What is the correct response when a teacher tells you about your DC's poor behaviour?

[walkingtheplank]

DS has been playing up at school - low level stuff e.g. talking too much, lying about what he's done etc.

3 times the teacher has asked to speak to me. She says, "I just want to tell you...." The first 2 times I apologised and agreed it was unacceptable. After her initial sentence I felt that I had to apologise and fill in the space. The 3rd time I didn't apologise, instead asking her what she planned to do about it which she seemed surprised by.

So, how do you respond? What response do teachers want?

I agree with you Feenie

I would generally deal with low level disruption in class and wouldn't mention it to parents. However if the disruption was such that it was preventing the child and other children from learning I would contact parents.

Same. Thanks, Narp.

If a teacher feels the need to speak to the parents three times in short succession then I would expect them to call a more formal meeting (not where it can be overheard by the rest of the parents) to discuss strategies to overcome this problem. Views should be taken on all sides as to why the behaviour is bad and what school & parents can do to remedy the situation. In ds1's case a behaviour book was put in and a reward system implemented (parents rewarded as to number of points gained at school) and at the same time referrals to outside agencies were put in (as school suspected SN's which hadn't occurred to us). Because it was presented as a problem to be solved rather than apportioning blame (on either side) we managed a more successful outcome for ds1 at least in the short-term.

I never apologise for what my son does in school but his developmental stage and disability mean that I do not have control over what he does in school. If I have seen similar behaviour at home I mention what I think causes it and how I try to stop it happening.
If a teacher is concerned about a persistent behaviour, they should be asking for a meeting with parents to discuss it. I don't have respect for continual moaning with no way forward suggested.

In this situation the teacher has spoken to the parent 3 times and we are presuming he is NT because I am very sure were he not, then the OP would have made that clear.

In dd's school speaking to the parents 3 times with no improvement would lead to more serious sanctions regarding this child's behaviour, because I imagine, like in most schools, to arrive at the point where you call the parent for a word, not once, but three times, probably means this child has been told off in class for his disruptive behaviour at least 100 times more than that.

There is nothing worse for the rest of a class than "low level disruption" (and isn't it funny how it's only ever the parents of the perps who call it that? )

I spoke to the teacher this morning. I said that as she's needed to speak to me 3 times, there is clearly an issue that needs addressing so could we set up a meeting to discuss a way forward.
Her response was to laugh and say, "Oh no, that won't be necessary" and that was the end of the conversation.

For those who think I am minimising the misdemeanours by using the term 'low level' for his behaviour in the playground, not the class room as it happens, I didn't want to detail the events as this might out me and I used this term to distinguish it from other behaviour that has occurred over the past week in my son's class - such as several instances of smacking/thumping people in the face (not my DC).

Anyway, I said I'd bow out before and I only came back on to offer the update so that's me done. Thanks again to all those who offered insight and help. It was appreciated.

Have read the first and last pages.
If a child were having difficulty academically it would be reasonable to expect a more formal discussion at this point.
I don't see why there should be a different strategy for behaviour so teachers response seems a little lack lustre. Either his behaviour is a concern or it isn't.
If she approaches you again I would explain that it has been discussed at home but that you aren't sure if you should be doing anything else? Then complete silence from you and let her fill the gaps. If it continues and you get no joy from her then maybe it would be appropriate to formally request a meeting.
I don't like the sound of other children being hit in the face though (not your ds op I know) is discipline an issue in this school?