learning at my daughter's pace.

Please let me know your thoughts, as at the moment I really want to write something on the feedback report other than Bugger off I will home school her!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Naty1 · 11/11/2016 12:10

My june dd cant write at all yet. And i know pen control will need to be worked on this year.
Im sure all this is the plan for the year. Not what they are behind on.

Karenhibbert2 · 11/11/2016 12:17

I looked at her workbooks and they have been adding and subtracting and writing the number in the box (she can't really write numbers yet), writing on individual worksheet (tracing) the letters from A- E so far (all the other letters are in the book waiting to be done) and having weekly letters homework (as above writing the letter over and over again)

The teacher actually said that she needs to practice her number writing as she is struggling in class and in the same sentence that her hand is not strong enough and to do some fine motor skills at home, hence the play dough/aquabeads weekend we are going to have!

OP posts:
Karenhibbert2 · 11/11/2016 12:19

above post was for lacebell10 comment

OP posts:
KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 11/11/2016 12:26

My ds has asd so more problems with motor skills than the average! Would definitely support those suggesting your time should be spent on developing skills and hand strength through play. We did loads with that stretchy putty you can buy which comes in different consistencies specifically to build hand strength.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/11/2016 12:30

That's a bit crap for your first parents eve! Children vary hugely, please don't worry about this.

One of my DDs was a big worry to me in the early years of primary school - couldn't read until year 2, seemed very behind. She's now in year 11 and predicted many As and A*s in her GCSEs. They all find their way eventually.

Bluebird23 · 11/11/2016 19:15

My DS is September born so one of the oldest in his year group.
He couldn't do the things you list at this stage in Reception and his teacher did not appear concerned at all. As the year went on he made progress at the right pace for him, now in year 2 and he is at the expected level in all areas.

smellyboot · 11/11/2016 21:21

No homework here. Spellings only appear in yr2. Otherwise just 10 mins reading most days. Neither of mine could write at this stage of reception.
They just learning to hold pencils etc properly at this ping in yrR. Some of the DC could but only some. They certainly don't sit writing full words at desks or any such rubbish. They learn through play and spend as much time as possible in the outdoor classroom

MrsDc7 · 11/11/2016 21:27

Listen, I'm in exactly the same situation as you. I left my DS's first parents evening in tears last month because the teacher told me he was crap at concentrating during carpet time and was behind in his linguistic skills. I was devastated because I wasn't expecting it. He has a wide vocabulary and is quite intelligent. His attention is crap BECAUSE HE IS FOUR! Confused It took a few days and a conversation with his preschool teachers for me to calm down and realise these teachers are holding them to ridiculously high standards and we shouldn't get hung up on them x

smellyboot · 12/11/2016 00:13

Just let your dd colour, draw etc if she needs fine motor skills. My dd had no interest in it nor did my ds. By yr2 DD was ahead in all area and DS learnt to read well despite barely holding a pen at this point in the year.
Again..... They are 4 !!

mrz · 12/11/2016 05:51

Does your daughter have occupational therapy support? If not I'd suggest requesting a referral from your GP.

