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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Ever though a teacher didn't like your DC?

65 replies

citychick · 02/11/2015 04:30

Just that really.
DS in year 5, and to date I have never thought any of his teachers have actually "liked" him very much.

He's a typical boy, would far rather be outside kicking a ball around.
Bright with good attainment. No genius. Bit of a renegade. Likes maths, dislikes comprehension.

His current teacher is so far the only one to actually want to help him reach his potential. Hallelujah! But he seems to frustrate the life out of her.

If he doesn't like the particular topic, he doesn't get that involved. She says that while she can't physically make him do his school work, she gives him the choice. Do it at school or add it to homework. So he occasionally has to take it home. Adding to the homework he's already got.
Have asked her not to give him the choice, thanks.

He's in denial about homework. Hates writing it in his diary. So I have to send him up at 3pm to write it all in and gather the books for it. Exaughsting!

I can see her frustration, but He's got to go to school! He's recently moved into the private sector and the jump from uk state primary to international private has been massive for him and I see a huge improvement already.
But none of his teachers seem satisfied and we left parent/ teachers meetings feeling like he just pissed them off. It's soul destroying.
He's a lovely kid, no behavioural issues (apart from those of an opinionated 9 yr old) A mild medical condition that does not impact his school day.

So, lovely mumsnetters, please share your experiences and advice so I don't turn into a nutter instead of a netter!
bTW I am not teacher bashing here, I am one. (Not primary) Thanks!

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JJFinnegan · 02/11/2015 05:22

Lol! You have definitely got your mum hat on rather than your teacher's one.

I'm going to be brutal because it's 4.57am and I'm too tired to be softly softly.

If I was your son's teacher I would find him frustrating. You say none of them want to fulfill his potential but follow that with...'if he doesn't like the topic he doesn't get that involved'

'She can't physically' make him do his school work so she gives him the choice of doing it then or doing it at home. Can you not see the scenario:

Teacher: 'city chick's DS get on with your work'

Teacher: 'cc's DS why haven't you done the work?
Cc's DS ......
Teacher: well you can do it now or do it at home...

She's not giving him a choice as such, she is telling him the work will be done at school or it will be done at home but it will be done. He is making the choice not to do it.

I know you think he has no behavioural issues but actually it sounds like he does have a bit of an attitude towards school which involves him not actually having to do what the teacher asks if it he doesn't find it interesting enough to get involved.
You say you find getting him to do his homework exhausting, well imagine that in a classroom full of other children!

He's obviously young and I know my 10yr old DS, like yours, would rather be outside kicking a football rather than working BUT your DS doesn't have a choice. If I were the teacher I would be taking away his break time/lunchtime (football/playing time) rather than letting him bring work home - BUT only if he has somewhere he can work so that the teacher is able to take their break time/lunchtime. At my work children can sit in a room next to the staff room and get on with work while the teacher has their lunch/does their marking/prepares for the next lesson. It is surprising how much the loss of their favourite part of the school day (playtime) can motivate a child to get on with their work. Could you speak to the teacher about this?

Also I would be having stern words with my son about his behaviour at school. I would try a home/school partnership reward/punishment system. If the teacher says at the end of the day he has got on with his work then he
gets points towards a 'prize' - likewise, poor performance could mean treats/activities being taken away.

As a primary school teacher, bright but unmotivated children are frustrating, it doesn't mean you dislike them. Support from parents is invaluable though.

Having said all this, the scenario you are talking about with your son almost exactly mimics the situation my friend had with her son. He's now at secondary school and doing well, particularly as, as he gets older, he is ditching the subjects he is not interested in and specialising in ones he does.
There is light at the end of the tunnel but helping your son understand he needs to put the effort in rather than assuming the teachers don't like him will stand him in much better stead.

Good luck!

user789653241 · 02/11/2015 05:57

I totally agree with JJFinnegan.
I don't think your dc's attitude towards school work help him in the long run.

My DS is quite similar, if he isn't interested in something, he could be kind of a space cadet. He doesn't refuse to work, just doesn't concentrate enough. I felt bad when teacher mention this to me. I see school as a place to learn social manners etc. as well as academic stuff. If he thinks it's ok to disobey teacher's instruction, what kind of person will he be?

If it was me, before assuming the teacher dislikes him, I would have a long talk with ds that he has to do what he has been asked to do.

justonemorethread · 02/11/2015 06:04

Has he just moved from British curriculum to pyp/international curriculum, and also just relocated?

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 06:07

jj thank you for your imput and i agree with most of what you say. there are 16 kids in his class. my guess is that after coasting in a fairly slack (by comparison) uk school he has been thrown in the deep end of this tough international school and he doesn't care for their high expectations. but we as his parents do
anyway my point was less about behavioural issues more about chatting to the teachers who are smiling at you through gritted teeth and the look on their face says please take your child away from here that is what is soul destroying

cc

OP posts:

user789653241 · 02/11/2015 06:10

I have to add, if my ds was given extra homework because he didn't do it at school, I would be happy to keep him at it until he finishes it. And try to make him understand that everything has consequences.

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 06:10

justonemore yes
less than half a term in

OP posts:

user789653241 · 02/11/2015 06:14

It is a behavioural issue though. He is capable, but just not willing. Why do you think it's ok?

