School trip and music lesson clash, your advice please

[mouldycheesefan]

School trip clashes with day my dd 9 has a music lesson in school. She has been offered to go on the trip with another class in a different day. She became very tearful when this was suggested saying she doesn't want to go on the trip with another class, she wants to go with her friends in her class. This would mean her missing the music lesson which I already have paid for.
She started the music lessons this term because she was keen to learn the instrument. The deal was that she would have the instrument as a birthday present and would practice willingly. we would support her by paying for the lessons, music books and hearing her practice.
In the few weeks since she started she has missed a lesson because she forgot, lost her music book, not been very focused during practice and now she wants to miss another lesson so she can go on the trip with her class.
I have contacted school to see if she can shift the lesson to another day but this seems doubtful as an option.
I admit that I don't want to be paying out for lessons that she doesn't attend. Would it be harsh to say that she has to refund me the cost of he lesson?
She does five other extra curricular activities and works hard in school and is intelligent. We do four practices in the instrument of ten mins each per week, two by herself and two with parent.

Should I just say fine miss the lesson, is it worth the tears and faff?
Appreciate words of wisdom

Seriously though, how much money would you have contemplated taking off her? If it's a fiver a week I can see why you might be a bit miffed at her missing it. I just worked out the cost for my kid and it's £1.70 a lesson, assuming a 12 week term.

What, long? £1.70 for a music lesson? mine is £14 for 20 minutes. I thought it was normal.

long dd's lessons are £8 for 20 minutes, your dc's lessons are so cheap I am jealous.

irvine dd's school subsidises all music lesson or ours would cost the same as yours.

So you want your 9 year old to refund you money because she'll miss a lesson? Ffs.

Bloody hell, I hadn't realised how much the school are subsidising us! They are group lessons mind you. If this is what you're paying op, I can understand your viewpoint a little better.

Definitely let her go on her trip with her class. However, you do need to have a calm chat with your daughter about doing regular practice, and when it suits her best to do it. Get her to commit to a practice timetable and see if she sticks to it.

The biggest difference to a child's progress with an instrument is regular practice. It doesn’t have to be huge slots, but regular (not just the night before her lesson). Since she's missing her lesson, she could do an extra practice.

My DD had these kind of teething problems initially, I was quite firm with her that if she didn't start practicing properly I would stop her lessons as I wasn't paying money for something she wasn't going to take seriously. She loves it now, because she practices more she can play better, so it's more satisfying for her. She's now taken up a 2nd instrument, I don't even have to remind her to practice.

We have this on a regular basis over the last couple of years. DD's violin teacher normally adds the lesson on at the end of the original schedule or will deduct the fee from the next term's invoice.

In our case the teacher teaches 3 children in DD's year group at the same day so she appreciates heads-up to know if she has to come in at all.

Keeptrudging she does have a practice timetable that we stick to but she need help to focus during those sessions. I think when she gets to be a better player she will enjoy it more. It's always frustrating at the beginning when you can't do much with the instrument.

Pirate fairy, yes, as it's her choice to not go on the trip with the other class I was considering asking her to make a financial contribution to the cost of the missed lesson. Choices have consequences. One of The consequences of hers is I will have wasted money. I think she should share in that. She also forgot to turn up for the lesson last week and has lost her brand new music book which has still not been found. So I will have paid for two lessons that she hasn't taken by her own choice/forgetfulness plus replace the music book. Why should a child not contribute to that?

Wow £8 a music lesson seems cheap never mind £1.40.

We're in a low income area and paying £14 a week. We've really had to think to be able to afford it.

I can't understand why they don't reschedule the lesson. You can't be expected to pay when it's the schools fault. I suppose they did offer an alternative for the school trip though.

My dd wouldn't have missed a music lesson for a trip or anything else, but to her music is her life.

I think if it's a hobby they need to know that practice is part of playing an instrument and lessons are the most important aspect.
If they don't feel like this they are wasting their time, as they won't progress.

Oh that's mean. Penalising her because she wants to go on the trip with her class as any normal child would.

I think you could really damage the relationship between you if you put her in that position

Is it mean? I dont know

gillybeanz I can't understand why they don't reschedule the lesson.

Presumably because the peri teacher spends a limited time at OP's DD school and does not want to make a separate journey to come back on another day (which might be impossible anyway, depending on their teaching schedule).

DD learns an instrument in school - her teacher is in school on Wednesday mornings where she teaches all the children learning that instrument. On other days/times she is in different schools.

Yes it's really mean. You're making your child make an impossible decision.

Going to school isn't exactly a choice and you shouldn't penalise her or make her feel bad in any way for going to school and taking part in a trip with her class. There shouldn't be "consequences" for going to school as you should be!!!

If she's doing her practice just accept that the school has a clash and from this thread it seems other schools do too.

She's already become tearful. Please drop it with her. You should be encouraging her to love school, be interested in the trip, asking how she got on with her classmates etc. It's not her fault there's a clash at all.

Let her go on the trip and do not charge her for the privilege. Goodness I thought I was a harsh mother but this takes the

Why should she be punished for missing a lesson when it's not even slightly her fault?! It's a timetable clash. Expecting her to forgo the trip with her own class and tag along with a group she doesn't know well is really unreasonable.

Well ineed I'm a softie in every sense of the word but some of the threads on here to me seem intent on making children's lives joyless for the sheer hell of it. I'm bloody glad to be considered a softie tbh.

The other class includes her twin sister and other children she is friends with. But not her best friends.
Thanks for your advice.

Cel982, all the others who have music lessons on the day of the trip are going with the other class. Id it really that unreasonable for the school to suggest that?

I appreciate how frustrating it is that she has missed so many lessons you have paid for but yes, YABU and very harsh. But that's easier to see without being the person paying. I would just chalk this one up. If you are very bothered then I would make an arrangement with your child that they pay for any lessons that they miss due to forgetfulness both the lesson or the music book and lack of practice. The school trip is out of your DC's control but forgetfulness is not.

Oh come on, she's NINE. Of course she doesn't want to go on the trip with another class. Yes, there might be an underlying issue with motivation (missing book and forgetting about the lesson) but deal with that separately to the trip. Also she only started playing recently - it takes time to form good practice habits.

You're putting your daughter in an awkward position by asking her to essentially prove her commitment by missing out on a class (and I'm assuming, educational) trip.

Not everything needs to be turned into a life lesson.

I won't ask her to contribute to the cost of the missed lesson but she will have to pay for a replacement for the music book she lost.
Before you say I am mean her extra curricular activities cost £225 plus per month and in the past month I have paid £300 for equipment. So if she loses a brand new music book it us rather galling. I also paid fir a lost library book this month.

Spending lots of money on your child doesn't mean you're not being mean in this instance ( the stately homes thread is a testament to that.)

Making your child feel bad and charging her to go on a trip with her class on the day her class is going is incredibly mean, regardless of how much money you spend on her.