Advice please on delayed school entry for summer born. Has anyone done it?

[PetaPipa]

I am not sure whether my dd should start school at the beginning of reception or delay one, two or even three terms. She has a late July birthday so is very young in the year, but is fairly mature. I love her nursery and she is really happy there - part of me would like her to stay there longer and grow in confidence and to just enjoy being a preschooler for longer. However, on the other hand, I am very concerned that delaying her start in school could affect her socially. So, I'm looking for advice!
If you delayed your child's entry to school do you regret it, or would you do it again? Why?
Are there any parents of summer borns who wish they had delayed entry to reception? Why?
Thanks in advance for any replies!

At my DCs school, they had seperate play times for Reception children for most of the year (and it was only an R-2 school). They also had Reception only outdoor and under cover play areas.
Most schools also have a "friendship bench" or "friendship bus stop", and teachers of this age know that children need encouragement to play nicely.

I would move her to give her the best chance of making friends.

I think you need to see schools which are in your area and where there is a realistic chance for your DD to get in. Then speak to teachers and the head and find out about their way to ease Reception children in.

Not all schools are the same when it comes to pastoral care and nurturing the little ones.

We were lucky enough to be able to choose between a small Infant, a large Infant and a Primary school. We chose the small Infant with the view that our very quite and shy 4 year old would ease into a setting of just 130 children, all under 8, easier than a primary of 360children from 4 - 11, even if playgrounds were split into Reception-KS1 and KS2.

She is now a confident and happy child, easy to throw into unknown surroundings like holiday clubs without knowing anybody.

I would strongly recommend not delaying 3 terms. If you do the school will give your place to someone else and you will almost certainly be forced to put your daughter into Y1. You will have very little choice of schools as most will already be full.

Early years children must have a separate play area so older children are not present. In my experience, Early Years teachers in schools are more skilled than any Nursery staff. Montessori have their ways but it is not necessarily better and I think they are scaring you. Why are they letting your DD stand around at playtime if their care is so good? Most schools observe this type of play and help the children join in. Nearly all schools will have teaching assistants to help with the reception class.

My DD, at 4, was in a classroom with 66 other children. It was a hen and chickens type layout if any of you know this type of classroom. It was also before 30 in a class. She was extremely happy and engaged because the teachers (2) were brilliant. They were very well versed in helping children start school and it would never have been in her interests to delay starting. Nursery offered nowhere near the opportunities the school did. She had a fantastic library stuffed with books, opportunities to make friends, brilliant role models of the older children and certainly didn't find it stressful or get tired. She turned out to be a high achiever but I really do think you can trust most schools to get it right and it helps if parents are positive because school for those who are slower developers, is just an extension of nursery - for a bit, anyway.

She would no doubt catch up but would find herself likely to be amongst the poorer readers etc in the class, how would that impact on her confoidence, if she was in lower groups for everything? Would it worry you if the rest of the class could read and she couldn't?

I did this, not because my dd was young (she wasn't) but because I wanted to spend time with her.
One term delayed, next two terms part time, all through Reception.
It made NO DIFFERENCE to academic outcomes (I'm assuming, all 8s and 9s in end of year EYFS).
It made no difference to social ability (classmates were four, at that age a new kid coming in feels like they have been their forever).
I kept her at nursery for two days a week (although it quickly became clear she had outgrown it).
But I had time to spend with her on the remaining days, which was good for all of us.
Depending on the kind of child you have, it really isn't a big deal.
An alternative is to send your daughter part time. That way you get the socialisation and also she gets the school. And then if she loves it, you can transfer to school all the time.

also, you can teach her to read at home so she doesn't 'fall behind'.

