Advice please; managing a violent situation at Recepetion year and onwards

[Chilicosrenegade]

Hello,

This could be an emotive subject. I understand. However I am looking for constructive comment to managing a complicated ongoing situation please.

My DD is presently in Reception. Its been a rough year. She entered via its Nursery. We had a great year then. No issues with anything. In reception children entered from outside. New to the school, the rules and each other. Naively (now) we didnt think much of this.

One child, a boy, turned out to be quite volatile. My dd was hit regularly for 3 weeks before sobbing to me in the car about how scared she was to go in. Id genuinely had no idea. And dd had thought this was normal til she couldnt cope any longer. This coincided with a parents evening. Naturally I raised it. Our perfectly nice new teacher didn't have the ability to answer anything. She is recently qualified (inside 5yrs) and sadly kept saying she could listen but couldn't answer questions for fear of breaking confidentiality. She took our concerns on board. Nothing changed for a week. He hit my Dd again. I went to the HoY, notified our teacher I was doing so for fairness. Basically said I need information as to whats happening and how to protect my child. By this stage she was hating school. She was bitten, kicked, scratched, thumped, hair pulled, pushed over, tripped over, had pencils thrown at her, writing paper thrown at her, paint thrown at her, (this is extremely painful to write) he yanked her backwards by her pony tail so hard hair was removed from her head.

We called a meeting with the Head. We were advised no information could be given about X. We had copied the school policies and highlighted where infractions were occurring against the policies. We were advised that as they were under EYFS these policies didn't apply. We were advised they were monitoring and dealing with the situation. We could not be told how. Advice was being sought, by who we could not know. We asked if this was happening to other children, we could not be told. We were told that some children didnt attend any kind of school environment so were taking a while to settle. That it would improve.

3 weeks later my DD refused to go in. She loves school. Shes a keen kid, I make no apology for being lucky at present. I know this. We called another meeting. We had a book which went between school and home and recorded incidences and equated her happiness on a "Happy face" chart. Things improved it appeared in her appreciation but not in the rate of attacks.

Between Jan and feb half term we had two further meetings after attacks. She was punched in the eye and stood on and he fell on her knocking her over and hitting her head on a desk. These were again attributed to 'accidents'. Everything is an accident. She has to understand. She should move away from him. She should change play area. She should move away. She should understand him and his ability or lack of whichever applicable. They are both 5. To be honest the language used makes me sick. Its like domestic violence. For me, they are asking her to alter her behaviour to accommodate another and explain it by "he wanted it, so I left it" "he didnt mean to hurt me, it was an accident when he hurt me".

Ive since obviously found out from other parents that other children are experiencing similar. Its hinted that theres SEN, but thats not confirmed or denied and leaves us unable to understand anything or feel any confidence.

We have just found out they are not mixing classes this coming year for Year 1. So she has another year of this. Its been hinted that it would be traumatic for him. But the attacks are lesser bi weekly approximately. Now we have alternate issues. Now he regards DD as a friend, hes pushed over 3 children seperately for playing with her makiing them cry. Playmates shes had since nursery are not necessarily playing with her if he comes near. Shes upset. Shes been asked to be his lunch buddy but he scares her but as the school rule is "We are nice to everyone" shes been forced to assist him, swallow her fear of being hurt for fear of breaking a school rule. Shes 5.

For us it feels we are handling smoke. The issue runs through our fingers and theres nothing to grasp to discuss as we are not allowed to know anything. Our comments are "taken on board" but we cannot know what happens. And we wait, til something happens again. And we sign accident books where every item is an accident, he didnt mean it.

Every parent that complains is taken as a seperate issue not an accumlative one. Its not necessarily the school - part of me feels this is more systemic than specific. Im not entirely sure. Clearly, theres 'inclusivity' boxes that can be ticked happily in supporting him, but not in regards to supporting anyone else in the class.

Does anyone with any knowledge of education know anything that I can do to support my DD? And / or enable better discussion with our school? Are there supportive places I can get information? Can I complain any more? Who to? So far Ive gone as far as the Head Mistress. I dont want to leave the school. I want the violence to cease. If that ceased I dont see a reason to change much else. Ideally he moved classes, but thats probably a pipe dream. I am suspicious they would move her, thus compounding the "she must alter herself to keep him calm" attitude they seem to lazily adopt.

Any thoughts please? I feel at a loss... Ive always been able to solve things so far. And I cant. I need help. Please be kind.

[Lonnysera]

I totally get why they can't or won't explain what's been put in place regarding this child. But why can't they tell you what they're doing to safeguard YOUR child? What has been their response when you ask that?

[WiggleYourWoo]

OFSTED take safeguarding very seriously and will make a unexpected visit to school to investigate and if problems with safeguarding uncovered OFSTED will strip the school it's "good" rating.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Only for a few more weeks... This year. Unless they start actually doing something to meet this boy's needs and therefore support your DD and anyone else affected by the school's inaction this has the potential to continue for a further six years.

Depends where you're at paperwork wise as to how I personally would pursue this. If you have anything in writing I would take it either to the local authority (if maintained) or the department of education (if an academy).

