Advice please; managing a violent situation at Recepetion year and onwards

[Chilicosrenegade]

Hello,

This could be an emotive subject. I understand. However I am looking for constructive comment to managing a complicated ongoing situation please.

My DD is presently in Reception. Its been a rough year. She entered via its Nursery. We had a great year then. No issues with anything. In reception children entered from outside. New to the school, the rules and each other. Naively (now) we didnt think much of this.

One child, a boy, turned out to be quite volatile. My dd was hit regularly for 3 weeks before sobbing to me in the car about how scared she was to go in. Id genuinely had no idea. And dd had thought this was normal til she couldnt cope any longer. This coincided with a parents evening. Naturally I raised it. Our perfectly nice new teacher didn't have the ability to answer anything. She is recently qualified (inside 5yrs) and sadly kept saying she could listen but couldn't answer questions for fear of breaking confidentiality. She took our concerns on board. Nothing changed for a week. He hit my Dd again. I went to the HoY, notified our teacher I was doing so for fairness. Basically said I need information as to whats happening and how to protect my child. By this stage she was hating school. She was bitten, kicked, scratched, thumped, hair pulled, pushed over, tripped over, had pencils thrown at her, writing paper thrown at her, paint thrown at her, (this is extremely painful to write) he yanked her backwards by her pony tail so hard hair was removed from her head.

We called a meeting with the Head. We were advised no information could be given about X. We had copied the school policies and highlighted where infractions were occurring against the policies. We were advised that as they were under EYFS these policies didn't apply. We were advised they were monitoring and dealing with the situation. We could not be told how. Advice was being sought, by who we could not know. We asked if this was happening to other children, we could not be told. We were told that some children didnt attend any kind of school environment so were taking a while to settle. That it would improve.

3 weeks later my DD refused to go in. She loves school. Shes a keen kid, I make no apology for being lucky at present. I know this. We called another meeting. We had a book which went between school and home and recorded incidences and equated her happiness on a "Happy face" chart. Things improved it appeared in her appreciation but not in the rate of attacks.

Between Jan and feb half term we had two further meetings after attacks. She was punched in the eye and stood on and he fell on her knocking her over and hitting her head on a desk. These were again attributed to 'accidents'. Everything is an accident. She has to understand. She should move away from him. She should change play area. She should move away. She should understand him and his ability or lack of whichever applicable. They are both 5. To be honest the language used makes me sick. Its like domestic violence. For me, they are asking her to alter her behaviour to accommodate another and explain it by "he wanted it, so I left it" "he didnt mean to hurt me, it was an accident when he hurt me".

Ive since obviously found out from other parents that other children are experiencing similar. Its hinted that theres SEN, but thats not confirmed or denied and leaves us unable to understand anything or feel any confidence.

We have just found out they are not mixing classes this coming year for Year 1. So she has another year of this. Its been hinted that it would be traumatic for him. But the attacks are lesser bi weekly approximately. Now we have alternate issues. Now he regards DD as a friend, hes pushed over 3 children seperately for playing with her makiing them cry. Playmates shes had since nursery are not necessarily playing with her if he comes near. Shes upset. Shes been asked to be his lunch buddy but he scares her but as the school rule is "We are nice to everyone" shes been forced to assist him, swallow her fear of being hurt for fear of breaking a school rule. Shes 5.

For us it feels we are handling smoke. The issue runs through our fingers and theres nothing to grasp to discuss as we are not allowed to know anything. Our comments are "taken on board" but we cannot know what happens. And we wait, til something happens again. And we sign accident books where every item is an accident, he didnt mean it.

Every parent that complains is taken as a seperate issue not an accumlative one. Its not necessarily the school - part of me feels this is more systemic than specific. Im not entirely sure. Clearly, theres 'inclusivity' boxes that can be ticked happily in supporting him, but not in regards to supporting anyone else in the class.

Does anyone with any knowledge of education know anything that I can do to support my DD? And / or enable better discussion with our school? Are there supportive places I can get information? Can I complain any more? Who to? So far Ive gone as far as the Head Mistress. I dont want to leave the school. I want the violence to cease. If that ceased I dont see a reason to change much else. Ideally he moved classes, but thats probably a pipe dream. I am suspicious they would move her, thus compounding the "she must alter herself to keep him calm" attitude they seem to lazily adopt.

Any thoughts please? I feel at a loss... Ive always been able to solve things so far. And I cant. I need help. Please be kind.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Completely agree. School's failing. Which is why prompt action about the issue at hand to the correct place is the best thing for the O
P's DD.

[ItWasNeverASkirt]

So for me, if the school is failing to resolve an issue like this after repeated efforts by the OP, Ofsted would seem like an appropriate avenue as it's the regulating body.

[BishopBrennansArse]

They won't deal with it yet, promise.
I've done this.

[Asuitablemum]

I think I would insist that she is moved to the other class for next year. She will make new friends and be much better off. Don't take no for an answer.

[Lymmmummy]

To be honest it sounds badly managed - I would be inclined to move school and just be shot of it being a potential issue for years to come

[icecreamvan]

We are in a very similar situation to this at the moment. My son is 9. He has a disablity himself but is being bullied by a new child who clearly has SEN of some sort too.
The school are blaming my son for not ignoring the new boy even though he has been bullied physically and verbally targetting his disability.
This has been going on for 4 months.
I have been given this advice. To log everything. Put all communication in writing/email. Say:
1- That you are not completely satisfied with the way the bullying complaint has been handled and that you will consider getting in touch with Ofsted as Ofsted have a safeguarding policy with regards to bullying. ( you can check this online beforehand )
2- You feel that they have contributed to her meltdowns and behaviour by failing to deal with this properly and in a timely manner and due to this you will be seeing your GP as you are concerned about her mental health etc.
You will hold the school to account for any deterioration in your daughter's mental health.
3 - Let them know that depending on the outcome of the meeting and what they intend to do to support your daughter if you are not satisfied you will have to involve the governors, don't name any names at the meeting but if you do proceed then you should consider mentioning that his teacher should have communicated and resolved it from the start and her failure has led to the situation escalating.
4- Ask for the recent up to date policy on bullying.
5-If there is a bullying policy on the website then go through this and tell them that they are in breach of this. They may have a policy on positive behaviour or equality policy or even safeguarding policy on their website, look these up before the meeting to see if they apply to your daughter and whether they are in breach of these policies and tell them where / how they have breached these policies.
6- Finally go into the meeting with a plan about what you think should be reasonably done to support your daughter with the bullying and how they can resolve this situation.
Also ask for a communication book from September as you do not want a repeat of Reception and feel that the teacher could have done more to support your daughter and nip it in the bud and lack of communication has not helped.
7- Finally keep a note of all the incidents at school with your daughter and her meltdowns.

[icecreamvan]

I think this sounds awful OP. Really awful. Worse than what my son is going through.

I wish I could take my son out but he has lots of friends and I don't want to change his school at this late stage.

I had warning signs that the school was not the right place for him to be at the beginning/Reception but didn't want to change schools then. If I could go back I would. Reception/Year 1 is so early on that they will adapt.

I think your school sounds awful. I would really suggest you take your daughter away.

[Whistler15]

Early Years must have their own policies unless specifically mentioned in the main school policies. The school has a legal duty of care. Contact the Safeguarding Officer at your Local Authority.