does everyone except me get glowing reports at parents evening??

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DS is in reception. First parents evening in autumn term was quite bad as he was being badly behaved but he's settled down and now behaviour is better.

Latest parents evening still quite a lot of negative points on behaviour (not so bad as before), listening (or not) etc etc although as far as actual school work goes he's doing great and is well above average so why do I feel abit :( when I see all these posts on facebook saying what glowing reports their children got etc etc. My mum says people won't tell you the bad points so to take what others say with a pinch of salt

We never put school stuff on FB. Sadly other family members do and it's a constant flow of little Billy/Bobby/Bella got the "I've got the longest fringe award" this week, one proud mummy

My dc go to the same school as them and one child gets an award for something every week FFS...

I'm please we decided to not start, it can all get very competitive.

DD1 struggled in infants, so when we got a good report at Parents Evenings it was great. Never mention it on FB, some of our parents do. Find it quite ironic they have to tell everyone ...yet the real high fliers never say anything.
Your son is doing well and making good improvements with his behaviour from what you said. Sounds like you live in the real world. ....can't wait to unblock some mums from school ....they do my head in

I've just had my first almost glowing parents evening for DS1. It's taken until Yr 9 though. Note the 'almost'.

I went into our recent reception one expecting the worst as DC1 had a very rocky start with poor behaviour. I was delighted to get on target for everything and well above expectations for a couple of areas incl reading. Very different from last term. Last term I was honest when people asked and said we were having a few issues and I was working with the teachers to resolve. This time I have just told those who ask that all is now fine. I have told family the real story and how great it is that DC settled down and is high performing. I use FB lots but I would never boast like that - they are 4 or 5 and each child is so different.

I always do the something positive, something which can be worked on (and everyone has something they can work on), finished with something positive. You overhear parents talking and they often conveniently forget the part in the middle. I've never had a 'negative' parent teacher conference, any big issues would have been discussed and a meeting held long before the parent teacher night. A brief five minute discussion with other parents hanging around is not the place to have the really important discussions.

some people do get good reviews, some children are extremely well behaved and hard working so naturally will get good reviews. they will still have things to work on though, everyone does. to me a good review is to do with their attitude and behaviour not the academic side. I am proud of my children for being well behaved because they work hard at doing it, I am proud of them for doing well with their work too but children can only achieve work at their level so a child might struggle academically but if they try hard and are well behaved then they can still have a flowing parents evening, likewise a bright child might be horrible to other children or naughty etc so can have a bad review.

I do say on facebook I am proud of them if they have done well, why shouldn't I? I don't say 'they are level this for english and that for maths' but that the teachers said they had been very kind or something.

Bloody Facebook.

No, OP, not everyone gets glowing reports, far from it.

I suspect it is more that many of the gormless idiots on Facebook find it impossible to resist the urge to brag about their DC. I would take every 'oooh, little Lily-Ella-Mai had the most amaaaaayzing report!' type of post with an absolute dollop of salt.

FWIW, DS1 is now in Y6 and has never had a 'glowing' report. Several very positive, helpful parents evenings, but never 'glowing' ones. DS2, just started reception, will I suspect be one of those children about whom teachers tend to wax a bit more lyrical, so we may well be getting glowing reports about him in future. Whatever the reports say, I'll carry on doing as I've always done: sharing the good and less positive bits with close family and friends, and resisting the urge to write boasty twaddle on social media

Of course it's natural to want to be proud of your DC's achievements and share them. But don't be fooled by the Facebook 'perfect DC' brigade. They are probably all guilty of, at the very least, enhancing the truth.

Very sorry Sinister

You are indeed at the beginning of a long road. The only good news is that things have been caught early, so you have a few years to sort out the underlying issues and find out what's wrong.

If you want any advice from someone who's been there and got the T-Shirt PM me.

Then again, Sinister, he may just as well be an ordinary 4 yr old boy!

My oldest was a constant worry, until at age 11 he was suddenly "average" and fine.

Some young boys aren't ready for school until older!

Nimpy - how can he be 'ordinary' if he's behind across the board and being referred for assessment?

He might be fine by 11. Who knows. (And it's great that your DS is) But he certainly isn't ordinary.

The teacher is saying compared to all the other 4 year old boys he's not coping. She most certainly doesn't refer all the boys in her class for assessment.

Oh killas, that must have been difficult.

Assessment for what?

Four years old does seem awfully young to be commenting on slowness to eat dinner and get dressed though.

Sorry I meant just have been difficult for sinister

Because loads of kids ate not "ordinary", especially at a young age.