If there's no paper trail, start one.
Write a letter to the board of governors for the attention of the governor responsible for safeguarding and the governor responsible for SEN. Include a timeline of events, who you spoke to and when and what was said. State that you have no need for information about this boy but that because of repeated events it is clear that measures put in place to meet his needs therefore safeguarding your DD and other children are not working. Ask why the policies don't include EYFS. Give them 2 weeks to respond, then if you're not happy go to LEA or DofE.

[MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs]

I had a similar situation with my ds, he's now 13.
Went to nursery with a boy who terrorised him on a daily basis.
Unfortunately just my ds and this boy went to the primary school ( our primary doesn't have nursery so they attended a nearby school one ) and he was stuck with him for 7 years.

My ds was diagnosed with asd at 8 and coped really well at school and is doing great now, even doing some GCSE's early but this boy is now hinting at changing from his current school ( where he's hanging on by a thread ) to the school my ds is in.

Our school seemed similar to yours in that they seemed to " allow " this despicable behaviour and it wasn't just towards fellow pupils, teachers were attacked too :(

My ds was left alone by him at primary and the other boy did his best to become friends with my ds and still does now but my ds thankfully could see him for what he was.

So after all that I don't have the magic answer but once I threatened to involve the education welfare officer amongst others the situation seemed to improve.

I suggested once that the other boy may have had sen ( not in a judgey way ) and was told no, however at 13, very recently he has also been diagnosed with asd.

I do not for one second condone this behaviour and still feel angry at the school for the way this was handled but I didn't think it was fair to uproot my child when he was settled and otherwise happy.

In our situation- the safeguarding officer was the head!!

I have a 5 yr old dd in reception and really feel for you both, it's shocking.

Best of luck op x

[StarUtopia]

So I move her, rip her away from the friends she has, the environment she knows, the teachers she does love, and drop her in a new environment will I be improving her lot or making a bad situation worse?

Yes, You move her now. Dear god. :(

Friends will keep in touch. Teachers (however fabulous) she will soon move on from. This current situation is doing untold amounts of damage.

She will settle in a new school in 2 days.

For her own safety (physical and emotional) you have a responsibility as her parent to keep her safe.

This is not normal. This is not happening in every school. Get her out now. I wouldn't even be sending her in at all if it were me.

[alltouchedout]

I'd contact ofsted, today, to report that the school states that there is no safeguarding policy applicable to the EYFS. Ofsted will not be interested in the experience of one individual child, but they will be interested to hear that your school feels that EYFS children are not covered by safeguarding or other policies.

In my written complaint to the governors, in which I would individually name each member of staff with whom I had already raised the situation, I would cite ofsted's safeguarding policy (available here: www.gov.uk/government/publications/ofsted-safeguarding-policy) which is clear in that is applies to children aged from 0 to 18, making specific reference to the mention on page 5 of ofsted's role when there has been "inadequate response to bullying within a school " and "lack of clarity about the safeguarding needs of children...". I would also set out, much as you have done in this post, the timeline and detail of events, the suffering experienced by my child, the totally inadequate response by staff, the knowledge that I have of other children experiencing similar attacks. I would state that under no circumstances is my child going to be the lunch buddy of a child who regularly violently assaults her and question the professional judgement of the person who decided otherwise.

I would ask a series of clear questions as to how this situation will be dealt with going forward. I would stress that I would not accept a refusal to discuss this due to 'confidentiality' as a response. I would not let them know that I had already contacted ofsted but I would certainly ensure they knew that if I considered their response inadequate I would be escalating this.

(And I would cry, a lot. This must be so hard. I haven't had to deal with bullying and violence on this level as a parent. I would probably lose the plot entirely. Your poor little girl.)

[alltouchedout]

I'd also print this out, take it into school and suggest they read it: www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/335504/EYFS_framework_from_1_September_2014__with_clarification_note.pdf

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

On separate pieces of paper write out every single one of the ridiculous things that they have hold you with the words "I confirm" on and the heads name at the bottom.

"I confirm that this school has no safeguarding for EYFS"
"I confirm that a child who is being regularly injured by another child is not able to be protected."
"I confirm that I feel it is appropriate for a child who has been injured by another child on 73 separate incidents to become that child's buddy."

Ask the head to sign. Take extra paper. If she starts making other statements write them out and ask her to sign them.

[Squeezypumpkin]

Totally unacceptable. They have a duty of care to your child regardless of the needs of another. At what point do they action this bad behaviour...when he seriously hurts someone (sorry it sound frightening).

I would ask the school:

1. what they are doing about this behaviour. If they say they cannot discuss this other child then that is fine you aren't looking to discuss his problems only the problems he is causing to your child
2. how can they guarantee your childs safety. what measures they have in place to ensure that the environment is safe
3. if they are blocking you at every turn I would suggest that if your child is injured and they knew it was a possibility (i.e. put her in danger) they are culpable and you will hold them responsible

It is not okay for a child(ren) to be injured or afraid because of the action of an individual whatever the reason.

The school is responsible for your child whilst in their care....are they saying they can't look after her? if so then this is NOT a good school. Safety first.

