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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Ever though a teacher didn't like your DC?

65 replies

citychick · 02/11/2015 04:30

Just that really.
DS in year 5, and to date I have never thought any of his teachers have actually "liked" him very much.

He's a typical boy, would far rather be outside kicking a ball around.
Bright with good attainment. No genius. Bit of a renegade. Likes maths, dislikes comprehension.

His current teacher is so far the only one to actually want to help him reach his potential. Hallelujah! But he seems to frustrate the life out of her.

If he doesn't like the particular topic, he doesn't get that involved. She says that while she can't physically make him do his school work, she gives him the choice. Do it at school or add it to homework. So he occasionally has to take it home. Adding to the homework he's already got.
Have asked her not to give him the choice, thanks.

He's in denial about homework. Hates writing it in his diary. So I have to send him up at 3pm to write it all in and gather the books for it. Exaughsting!

I can see her frustration, but He's got to go to school! He's recently moved into the private sector and the jump from uk state primary to international private has been massive for him and I see a huge improvement already.
But none of his teachers seem satisfied and we left parent/ teachers meetings feeling like he just pissed them off. It's soul destroying.
He's a lovely kid, no behavioural issues (apart from those of an opinionated 9 yr old) A mild medical condition that does not impact his school day.

So, lovely mumsnetters, please share your experiences and advice so I don't turn into a nutter instead of a netter!
bTW I am not teacher bashing here, I am one. (Not primary) Thanks!

OP posts:

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EvilTwins · 02/11/2015 07:54

There was a massive thread on here last week about why so many teachers are quitting. This is the perfect example - child refusing to do any work and the parent's most pressing concern is why the teacher can't hide her frustration/dislike of the situation more effectively.

I mean seriously...

Mehitabel6 · 02/11/2015 07:56

I get irritated by 'typical boy'. I have 3 of them and it doesn't mean that they shouldn't buckle down, sit still and do as they are asked!
I would use the homework book to record his behaviour and do as CarlaJones says.
It is like parents describing their child as 'a free spirit' which is a euphemism for 'pain in the neck to everyone else'!

PurpleDaisies · 02/11/2015 07:59

my ds shaould have no choice because school work should be done at school and homework is for home

What do you do with kids that flatly refuse to do the work? The sending work home thing isn't working because your son isn't viewing it as an unpleasant consequence of not working in school. Could you impose something like loss of TV when he hasn't worked in school so he really doesn't want to do it later and sit around doing nothing in class?

Noteventhebestdrummer · 02/11/2015 08:04

Does he like his teacher?

Gazelda · 02/11/2015 08:11

You haven't really said how the teacher shows her dislike of your DS. Nor have you quoted any of the 'slagging off'. Is it just the feeling you got from the parents evening?

Clobbered · 02/11/2015 08:14

I think I can see where you are coming from... You've moved him to this school that you thought was going to have a tough attitude to his refusal to engage, but you see their giving him a choice as being easy on him, rather than insisting he does the work? Perhaps giving him the choice of when to do it is his teachers' way of giving him some control?
I have had battles with my DS over homework. I find it's best to give him some 'down time' when he gets home and let him have tea before we start thinking about homework. If he has had a frustrating day at school and the first thing that happens when he gets home is more of the same (from his point of view), then I'm not surprised it all kicks off. Can you sit him down and make a plan together - you agree to cut him some slack for an hour after school if he agrees to get on with it when you say it's time?

lexigrey · 02/11/2015 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kampeki · 02/11/2015 08:27

Sorry OP, but I think others are right - your attitude isn't helping your DS right now, and perhaps that's why the teacher seems frustrated.

derxa · 02/11/2015 08:38

I'm sorry but he doesn't sound very likeable at the moment and you're aiding and abetting him. The teacher probably doesn't dislike him though. Just annoyed and frustrated.

ottothedog · 02/11/2015 08:59

Are you really a teacher? What on earth/where on earth do you teach?

If all his teachers have been like this, the common factor is your ds/you. If its this school and you have moved abroad, it could also be a cultural issue, despite being an 'international' school. Or as it is private, perhaps they just get rid of the kids who dont pull their weight n so expect parents to be trying harder

ThomasBecket · 02/11/2015 09:06

citychick, you and your son are getting a bit of a slating here. I can understand the teachers frustration with his attitude but hopefully/eventually he'll have a lightbulb moment and realise that it's much easier to get on with the work at school then bring it home to add to his hw.
If it's any consolation to you. My son goes to an independent school, the parents all come out looking very grim after parent/ teacher meetings. No back patting at our school either. I welcome it as a realistic view rather than his previous school's h'well done! Good effort!' comments.
His teacher no doubt can see that his attitude will not serve him well so just needs you to discuss the pros and cons with him. You mention that you would rather she didn't give him the choice of doing his work or taking it home. Like she said, she can't physically make him to do it. So unfortunately the extra work goes home and becomes your responsibility. If your son didn't do his work and his attainment fell, would that motivate him to get on with it? Would you be willing to let him take full responsibility for his failings as well as his achievements?

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 09:40

Ok.
I am going to end this thread now because, yes, I did start it, but also, as I suspected, it has become a slagging match against a happy family you don't know.
It's very hard to articulate fully over the Internet, and the whole point of this thread has been twisted.

