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does everyone except me get glowing reports at parents evening??

57 replies

6031769 · 11/02/2015 17:08

DS is in reception. First parents evening in autumn term was quite bad as he was being badly behaved but he's settled down and now behaviour is better.

Latest parents evening still quite a lot of negative points on behaviour (not so bad as before), listening (or not) etc etc although as far as actual school work goes he's doing great and is well above average so why do I feel abit :( when I see all these posts on facebook saying what glowing reports their children got etc etc. My mum says people won't tell you the bad points so to take what others say with a pinch of salt

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ANewMein2015 · 11/02/2015 17:14

Its a number of things. It's partly because people in the same case as you would be just seeing how wonderfully well above average your son is doing (and for some bizarre reason feel the need to boast aboutit all over facebook)

Most parents are going to be told their child is "doing well" at something, so most parents take that to mean their child is amazing and wonderful (as most children are).

Teachers also vary in reporting styles, but on the whole most find something positive to say. They may say to one parent, "Well done! Little Johnny is now counting up to 5!" And rightly praising his achievement, while also saying to another parent, "Well done! Little Jessica knows her times tables!" for example. It's mainly about celebrating the good with an improvement point thrown in. Most parents don't share that bit ;)

If he's in reception of course he's not going to want to sit still at a desk for long periods of time or what have you as he's only 4 or 5 and still little. Just be pleased he's doing so well. (And don't give in to the temptation to facebook baost ;))

Now40 · 11/02/2015 17:38

When ds was in year 1, we had quite a negative report from his teacher at parents evening. We were quite surprised because we knew ds was bright and on the top table for everything. But the way she explained it was that she knew ds was capable of so much, he was just letting little things get in the way. It really gave us a quick up the bum and we have worked hard with school to sort out the behaviour issues.

All his friends seemed to have glowing reports but I would much prefer an honest one that helped us move forward. And to be honest I didn't believe a word of some of the Facebook boasts!

Now40 · 11/02/2015 17:39

Obviously a kick up the bum.

ReallyTired · 11/02/2015 17:45

I think you need to seperate yourself from your son. Its your son getting the bad report and its not necessarily a reflection on you. My daugher's parents's evenings have been glowing where ds' parents evenings are a mixed affair. I have parented them the same and they are simply different people.

Children in reception are very little and there is lots of time for him to grow up.

runningincircles · 11/02/2015 17:50

Very few children get a report that is totally glowing without any areas to work on. Most teachers report positive achievements and areas for improvement.
I've read FB posts boasting about glowing reports, but sometimes they forget that we know these children in real life and that they are not always perfect.

TheFirstOfHerName · 11/02/2015 18:05

It depends on the child. My children aren't that different at home yet get completely different reports and comments at parents' evening:

DS1: Able but inconsistent

DS2: Gifted but doesn't listen

DD: Daydreamy but tries hard

DS3: According to his teachers, you'd think he's some sort of perfect child. He is now in Y6 and I don't think I have ever heard a negative comment at a parents' evening. Whatever he is doing at school, it must be very convincing. At home, on the other hand, he is a regular child, hardly a paragon of virtue. He is certainly no better behaved than the other three.

I have come to the conclusion that some children come across better to their teachers, perhaps because their personalities are a better fit with teachers' expectations.

fairgame · 11/02/2015 18:06

DS is in year 5 and i've never had a glowing report for him. He has complex SEN and challenging behaviour and is probably a teachers worse nightmare. Teachers have always tried to find something positive such 'he stayed in PE for nearly half the lesson'! but it's hardly glowing. He is in a special school now and i was hoping that the glowing reports might start rolling in, however judging by the comments in his home/school book it seems unlikely.
Nobody ever seems to post anything bad about their lives on FB so i agree with your Mum, take it with a pinch of salt.

TheFirstOfHerName · 11/02/2015 18:07

It sounds as though your DS is making progress and improving, which is surely a positive thing.

Killasandra · 11/02/2015 19:04

Most teachers aren't brave enough to be honest with the parents. Be glad that yours has!

Most parents evening are a total whitewash and waste of time, as the glowing face books posts testify.

dustyovaries · 11/02/2015 19:17

Or maybe they just cherry pick the good bit to share?? Or are lying? Nothing to be gained from being dishonest and 9/10 children are totally fine, making progress, behaving etc. I always go for the Stewie Griffin compliment sandwich; something good, what they need to work on, something good. I wouldn't wait till parents night to share any bombshells, so really there should be no surprises for parents.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/02/2015 19:23

Well he's improving. It's hard for them to adjust to school. As long as he's progressing in the right direction. Ignore FB posts on other DC.

