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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

how long does it take to settle in foundation stage - having a horrid time!

63 replies

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 00:42

I know it is a bit like how long is a piece of string but I really need some idea of how long it is going to take us.

DD started school over a week ago. Her brother is already there, it is next to preschool and she knows the other children. She is a July birthday so one of the younger ones.

She has cried every day. It is breaking my heart. On friday ds told me that he had played with her at lunch time because she was standing on her own crying and sucking her glove - I thought she was only upset at the seperation from me in the morning, I did not realise she was crying intermittedly at school in the day. She refuses to talk about anything to do with school apart from the odd question like 'no school today is it mummy'.

I know it sounds sily but I am really upset about her being upset.

Can anyone tell me about how they settled their child or how long it took - please!

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NorksBride · 14/01/2007 00:48

My DD was fine but her friend (who she'd been at pre-sch with) cried in the mornings for 2 weeks and was very clingy with the teacher - she didn't really want to leave her or the classroom at playtime etc.

Another girl in the same class screamed when mummy left in the morning and then cried on and off during the day for about 2 weeks.

I really hope your DD follows this pattern and settles down soon.

Both the girls above btw, are now really well settled in, learning to read, playing with lots of friends etc. So hang in there and keep positive

Original poster

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 01:01

norksbride Thank you so much - this is just the kind of post I needed - esp . at this hour as was going over and over it in my head.

I will focus on getting us through the next week and just hope that what you describe is a typical pattern and she gets used to it.

Was beginning to think she would hate school forever.

Any other experiences gratefully received.

thank you again!

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jajas · 14/01/2007 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perigrine · 14/01/2007 01:32

OMIGOD the scottish system seems so much kinder!!!

furcoatandnoknickers · 14/01/2007 01:34

first time at joining in! might have sent half a message by accident! If not here goes again DT have you asked her teacher if she really is crying through out the day? Could ds be playing it up? If she is, then you must ask the teacher for help. You need a course of action from someone who has seen this many times and would know a few good paths to follow. Hate to say star chart - but could help. small special toy in pocket that she has chosen, savagely make friends with all the mums and invite their kids round for tea (with or without mums).....will think on best of luck. my dd2 said no one played with her once I burst out crying in playground huge massive snotty sobs!! but she settled in ok- did have fab teacher who was her bf for while! ta ta

NorksBride · 14/01/2007 01:55

Good 1st post furcoat! I meant to add have a chat with teacher after school just to make sure all OK.

And now I really must go to bed. Look at the time!!!!

furcoatandnoknickers · 14/01/2007 02:03

am now completely adicted to gawping at other threads. Did send dh up to bed saying Id join him, in a very sultry voice and then realized that had to send a quick e-mail, then thought would check out this new site and that was 1 half hours ago!! poor boy!!he he he

NorksBride · 14/01/2007 02:15

It is addictive. I keep meaning to go to bed but then I check 'threads I'm on' again and there's a new message and I have to read it and.....

Original poster

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 09:27

jajas thanks for your support!

furcoat thank you so much - feel honored at first post! I am hoping next week will be better after what norks said - am trying to feel more positive about it, but did lie awake for ages last night. I have talked a bit to her teacher but it is hard as dd is always with me and gets self concious so I don't want it to seema big issue in her eyes or she will feel under pressure.

The friends thing is a good idea. I had one girl over at the weekend and I will try and arrange for someone else during the week.

The worst thing is feeling so powerless to help her.

thanks again

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furcoatandnoknickers · 14/01/2007 09:40

Am watching lazy town with dd3 - too wierd! Hope it will make us all feel sporty enough to take dog for walk! You are absolutely right dt she musnt know how you feel, you must only convey that this is so normal, plant massive smile on you face and on way to school talk through what you will do when get there - shall we hang up your coat first or put bag away? what do you think teacher will be wearing today, loved her red skirt on friday....bla mention how you will just have a quick word with the teacher and then you will take her to...her desk chat with little person next to her and go, because Mummy is going to do.....shopping, cleaning really boring things and what sort of snack should mummy bring to pick her up with???? etc. bla bla bla!Ask if theres a good time when you can call the teacher -break prehaps. It will be cool dt best of luck with mon

Original poster

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 17:04

any help from the sunday afternooners?

