Play dates - etiquette and advice about giving invitations etc (Reception child)

[handlemecarefully]

Yes I know I am being lazy not checking the archives but ...well... there you go.

DD is in Reception. Play dates are quite a transparent affair (there is a wipe clean board at the entrance to the class where you write "Molly home with Polly" or whatever so that the teacher knows who is turning up at pick up time).

So I am trying not to get mildly paranoid on dd's behalf...

*Yesterday Millie was going home with Maddie
*Today the same Millie is going home with Katharine
*And Jennifer is going home with Sophie

My dd hasn't had a play date invitation yet.
She is completely unaware of this however so not peturbed....but I am.

Is it because I am a little on the periphery of the other mums (i.e. is it my fault?) - I chat pleasantly to them but I am not friends with any of them.

Should I be initiating things by asking dd if she wants anyone around to play? ( I'm sort of reluctant to be proactive in case she asks and 'we' are rejected)

Twiglett - you've made me think we hould start having proper play dates now...
Not sure I bear more small people around me at that time of day

I ask dd whether she wants to take playclothes when she goes out to tea. generally she cannot be bothered. She can just take of her tie and undo the top button if she wants (but usually does not)

Some parents do, others do not.

I think it is only a problem if you are going to worry about a flour covered tunic when they get home

and a washing machine soon sorts out any mess doesn't it?

HMC you are so my twin (dogs, chickens, pre-sch chair, DD in reception - spooky and yet strangely, reassuring). Anyway, being linked as we are, I'm about to embark on this playdates thing myself. DDs 'best friend' at school invited another classmate to dinner this week and DD is gutted and feeling a bit left out (not helped because her previous best friend is at a different school and we haven't seen her since August)

Anyway, I'm resolved to issue an invitation tomorrow - I'll let you know how I get on...!

i have read this thread with interest as my ds started in reception in september. i have been really nervous about inviting anyone to play after school - probably my own insecurity more than anything else, plus the fact that i only have mondays free due to after school swimming on a tuesday and being in work until 5 the rest of the week. Anyway i plucked up the courage to write a note to put in ds's "best friends" bag and his mum was so lovely - after a great "play date" last week she is having ds tomorrow after "football training" as he normally goes to nursery where ds2 is on my work days andd they struggle to collect him at abnormal pick up times. all i can say is "go for it." I'm not one of the gaggle that stands gossipping at pick up time, infact i deliberately get there as the bell rings as most of them seem to know one another and i work 3 days and basically find this kind of interaction both difficult and embarassing. The mate's mum seems so lovely, has made me think twice about judging people just because they appear to have nothing beter to do than gossip at the school gate!

God playdates,my ds isn't even in school yet and he's already engineering playdates .He comes flying out of nursery shouting "jamie wants to come to my house today,can he mummy?"

Cue me trying to ignore and slither away from jamie's mum, who looks like a hairy truck driver.

I have had numerous children and their mums back for coffee (not quite at the meal stage yet) and most of them haven't reciprocated.Have started a thread on this a while ago.
So the other evening at dinner I tell ds that he can't have anyone round because we've had loads of friends round and mummy will do the asking thank you very much!

So today ds comes flying out of nursery shouting "mummy ,noone can come to our house to play because we always have them"
cue me rushing to car head down.

Actually on a more serious not has anyone had to deal with serious allergies on a playdate.I am curious as am nervous about this when ds starts school,he has a nut allergy.

GGgirl, one of Ds's playdates has a very serious nut allergy and is quite allergenic to a number of other things (he is 5).

Firstly the school is nut-free so DS knows that X is not allowed nuts - says things like - oh if those have got sesame seeds I cannot take thim in my lunch box etc.

X had been round to our house with his Mum first to a party and I suspect she sizes up whether people really get the no nuts or not before allowing him to fly solo. We have a very experienced nanny, who I suspect can be relied on more to comply with this than some others, as it is her job! When X is coming round, his mother tends to suggest to our nanny what he can eat or just check what she is proposing to make(not in a pushy way, rather she says X is entirely fine eating A, B and C, ie proposing things he can eat rather than things he can't). She also went over the epi-pen/ambulance instructions and left one plus written instructions. But once you've been over it once, its all quite straightforward and actually lots of the things he can eat are the things the children would eat anyway - pasta etc.

I think she is good, because I can appreciate the tendency is to wrap him up in cotton wool and never allow him out.

Child X also automatically says "has this got nuts in?" when you offer him anything.

anchovy,thanks that's very reassuring.Now I need to work on ds's fussy eating!

If only I could get him to try pasta fgs!!

anchovy,thanks that's very reassuring.Now I need to work on ds's fussy eating!

If only I could get him to try pasta fgs!!

I send playclothes, so that her uniform lasts longer and doesn't get torn/messed up/etc. It cost lots and we only have 2 pinafores, and I am not buying more, at £30 odd a go, this year! For sake of throwing jeans and a t shirt into a bag, I'm happy.

Norksbride - how did you get on with initiating a play date?

I approached R's mum at the school gates today and asked if she might like to come over. R is very busy - has the ubiquitous Millie over (see previous posts)next Monday, and busy rest of next week, but has said that R would like to come over a week next Thursday! Phew some of these Year R children have busy social diaries.

I think I would be happy with 1 play date / after school friend for tea perhaps once per fortnight!

I have been rejected when asking for playdates loads of times. Loads and loads. Must be me, then. And of those who do come, most don't reciprocat.

Imagine it wasn't an issue for most of our mothers because back then we just went out by ourselves and played with other children living on the road.

exactly flack. When your kids get to a certain age they'll organise mmost of it themselves. Your input will not be needed.

HMC don't take offence .. I often make playdates for a fortnight hence .. not because I want to (cos I'm more off the cuff than that) but because there's too much going on .. I need to run a 2-week chalk-board so I know as of today DS booked mon-tue-wed and fri this week and mon-tue-fri next

thing is these build up over the first term of people doing playdates and eventually you get to a point where you owe people or your child wants a special friend and then it gets difficult to add new people .. but that doesn't mean you don't want to

I think maybe when approaching people do it with a date a couple of weeks ahead just to be sure

HTH

HMC my advise to you would be only have 1 child per date, because if you invite sophie and Katie TOGETHER because they are friends your DD will be left out and the other 2 will play together, 2 is company and 3 is a crowd

I agree about numbers, except i usaully invite two people as i have 2 children and if i invite only one, 1 child gets left out!!!

Much more fun to have a friend of each the same night - saves time for me too!