I had to have DS assessed for social and emotional problems and dyslexia. Various iep's and interventions.

I was just saying it is quite common and does not mean you are heading for a future of trouble.

I was (trying to be) helpful by sharing my personal experience. As an illustration that sll may be fine, and 4 is frightfully young to assess anything IMO.

Lots of kids are not ready for school at 4/5/6/7! They do often get there in their own time though.

Thx for all the comments, yes I suppose it's a good thing as I do feel the teacher knows him really well. He's still only 4 so hoping he will mature over tome

I get ds is "growing in confidence and loves to discuss things with the adults". Yes, he always has had good conversational skills thank you....but what they omit to say is that he is behind on everything

Dd is a perfect student, and her parents evening focused more on her learning ability.

It's not what they say. ..it's what they don't.

I nearly cried when DS2's teacher was talking about his behaviour so you are not alone. Didn't advertise the trauma on facebook though, just maintained a dignified silence

I agree with killasandra, most teachers are not brave enough - or more likely, they are under orders. Same goes for written reoports.

I dont even bother to listen to what teachers tell me about my own DC. I turn up to " show face" because I know teachers think that this is important and demonstrates a " caring parent " ( tosh really).

On the other hand as a teacher I know I am sat on from a great height to not be negative about children. Indeed I am not even allowed to tell the truth mosttimes. Occassionally I have had greatmisgivings and tried to express them but found myself in trouble.

It usually goes as follows:
a) I tell the truth ( even politely and with much sensisitvity)
b) parent / SMT do not like it ( the latter in the case of written reports which are read before parents get them) - or even with older pupils the child does not like it.....
c) A "complaint" is made to SMT.
d) I am told to change what I have said. Sometimes I am told what to say - more often it is left to me to think something up..... but never the truth.

So, of course reports and conversations with parents are always full of glowing positives.

Not our experience of years of school reports and parents' evenings Hunnybe

Our teachers have always been good news/bad news/stuff to work on. We don't want teachers to just blow smoke - want to hear warts and all.

Some good news is always good though!

Oh and your mum is absolutely right 603!

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You are so not alone! I have found many parents evenings completely exasperating and a waste of time - depending on the school. One time I didn't book at a primary school - 3 kids 3 different schools and full time job. The school called me, concerned that I had not booked, so my husband went.

The headteacher interrupted the conference complaining that I did not go. My husband, "What's the problem? I'm here." She said your wife doesn't seem to think parents evening is important.

We were told my daughter doesn't focus - similar to previous parent's night.

No behavior problem - just doesn't focus. Aka (they didn't say this) she will only make the minimum expectation and no amount of tutoring or extra work will make a difference and we're going to put her in all the bottom tables so she will be psychologically conditioned to believe she's inferior.

We moved a year later and new school quickly identified a reading issue - dyslexia. I find both primary schools completely patronizing - but at least the second one actually engages with me so I can help at home or get tutoring (even though they don't want her in tutoring).

sorry to rant on your thread OP! I feel much better now for it.

The thing that annoys me about the glowing report claims on FB is when people put that their dc is top of the class in all subjects.

Out of all the parents evenings I have been to I have never been given an indication of where my child is in relation to their classmates, it's always more this is where they should be and this is where they are - no discussion about whether this puts them at the top or bottom of the class - and when so many people post that, it makes me wonder how so many children can be top of a class?!

I have a mixed results with DC, but one of them..., parents evening can be kinda nice because we only talk about academics, and not terrible behaviour for a change (get to hear about that every other day of the week).

Sometimes it's obviously that they are following a script hard ("start with something positive!"). That's not so fun, obviously rehearsed since hard for them to find positive stuff to say.

Our reception ones were awful, we had several complaints from the teacher. But it was a different story in year 1 when we had a teacher who reallly seemed to relate to and engage dc. Sometimes I think it's about maturity (they get less silly as they get older) and other times it's about the particular teacher. If he's doing well with his maths and literacy I would hold onto that.

I'm on FB with a few parents from the school. Some people just like to post these things, others don't. I wouldn't say the posts are related to amazing ability or exemplary behaviour. They're just proud of their dc, whatever they do. The one with the truly g&t dc wouldn't dream of posting about it.

Hang in there, he'll come into his own.

I do with DCs 2 and 3

DC1 on the other hand.....he's 17 now, and in 6th Year of High School. Last year was the first time we'd ever had a good report at Parent's Night. I had to choke back the tears. There's no SEN there, he's just a gobshite.