Advice please on delayed school entry for summer born. Has anyone done it?

[PetaPipa]

I am not sure whether my dd should start school at the beginning of reception or delay one, two or even three terms. She has a late July birthday so is very young in the year, but is fairly mature. I love her nursery and she is really happy there - part of me would like her to stay there longer and grow in confidence and to just enjoy being a preschooler for longer. However, on the other hand, I am very concerned that delaying her start in school could affect her socially. So, I'm looking for advice!
If you delayed your child's entry to school do you regret it, or would you do it again? Why?
Are there any parents of summer borns who wish they had delayed entry to reception? Why?
Thanks in advance for any replies!

I delayed my August born premature son. He started reception aged 5. Is was definitely the right thing for him. He fits right in.

Saracen - I need your wisdom! How did your daughter find settling into school at 9? Did she make friends quickly?

It was effortless for her. A nine year old is quite a competent person compared with a four year old. They don't tend to get alarmed by being unable to find the toilet (they just ask somebody) or frightened of louder children (they're used to them) or have trouble waiting their turn (they've been doing that for years in the park and supermarket). They don't need the same level of adult attention and help as a younger child, so the ratio of one or two adults to 30 children isn't such a problem for them.

IME school doesn't have to be a difficult adjustment. The reason many four year olds find it hard is because they are four! Wait a year or two or three and many of the challenges evaporate with their added maturity. On the other hand, there are some kids who are never going to thrive in a school environment. Even they are likely to have learned some coping strategies and have added perspective on the situation if they are a bit older when they start. That's what many of my home ed friends have found, anyway.

Sometimes kids who change schools do find it hard to be accepted, but other times, as in my dd's case, they are welcomed by everyone. She had the novelty factor and everyone wanted to be her friend. I don't think the other kids particularly noticed or cared that she'd never been to school before. For them it was as if she'd come from a different school.

That's good, and makes sense. I do think school starts far too early in the uk. it's a shame it's not easy to be more flexible.

There are a few ways that the system could be improved IMO.

• School probably does start too early in the UK, or we wouldn't be having this debate.
• Early years settings have too much "early education" forced on them by EYFS curriculum anyway - no wonder the children are tired
• Having said that, Reception follows the same EYFS curriculum so there will be little difference between a child spending that time in a nursery school or reception class.
• Putting children back a year will cause chaos. (Premature/SN excepted). It will be manipulated by parents wanting to advantage their summer born children by making them kind of "super-autumns" in the next class down. What if they have a development spurt and end up bored in later years, but can't jump forwards again without missing loads of learning? It might be the privilege of those who can afford another year of paid childcare or SAHP.
• I can see a case for a phased entry system - but schools need to be set up for this so it's not just the odd few.
• the slow creep of the National Curriculum ratcheting up the targets for YR and Yr1 should be reversed - are you listening Nicky Morgan? This makes it very hard to accommodate later starters.

As I said before I'm very interested in this as my DS is within a few days of the cut off, and I had lots of well meaning people quoting research at me. I'm sure he'd be more confident if he wasn't the youngest, but there are a lot of other factors in there, postitive and negative.

Overall, if the govt wants 4 year olds in school, the schools and curriculum should be set up to accommodate 4 year olds at a normal range of development, not just the most mature.

Raising -your super autumns point is what a friend says happens in her bit of Scotland. Think it is January birthdays there.

Raising, yes the curriculum is the same either way but I think I'd like her to be able to go part time for longer as she gets so tired. I definitely don't want her going into the year below, just easing in more gradually.

Hi two odd socks.
My son is a deferral success story:I dread to think what would have happened if we hadn't given him the extra year. Late august birthdays, severe receptive language delay and severe social delays are not a good mix and it depresses me when the ignorant jump in with...... Well, with those things they say, all of which you'll have heard.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is, is there anything I can do to support your campaign? Letter to MP, etc?

OP, I don't see any particular reasons why your daughter would need to defer x.

My august born boy will be startibg reception in September and for the last year I have been wanting to delay his entry as I do not want him to struggle, in fact I've been very anxious about him starting!

But I have put it into perspective and I feel more positive.

Reception is very much play based.
My son will not be the only summer born.
I do not want to hold him back.
I will give him as much support as possible at home.
There are lots of half terms.
If he is having a day where he is exhausted I will keep him off.

My older son is December born and his second year of pre school he was bored I wish that he started earlier!

Good luck, I am sure she will be just fine x

Sleepy - What makes you say that?