I am appalled and angry on your behalf.

Good luck

[SuckingEggs]

Take someone with you if you can. Another pair of ears/ moral support.

The school has failed your poor daughter. Time to get lioness like.

[bojorojo]

You are mistakeen to think that behaviour gets worse as children go through the school. Very often the problems are with the very youngest children who can bite, punch, kick, and lash out. Often they lack the oral skills to explain their feelings and are too immature for school. This child came fromanother nursery or maybe did not even go to nursery at all. He possibly has special needs and it is this need the school cannot talk to you about, specifically.

However, you need to read the Behaviour Policy - and it does apply to all children. You need to ask how the safety of all the children is being ensured. Are they monitoring the playground closely? Could he be given one to one supervision at the most vulnerable times of the day? The school must use its budget to ensure this child is adequately supervised. Are they doing this? It may well be that he is not actually in a school that can manage his behaviour, but that is up to the Head and his parents/carers to sort out. Ask what the school is doing to meet the needs of all the children.

Lots of children move school very successfully and they really do not make lifelong friends at 5 years old. You will have to balance your views on friendships against safety. Also you absolutely cannot guarantee there will not be a similar child in another school. Children with these behaviour issues are fairly common and moving is not a guarantee you will avoid this type of child. There is no quick fix answer to a child who behaves like this. However, schools have to be inclusive so they must work with him and his parents/carers to improve the situation. Would it be a good idea to exclude him from school at 5? Should he be passed around from school to school following exlcusion after exclusion? Clearly this is not a satisfactory remedy.

A teacher of 1-5 years experience should have been able to answer, in general terms, how the school are proposing to keep children safe. She could have talked about closer supervison, ensuring behaviour policies are followed, talking to the children and showing that they are aware of the situation and taking active steps to manage it so the learning of others does not suffer. Usse the formal complaints procedure if the Head Teacher cannot answer your questions. Other parents may also be persuaded to do the same.

[fuzzyfozzy]

The school is required by Ofsted to have policies that cover children in reception (EYFS) invariably they'll be the same as the ones you had in their nursery.

[BishopBrennansArse]

It's not ok to say the boy is causing the problem.
It's the staff at the school not meeting his needs that is causing the problem.
Big difference.

[midnightlurker]

I was a teacher - move her. Move her now. The school clearly have insufficient experience and funds to manage the other child's needs adequately, and your child is collateral damage.

[midnightlurker]

*Meet not manage!

[Ionacat]

This site has some excellent advice and template letters if a school doesn't resolve bullying.
www.bullying.co.uk/bullying-at-school/what-to-do-if-the-school-doesn-t-resolve-the-bullying/

You need to contact the local authority NOT Ofsted about safeguarding. It is a popular myth in here that you can complain to Ofsted about schools, you can but in very particular circumstances and you must have exhausted the schools complaints process first. Reception although EYFS is part of a school and inspected in the same way as schools.
www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/state-schools

OP I would get a copy of the complaints procedure and follow it to the letter and then take it further if necessary, whilst also making a phone call to the LEA about lack of safeguarding policy in this case.

[Ionacat]

Sorry forgot to say, I would move her as well as following all the complaint policy.

[Chilicosrenegade]

Thank you. Some good useful information which Im going to digest tonight. Particularly all those that include links and experiences. Of which sadly theres rather a few.

I am reading and noting and will update. Thank you.

[starry0ne]

Good luck for your meeting OP

[mouldycheesefan]

OMG I would have been creating merry hell about this from the first incident! Complain to the LA, the governors and OFSTED. Change schools. This is a shit situation and it's been going on ALL YEAR. Being patient has achieved nothing you need to go into battle now.

[mananana]

Blimey. You seem to want to do this absolutely by the book.

You can just move her you know and if my child was experiencing what you described in your OP I wouldn't hesitate.

[mananana]

I moved my very unhappy dd to a new school when she was in year 2. She was like a different child within the first day.

[BishopBrennansArse]

Whilst I think the OP has been overly patient there is zero point yelling to everybody and anybody, particularly those who won't get involved at this point (ofsted). They'll keep referring back downwards. There is due process to follow.

I speak as the voice of bitter experience in this. Hence my advice.
My advice was given as the OP seemed to prefer to keep her child in the school. If the OP would prefer to move her child then she should still follow the process I detailed but also bear in mind that once the child is off the school roll complaints won't be accepted.

So...

With a current paper trail escalate to the board of governors, in particular the safeguarding governor and governor with responsibility for SEN. Give them two weeks to respond.

If not satisfied with response or no response escalate to local lea safeguarding in schools team (if maintained) or d of e (if an academy).

If no paper trail, create one. Send timeline of incidents, who said what, confirming everything including the policies not covering EYFS. Give two weeks. Then escalate as above. If process started this week it'll be well underway by the summer holidays.

What is key is that you state that you appreciate information cannot be disclosed about this child BUT as a result of the school failing to meet his needs your child and other children are suffering. That inadequate safeguarding has been put in place.

[mananana]

It doesn't matter if it is a good school

Children learn where they are happy and you already have a school refuser on your hands in Yr R.