Parent threatening to smack kid in reception cloakroom

[CreepyLittleBat]

Please be gentle with me, this is a genuine question and not just being judgemental. In the reception cloakroom today one of the 4yr olds was crying (not remarkable imo, in the first few weeks of term) and his mum shouted "Stop that noise or I'll smack you in front of all these people" - I am an ex teacher and my instinct is that this isn't right. I know some people think smacking is ok and I want to live and let live, but to me there's something odd about the "in front of all these people" - as if it's only the other people who've stopped this happening already? It's not the first time she's threatened her ds in everyone's hearing. On a selfish basis I don't want my dd hearing this and thinking hitting is ok because an adult does it. On a non selfish basis, and here's my question - should I mention it to the teacher/school? I don't want to be an interfering old bat and I know how difficult kids can be, but this (esp. the wording) worried me. What do I do if she carries out the threat? I don't feel like I can stand by and watch that.

My inclination is to do and say nothing based on what has happened so far. If however the parent does carry out the threat and smacks the child whilst on school premises then I would definitely be reporting that to the head teacher as inappropriate.The head would then have to have a conversation with the parent about what is and is not appropriate on school property

I don't think you should get involved. While, as you say, it isn't your style, plenty of other people might behave that way. Also it may have been on empty threat.

I think you need to reserve judgement until there is something more serious. This is just a difference in style not care.

Your instinct is right OP. Speak to the teacher. This is totally unacceptable. The parent was trying to scare the child into doing what he was told by threatening physical violence. I'm an Early Years professional and if I had witnessed that, I would be obliged to speak to mum and let her know that it was unacceptable, and to document what I had seen.

More people need to 'interfere' when it comes to children's safety. You cannot trust that she is doing the right thing just because she is his mother.

Thanks everyone - this is my dilemma really - as a parent I shouldn't necessarily get involved, but as someone trained to report and document anything of this kind in my career, I feel conflicted! Perhaps an initial conversation with dd's teacher along the lines of 'would you be concerned about this?'

I would mention it to the teacher, certainly. Not only is it upsetting and humiliating for the poor kid in question ("in front of all these people", wtf?), but everyone else's children, some of whom may be feeling equally fragile are being forced to witness this ranting on school premises.
Horrible cow.

Children's safety is everyone's business OP. There's too much discussion about the parent's rights to their own 'parenting style' and not enough thought given to the child's needs and feelings. Any decent teacher would be very concerned indeed by what you saw.

Ok - phoning school now!

Good for you

I would speak to the teacher who will then have a responsibility to be keep an eye on the situation and intervene if necessary.

Intervening could mean having a supportive chat about other ways to manage behaviour. It doesn't have to be about judging or reporting.

Yes, I would tell the schol about this.

Let us know what they say

Just spoken to the class teacher and she said it is the kind of thing she needs to know about - she asked the child's name and when I told her, said "I thought it would be" Hopefully they'll be able to nip it in the bud.

Well done OP, there are obviously already concerns about this little boy. Good call

What a revolting woman.

"Difference in style"?? Wtf?

While it is good that you told the teacher, her comment (the "I thought it would be") is remarkably unprofessional.

Sorry, I put that in as an isolated phrase which was misleading - she meant that the child was crying when he came in so she thought something must have upset him.

she asked the child's name and when I told her, said "I thought it would be"

That's rather unprofessional. She should have just thanked you and left it at that.

Hopefully she will make sure that this parent is offered some support to manage her children's behaviour more appropriately and the staff will be vigilant to whether the wider needs of the family are being met. Sometimes this is the sign of a parent at the end of their tether for other reasons.

Apologies for the confusion! Feeling a bit shaky after that and didn't think before posting. Yes, I hope the mother will be able to get some help to deal with things more appropriately.

Definitely doing the right thing.

I know that if it happened in DD's school I would have had a very quiet word with the teacher, explaining exactly what I'd seen and heard and then say that I would leave it with them to action or not, depending on their policies, what they know of the child/family and whether they felt it was their place to get involved.

I think the school cloakroom (especially the 'Reception' cloakroom) is a very emotive place early in the term. It could be that the mother was also upset and just didn't know how to deal with the fact that the child didn't want to be left (massively assuming that that was the reason and also massively giving the mother the benefit of the doubt) but the school will be able to quietly watch and monitor to gather all the evidence to know what to do.

Well done OP. The thought of smacking my DD (5) makes me feel sick. But then she's rarely naughty and has never pushed me to any sort of limit. I think I've only shouted at her once...

You did the right thing

It could have been nothing, and just a stupid thing to say in the heat of the moment, but the what-ifs are too big.

Lotta It absolutely is parenting style. Whether you like it or not. Plenty of people smack their children for disobedience. I personally don't but that doesn't mean that doing it is child abuse.

A parent being so unsympathetic to their upset child is far more worrying than the fact that they threatened to smack them.

Well done for telling the teacher, I think it's the right thing. If there's no concerns there's no harm done, if there is it builds the picture of someone needing support.

Threatening a child with smacking for CRYING is indefensible in my book. There's nothing he could have done to deserve a smack or even the threat of a smack but its not like he was hitting others or wrecking the classroom. He was a 4 year old boy who was crying (as the OP tells it). Some people totally lose sight of the child in their rush to defend a parent's 'style' and I don't understand it

soapboxqueen - I actually agree with you. Lots of parents do take an active decision to smack their children as a form of discipline. It is permitted by law for them to do so. I wouldn't do it myself but I don't think it is child abuse unless it's very violent.

I think the OP has done the right thing as this made her uncomfortable and it was on school premises. But smacking isn't against the law and threat to smack not followed through certainly isn't either.

Difference between poor parenting practice and child abuse.