How long is your school run for child in Year 3 / 4 / 5 / 6?

[nightsky010]

Im very interested to find out how long and simple or complicated other people's school runs are for DC in Years 3-6??

The background is that I'm choosing a school for a Year 3 DC and have a choice between:

• An amazing school 55 mins away (short walk to train, 15 min train then short taxi).

• A school I'm not very keen on which is 35-40 mins away (v short walk, 10-15 mins rush hour tube, then walk of 0.65 miles).

• A brilliant school at which DC could do a mix of boarding and staying with Grandparents / me at Grandparents house, which would mean a 2hr journey to and from London every Friday and Sunday (or occasionally Monday morning if I'm brave enough!!).

I know these sound like ridiculous choices, but due to SEN, job locations and budget these are our only options!

Please tell me YOUR journey times and methods so I can judge how crazy I am being!?

Well, I didn't "switch to shorter hours in my original career" just like that, I realise I've made that sound very easy. I went back full time after DC1, fought tooth and nail to go back only 3 days after DC2, found it very stressful (bullying boss situation), got made redundant and didn't work for a year and then was extremely fortunate to find a p/t job in the same line of work. Which isn't in the same league for career progression etc, but still pays reasonably well and keeps my hand in. It has not been an easy path at all, but has been worth it for the overall benefit to the family. We were definitely lucky with the school and community we found ourselves in though. Anyway, I'm going to bow out here as I think I keep derailing the thread, good luck with your decision.

Teachwith2kids

I can see from the rigidity of your general thinking that you would find difference in philosophy potentially very uncomfortable. How patronising!

I would not have any issues with the state method of provision if it worked very well (as clearly it can) across the board, but I do worry when I hear things like "X borough / county is terrible for SEN in schools", which is something I've read many times on MN.

Thanks for the info on the specifics of SEN in state. It was pretty much as I expected, though I'm quite surprised that parents cannot pay for private provision such as SALT to be delivered within the school. That does not seem ideal.

Teacherwith2kids

Sorry, missed your other 2 posts before I posted.

Thanks for the info on the French.

SALT is via NHS? Oh, gosh! Thanks for that info too. I am surprised to hear that SALT in schools is usually through an NHS referral. That could be challenge if they are as terrible with SALT as they have so far been with everything else for him (he and I have had a LOT of medical treatment).

Whoknowswherethetimegoes

That sounds very hard for you, but well done for finding a PT job, sounds like a much better solution for you than working all the time.

Thank you

I'm only commenting on what you've chosen to share over the course of quite a long thread (and I read the start of your other one), which does indicate a lot about your parenting style.

You would be delegating a lot more than I do, hence my comments, and imo losing out on a lot of precious and important time with your child. To lose ten hours of his week to travel is massive at that age. You could easily facilitate those extra curricular activities out of school yourself if you don't work full time. And your son would have more time to enjoy them. What a state school lacks in one to one time you can easily make up for by providing it yourself at home, eg times tables, reading, spelling.

But if you don't even try the state option you'll never know. And it's no skin off my nose if you want to spend hours travelling per week and insist on your dc doing the same. How you think that's a better quality of life than finding somewhere else to live with a good local (state or private) school I've no idea but again it indicates to me a fixed thinking and lack of experience of options like state schools.

I'll never agree with you on smaller class size automatically equals better. My friends dc had a dreadful experience of being taught in a "good" private school, class of 17 with a ta. It just doesn't equate, it's more about the teacher in my experience.

I did read about the commute and said your sons would only be five minutes longer than your husbands in one case but imo it would be far more sensible for your husband to do a (significantly) longer commute. Adults have a longer awake time and can more effectively use a commute for down time than a child.

Mrsplum2015

No, you're not just commenting on the info I've shared. You're making erroneous assumptions about my working hours / career etc.

