Collecting sick children from school - expectations

[2ndSopranosRule]

I had a call from breakfast club to tell me dd2 had been sick and can someone get her as soon as possible (clearly!). I'm 10 miles away - at work - and my dh who works 15 miles from school was in the car so he turned round to get her (I'll take tomorrow off before anyone asks!).

I had to get dd1 last week too.

On both occasions school have bristled for want of a better word when I've told them it'd be at least half an hour. Neither of us have a particularly huge commute but by the time we've told managers, rearranged the day etc. time will march on. It's never been a case of "no, we are at work and won't leave", we just can't teleport ourselves!

My parents live near school but dm isn't in the best of health and df is in his late 80s: I really don't want them dealing with a vomiting child. MIL lives 10 miles in the other direction and although she's always willing, it'd take her just as long. Besides which, she and SIL share a car and if SIL's using it she'd be looking at 2 hours on public transport.

I'm curious to know if the school thinks we're bad parents for not having anyone very local to pick up in instances like this. We're trying our best.

[Happymummy007]

Come to think of it though, we've also had the opposite situation where I should have been rung immediately and wasn't. There was the time when DD broke a limb at school and the first I knew was when she came stumbling out at pick up time and we had to rush to A&E. :(

[2ndSopranosRule]

Rollon I had that too. I was heading out, phone still in hand, when they said "oh hang on, she's just been running around and it's chilly out there"...

gamer that's exactly how I feel.

In most families the female parent seems to be the main point of contact. I'd be interested to know how they'd have reacted to my dh saying he'd be there in 30 minutes...

[HeadDreamer]

gamerchick I had one even more ridiculous with the school. DD bumped her head and we took her to A&E. She was seen by a paediatric consultant and was discharged. We had a note saying she would be quiet but she should continue going to school. What do you think the school did? They sent her home because she's quiet! And they demand us to go and see a doctor to determine if she had a concussion and if that's the case, she should not have PE for 6 weeks. DH tried to explain how she's seen a paediatric consultant at the big teaching hospital. Of course they won't listen. It's totally ridiculous.

Well we took her home and then sent her back to school the next day.

[HeadDreamer]

2ndSopranosRule I usually tell them to ring DH :) He works locally, but I work from home regularly. They don't seem to mind ringing DH.

[exLtEveDallas]

At DDs last school we had an issue a couple of times when DD was ill, I was over an hour away and DH was in the gym (and his phone was in his locker). The first time it happened the school receptionist gave DH a hard time (they'd had to wait about an hour) and DH asked to see the HT. He was none too pleased about being talked down to and made sure the HT knew it.

The second (and only other) time it happened no-one said a word

[MissLanaBanana]

I live 10 minutes walk from school but would likely have to get my toddler out the house so be looking at 20 minutes to get there. I used to work in a job where I couldn't leave until someone had covered me because it would leave the people we looked after at serious risk. We could go down by one staff member at a push, but if we were already down by one I'd be stuffed. Luckily this only happened once and I was there within the hour. Nursery were good about it and the manager says she's been in the same position herself.

[2ndSopranosRule]

Edith lots more sick apparently (and the other...).

I've been told to pick up fabric cleaner/stain remover on the way home as "the cushion cover didn't wash well".

Any recommendations?

[Pooka]

I work about 15 mins from the school, but even so, would not be able to get to school much faster that 25/30 mins. By the time I've told my manager, logged out of the system, walked to my car which is parked in a nearby street and then actually got there ...

Even if I'm at home, then would still take about 20mins.

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

When dd was at primary school I worked in an operating theatre so obv couldn't drop everything and run. That's if they could even contact me!

Dh was made redundant and had to take a job an hour and a half commute away.

My mum lived locally and Dh would ring her and ask her to go in such situations but she was the sort of person who only turns her mobile on if she wants to ring someone so was no use unless she was at home.

I think Dh did have to leave work to get her once when either he couldn't get hold of my mum or maybe mum was away. School were never arsey.

[noramum]

We live in London commuter belt and thanks to train times it can take me up to 1 1/2 hours from getting the call to being at school. DH works from home so actually he is more often than not the one in contact/coming for whatever event.

But we don't have family around, other friends have a life and children so I can't really ask them to collect a sick child. In a total emergency our childminder would do it but again only if her non-school age mindees are not around.

[Alibabsandthe40Musketeers]

Farah my parents live an hour away, my ILs further away. Our friends locally work, admittedly many of them closer to home, but I can hardly ask another parent to leave work to pick up my child!

The plan is to have an au pair in a couple of years when we move and have space, we will have to hope that the children don't get ill very much in the intervening time.

[NK5BM3]

I would just say 'I'll be there as soon as...'. I have teaching commitments and when that happens, my mobile isn't on - so, they'll try DH.

We had a situation once where we were both up in London with child 1 as he was admitted to a London hospital. We were doing our changeover (I had dropped child 2 off at nursery and made my way up to London on the train). DH was with child 1 in hospital and he was going to catch the following train back home. He received a phone call (as my phone had no reception) on his way to train station saying child 2 had a fever and it wouldn't go down with paracetamol and basically, they were going to take her to the local hospital (as they couldn't get her into the local GP)...