Would love a decent nights sleep tonight....

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dinny · 14/01/2007 17:09

hi, Dimpledthighs, my dd started reception full-time in sept last year (she is a May baby) and I'd say she's still not totally settled. her teacher told me it's not until around Easter that all the children really settle down and are used to school and have got to know each other.

dd's best friend left at Oct half-term, so she's been a bit lost since then. it's heart-breaking thinking of them being upset, isn't it? sorry, not much practical advice except to hang on in there!

LIZS · 14/01/2007 17:09

dd cried at first , but was usually fine after I'd gone. If she was sad at breaktime then a teacher would chat to her or warm her hands - perhaps whoever supervises their play time would look out for her and team her up with another child if needs be ? Were there many new starters who you could also cultivate as friends for the moment ? dd had relaly settled well by half term but a year on we still have the odd wobble.

Original poster

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 17:35

thank you liz and dinny - good idea about lunchtime - might go and ask a few of the supervisors I know if they would look out for her.

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Original poster

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 19:44

any evening suggestions....

(how desperate am I?)

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Aloha · 14/01/2007 19:46

Talk to the teacher. Get her perspective on what is going on. Corner another mother with a compatible-seeming daughter and ask the daughter home for tea. If she is worse at the end of the week let her have a sickie at home with you. See if the school can help her find playmates.

pointydog · 14/01/2007 20:32

Aw, dimpledthighs - it is awful to imagine them all alone and unhappy but chances are it's not that bad at all.

I think you should try to talk a bit more to her teacher to try to put your mind at ease - would it be more easier to talk if you phoned after school when dd was busy in her room or something?

Lunch times are very long periods of unstructured time for los at school and it can take a while to get into the way of it.

Original poster

DimpledThighs · 14/01/2007 21:34

good point - will make an effort to talk to the teacher out of ear shot of dd - even if it means I have to phone her. I feel a bit put out that there is so little communication but that is my fault as much as hers.

cross your fingers for me and tell me it will be better soon....

OP posts:

pointydog · 14/01/2007 21:38

It will get better soon

Original poster

DimpledThighs · 15/01/2007 09:52

worse day yet. She screamed and had to be peeled off me. I went out into the corridor and sobbed. I have never heard her cry for so long - she was racked with sobs.

Hate this.

am going to the gym to work off some stress.

OP posts:

SarahJaneSmith · 15/01/2007 10:13

My plan would be to phone the school and ask for some help. A little girl at our school is met by the teacher in the playground, her mum doesn't even set foot in the school.

Your little girl is subconsciously trying to get her own way (in the nicest possible way of course)and this behaviour will continuw until the penny drops that school is going to happen whether she cries or not.

The only thing that you can do is try and make this time period as quick as possible. Try the no reaction whatsoever to crying, leave smartish, calm collection at hometime with no discussion whatsoever about school. A calm start to the next morning etc. If you can maintain a completely disinterested facade then this will pass faster.

It is utterly horrid, you do have my sympathy.

furcoatandnoknickers · 15/01/2007 10:42

DT Thats so soul destroying. You poor baby. Have a cry, go to gym then make large plan. Call the school and make an appt. to speak to someone. You need to be calm and not have dc's hanging off you and hanging on to your every word. They should guide you into what they think best, but have a vague idea how YOU feel it should happern, as you know your dd best. SJS - top advice. We're thinking of youxx

juuule · 15/01/2007 11:15

Can you take her out of school and do the deferred entry because of her age? Perhaps she would be better in a few months. Especially if you keep close contact with her class. Perhaps it might be better if you asked could you sit in on the classes for a few sessions.

jellyhead · 15/01/2007 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS · 15/01/2007 11:32

If it helps , dd had to be peeled off me once but settled down after that . Not pleasant though

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