For the record I am not some shit feckless parent, blaming teachers for my sons seemingly crap behaviour. But I hope it's made some of you feel better to watch a mumsnetter get shot down in flames rather than "yourself".

I am a teacher, and very good at what I teach. However, surely I am allowed to ask why some teachers can leave parents pale faced and feeling siCk that their child is an unteachable, vile brat with "behavioural issues".

Thanks to those who have understood what I have attempted to ask.
Perhaps I will take my question elsewhere.

City chick

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/11/2015 09:53

I actually think the "do here or do at home" is rather inspired. What she is teaching him is that the quicker he gets on with stuff the more time left for fun.

Something that will mean that he will be massively ahead at university against all the other students watching "Diagnosis Murder" in the common room whilst moaning about how much work they have!

user789653241 · 02/11/2015 09:57

Just sad you don't get it.

Weepingbirch · 02/11/2015 09:58

I have heard my son's ex nursery worker refer to him as a 'fucking little shit' at the age of 4 and then without fail every school year since has been filled with adults, parents and children who do not like him. He has been told to 'try and be normal for once' and overheard a LTS say 'He has an attitude problem'. His teachers despair or turn to drink and drugs as he is extremely clever but offers no book evidence of his abilities and disrupts half the class whilst he is at it.

Do I qualify to give advice?

Work with his teacher - whatever she puts in place to resolve it you are her absolute back up. You reinforce every rule the school have to your son's face and add consequences if he blatantly does not respect the adults around him and then does not seek to repair that. Build in praise at every level and seek for him to build relationships with the adults in school.
I might have a child that was 'not liked' but by the end of his last year I had had 3 years of excellent working relationships with the staff team around him (evidenced by the hugs and tears when he left and reassurances that I was a wonderful mum must stop or I will cry remembering how amazing his team was). It was the ONLY way he survived in mainstream as long as he did and more than that he SMASHED his targets on his SATs though never did produce the book evidence

Work with the teacher - you are her number 2 in this - she needs your support

Weepingbirch · 02/11/2015 09:59

Line through fail.... Not sure what happened there!!!

indyandlara · 02/11/2015 10:01

Yes I do and I'm a teacher. We had to make a complaint about a pastoral issue and now things are not great.

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 10:03

Irvine.
FFS have you not been reading my posts...

its you who is sad. And blind. You need to get back to school and learn to read.

OP posts:

derxa · 02/11/2015 10:03

Weepingbirch How dare that nursery worker say that about your son no matter what he was like

PurpleDaisies · 02/11/2015 10:04

City just because someone doesn't agree with you it doesn't mean they haven't understood what you've been saying. No need to be nasty.

Original poster

citychick · 02/11/2015 10:08

Weeping, I am sorry to hear that.
Purple, just had to let that steam out too. Like everyone else.

OP posts:

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 02/11/2015 10:10

My son is the same, no wifi and daily meeting with teacher .... quick thumbs up or thumbs down ... this is hopefully a short term, buck your ideas up ploy ... i do not want DS in lower ability classes in high school.if hes capable of more, as he will be bored.

BertrandRussell · 02/11/2015 10:14

I think I might have worked out what "a bit of a renegade" means..........

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 02/11/2015 10:26

Ok, we've established, more or less unanimously that a) doing the whole "he's a boy" thing is no excuse. And you, as a teacher yourself, know that I would hope. We've established that "renegade" and "not being motivated if he's not interested" are all just Mumspeak for "won't do as he's told and refuses to co-operate, and (probably) disturbs other children who do want to study.

Hopefully you've got that now.

Perhaps what you are still coming to terms with is that "abroad" a lot of the behaviour issues that are tolerated in the UK will absolutely not be. End of.

I am a Brit, in Italy. Dd is the equivalent of 1st/2nd year secondary school, now. Here, and I know that from other threads many other countries are the same, homework will be upwards of 3 hours aday from primary. Deal with it. A dear friend of mine's son was expelled from a very nice private school in Paris for being a "renegade". What for? He answered back once too often.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of any of this, the UK is certainly the most permissive system I' ve had experience of in terms of accepted behaviour in school (both in general, and as far as work attainment is concerned)

If you want some genuine help on how to deal with what is clearly relevant factor in your son's behaviour, you might like to start a thread in Living Overseas actually naming the country where you are, and get some concrete advice from parents who have relevant experience on how to deal with what is a massive sea change.

And possibly stop shouting at people.

PurpleDaisies · 02/11/2015 10:31

Look, it is obvious you're upset at what you perceive as the teacher's dislike of your son and I think you were hoping we'd all say " what a cow-she's clearly wrong" (and if she'd behaved as weepings son's teacher had we'd all be in your corner).

The trouble is you've said the teacher finds your son frustrating and to be honest, his behaviour sounds exactly that.

What would you prefer-the teacher gives you a glowing report which is a lie, your son carries in mucking about and he is set up to fail later or she tells you honestly what's going on so you can both address it and he ends up reaching his potential?

It is easy to ignore coasting students and let them not do as well as they should. She actually cares about how your son is doing, but you've taken that to mean she thinks he is vile and you are a bad mother. How about giving her son's credit for doing what's best for your son and helping him to knuckle down and learn?

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