contribute to teachers gift when I absolutely hated the teacher?

[bananacarnival]

Hello
It drives me nuts when one parent decides to organise a collection for the class teacher, particularly when her child was one of the 'favourites'.
I've been so disappointed all year, the work set has been shoddy, she hasn't paid any attention to my requests that she differentiates appropriately (ds is very bright). Quite frankly, I'm not sure what we're thanking her for.

Yet, all other parents - including those who critisised her all year in the playground, are contributing. So I stand out like a sore thumb if I don't contribute and my son's name doesn't go down on the card.

So cross. Any suggestions? I should add that I have a younger daughter who I expect will have the same teacher at some point.

Many thanks

technically the gift is from the children surely? What does your son think of her?
If he's enjoyed the time in her class then may be thank her for that ?

I think it's utterly wrong to put only contributors' names in the card. It should say "love from Year 4" or whatever.

I think it would be actively hypocritical to contribute to a thank-you gift where you have been so much in conflict.

The whole field of teacher gifts gives me the rage. Collections wind me up particularly. So it's possible I'm biased.

Since you have a younger dd, I'd contribute and get your name on the card. If you didn't have a younger dc, I'd just have said not to contribute and to forget about it.

I don't get all this angst about giving teachers a gift. They don't have an automatic right to a gift. It is their job, they are salaried. Therefore if you don't feel they have done their job as well as they should, don't contribute. It seems to be a primary school phenomenon, it doesn't happen from year 7 onwards.

We always do class collections and I prefer that but in year 5 my eldest had truly dreadful teachers and gained nothing so I didn't contribute. The year 6 teacher was great so I contributed and also bought a separate gift. Do what suits you best.

My friend was the person who always used to do the collections, until year 6, when she just hated the teacher. She refused to take a collection, or contribute, so someone else had to do it, instead.

I doubt the teacher will notice your son's name is not on the card. Or if she does, she won't think anything of it.

I bumped into one of DS's old teachers recently. I said hello, and that she had taught my DS. It was clear that her memory of him was hazy, at best. She must've taught hundreds of children.

I wouldn't contribute if you don't want to and don't feel they are deserving.. It's not likely to impact on your daughter.

DD is giving her teacher a card this year but no gift. She hasn't enjoyed being in this class, and despite being bright she hasn't been encouraged in anything she's good at, as it seems the teacher would rather have a class where everyone is at the same level instead of having to set different work for each group.

Good to hear so many thoughts echoing my own. Thanks for the advice all...

Don't contribute if you don't want to. I've had some wonderful gifts over the years, some genuine heartfelt thank you cards and letters, some shouts of 'thank you!' from across the yard and no acknowledgement at all. It's all fine. It's great to get a thank you but at the end of the day, it's my job. The extra I put in is for the benefit of the child not a gift at the end or the appreciation of parents.

Sorry. Posted too soon.

I really wouldn't if you've had an awful time.

I'm a teacher and got a group gift yesterday signed from all but one of the children in my class.

I'd never expect a gift from every child, or that everyone would contribute.

Another teacher here. I only became a teacher a year ago so was overwhelmed at Christmas when so many children in my class brought in presents for me...really was not expecting it at all.

Can I remember which children didn't bring me a present? Nope!
It's not an expectation at all!

Just out of interest, how do you know the teacher is not differentiating in the classroom? Have you seen lesson plans/compared your child's book with children from other ability groups? In what sense is the work 'shoddy'?

DS had a lovely teacher in year 2. It was at quite a naice school, but she had previously taught at more difficult schools. The first time a group of parents came in to give her a present, she though they wanted a row, so she was getting all prepared for that, and was very surprised when they gave her a present!

you're overthinking - if there are 29 parent signatures on the card, the teacher probably won't be able to decipher them (!) and will have no clue that any are missing - they have better things to do than count signatures?

If you and your dc had a bad year then don't contribute.

In your situation I didn't contribute but bought a gift for music teacher and TA instead! I very much doubt she'd have noticed but she demoralised DS so much I wouldn't have cared!

This is one reason I prefer to do our own gifts, then we can put more thought/money into the ones for teachers who've gone the extra mile for our children. We still got chocs for the one that didn't really teach DS much, on the grounds he still had a happy year and frankly I'm in awe of and grateful to anyone who can keep 30 six-year-olds from out and out riot.

Unless you care deeply what the teacher thinks (not sure why you would if you hate her/him) I would just forget about it.