DH had to leg it to the car park once he got off the train, and drive to the hospital... she still remains the only child from that nursery to have had the dubious honour of riding in an ambulance!

There was no way it could have been any faster - thankfully the nursery were brilliant and the manager and her room leader went with my daughter to hospital.

[MilkRunningOutAgain]

DH and I both commute 70 odd miles on the train into London to work. Minimum of 2 hours to collect DD. Her lovely childminder will pick her up if she can, but is often out with her pre school charges, and it isn't sensible for her to pick up DD if she has anything infectious. I have a couple of friends who are likely to be local and both have picked her up before now. My DM has also fetched her, but she is an hour away and I only use her when in desperation, and is in any case getting too frail to deal with sick children. just once I've had to pick her up in person and the poor child had to wait the whole 2 hours in the school office.

[SoporificHobnob]

I think it depends why you can't get there. I think there is a world of difference between the parent who says that they are out shopping 15 miles away and can't come and the one who says that they are at work and will get there as soon as they can.
Schools will, I'm sure, know which parents are the ones who are taking the piss.

[WowOoo]

Have they really asked you to buy stain remover? Any will do.

It's really tough. I was 10 hours away when they called me in December!

Dh wasn't answering. Luckily, I could answer the phone and gave a friends number who happened to have the day off and could have ds until Dh got to school. It's so stressful as it is - no need for the guilt trip.

[2ndSopranosRule]

No, the stain remover request came from dh!

[SparklesandBangs]

Whilst my DC were young I worked 15 mins from school (or 30 minutes at rush hour) plus we had a nanny so wasn't too much bother although like the OP when the call came I couldn't just run out of the office, I had to spend at least 5 minutes on a handover, then get out of the building and extract my car from the overcrowded car park so when I asked I would always say that I would be there in half an hour, primary were happy about that.

Secondary was a nightmare, they wanted a quicker response and a number of times I had to pick DD1 up for period pains unfortunately she suffered badly and on day one each month looked awful, very pale so they always insisted on sending her home, when often a strong painkiller given time to act was all she needed. In the end we had a 2 part plan, 1 she carried a painkiller with her (against school rules) and 2 if the pain started before she left for school in the morning she could stay at home and go in later when she felt better.

The best occasion was when I was at a client meeting, so had my office phone on voicemail and my mobile was on silent in my bag, the school called and left me messages on both twice, then called DH but he is rarely contactable at work, so then they called me again, then they called the main office and spoke to my brother (we worked together), who called my parents, who called my sister who picked up DD. This was for a 15 year old who felt nauseous, never sick just not right . When I asked her why she didn't call from her phone, she was told she wasn't allowed to! I took this up with the school as it was a waste of time and energy and also caused panic where it wasn't needed. She was back at school the next day.

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Could it be because it was breakfast club and they thought that you had sent her in knowing that she was unwell? I'm not saying that you did, but they might have wondered.

I work at home but by the time I have got my shoes and coat, driven (quicker to walk but not with sick child) over found somewhere to park, gained entry to the school it could easily be 20 mins. They can hope you will be there sooner but 30 minutes isn't far.

[writingonthewall]

The parent we were not impressed with is the one who, when we phoned to tell her that her son was being very sick, told us she was taking the chance while he was at school to shop for his birthday presents for the following day, and had 4 more shops to visit before she would come and pick him up.

not just at the gall of the woman, but the stupidity of her not to have made up a better reason!

[ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean]

I'm 90 mins away but generally contactable; DP is 50 mins away but generally impossible to get hold of at work.
By chance and good fortune, the one time DD needed to go to a&e from nursery, I was on mat leave with then 8wo DC2 and had just fed him and sorted out the changing bag so was quite well set for the 45min drive & 4hr wait.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

"I give a reasonable eta but both times recently it's been "that long? Can you not get here sooner?"

That's ridiculous. Don't allow them to speak to you like that!

I remember being sick at school once and the staff phoned my mum to come and collect me but she was out shopping for the whole afternoon. So that was that, I had to be looked after in the school sick room. That was in the days when schools had sick rooms and no one had mobile phones and quite a lot of people didn't have landlines at home either!

[clam]

Also, if it was at breakfast club, maybe the concern was to do with who would cover watching her once the session was over. All the other children would have gone into class and presumably the staff had to be elsewhere too?

[MrsKCastle]

I think it's very common for parents to be an hour or more away from school, and often without anyone else that could collect a sick child. I have friends who can and do help me out with INSET days, after school pick-ups etc, but I couldn't ask them to collect a vomiting child because it wouldn't be fair to their family. My mum will also help out, but is at least 30 min away and is in her 70s so I wouldn't really want to ask her to deal with a nasty illness. She has collected DD with things like a bumped head though.

I'm lucky in that I now work on the site of my DDs' primary, so can be there almost immediately! But it has been difficult in the past.

[clam]

I think that my schools can get twitchy about collection times when a few parents start getting arsey about the perceived care their child gets while waiting. The bottom line is that we cannot provide a fully equipped hospital ward for sick children, but some people on here at least seem to think we should.