Anyway, I'm not finding this thread very helpful any more as its just turning in to a critique of my parenting / insistence that state options and only your way of doing things is correct, which I find quite arrogant. How would you feel if I pushed my opinion that private was 'better' on to you, and explained why I thought you were being selfish and unfair to your DC by choosing state?

(But btw thanks for some of the info you provided which was useful.)

nightsky,

If you suggested that private might be worth looking into for my DS, I would look into it. I would not reject it on 'hearsay' grounds, or suggest that I might 'see if i could find a video of it'.

When we were looking to move to our current town, DS was pretty much at his 'most ASD traits' moment. I had just taken him out of school to HE to see if that would help, prior to finding a new school for him after our move.

I looked at a very wide variety of state and private schools on paper, and visited 7 - 4 state, 3 private. The very clear steer from the private schools - bearing in mind we were talking about a highly able, highly sporty 6 year old, with, at that point, 'classic autism' traits including selective mutism - was that 'he'd be happier elsewhere', even when some lip service was paid to inclusion and SEN provision. So we went with a state option - incidentally, the one whose head was the first adult he had spoken to outside the family in months, and who really cared about him as a child, not as 'a problem'.

But I DID visit both options, with an open mind ..... and that is all I am suggesting you do.

Hi
I have been thinking about your original question. If a school is totally right it might be worth a long commute for it. I wouldn't do a long commute for a school I was a bit meh about. However itsworth think about how reliable the commute is to school 1. How often will the train be late? How often will you over sleep? What happens if the weather is bad. What happens if DS is I'll and you have just got home and they call you to pick him up again? Also does the school cull pupils in the lead up to 11+ one CE?
Many children with ASD need their home time to relax and be themselves and many are emotionally immature so I wouldn't favour boarding yet. I say this as a parent of child at SN boarding and as someone who boarded and loved boarding.

Back to the commute. If you find it stressful your child will also pick up on this . Does your DS like travel . My DS2 loves journeys and a long journey to school would have been a highlight of the day age 7 providing he could watch the doors! Or would he get anxious if the train was late. The wrong taxi came or the taxi took a different route. Only you know your DS with respect to these type of questions

You are correct, I made assumptions about your working hours - because you talked on the other thread about having to drop off early so you could get to work - sorry I was wrong - and also about your career.

I made the assumption because you seem very focused on scrimping and saving to pay for private school (which does seem to be because it's what you are familiar with) - for example saying you don't have enough disposable income to learn to drive but you would pay fees and take a taxi daily to facilitate a school choice. I did assume that you and your husband had been to private schools and developed very successful careers, hence your reasoning for making a decision in favour of a certain school to give your child the same opportunity with what seems to lack some common sense in my opinion (as I say it's only my opinion).

I don't know what all the other posters are saying but I'm certainly not saying state is the only option or saying you should go state. I just think it's unwise to make such a massive decision (spending your self-admittedly small disposable income on a particular school and expensive taxi journeys daily) as I think school is only a tiny part of a child's life and there seem to be so many negatives of this, particularly the commute, that it seems odd not to at least consider - or try - the other more easily available options.

I never actually answered the original question but my DD (y6) does a six minute drive commute which I personally think is too far. If all things were equal we would be within a comfortable distance for her to independently walk or cycle alone or within friends. Which is why I answered your question about saying I thought the commute was too much - and then read back your thread and other threads to get the back story on why you thought it was so necessary to make what seems such a difficult choice to see if I was missing a factor I thought would change my decision if it were me. Partly because we're in the position of looking at secondary options for our oldest and travel time will be a factor - my DD actually doesn't have time to do a long commute with her sports - and again independence and local friends are a massive issue for me.

I'm blessed.
For the 2 younger children in grade 4 and prep, I leave have hdj for a 9 am start. 15 mins one way. Same with leaving in the afternoon. I leave at can pm for school pickup.
For the older one starting high school, 8 am leaving for a 840 start. about a 30 min walk.

10 minute walk.

Teacher
Point taken

Mary
I replied on the other thread.