BertrandRussell · 02/11/2015 06:29

Re read your post with your teacher hat on. "Typical boy" "Bit of a renegade" "Doesn't get that involved" "in denial" "have asked the teacher not to give him the choice"

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 06:33

irvine
sorry why do i think whats ok?

i agree that its a parent/ teacher effort with al our kids
what o am trying to establish is why some educational professionals fond it hard to hide their dislike for a dc nOT whether my child has a behavioural issue as i feared this thread might turn into

i was looking for shared experiences and advice not a roasting

thanks anyway

OP posts:

user789653241 · 02/11/2015 06:49

I am a parent with a child with a similar behavioural issue.
I just posted my opinion, that if it was me, before thinking about the teacher dislikes my ds or not, I would deal with the problem first.
I am not intending to argue with you in any way.
DS had a teacher who seemed to dislike him for no reason in the past, but still, I listened to her advice when I thought it may make him a better person.
After all, I want my child to become rounded person, not to think he can do anything he likes just because he's clever.

cansu · 02/11/2015 07:03

Whilst it is certainly true that some kids are more likeable just like adults, I have never really disliked a child other than the occasional ones that go out of their way to be difficult or disruptive. Even then it is really their behaviour rather than them. I think you are reading dislike where the teacher is frustrated with your ds lack of effort and attitude. Try to focus on the real problem which is your ds and his school work rather than getting hung up on whether he is liked.

noblegiraffe · 02/11/2015 07:09

Is it possible it's you she dislikes? The parent with low expectations of her 'typical boy' who isn't supporting the teacher in her efforts to get the work done?

Mehitabel6 · 02/11/2015 07:20

As I teacher I didn't dislike children but I disliked some of their attitudes.
There are few things more frustrating than a capable child not using their ability.
It is all a learning curve for the child- hopefully they find that life is so much easier if they don't fight everything- especially those things that are going to have to be done.
I agree with cansu.

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 07:22

noble
thats a bit harsh
if you know anything about moving children from UK state to international schools, then u eould know that its no mean feat and if i didnt have high expectations for ds u would never have done it.
and i have previously stated its best to work with the teacher

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 02/11/2015 07:25

What does "bit of a renegade" mean?

noblegiraffe · 02/11/2015 07:32

city you say it's best to work with the teacher but she is trying to get your DS to do the work by saying he has to do it at home if he doesn't, and you have told her not to. I expect that pissed her off a bit. Do you want him to not do the work? Or for her to give up her lunchtime to make him do it?

Lauren15 · 02/11/2015 07:33

Citychick where have you moved to? I worked in two British international schools and IMO the standard is lower in these schools. I also moved ds1 from an international school back to a UK school and he was definitely 'behind'. Luckily he was a hard worker in those days.

Mehitabel6 · 02/11/2015 07:36

I would make it unpleasant for him to bring the work home and then he might be more inclined to 'choose' to do it at the right time, with everyone else.

BoboChic · 02/11/2015 07:36

It sounds as if you, OP, need to raise your expectations of your DS to ensure that he knows that you and his teacher are aligned and that what school expects of him in terms of both attitude and input are non-negotiable. He is resisting doing what school expects of him! Of course his teacher isn't happy! Don't expect her to cajole - just tell him he has to do what she expects.

PenelopePitstops · 02/11/2015 07:39

You are essentially condoning him doing no work by saying the teacher can't action any consequences.

As for teachers not liking your son, I think it might be you they aren't keen on. You have a strange attitude and think your son is some kind of cheeky chappy whereas in reality he's bloody annoying because he won't do the work.

BoboChic · 02/11/2015 07:42

I also come across British parents at DD's French bilingual school who think it is the teacher's job to cajole or engage DC. In France that is the parents' job.

CarlaJones · 02/11/2015 07:47

If he's annoying his teachers then you need to work on his behaviour with him. This is a good idea that JJ posted.
Also I would be having stern words with my son about his behaviour at school. I would try a home/school partnership reward/punishment system. If the teacher says at the end of the day he has got on with his work then he
gets points towards a 'prize' - likewise, poor performance could mean treats/activities being taken away.

PurpleDaisies · 02/11/2015 07:50

I think nobel is right-you're making excuses for your son by writing it off as "typical boy". Can't you see how the way he is currently behaving would be intensely frustrating for his teacher (think how you feel when you ask him to do something a and he flat out refuses). Yes, maybe the teacher could hide their frustration with him better but that really isn't the important issue here-it's how you can work together to get him to stop refusing to work in school.

EvilTwins · 02/11/2015 07:51

Kids who refuse to work because they "don't like the topic" (or subject at secondary) are my least favourite kind. Parents who refuse to support the school because their child is "a bit of a character", "strong willed" or "opinionated" are my least favourite kind. You are allowing your DS to behave like this as you clearly have very little respect for the teacher.

I am astounded that, as a teacher, you can't see this.

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 07:53

i am not making myself clear
i give teachers full authority to deal with ds they have full parental support my ds shaould have no choice because school work should be done at school and homework is for home . i am in no way supportin g . lousy attitilude from my son
his uk school must have been utter rubbish because i have had more work to of him than i ever dod in the uk
at least here i know what is going on in school
but it is still hearbreaking for a parent to have their kid slagged off with nothing offered by way of hoing forward
an i am using a mobile phone so apologies for typos

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