Our school is huge and in term 1 it's easy to spot the summer borns and those that never went to nursery. By easter it really isn't. Reception have their own amazing outside space and it's like a huge nursery but with more structure. Ratio is 1:15 with teachers and TAs. It's like a stepping stone between nursery and proper school at year 1. Friendships form. Confidence grows. They get ready for schooling with lots of learning by play

Does your daughter want to start school? Does she have friends at nursery who are due to start when she normally would, and how would she feel about them leaving?

FWIW I'd like to see flexibility in start dates for all children, not just summer-borns. Yes, it's great that my dd1 is an older one and therefore statistically doing better at this stage blah blah blah, but for the sake of 5.5 weeks, we had an extra year of nursery, thousands more in fees, and crucially, a little girl who was more than ready for school.

I'd like to see a system like they have in other countries where they start x months after y birthday, wherever that happens to fall.

Sorry, I know that's not what this thread is about, but there's something wrong with the start dates in the UK, there really is, for most children one way or another!

meita I read your post and it feels like it was written by myself 2-3 years ago.

I have two summer born Dcs. Ds is last day of July dd is mid august. Ds (now 13 and in yr 9) was happy at school, academically top sets, emotionally ready maybe just a bit childish in comparison with other kids.

Dd-this is another story. I didn't delay R entry even though she was only 4 years and two weeks. Like meita's dc she started hating lunchtime based on the fact that she was eating slowly and she was scared to be left behind. It got to the point where all she wanted in her lunch box was half a sandwich (to ensure she finishes fast enough) and she would check her lunch box in the mornings and remove any additional items. We have even been called to school by the teacher who probably thought we were trying to starve her.

Academically she was ok, I think she was slightly behind in concentrating and seeing the importance of things learnt. She was very sociable before, extrovert, strong willed but unfortunately the school somehow killed that.

She is now in year 3 and she has made great progress. Academically she finished year 2 above average. In class she is just coming out of her shell recently after we discussed with her teacher and she was given a bit more attention and encouraged. Before she did all the efforts to pass unnoticed.

I would have delayed her school starting date by a year if you ask me. But then my summer born son was happy and thrived so it depends on the child I would say.

I'm really not worried about the academic side. I know she would learn to read if she stayed at the nursery, she is working towards that now and they are qualified teachers there. It is just the social side, and it is so hard to know what's best. I think at the moment I might look into her starting part time. I won't know which school until April, at which point I will talk to the head and reception teacher. Thanks for all the advice - I know it totally depends on the individual child, but it is still helpful to hear other experiences.

If I could have delayed DD I would have. She is in reception now and in some areas happy but others terrified. She is scared of Y1 children even when they don't come near her. She's in an infant school. Her numeracy is great, but she still can't blend words. She would definitely have benefitted from an extra year at nursery. When she started there she 3 she didn't speak for 5 months as it was so overwhelming for her. She was just getting into her stride then it was time for school.

The problem is not if you should delay it is would it be encouraged / allowed by the school and the LA. For many it is the battle of a lifetime. Some get a Y1 place at 5 and others a R place, it depends where you live and who makes the decision. Not an easy process. I'm sure a lot of schools would not be happy with an Easter start if they have a long waiting list regardless of your 'rights'. IME they would rather have them in sooner even if it means supporting them a bit more. My DDs class has over representation of summer born children and they gave had to buy in additional support TAs and language / literacy specialists to deal with them.

There is limited research on academic outcomes. The research available suggests summer born children perform better if the parents do not defer entry. The deferred entry children are performing at the same level as their peers before starting school but have fallen behind by the end of KS1. However, this should be treated with caution. The amount of research available is limited so may not be fully reliable. No-one has yet investigated the effect on outcomes by the end of the child's school career so it is possible that the deferred entry children catch up. And, of course, there will be individual variations so, even if it is true that most children would benefit by starting at the normal time, it is still possible that your child would benefit from a delayed start.

Do take a good look at school before making your decision. You may find Reception is much more similar to nursery than you expect.