Things you could try

Things to remember:
Upright working surfaces promote fine motor skills. Examples of these are: vertical
chalkboards; easels for painting; flannel boards; lite bright; magnet boards (or
fridge); windows and mirrors; white boards, etc. Children can also make sticker
pictures; do rubber ink-stamping; use reuseable stickers to make pictures; complete
puzzles with thick knobs; use magna-doodle and etch-a-sketch as well. The benefits
for these include: having the child's wrist positioned to develop good thumb
movements; they help develop good fine motor muscles; the child is using the arm
and shoulder muscles.
Fine Motor Activities
Moulding and rolling play dough into balls - using the palms of the
hands facing each other and with fingers curled slightly towards the palm.
Rolling play dough into tiny balls (peas) using only the finger tips.
Using pegs or toothpicks to make designs in play dough.
Cutting play dough with a plastic knife or with a pizza wheel by holding
the implement in a diagonal volar grasp.
Tearing newspaper into strips and then crumpling them into balls. Use
to stuff scarecrow or other art creation.
Scrunching up 1 sheet of newspaper in one hand. This is a super
strength builder.
Using a plant sprayer to spray plants, (indoors, outdoors) to spray snow
(mix food colouring with water so that the snow can be painted), or melt
"monsters". (Draw monster pictures with markers and the colours will run
when sprayed.)
Primary
Picking up objects using large tweezers such as those found in the
"Bedbugs" game. This can be adapted by picking up Cheerios, small cubes,
small marshmallows, pennies, etc., in counting games.
Shaking dice by cupping the hands together, forming an empty air space
between the palms.
Using small-sized screwdrivers like those found in an erector set.
Lacing and sewing activities such as stringing beads, Cheerios,
macaroni, etc.
Using eye droppers to "pick up" coloured water for colour mixing or
to make artistic designs on paper.
Rolling small balls out of tissue paper, then gluing the balls onto
construction paper to form pictures or designs.
Turning over cards, coins, checkers, or buttons, without bringing them to
the edge of the table.
Making pictures using stickers or self-sticking paper reinforcements.
Playing games with the "puppet fingers" -the thumb, index, and middle
fingers. At circle time have each child's puppet fingers tell about what
happened over the weekend, or use them in songs and finger plays.
Place a variety of forms (eg. blocks, felt, paper, string, yarn, cereal,
cotton) on outlines
Match shapes, colour, or pictures to a page and paste them within the
outlines
Primary
Self-Care Skills
Buttoning
Lacing
Tying
Fastening Snaps
Zipping
Carrying
Using a screwdriver
Locking and unlocking a door
Winding a clock
Opening and closing jars
Rolling out dough or other simple cooking activities
Washing plastic dishes
Primary
Sweeping the floor
Dressing
Scissor Activities
When scissors are held correctly, and when they fit a child's hand well, cutting
activities will exercise the very same muscles which are needed to manipulate a pencil
in a mature tripod grasp. The correct scissor position is with the thumb and middle
finger in the handles of the scissors, the index finger on the outside of the handle to
stabilize, with fingers four and five curled into the palm.
Cutting junk mail, particularly the kind of paper used in magazine
subscription cards.
Making fringe on the edge of a piece of construction paper.
Cutting play dough or clay with scissors.
Cutting straws or shredded paper.
Cutting
Use a thick black line to guide cutting the following:
A fringe from a piece of paper
Cut off corners of a piece of paper
Cut along curved lines
Cut lines with a variety of angles
Primary
Cut figures with curves and angles
Sensory Activities
The following activities ought to be done frequently to increase postural muscle
strength and endurance. These activities also strengthen the child's awareness of
his/her hands.
Wheelbarrow walking, crab walking
Clapping games (loud/quiet, on knees together, etc.)
Catching (clapping) bubbles between hands
Pulling off pieces of thera-putty with individual fingers and thumb
Drawing in a tactile medium such as wet sand, salt, rice, or "goop".
Make "goop" by adding water to cornstarch until you have a mixture similar
in consistency to toothpaste. The "drag" of this mixture provides feedback to
the muscle and joint receptors, thus facilitating visual motor control.
Picking out small objects like pegs, beads, coins, etc., from a tray of salt,
sand, rice, or putty. Try it with eyes closed too. This helps develop sensory
awareness in the hands.

Heathen4Hire · 12/11/2016 06:09

OP, you forget that you LO is now in a system that demands them to be robots.

Ignore that teacher. I have ignored every teacher my child has had since she was at reception. They always tell me, Little Heathen is doing brilliantly at all subjects but could she put her hand up more? Could she stand up in front of the class more? Could she volunteer ideas more in a group setting? Little Heathen is an introvert, and hates drawing the limelight to herself, like her parents, so I tell them to leave her alone. I can help academically but I draw the line at trying to change her personality. It's like, "You DD is fab, but we still have to criticise in some way."

I find the whole experience stressful, annoying and a pointless waste of time. DH also hates Parents Evening with a passion. I avoided the last one saying I was working, and conveniently DH was at a football game. All utter BS. DD is in Y5 now.

Cucumber5 · 12/11/2016 06:36

they don't mean sentences with proper structure, proper spelling or proper grammar. they expect a very raw super basic version of writing with some backwards letters, badly formed shapes, no full stops or spaces and phonic spelling. a string of letters almost. Some will do much more then this and some wont' achieve this but most will.

