Do you punish at home for bad behaviour at school?

[fiveacres]

If your child is not behaving too well at school - nothing 'major' but generally being out of sorts, do you punish at home? Or keep the two entirely separate?

My 8 year old son's behaviour isn't wonderful just at the moment and whilst I appreciate there are reasons for this I obviously want to discourage as much as possible.

Any advice? So greatly appreciated! Going to pick him up shortly and I know he's had a bad day via text message.

It really depends on so much. How bad was the behaviour? Is there an underlying cause? What was the punishment at school for the behaviour?

I would always support the school and work to discourage bad behaviour but whether or not I would punish really depends on the above

No I wouldn't. I'd just encourage good behaviour at home and be kind to him.

Are you the poster with lots of children and lots going on right now?

Thanks

He has had missed play times (that has happened today, I already know) but I don't think he cares particularly about this

There would be a stern talking to and removal of treats here.

Two children? It feels like hundreds! There is a fair old amount mind you!

I will talk about it, but what happens at school, happens at school. If school need to punish, they should be doing it and not leaving a parent with the fall out for something they might not even have the full story on.

I think if there's been a specific incident at school that the teacher's told you is above the level of general silliness and asked for back up on he needs a telling off or some sort of punishment at home, otherwise just keep enforcing your usual standards of behaviour and making it clear you support the teacher in school discipline.

I do if it's something that would be punished at home (eg aggression, swearing etc.) In those cases we have a very clear 'rule' about what is not acceptable and the consequence and that applies wherever the misdemeanour takes place.

With things that are specifically school related I would play it by ear depending on how the school were handling it (eg for not doing work I would let them decide the punishment but would back them up, if for example work had to be done at home instead.)

I am thinking mostly of my eldest here who has a challenging mix of behavioural issues so needs consistency in terms of acceptable behaviour and consequences but would apply the same to my other children.

Thanks.

It can be difficult, as I know if I did something even very minor and it got back to my parents they wouldn't punish so much as go on and on and on about it - I don't want DS to feel like that.

On the other hand, I must admit I am really having to bite down how cross he makes me when he is rude and defiant and stroppy for absolutely no reason. One thing for me to put up with but his teacher shouldn't have to!

If DC misbehave at school I'm not at all sure that punishment at home is the way to tackle it.

DC need to understand why they need to meet school's expectations of behaviour.

I think I would ask for his side of things and chat to him. I would aim to get him inside and set up some kind of reward strategy for good school behaviour

Get him onside not inside.

Have you got to the bottom of why he's misbehaving?

I think the vast majority of kids understand why they need to meet the school's standard of behaviour (although explaining it again is fine). Kids just don't always like doing what they're supposed to!

As adults we understand why we shouldn't speed but plenty of us still do it and there is a consequence for stepping out of line.

I don't punish for things that have happened at school, I don't think it is helpful for them to be punished twice for an incident. I do talk about the bad behaviour with them though.

In general things like behaviour, which results in loss of playtime, means for me it is minor enough to be left at the school gate. These things need to be dealt with at school not 3 hours later at home.

Unless - it is something which comes over and over again. But then I would need more information and the school and parents need to work together on a suitable method. Friends got a daily diary which showed behaviour and if it got bad then a pre-approved home punishment was issued.

Or it is so severe that the effects are greater like physical harm or stealing/bullying. Then yes, I would punish at home.

Thank you.

Orange - he hasn't articulated it as such but I know he's just struggling with a lot of things at the moment.

That's fine, I accept that. But it's hard - 'yes I know that' and then what do you do with the info?

I am finding it hard to know what to do for the best.

Thanks.

This is largely what I am wondering, really what sanctions do others have? He has had his phone taken off him.

He doesn't ever say others were doing it as well - it's more 'I know, I'm sorry, I was rude,' gets upset, then does it again. Driving me mad.

I think I'd describe him at the moment as moody rather than bad tempered, if you follow me.

I know everyone says this about their child but he was an absolute poppet until quite recently! Think he's just finding a lot of stuff very, very difficult. I sympathise with all that, which is why I don't want to be stern and draconian and severe but at the same time I don't want a rude, surly, unmanageable child.

I like 'sorry is an action'

Very true, that. Thank you

It sounds like you're doing the right things five. Just keep at it and it'll all come right in the wash. In the meantime there's always or or depending on your preference.

What is it he's upset about?

I don't ..I talk to him and tell him I support the schools response