Hello,
This could be an emotive subject. I understand. However I am looking for constructive comment to managing a complicated ongoing situation please.
My DD is presently in Reception. Its been a rough year. She entered via its Nursery. We had a great year then. No issues with anything. In reception children entered from outside. New to the school, the rules and each other. Naively (now) we didnt think much of this.
One child, a boy, turned out to be quite volatile. My dd was hit regularly for 3 weeks before sobbing to me in the car about how scared she was to go in. Id genuinely had no idea. And dd had thought this was normal til she couldnt cope any longer. This coincided with a parents evening. Naturally I raised it. Our perfectly nice new teacher didn't have the ability to answer anything. She is recently qualified (inside 5yrs) and sadly kept saying she could listen but couldn't answer questions for fear of breaking confidentiality. She took our concerns on board. Nothing changed for a week. He hit my Dd again. I went to the HoY, notified our teacher I was doing so for fairness. Basically said I need information as to whats happening and how to protect my child. By this stage she was hating school. She was bitten, kicked, scratched, thumped, hair pulled, pushed over, tripped over, had pencils thrown at her, writing paper thrown at her, paint thrown at her, (this is extremely painful to write) he yanked her backwards by her pony tail so hard hair was removed from her head.
We called a meeting with the Head. We were advised no information could be given about X. We had copied the school policies and highlighted where infractions were occurring against the policies. We were advised that as they were under EYFS these policies didn't apply. We were advised they were monitoring and dealing with the situation. We could not be told how. Advice was being sought, by who we could not know. We asked if this was happening to other children, we could not be told. We were told that some children didnt attend any kind of school environment so were taking a while to settle. That it would improve.
3 weeks later my DD refused to go in. She loves school. Shes a keen kid, I make no apology for being lucky at present. I know this. We called another meeting. We had a book which went between school and home and recorded incidences and equated her happiness on a "Happy face" chart. Things improved it appeared in her appreciation but not in the rate of attacks.
Between Jan and feb half term we had two further meetings after attacks. She was punched in the eye and stood on and he fell on her knocking her over and hitting her head on a desk. These were again attributed to 'accidents'. Everything is an accident. She has to understand. She should move away from him. She should change play area. She should move away. She should understand him and his ability or lack of whichever applicable. They are both 5. To be honest the language used makes me sick. Its like domestic violence. For me, they are asking her to alter her behaviour to accommodate another and explain it by "he wanted it, so I left it" "he didnt mean to hurt me, it was an accident when he hurt me".
Ive since obviously found out from other parents that other children are experiencing similar. Its hinted that theres SEN, but thats not confirmed or denied and leaves us unable to understand anything or feel any confidence.
We have just found out they are not mixing classes this coming year for Year 1. So she has another year of this. Its been hinted that it would be traumatic for him. But the attacks are lesser bi weekly approximately. Now we have alternate issues. Now he regards DD as a friend, hes pushed over 3 children seperately for playing with her makiing them cry. Playmates shes had since nursery are not necessarily playing with her if he comes near. Shes upset. Shes been asked to be his lunch buddy but he scares her but as the school rule is "We are nice to everyone" shes been forced to assist him, swallow her fear of being hurt for fear of breaking a school rule. Shes 5.
For us it feels we are handling smoke. The issue runs through our fingers and theres nothing to grasp to discuss as we are not allowed to know anything. Our comments are "taken on board" but we cannot know what happens. And we wait, til something happens again. And we sign accident books where every item is an accident, he didnt mean it.
Every parent that complains is taken as a seperate issue not an accumlative one. Its not necessarily the school - part of me feels this is more systemic than specific. Im not entirely sure. Clearly, theres 'inclusivity' boxes that can be ticked happily in supporting him, but not in regards to supporting anyone else in the class.
Does anyone with any knowledge of education know anything that I can do to support my DD? And / or enable better discussion with our school? Are there supportive places I can get information? Can I complain any more? Who to? So far Ive gone as far as the Head Mistress. I dont want to leave the school. I want the violence to cease. If that ceased I dont see a reason to change much else. Ideally he moved classes, but thats probably a pipe dream. I am suspicious they would move her, thus compounding the "she must alter herself to keep him calm" attitude they seem to lazily adopt.
Any thoughts please? I feel at a loss... Ive always been able to solve things so far. And I cant. I need help. Please be kind.
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Primary education
Advice please; managing a violent situation at Recepetion year and onwards
Chilicosrenegade · 20/06/2016 10:19
The school has an obligation to keep your child safe which it is completely failing to do. Formal complaints to the head teacher, chair of governors and local authority should be made. And move your child. If the school won't protect her, you have to. And good luck. It sounds absolutely awful 
They had to construct a case that this child's were not being met to force her out.
- how horrible to force a child out and to make them feel unwelcome.
If the child needs really couldn't be met there - I'd expect the parents of that child and the school would have been all over that situation no need to try and force another child out.
In my DS case - he the one with dyspraxia- not known then - the other child was NT as far as I know. Other children in class who had 1:1 and children I know who later had diagnosis weren't an issue for my DS. More importantly if the adults who witnessed the behaviour upsetting my DS had done something - separated the children, distracted one let my DS cool off not have to deal with other child all day there wouldn't have been an issue. It was all about the adults not managing the situation adequately.
That school generally was very good with managing behaviour - that teacher really wasn't.
I think the OP had a bigger problem than us because it doesn't sound like her school is good at this. I don't think it's going to help her to try and demonised another 5 year old her focus needs to be on how the school is keeping her child safe.
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