Play dates - etiquette and advice about giving invitations etc (Reception child)

[handlemecarefully]

Yes I know I am being lazy not checking the archives but ...well... there you go.

DD is in Reception. Play dates are quite a transparent affair (there is a wipe clean board at the entrance to the class where you write "Molly home with Polly" or whatever so that the teacher knows who is turning up at pick up time).

So I am trying not to get mildly paranoid on dd's behalf...

*Yesterday Millie was going home with Maddie
*Today the same Millie is going home with Katharine
*And Jennifer is going home with Sophie

My dd hasn't had a play date invitation yet.
She is completely unaware of this however so not peturbed....but I am.

Is it because I am a little on the periphery of the other mums (i.e. is it my fault?) - I chat pleasantly to them but I am not friends with any of them.

Should I be initiating things by asking dd if she wants anyone around to play? ( I'm sort of reluctant to be proactive in case she asks and 'we' are rejected)

I found DD1 took a little time to get used to having other people round - she tended to cower at me a bit, with me breezily pushing her at her friend, and/or throw a magnificent wobbly...but she absolutely adores them now. So do I. Other child comes round, dashes off with yours, they have a nice time, you vaguely push some food at them at feeding time, they bog off again...fabulous. Love them.

DD's 4 too. Might be a girl thing maybe? But they don't want me around! lol

I'm, being lazy and not reading any other responses but I am really surprised the nursery puts this board up in full view. Its main purpose will be to make mums paranoid and feel like social under-achievers.

Whta a totally rubbish idea.

I have flicked through the threads and am now very surprised that no one has blinked an eye at the idea of this 'playdate' board in full view.

I wouldn't give two hoots about the playdates. I'd ask for the board to be removed

I've just read it and I agree - we did have something similar ( at preschool not reception) but it was an a4 sheet on the notice board, and more used for childminders/nannies etc as to who was picking child up

Chances are Millie's mum is the biggest social mover and shaker - nothing to do with the children involved.

i find the idea of leaving a 4 year old with a family that I know virtually nothing about pretty scary...

i'd like the mum to stay for coffee because I'd want to stay for coffee if ds was invited to their house...

I wouldn't like the idea of the board either. We just tell DD's teacher and they remember. It is generally obvious as they have an extra bag, with play clothes, with them.

dd hasn't done any playdates where I don't know the mum - if I dont, I go along for a cup of tea and then leave her to it I'll say to the parent 'dd hasn't been to your place before....ios it ok if I drop her off and make sure she's ok"

on the other hand IF IT'S ooops a first playdate coming back with us I always invite the mum for the same reason - they don't always know me and are prob more comfortable knowing where their child is going. it's up to them to say no, but most will come back, even if its just for 10 or 15 min

have to say by dec she had done a fair few and there would be few places that I don't alreayd know the mum and feel comfortable having her stay fir a play date

We have a board too. I don't have a problem with it - it's just so the parents can write on in the mornings without having to bother the teachers, I don't think any malice is meant!

DO you really send 'play clothes' - I've never seen this - they just go in their school uniform?

i'd never send play clothes!
if we've done something messy ( back at our place) or have gone into muddy park/backyard - I'd give some clothes for the friend to wear so hers are kept clean

I always send play clothes, as do the children who have come to us. But our uniform is a really strict one with shirt and tie, etc. So send jeans and top, etc. to play in.

Might be a girl thing Hulababy, I can't certainly leave DS alone with a playmate without them starting bashing things or each other!

"Chances are Millie's mum is the biggest social mover and shaker - nothing to do with the children involved."

Actually pointydog that's what is interesting. Millie's mum seems terribly aloof and superior. One of the few mums that I have nodded, smiled at and said hello to who didn't dignify my friendly overtures with a reply. So all rather bemusing really.

This evening, I asked dd if she wanted anyone over to play. She seems to want to do it in two's:

DD: "Well we could have Zara and Phoebe because they like each other"

Me: "Well the point is are they your
friends?"

DD (in uncertain tone):"ummm I think so"

Or she wants to invite Matthew and Sam over because they are "becoming my best friends" on the strength of them playing tag with her for the first time today

hmmmm....

So not being cowardly, but I might leave it a couple of weeks to see if a clear front runner emerges...Or is that being wimpy?

Also how would it work having a 4 / 5 year old boy to play. I don't think they would be into Barbie.... (am over analysing all of this aren't I)

think maybe you're looking at it slightly skewiff

I'd start playdates now .. why wait? .. it isn't about them playing with their 'BEST FRIEND' out of school .. its about helping them cement friendships by giving them the chance to get to know peers on a one to one basis in their own home

by having playdates on their own territory they get to understand who is their friend, who they really enjoy

I'd try to make it 1:1 and invite the mother too if possible .. although bigger groups are just as easy .. but avoid 3 .. 3 always ensures that 1 is left out

also use it to cement your own friendships with these people who could be your greatest allies and help

after all who else will be able to pick up DD from school when you're running late or have an appointment etc

Twiglett - damn it - you're right!

Absolutely.

I am resolved. Project play date starts tomorrow.

Thanks for the gentle prod.

"Millie's mum seems terribly aloof and superior."

hmc! She can afford to be aloof and superior! She knows she's got the most popular kid in the nursery

"Also how would it work having a 4 / 5 year old boy to play. I don't think they would be into Barbie"

When dd1 was that age her best friends were boys. They played 'raspberry soldiers' which involved marching around with broomsticks as guns and blowing raspberries . They'll find plenty other things to play than barbies

Hula, do you really send playclothes? I didn't when dd went on her playdate and they made their own pizzas for tea and stuff. I'm now wondering if I have made a bit of a social faux pas (I have a different upbringing then most of the others at dd's school)

She has the strict pinafore, shirt, tie etc type uniform too.

Just noticed that you serve dinner, we have dinner at 12.00 (though school calls it lunch and tea at 6.00pm.

Yes I do, as do all the other parents who have sent their girls to our house as well. Didn't think it would be such an odd thing to do; makesperfect sense to me to do so and no extra trouble at all.