Collecting sick children from school - expectations

[2ndSopranosRule]

I had a call from breakfast club to tell me dd2 had been sick and can someone get her as soon as possible (clearly!). I'm 10 miles away - at work - and my dh who works 15 miles from school was in the car so he turned round to get her (I'll take tomorrow off before anyone asks!).

I had to get dd1 last week too.

On both occasions school have bristled for want of a better word when I've told them it'd be at least half an hour. Neither of us have a particularly huge commute but by the time we've told managers, rearranged the day etc. time will march on. It's never been a case of "no, we are at work and won't leave", we just can't teleport ourselves!

My parents live near school but dm isn't in the best of health and df is in his late 80s: I really don't want them dealing with a vomiting child. MIL lives 10 miles in the other direction and although she's always willing, it'd take her just as long. Besides which, she and SIL share a car and if SIL's using it she'd be looking at 2 hours on public transport.

I'm curious to know if the school thinks we're bad parents for not having anyone very local to pick up in instances like this. We're trying our best.

[Yokohamajojo]

Well if you don't have an Au-Pair, child minder, parents in the same city what choice do we have? I surely can't ask my elderly neighbours or other parents with small children to pick up a sick child can I? I am lucky to only have 30 mins to get to school and in an office where I could up and leave within 5mins if need be. Also lucky to not have had many bugs with the children and a very nice school secretary that doesn't get annoyed or doesn't show it at least. I just don't know what parents who work away could do differently?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

But parents don't want their children to have to wait in an inhospitable place, they usually don't have a choice about it! I imagine there might be a miniscule number of irresponsible parents who don't rush to pick up their sick child. Surely the vast majority (just like op) get there as soon as they possible can?

I was more or less a full time sahm or working from home when my children were at primary school but I was out shopping with a friend in the middle of London when she got a call about one of her children. It takes 1 hour to get from there to school ... there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. If one of the staff had said to her "that long, can't you get here sooner?" I fully expect she would have given them a mouthful!

[clam]

If a parent is OK with their child waiting for them for a possibly lengthy period of time in what might well be a relatively inhospitable environment (e.g. outside the office on a hard chair with a sick bucket nearby) then that's kind of up to them. The vast majority of state primary schools do not, however, have sick bays nowadays.

In the OP's case, it sounds to me as though it was because it was the breakfast club that there was potentially more of an issue, as it was presumably about to close.

[pourmeanotherglass]

30 mins isn't bad. When mine were at primary, I could have got there on my bike in 20 mins, but would have needed another 10 to hand over at work. I don't imagine many people could get there much quicker than that.
It hasn't happened at secondary yet, but that will be trickier, as the school is 30 mins walk from home, so if they are too ill to walk I would need to pick them up by car, and I never have my car at work, so would need to remember whether DH took it to work or not and then pick it up. Could easily take an hour.

[OffRoader]

We do this because we are concerned and worried about your child!

They are ill and crying for you. Believe it or not we care about your child and want them to get to the docs/home to bed as soon as possible.

I've felt pissed off on behalf of a child in my care many a time, some days I hide it better than others.

[clam]

"Yes, well that's miserable for sick children isn't it?"

Exactly, which is why as a parent, I would make jolly sure I had something in place to minimise that misery as much as possible, if I knew my husband or I were unlikely to be able to get there quickly.

Touchy with good reason, actually. So many people look to blame schools for everything nowadays.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Yes, well that's miserable for sick children isn't it? It would be nice if all schools had a proper sick room where children could wait in comfort for an hour or two. I doubt anyone complaining was blaming an individual for the lack of facilities, so no need to be touchy about it.

[clam]

Because it could be relevant here. Some schools might be perceived as being twitchy about parents taking a while to collect ill children because they have had experience of people complaining (and there have been threads confirming this) that those children have "been made to sit on hard chairs in a draughty corridor" whilst waiting.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

How helpful is it to allude to previous threads, I wonder.

[clam]

There have been numerous previous threads where posters have done so, however, which is what I was alluding to.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

Clam, I don't think a single person on here has suggested schools should provide medical care, all they ask is that school doesn't get arsey when you aren't able to appear instantly to take your child home.

[clam]

I think that my schools can get twitchy about collection times when a few parents start getting arsey about the perceived care their child gets while waiting. The bottom line is that we cannot provide a fully equipped hospital ward for sick children, but some people on here at least seem to think we should.

[MrsKCastle]

I think it's very common for parents to be an hour or more away from school, and often without anyone else that could collect a sick child. I have friends who can and do help me out with INSET days, after school pick-ups etc, but I couldn't ask them to collect a vomiting child because it wouldn't be fair to their family. My mum will also help out, but is at least 30 min away and is in her 70s so I wouldn't really want to ask her to deal with a nasty illness. She has collected DD with things like a bumped head though.

I'm lucky in that I now work on the site of my DDs' primary, so can be there almost immediately! But it has been difficult in the past.