MrsPlum
Thanks for explanation on assumptions.
Hm, I reckon we must have very different ideas if your view is that education is only a small part of a child's life. IMHO it's a very influential part emotionally and socially and is very character forming (though I'm not necessarily saying long hours should be involved).

Wow, I'm very surprised that you think a 6 minute drive is too long. I can see the advantages socially and for personal confidence / gaining independence to walking to school with friends, but I've never thought of it as that important. So would you choose an OK Senior school for your DD over a good one because it would enable her to walk to school? Or a good one over an excellent one for the same reasons?

DH had a long commute to his fee paying boys school in London from age 11 for that reason we chose the closest co-ed school, it is five minutes walking distance.

DS gets good downtime due to this short distance.

My friends DS has aspergers and is very clever, tbh he has had an awful time at his fee paying boys hot house sporty school.

Unless a school was really appalling I would always choose a school close by for an easy commute and also the social side. DS has three friends that all live in the next two roads. DH had no friends that lived close to him at all as his commute was about 1.5 hours.

Leave at least 30 minutes before 2 are due at school,have to get there by car and it usually takes 30 minutes if traffic is mad or there's road works it can take upto an hour so we have to keep an eye on what's going on with the roads we'll be using.

Then carry on driving for another 10-15 minutes and drop off 1 more child.

Two years ago it was 3 different schools we had to get to,so this feels alot easier.

Oops sorry forgot to say we have 5DC and 2 of our DC are autistic and they're a big reason we chose the schools that we did.

"education is only a small part of a child's life"

I think it depends if YOU choose to make it a small or large part of his life.

When DS was in year 2, and I did not work full time - so in your situation - he walked to school, which took 5 minutes. He was in school from 8.45 until 3.10 each day, and had essentially no homework other than reading, which we would have done anyway.

He woke up at 6 am every day, and went up to bed at 7, lights off at 8.

All other activities - swimming, Scouting, football, playing in the park every day after school etc - were all out of school, predominantly with one of his parents around, 'mediating / interpreting' that experience to some degree for him (he still wasn't fully better at that point). However they were important 'socially' for him, as he interacted best with other children when they were 'doing the same thing as him' so there was something obvious to talk about / do.

So from each day, school was 6.5 hours, out of an 11 -12 hour day, and didn't take up any of any weekend. So in those circumstances, yes, school was, although important, not the 'consuming part of every day'.

However, if you make all of every day about school - get up early to get to school, spend a long time getting there, be at school, spend a long time getting home, do lots of homework, have no out-of-school clubs, even have Saturday morning school - then yes, school DOES have a much larger influence on the child's day to day life and experience. And I can see that if you choose to make school 'the only thing that happens every day', then you are making it ultra-important. That seems to me to be a little 'cart before the horse' - you regard it as important, so you make it ULTRA important by filling every day with it...

My children have been to three primary schools.

First one - walkable. 20-35 minutes. Driving took about 15 minutes
Second one - drive took about 25 minutes.
Third one - 8 miles. Takes 20-40 minutes.

Ohtheholidays
Credit to you for coping with 5 DC inc 2 who are Autistic! I can't even begin to imagine how you manage that. Your journey doesn't sound great, but at least better than having 3 schools to go to.

Thank you Nightsky,I had worked with children that were on the autistic spectrum years before I had any children of my own so that really helped.

Also I've always found there's usually far more children that I like than there is adults.

The journey so far is worth it to be honest as the schools have all been pretty good with our children.

Goingtobeawesome
Ah, up to 40 mins for your school 3 sounds more like mine.

Steamed
Your DH sounds like he didn't enjoy it much!

Teacher
Yes, you're right abut being able to choose if school is a large or a small part of DC's lives.

Ohtheholidays
I'm derailing my own thread here, but how often do you get time to yourself? Is there a big difference between 3 and 4 or 4 and 5 DC in terms of workload and emotional stress?