One of my children is June-born, the next one is September. With the oldest (June) we didn't consider not sending her to school, she was bright and confident. But at school she was timid and nervous and horrendously shy. Academically she had no problems but socially she found it very difficult. And that was in a class of 15. It took a good 3/4 years of school for her to come back to her pre-school levels of confidence. She particularly hated being one of the smallest in school at the start, the majority of her class had birthdays before January.
With my September-born child, the difference in school experience has been very striking. No confidence issues, settled straight in and thrived from the start.
But so much depends on the child, the pastoral care at the school, what year she would have to go into if you delayed a year.

I'm thinking of delaying a term too. DD2 isn't a summer born but she's still more like a three yr old than a four yr old. I think any form.of formal learning is going to take it out of her. She really will be using all her effort in trying to concentrate. her attention span is poor her speech is a bit behind and she's more likely to be the one sitting or standing there with no clue as to what she's supposed to be doing.

She still struggles to even dress herself. She just about manages pants and skirts the rest, forget it .

will follow this thread as I'm. After similar information.

My July-born DS is currently in reception and thriving. We didn't ever really consider deferring entry as his best friends from nursery were going to the same school and he would have hated to be left behind. A new kid has just started in his class and I feel really sorry for him being the one who doesn't know the classroom routines, is having to break into existing friendships, doesn't have the grounding in phonics that the other have already gained. I think entering late could really knock the confidence of a younger child.

Ds2 is September born so I'll see the other side too!

Hey my DS is still hard to understand, still can't take jumpers and tops on and off, still wears pull ups at night. The teachers are used to all abilities

I perhaps should add that things seem to be improving, slowly. But I would say that is simply because of increased age/maturity. Kind of, despite school rather than thanks to school.

In my DS case also perhaps one problem is that he behaves super well at school (he is very anxious about being told off), he was recognised as being 'very smart' within weeks of starting, he is eloquent and has a great vocabulary. Although he is still in 3-4y clothes, and the year is older than average, there are a few kids noticeably shorter than him. Also he is physically fit, can run really fast, has great balance etc. So he doesn't appear like the class 'baby' and it is very easy to kind of forget about him as being young-in-year. But under all his ability to read and add and express himself and run, emotionally he was still that kid whose 4th birthday was less than two weeks ago when he started school. I do believe our school's pastoral care is reasonably good but perhaps DS' needs got a bit overlooked due to the way he presents.

Regarding missing out on friendships, well DS started forming a friendship with another 'loner' towards the end of the first term. Apart from that he has had one playdate. His best friends remain some kids he knows outside of school. I think for many children, age 4 is not really a time when they are keenly interested in 'friends' and I honestly do not think he would have missed out in terms of friendships by starting later/part time.

Regarding 'resources for settling in' well the first half term was totally crazy. There were 29 kids to be settled in and despite the teacher's and TAs' best efforts, many children felt very lost initially; up to October half term the majority of the children (including 5yos and hardened nursery attenders) were still crying at drop off. In the process of getting to know each other, things at times turned nasty with bullying behaviours (excluding, holding down and spitting in face, belittling, denigrating, intimidating, ... all this was totally foreign to DS and far from a 'gentle easing in to school', felt like brutally being thrown into the deep end). Things have improved a lot since then but I would not have been sad to have missed all that initial upheaval! In such an environment, it is very easy for the needs of a quiet, conforming child to be overlooked.
In contrast, one lone new kid has just joined, having deferred until now. He is met by a known person at the gate everyday, and has a buddy allocated, and has an adult looking out for him at all times. Yes there are less overall resources but the resources are not stretched between 30 kids either. And those other 29 kids are a lot calmer and not fighting out social hierarchies. All the other 29 kids know their way around school now and so it is easy for the new kid to learn how things work simply by following their example.