My DS is in his 5th yr of formal education (2yrs presc, 3 yrs elementary), and I was cleaning up my thumb drive and organising it, and came across letters written by his teacher in Kinder. He is STILL experiencing the EXACT same problems with behaviour and is not getting any better. His saving grace is that he is actually smart, and a lovely little boy when he wants to be/isn't tired/is doing something he likes/has eaten recently/is getting his own way/wants something (delete as appropriate)

InkleWinkle · 11/02/2015 19:23

I get glowing reports for DD1.
However, DD2 will be starting school in August...Grin

iwouldgoouttonight · 11/02/2015 19:38

I'm always disappointed by parents' evenings, we don't ever seem to find out much at all, it's always very general and we often come away thinking they say the same to everyone and just change the name of the child. I think I'd actually prefer it if they said something a bit negative where we could work on to help improve, at least we'd feel as though they actually know our DCs. Or something glowingly brilliant would be great too. Grin

But in the five years DS and DD have been at school we've always come away feeling as though the teachers don't really know them at all. At the last one the teacher spent much of it moaning about having to stay late. Hmm

Methe · 11/02/2015 19:41

We had a mixed bag

Dd 10 - will be a level 6 in all subjects before the end of year 5. Absolute swot.
Ds 6 - won't listen, doesn't apply himself, struggling in phonics.. Can't even be arsed to try. Finger spaces are for wimps and who needs to be able to read anyway?

Hmm
vestandknickers · 11/02/2015 19:47

I just want to know that the teacher really knows my children well (the good and the not so good!). My DS has always had a 'glowing report' because he is slightly anxious and desperate to please at school. He's also very bright so does very well. He's a little sod at home! My DD's reports have been good sometimes, but not always. Like many children she has her ups and downs. I don't expect a glowing report for her, but I do want to hear some positives and some well thought out strategies for addressing any problems.

Indantherene · 11/02/2015 19:52

I have 5 children and have been going to Parents Evenings for 25 years now Shock. I don't think I have ever had a glowing report yet, for any child. You are not alone.

TongueBiter · 11/02/2015 20:33

I've come away from ours (y1) tonight ready to cry. It felt like a 10-15 minute character assassination - not a single positive thing. I had to say "his reading is improving though, isn't it?" before she went off again about how he doesn't line up 'properly'. Yes,I know she has a whole class to teach, but does she expect all 30 kids to behave like Little Lord Fauntleroy?

Methe · 11/02/2015 20:41

I'd be furious id fa teacher criticised my 5 or 6 year old for 'failing to line up nicely'!

mammuzzamia · 11/02/2015 20:44

It's not Facebook boasting is it? That's the usual culprit. I would take what's said via that medium with a handful of salt

MaryBerrysLostCherry · 11/02/2015 20:49

First ever today. I felt sick going in so it was a lovely surprise. Told my mum not fakebook.

PeterParkerSays · 11/02/2015 20:50

DS is really struggling with school work at present. I was moaning to my team leader about this; she said that at every parents' evening she had to find a corner to go and have a cry in because her oldest son was always "bored and disruptive to others and not willing to knuckle down". Her DS is now in his early 20s so there have been parents disappointed by the feedback at parents' evenings for many years.

I would put it down to the fact that parents probably won't tell you if little Florence is felt by her teacher to be "characterful" or "strongly opinioned" but will happily tell you if she does well at Latin.

NimpyWWindowmash · 11/02/2015 20:52

People who post this sirt if thing on facebook should be defriended (or "unfollwed"

BellsaRinging · 11/02/2015 20:59

People lie on facebook! And sometimes people only hear what they want to. I have had similar (and worse!)reports about ds, who is only now getting it behaviour wise now he's 10. Don't worry about it-he's only little, and he has plenty of time to settle down. He's doing good work, which is an important part of school, and tbh behaviour is probably easier to fix than if he was really struggling academically.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 11/02/2015 21:00

I felt cheated by my parent teacher meeting on Monday. She just read a list and said 'yes, she can do that', 'yes, she can do that' and so on. She did not sound like she knew my DD at all. Then she insulted her personality. I should just move on but I am unhappy that my DD is spending her days with someone who does not like her. She is, in my opinion, a very well behaved little girl.

Smartiepants79 · 11/02/2015 21:14

It should NOT be all negative. That is unprofessional.
Ours was just a bit underwhelming. She is doing well, behaves well and they are happy with her. It was just missing the personal understanding of our girl. I'm a teacher myself and I like and respect her teacher, think she does a good job overall and my daughter is happy. She just doesn't do a very good parents evening!