School transported children in a pupil's grandmother's car without my permission

[muppetsmum]

My 8 year old daughter had an away match today which I was planning on going to watch, and I got a phone message from school asking me if I was going, and if so would I mind taking my daughter and one or two others as they were short of seats on the minibus. I couldn't go in the end and left a message in reply to this effect. When my daughter came home, she told me that they had indeed been short of room on the bus and had asked some girls to go with parents/family who were going to the match. She volunteered, and, with two others, had made the 45 minute journey driven by one of the girls' grandmothers!!! We know the family, I happen to have met the lady in question and have no personal problem with them, but surely the school isn't allowed to just send kids off with 'unknown' family members, whose personal/medical history/driving ability/car safety are presumably not known to them? I'm normally very laid back about stuff, but surely somebody should have rung me to check I was OK with this? Not knowing anything about this granny's health, I would certainly not have been happy to have a 70+ year old driving 3 giggly, excited girls a significant distance. Am I going mad or is this totally unacceptable?

Ok. I'd have expected to get a call for permission in this instance. I assumed as the op didn't get one she assumed her dd was on the bus, as planned.

I think the rest is all a red herring- it is the fact that this woman is a grandmother that renders her incapable of safely being able to manage children and a car. It is such an amazing feat it appears to warrant a number of exclamation marks.
OP hadn't been intending to give a lift- she was just asked later. When she refused she appeared to think the full minibus could suddenly give a space.

It wasn't planned to have her DD on the bus- she had already been told it was full.

The fuss is that a grandmother gave the lift!!!

Sorry when had she been told it was full? Just going on the op here so might have missed something

I frequently used to provide lifts to dds classmates to school sporting events. Never was asked for a DBS thingy, never had my licence or insurance checked.

Dd also had lifts in other parents' cars if I couldn't go.

Still happens. One of my friends has a 7 seater and moans slightly as school are always ringing asking if she can take a load of kids to cross country, etc.

My reading of it is that the OP never said yes to transporting children because she could not go, but she would have done it, with parental permission. I don't know what she assumed about her daughter's transportation, but she was clearly not happy about the grandmother (!!!) doing it. That part was clearly ageist.

I think her responses got a bit side-tracked by the really ridiculous comments that it was somehow her daughter's responsibility not to get into the grandmother's car without her parent's permission, in spite of the fact that a teacher was telling her it was ok.

She says in OP that they were short of seats in the minibus- if her DD had a seat there was no need for her to give a lift. She didn't give a lift and they were still short of seats. It is a huge leap to assume that DD then had a seat. Nothing had changed except that OP was ruled out for giving a lift. Luckily they found a substitute and the whole thing appears to hinge on the fact that the woman was a grandmother!!!

In answer to the OP. You're going mad. Next time don;t be surprised if your DD is dropped from the team.

You are perfectly entitled to expect the driver to be DSB checked, have correct insurance and booster seats- but if they have all this the age is irrelevant and tells you absolutely nothing about their driving skills and ability to manage children- except that I would expect it to be far better than average, having had far more experience of both.
I find that people are perfectly happy to accept lifts from me, the fact that I am grandmother age doesn't warrant three exclamation marks.

I would have assumed if I were told that dd was going in a minibus that she was going in the minibus unless I was specifically told otherwise. I wouldn't try to second guess or do the schools admin for them

It wouldn't happen in schools I've worked in. The only people in school who would transport children in cars were management, who had the correct insurance. I would be more concerned about a school who apparently didn't know how many pupils they had to transport, and the last-minute/unorganised feel about the arrangements. It should have been properly planned for. After - school activities/weekend sports matches are different - it's like parents giving lifts to friends.

You are perfectly entitled to expect the driver to be DSB checked, have correct insurance and booster seats

Except you can't get a DBS certificate on this basis, DBS certificates aren't portable from one role to another so it's irrelevant whether the driver is checked for something else or not, and you don't need any additional insurance to do this (the reason teachers do is that it's Class II, at least, business use). So what you're saying is that you don't want parents used full stop, as there's no way to DBS check the drivers.

Bolo, most schools ask reading volunteers etc to have a DBS check - these people are therefore checked with respect to that school.

With my children at primary, if they had a match in school time (rare) or straight after school (more common) there was a box on the form to tick:

• Whether we were transporting our own children
• Whether we had made specific arrangements with another parent / person (space for name)
• Whether we were happy for our child to be transported by another parent or member of staff.

Booster seats, if used, had to be dropped off with the child at school that morning.

AFAI remember, there wasn't an option to say 'transport with school staff only', but IME, when I ticked the last box, my children always ended up being transported by the head!

She was specifically told that there were no enough seats on the mini bus! That is why she was asked for a lift. I can't see how refusing magically produced her a seat- the situation didn't change.
My DSB certificate and insurance is specifically to transport children for a charity. No one has as yet said 'but she is old enough to be a grandmother!!!'

stealth I wouldnt though. The OP was made aware that some children would have to go in cars with parents/carers. The OP was asked to take a few children.

Why would you assume your child had no chance of being transported in a car, like they asked you do. It's quite clear some children were going in cars.

I just love the barking threads on mumsnet. This one has made for a very nice coffee break

This happens in DD's school all the time, they ask parents to sign up at the beginning of the year and ensure that your insurance company are aware that you may be transporting children on occasion.

We are a small rural school and can't always afford a minibus so children are often transported by parents, it has never been a problem and not that unusual for smaller schools.

MN wouldn't be half as much fun without barking threads!
Much as it irritates me with the casual ageism -it is amusing that a simple lift from a child's grandmother gets 3 exclamation marks.
The DD got to the match safely- a thank you to the person who managed the lift would be more appropriate. ( and in this day and age it is increasingly grandparents who have the time for lifts).

Yabu people of any age can have health issues. And what were those posts at the start about child abduction?

Spartans because I'd assume if be explicitly asked for permission

I'd assume unless I was asked that they'd approach another parent of a group of friends so permission could be sought. I'd assume I'd been asked as it would have been a possibility, and when I'd said it wasn't possible they'd have gone back to the drawing board to approach another parent and then contact the parents of the children they could take to ask permission. I wouldn't assume being asked if I could take my child and others meant my child had been chosen as one of the ones who wasn't on the bus unless I'd said yes.
Does that make any sense?

Everyone is saying the op saying no didn't make a seat on the bus magically appear. I get that.
But given the op did not make any promises and did not let anyone down, why would it be decided that her child would be off the bus? She was asked, she said no. Back to plan a, Child on bus UNLESS TOLD OTHERWISE