I know this has been done to death but will someone help me make the decision about private/state for my circumstances...

[ag123]

So DH and I live in North London. We have a ds, 3 and are expecting dc2 in September. We are both 30, DH is a lawyer in the city, I am a qualified primary school teacher and have worked part-time since ds was 1 but have just been given voluntary redundancy from Sept due to school restructure.

DH currently brings home about £4800 a month, mortgage is about £1500 a month, bills at least £500/month, groceries, petrol etc at least £800/month.

So ds is due to start nursery from Sept and has a place at both a local prep school and the very local state school and I keep swinging between which the right decision is.

The prep school is comparatively very good value at around £3000/term all the way through the school. They get very good results (a large proportion get into the grammars) and it had a very nice, non hot-housey atmosphere, with of course smaller class sizes.

Although it is comparatively good value, this will still be a stretch for us- an additional £800 a month we reckon and we will be losing my £1000/month salary ( we basically have no childcare costs) at the same time. There are certainly many areas that we could make savings in our lives...we don't live extravagantly but live well (i.e. Don't really think about how much we spend on shopping, go for meals out etc) so could easily cut back but not sure quite how good we'll be about that having not really had to do so before, and also lived near our overdraft limit even so the majority of the time.

The state school is very near and has a very good reputation. It is ofsted outstanding (multiple times in a row) but is positioned literally right at the side of one of the busiest roads in London and has very little outdoor space for sports etc. I also (as I'm sure lots of parents must do) think that ds might well be quite bright and I do worry about him being 'lost' in a class of 30 and not achieving his potential, especially as the catchment secondary school is AWFUL here so we would definitely be wanting to look to grammars.

I just can't decide whether it is worth the lifestyle sacrifice or not... Also since we are both relatively young there is quite a lot of scope for career progression for DH, and is it worth the sacrifice now if we can afford it a lot more comfortably in a few years time? I could work again part-time but don't want to be tied to it immediately and I'm not sure it would work logistically with the school run (a short car journey) to the possible prep school and we would have childcare cost for dc2 to factor in (my wage only just covered these between age 1-2 for ds). We are also considering having more than 2 children.

Anyway, sorry for such a long post, but does anyone have an opinion?!

I don't think that you can afford it. Not if you are already using your overdraft limit and you are about to lose your income. Plus you want more children - putting 4 through private school is a massive undertaking.

Dh work in bristol you all live in bath great state schools near your Wiltshire family there you go life sorted!

I bring the same amount home as you and have same mortgage cost etc and since dc2 has come along finances are more stretched.

Can you afford to send both your children to private?

If you can I would go for it but it will be a stretch I would say keep savings and send them to secondry private school. There would be nothing worse than him starting private and you realising that actually it's too much and having to change him to state or struggle financially,

There is no academic advantage to sending children under 11 to private school. End of. I was told by someone who ought to know that it was research proven.

Very sweeping statement. You're saying that if the choice is a top private school with small class sizes, or a failing school where children are throwing chairs there is no benefit to the former. Rubbish. Clearly this situation is more nuanced, but I would love to see that research - peer reviewed scientific research is it?

Green, that sounds dogmatic, especially the "end off"

For my kids it made a huge difference, transferring them from a failing state school with classes of 36 and predicted level3's at best by Y6 SATs, moving them to private prep for 3-4 years has significantly altered their academic outcome.

Not saying anecdote= data.

But how can you make such a sweeping un-nuanced statement?

I'd agree with you if you said that for a NT child in an outstanding primary there is little value add in moving them to private school. And even then, I'd say private school drama and sport helped my boys gain overall confidence in other subjects too. Some advantages are non-academic, but therefore not insignificant.

I think the whole point for the OP is that she'll have to get to know the schools in question, and her child's ability and achievement, before she can make an informed decision.

There are too many variables concerning the individual child and individual schools.

Hi. My DC both went to outstanding local state schools and got into the local grammars with a year's tutoring each. As a reflection of the local area about 1/3 got in from DC's school and about 1/2 from a neighbouring school that I worked in. There are preps here too which had a higher 'hit rate' but without the broad range of pupils. Both state schools offered a wide range of sports/music/trips/lots of interesting projects etc. And although both had class sizes of 30+ the brighter children were stretched and the less able supported. That's why they were outstanding! IMO I'd go for the state.

Another thought:

Being in the sam class with the same children throughout Primary is not always the easiest thing. It can result in children adopting the same place in the group dynamic for all those years. I would imagine that in a small class there is more pressure, and svn more so if friendship issues or bullying arise. I don't think small class sizes are necessarily the idyll that we'd like to believe when our children are tiny

My DS2 got into a superselective from a Good Primary with no tutoring

Do I win?

I don't think small class sizes are necessarily the idyll that we'd like to believe when our children are tiny

I moved my child from one independent school because I felt the class was too small (10, all girls) with some v strong personalities. She is now in a school with class size 22 which is much better.

State primary. You're a teacher, you can do extra lessons if need be.

Yes Yarm. Looks like you do win!
Or your DC do!

I would start off in state and see how you get on. You can always move him if you feel you need to do so.