[clam]

Also, if it was at breakfast club, maybe the concern was to do with who would cover watching her once the session was over. All the other children would have gone into class and presumably the staff had to be elsewhere too?

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

"I give a reasonable eta but both times recently it's been "that long? Can you not get here sooner?"

That's ridiculous. Don't allow them to speak to you like that!

I remember being sick at school once and the staff phoned my mum to come and collect me but she was out shopping for the whole afternoon. So that was that, I had to be looked after in the school sick room. That was in the days when schools had sick rooms and no one had mobile phones and quite a lot of people didn't have landlines at home either!

[ThatsNotMyHouseItIsTooClean]

I'm 90 mins away but generally contactable; DP is 50 mins away but generally impossible to get hold of at work.
By chance and good fortune, the one time DD needed to go to a&e from nursery, I was on mat leave with then 8wo DC2 and had just fed him and sorted out the changing bag so was quite well set for the 45min drive & 4hr wait.

[writingonthewall]

The parent we were not impressed with is the one who, when we phoned to tell her that her son was being very sick, told us she was taking the chance while he was at school to shop for his birthday presents for the following day, and had 4 more shops to visit before she would come and pick him up.

not just at the gall of the woman, but the stupidity of her not to have made up a better reason!

[shouldwestayorshouldwego]

Could it be because it was breakfast club and they thought that you had sent her in knowing that she was unwell? I'm not saying that you did, but they might have wondered.

I work at home but by the time I have got my shoes and coat, driven (quicker to walk but not with sick child) over found somewhere to park, gained entry to the school it could easily be 20 mins. They can hope you will be there sooner but 30 minutes isn't far.

[SparklesandBangs]

Whilst my DC were young I worked 15 mins from school (or 30 minutes at rush hour) plus we had a nanny so wasn't too much bother although like the OP when the call came I couldn't just run out of the office, I had to spend at least 5 minutes on a handover, then get out of the building and extract my car from the overcrowded car park so when I asked I would always say that I would be there in half an hour, primary were happy about that.

Secondary was a nightmare, they wanted a quicker response and a number of times I had to pick DD1 up for period pains unfortunately she suffered badly and on day one each month looked awful, very pale so they always insisted on sending her home, when often a strong painkiller given time to act was all she needed. In the end we had a 2 part plan, 1 she carried a painkiller with her (against school rules) and 2 if the pain started before she left for school in the morning she could stay at home and go in later when she felt better.

The best occasion was when I was at a client meeting, so had my office phone on voicemail and my mobile was on silent in my bag, the school called and left me messages on both twice, then called DH but he is rarely contactable at work, so then they called me again, then they called the main office and spoke to my brother (we worked together), who called my parents, who called my sister who picked up DD. This was for a 15 year old who felt nauseous, never sick just not right . When I asked her why she didn't call from her phone, she was told she wasn't allowed to! I took this up with the school as it was a waste of time and energy and also caused panic where it wasn't needed. She was back at school the next day.

[2ndSopranosRule]

No, the stain remover request came from dh!

[WowOoo]

Have they really asked you to buy stain remover? Any will do.

It's really tough. I was 10 hours away when they called me in December!

Dh wasn't answering. Luckily, I could answer the phone and gave a friends number who happened to have the day off and could have ds until Dh got to school. It's so stressful as it is - no need for the guilt trip.

[SoporificHobnob]

I think it depends why you can't get there. I think there is a world of difference between the parent who says that they are out shopping 15 miles away and can't come and the one who says that they are at work and will get there as soon as they can.
Schools will, I'm sure, know which parents are the ones who are taking the piss.

[MilkRunningOutAgain]

DH and I both commute 70 odd miles on the train into London to work. Minimum of 2 hours to collect DD. Her lovely childminder will pick her up if she can, but is often out with her pre school charges, and it isn't sensible for her to pick up DD if she has anything infectious. I have a couple of friends who are likely to be local and both have picked her up before now. My DM has also fetched her, but she is an hour away and I only use her when in desperation, and is in any case getting too frail to deal with sick children. just once I've had to pick her up in person and the poor child had to wait the whole 2 hours in the school office.

[NK5BM3]

I would just say 'I'll be there as soon as...'. I have teaching commitments and when that happens, my mobile isn't on - so, they'll try DH.

We had a situation once where we were both up in London with child 1 as he was admitted to a London hospital. We were doing our changeover (I had dropped child 2 off at nursery and made my way up to London on the train). DH was with child 1 in hospital and he was going to catch the following train back home. He received a phone call (as my phone had no reception) on his way to train station saying child 2 had a fever and it wouldn't go down with paracetamol and basically, they were going to take her to the local hospital (as they couldn't get her into the local GP)...

DH had to leg it to the car park once he got off the train, and drive to the hospital... she still remains the only child from that nursery to have had the dubious honour of riding in an ambulance!

There was no way it could have been any faster - thankfully the nursery were brilliant and the manager and her room leader went with my daughter to hospital.