Cucumber5 · 12/11/2016 06:38

it really doesn't matter if fine motor skills are poor in infants. most children naturally gain better motor skills in juniors

mrz · 12/11/2016 06:53

I disagree children who enter juniors with poor motor skills are at a disadvantage it's the reason Physical development is a prime area of learning in Early Years and reading, writing and maths aren't.

Lookinatu · 12/11/2016 07:02

Hi op my ds 4yr was born in August and I have just had my first parents evening as well. First thing I think the teachers feel like they need to give you something to work on at home so don't be discouraged. I got the reverse side to your feedback can do everything plus and will start phase 3 phonics soon but the rest of the class are starting starting phase 2. I felt so happy that my little ds who emotionally struggles to make friends and socialise was doing so well within a area of his learning to then be told well he's just moving too quickly. Confused I was like wth your moving him at your pace and I follow at home which made me feel like a dictator in our home. Just take it bit by bit and enjoy this time it's so exciting to see them start to read and write.

user789653241 · 12/11/2016 07:41

I agree with mrz.(She is an expert!)
More you use the muscle, more you strengthen them, earlier the better.
We used lots of craft ideas from this site. yellowmoon Most of crafts are reasonably priced and well made. You can have fun making it, and have lovely decoration to cherish.

I also recommend something like this abacus It helps dc visualize addition, subtraction, number bonds, place value and later on you can use it to visualize multiplication and division as well. Also good for fine motor skills.

mrz · 12/11/2016 08:31

I don't profess to be an expert but i do have many years experience teaching in early years and as a SENCo. Fine motor skills are important for life not just school, things like feeding, using a knife and fork and dressing, fastening buttons, zips shoe laces etc all require good fine motor development too important to ignore!

TeenAndTween · 12/11/2016 11:23

OP. I can't yet see what your problem is and why you have taken it so bad.

Were you told 'your daughter is rubbish, you haven't done enough with her at home to support her fine motor skills' (poor)

or were you told 'your daughter's fine motor skills are under developed and it would help if you did xyz at home with her' (acceptable)

It is far better to have teachers who tell you when an area is weak, than have them keep telling you all is fine and you only discover an issue in y6 or secondary.

TeacherBob · 12/11/2016 12:15

mrz is that your list or did you copy paste from somewhere?

What I am getting at is , can I magpie it for my class to send home :p

catkind · 12/11/2016 12:20

DS couldn't write his name at this stage of Reception. His friend didn't even start school till January due to school place issues. Both summer born. By the end of R both were writing sentences and "exceeding" for writing. At this time when we had the parents evening I was saying I know he's finding writing really hard, teacher was saying no it's fine, we're working on it, he's making great progress.

It's their job not yours, but if written homework isn't working maybe try something else - lots of ideas from mrz, I was thinking in particular practicing letter formation huge in the air or in a tray of flour or on an easel if you have one. If they know the shapes, once fine motor catches up they can whizz along.

Remember your DD has most of a year's development to go in fine motor before she's expected to meet those targets.

Something like learning a few 3D shapes is not a big deal, if it doesn't happen to be something you've done then just include it in everyday life the same way you did with 2D shapes, she'll pick it up in no time. Even if she doesn't pick it up this time, it will come around and around again in the syllabus, DS was doing 2d and 3d shapes yet again in year 3 this term.

Sad that they've been so negative at the parents' evening. I've never come across that, quite the opposite, they're unremittingly positive even about the things DC find hard.

Out of interest, what sort of school is this? It sounds very academic focussed, how much time are they actually spending on writing? Not so bad if it's 10 minutes a day and they're just mentioning as that's the part your DD finds hard.

mrz · 12/11/2016 12:54

TeacherBob it's my list

mrz · 12/11/2016 12:55

Feel free to use anything

TeacherBob · 12/11/2016 12:57

ty :)

mrz · 12/11/2016 12:57

A light up fairy wand or a Jedi light sabre are great for developing correct letter formation movements become automatic and also support shoulder girdle strength.

ThisIsReallyNotMyName · 12/11/2016 12:58

The school or this particular teacher is being ridiculous.

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