In our case it was about weighing our DS' needs with the needs of his new sibling, and there really was not much choice about it - we needed him to go to school, full time. But had I known just how it would turn out, I might have tried harder to find alternatives.
What contributed to swaying us was that we were told again and again how DS would clearly be fine at school and was so 'ready' and 'needed' to be at school - because he is academically able. But I think that is not a valid point. If a child is doing well with their reading and numeracy etc. it actually indicates the opposite of 'needing' to go to school - clearly what you have been doing so far has been working really well! And academic ability says little about emotional maturity but might make a child APPEAR to be more emotionally mature than they are, hence leading to their emotional needs not being met. So what I'm saying is, try to not let your child's academic ability sway you towards (or against) deferring entry. IMHO it is not really about that at all.

Lastly, thanks to those who 'recognise' our experience; it is sanity-saving! With people telling me all the time 'but your DS is doing so well!' at times it feels like I am imagining things. Then I remind myself that no academic achievement can really make up for spending your days being unhappy. Not when you're 4 years old, and not when you're 40 either. IMHO.

I've got a very-end-of August boy with some other slight issues. He did start reception at 4 yr 3 days. He's basically doing OK (5 years later) although he's not one of the more confident in the class. He's stuck with being the youngest and smallest in the year group regardless so he'll never be prop-half or whatever they call it in the rugby team!

If there had been a flexible system as is being advocated, I'd have probably taken advantage of it, as the school would have been set up for that. But didn't want him to be the odd one out.

Factors that helped:
-very small and sympathetic school, which didn't push academic work, let him find his own level

• Reception was very much like nursery, lots of sandpits, toy cars. free play etc
• brother already at school so was familiar with environment and basics of literacy/numeracy
• starting with established friends from playgroup
• is naturally sociable and sporty

Maybe consider a phased/part time start and see how she gets on?

My DD end of July born is now in year 3, has done very well and is in top group for everything. I think I would have regretted delaying her start.

You know your child best, I hope you get the right outcome.

My middler is a summer born. She started when she was 4 plus a few weeks.
I seemed wrong.
She has had an excellent time at school.
They were very gentle with her and their first year isn't exactly taxing. By the end of the year she was up to speed and is by far the top of her class now

A lot depends on the primary school. Many schools now have completely separate nursery type environments for reception with separate play grounds, rest areas, etc. Some don't...

We have a very late summerborn DD who is currently in Y1.

I did think about starting part-time (not delaying), but not for very long - DH and I were both the youngest in our respective years, both fine academically and socially. Honestly, the only drawback I could think of was not being able to buy a drink when university first started, but that was easily overcome!

DD has absolutely thrived. There is a massive jump between YR and Y1 and I am so glad that she was fully prepared for Y1. She's well ahead for Y1 and socially it's not been a problem at all, several staff were surprised to hear that she's a summerborn. I am not sure that this would have been the case had we delayed or gone part-time. I think it would have affected her ability to cement friendships; I also think she'd have missed out on too many building blocks and the reinforcement work academically. I know that her confidence would have been severely dented going into a class where the children all already knew each other and had established friendships AND having missed the academic work so playing double catch-up from the beginning.

What we do notice as the only negative is that she is totally exhausted at the end of the day (but so are many of the children regardless of age/year). For us, it's a case of managing that and choosing extracurricular activities carefully.

It does very much depend on your child though. I think you need to weigh up the pros and cons of each option first, and then see how many of them would apply to your child's personality. I know another summerborn child whose parents decided to delay by a year and it was the right decision for them, for all the reasons it would have been the wrong decision for us.

What circumstances, ( out if curiosity) would any of you say warrant holding them back a term.

Giles - In the case of our friends' child, he still hadn't settled into nursery and was screaming at drop-off there every morning; they wanted him to have a bit more time to settle and enjoy playing with others. Also he was behind with language and they wanted him to be with the younger children a little longer whilst they worked on that, as they were worried that he could be bullied at school. He's a bright kid, academically lay there wouldn't have been any issues, but it was the emotional maturity linked with speech delay that convinced them to wait.