Friend pushing her DD for 11+

[Hoppinggreen]

So my DD mght do the 11+ . She is working at a high level and her teachers say she should be able to do well.
However, DD has a friend called L. We are good friends with L's parents and socialise with them. L's mum is determined that her DD will also do the 11+ and asked if we couid share a tutor. I refused by saying that I had taken some advice a nd that the tutor we spoke to doesn't advise this ( this is technically true as the Tutor said that it probably wouldn't be in our DD's interest to share tuition unless the other child was at her level or above). We actually didn't use that Tutor as it turned out but decided to use a small group tutor instead. DD's mum has now enrolled her at the same place as DD.
All fine so far but I really dont think that L is going to get a a Grammar place.
Before everyone gets outraged this is the opinion of the Tutor, teachers and my DD who says L struggles and DD often helps her during the Tutoring.
In addition L is in the bottom group at school for both Maths and Literacy.
So why us this any of my business? Maybe it isn't but L is getting increasingly stressed about the exam and her mum is getting increasingly determined she is going to pass. She refuses to consider any other schools and tells L she will be going to the Grammar school with DD. To be honest WE don't even know that DD will go, she might not do well enough to get a place and we are also looking at other options.
So far I just smile and nod at my friend when she talks about how " our girls" will be going to The Grammar - should I just continue with that?
There is a mock exam coming up, I am considering suggesting she put L in for it ( with DD) so she can see for herself if L should continue to go for the 11+
For anyone who questions Tution in general we are doing it purely so DD is familiar with the exam but L's mum thinks it will somehow guarantee her a Grammar place.
I genuinely like both L and her Mum but can see them heading for a fall.

This has been a fascinating discussion and I am so, so glad we live in a comprehensive area!! DD would be borderline for passing 11+ so would need lots of tutoring if we lived in a fully selective area (would certainly not attempt super-selective). Both of us loved the comp she got offered a place at.

When my DDs were at primary school in a selective County, everyone knew who was expected to get a place at the Grammar Schools! The parents knew and the children knew. They knew even more at the local 11 plus crammer prep school! There was the occasional surprise - but not many! Mostly it is a surprise when a child does not get in. I did familiarisation with my elder child (a few VR work books and a week familiarisation course) and my second one went straight to independent secondary and never sat the 11 plus. The stress, angst and slim chance were definitely telling me that it wasn't worth the trouble. In our county all sit the 11 plus - you opt out.

OP in your case, try and keep this other Mum off the 11 plus topic and make non committal answers to their future schooling, together or otherwise. I have known two people who hired tutors for years, one a grand child and the other a DD. In my heart I thought they were wasting their money and they had little to spare. Both children attainted a score of 103 (121 needed) after 2-3 years of tutoring. Both tutors said they had a good chance. They just kept earning the money!

Yep stay out of it! The 11+ in this area is purely VR and NVR and throws up some rather unexpected results!

If grammar results are given before applications have to be made to secondaries then it's fine. Can understand why you are concerned but it is outside your control.

If they are good friends and you are good friends with her parents why don't you just be happy she is also trying for the exam and hope both will get a place; I wouldn't worry about it; it is the tutor responsibility to prepare her and the grammar school decision at the end; time will tell who gets a place.

I think I get the OP.

It isn't her business, and she'd rather it wasn't her business, however her friend is making it her business by talking about it. She probably even feels awkward about it because she doesn't want her dd to feel she's expected to get in, and people will point fingers and say "why didn't she get it?" if she doesn't.
I suspect what she's worrying about is more potential aftermath if she doesn't get in to both the friend and the dd. Not as in it effecting her, but it effecting them, and she cares about them.