I delayed July born DS until January. The school encouraged us to do so. It was the best thing we could have done as DS wasn't ready for the extra stuff that school did, such as dressing and undressing and eating lunch quickly.

I delayed July born DS until January. The school encouraged us to do so. It was the best thing we could have done as DS wasn't ready for the extra stuff that school did, such as dressing and undressing and eating lunch quickly.

Hi Anne. How did your son find it with making friends after joining late? I think that is really the only thing that is making me waver a bit on this.

Because she's fairly mature for her age. It's the ones who are immature for their own July/August birth month who suffer.

I have debated this topic (under a different nickname) at length with tiggytape who is very knowledgeable. Whilst we didn't reach consensus I recall we both felt that what needs to happen is to spot those who will struggle (using professional expertise)and consider whether year-deferral might be part of the solution for those kid. My son was spotted partly because he has me, partly because he was at a decent school nursery.

I agree that many parents consider deferral for aspirational reasons/wanting to give their child an advantage. That's their right (we may well start too early) but it's really a completely different issue. The sharp elbows that Cameron talked of.

Milly, there are no administrative/admission problems -that's a red herring. See the many historical threads for an explanation. The real problem is the cost and the fact that those who need most help are likely to be overlooked if we rely on parent advocacy.

The cost of my son's extra year of education was much less than the cost of statementing would have been (we were told to apply for a statement but head and I felt time with younger peers better).

Yes, she's mature in many ways but she is also completely exhausted by a full day at nursery so I doubt would cope with five full days of school in a row. I promise I have no desire to make her into some kind of genius in the year below. I just want her to enjoy school.

and as I said I want her to remain in her correct year, just possibly start part time or after January.

so all good x

You'd probably be better off doing part time hours from the start. So finish at lunchtime Mon, wed, Fri. It worked well for mine until they were ready to do full time. It meant they still did the morning learning and when the kids did more play type activities in the afternoon, they can go home and relax.

Just to say: you could really look at part time, as tiny tears said. we did this and it worked really well. also you wouldn't have to deal with the friendship worries.

I was able to negotiate the part time attendance in return for turning up to school in January - as opposed to continuing to defer which was my first choice. the head explained that by not being registered on that day the school would loose funding for our place for the year. i sent my child and in return only had to send them three days a week.

she already had friends there as i had hunted down a few mums in the area (asked around )and then invited ourselves over for plays! by the time she start in january she already knew enough kids not to feel disorientated. also she had GREAT novelty value.

if you have a work life that accommodates it, i really would recommend part time attendance.

RaisingSteam it's actually not true that you can't allow summer borns to start a year later this is a system that works without issue in Scotland, Australia, USA, Germany etc. (off the top of my head). I think most parents want to send their children to school when they're ready. There would be no advantage to holding back a child who would then end up bored.

One thing that occurred to me that speaks for starting in September (be it full time or part time) is friendship/social issues --- for you.

At the beginning of term in September, many mums and dads at our school hung around at drop off, and at pick up, we frequently let the kids run around in the playground a bit whilst the grown-ups were chatting. We also had coffee mornings and evenings out. That way the parents/carers got to know each other, got to know who is who and which child goes with which parent and which name goes with which face. I happen to know that some of the families where both parents work full time have felt quite left out, because they weren't plugged in to that informal grapevine. They never got to meet the other parents nor to hear what was going on.

The kid my DS is now 'best friends' with, is actually because his mum and I get along well and suggested playdates. We didn't know each other when school started and without those moments at the beginning of the year when many parents were still keen to meet the other parents (if only to find out if anyone knew what the kids did at school all day) we would never have started to chat.

There is one child in DS' class who deferred and only just started after Feb half-term. Two weeks in, DS barely recalls that he hasn't always been there. His mum however - if anyone, it is her who has missed out on the friendship formation period. Nowadays, people drop and run in the mornings, and IF they hang about a bit at pick up, it is because they have something specific to discuss with specific people.

So IMO the question is less if your DC is confident at making friends, but more about if YOU are keen to meet other parents; and confident enough to approach people who are already set in their ways and little groups.

Oh yes, and how much you may be glad of other parents' help. Even if you feel happy with your current social circle and feel no need to meet new people, it is still good to know your child's classmates' parents. E.g. if you are unusually delayed and will be late for pick-up. Unless you have plenty of other local support who could help in such situations at short notice.

That's a good point Meita, thanks. it had occurred to me but I hadn't given it a lot of thought. I will do now! I still haven't come to any kind of decision but it's been great hearing different experiences so thanks everyone.