Changing schools- dilemma and advice needed!

[chocicecream5]

My DD is 5 and has just started Yr 1 in her current school. It is considered by many to be a good school. This wasn't my favourite school when choosing a place but at the last minute I went for practicality, this school is walking distance and in our catchment. It took a while for her to settle but as soon as she made a 'best friend' she enjoyed it a bit more.

She hasn't settled into Yr1 though and cries every morning although she has always been a sensitive clingy child.The teacher is known by many to be cold and hard to approach. I know a few people who have moved their children because of her although not in this year. DD says there are no toys/ play at all and says she has to write all day. She has gone down a group in reading and writing. I understand the step from reception can be quite difficult for some and she is a young 5.

I have always envisaged my DD going to small village school where everyone knows each other and the other day I looked online at a school that I know has a good reputation. surprisingly they had a space and I went to visit. I was hoping not to like it as I knew it would be difficult decision to move her, however, I loved the school! Yr 1 was still partly play based as well as still doing forest school which I think my DD needs. The phonic groups were very small and all the teachers seemed lovely. It had a real family atmosphere and there is only a 100 children in the school. Another plus is that it's the feeder school for the good secondary in the area. The downside is that it's 5/6 miles away.

My husband thinks the schools she is currently at is fine but he was impressed by this one and we decided to move her. however when it was mentioned to my DD she went into a melt down saying she didn't want to leave her friends and we couldn't force her to go ( she would like to go if she could take her best friend with her! )We have an appointment with her current head teacher on Monday so he can sign the forms etc although now I'm having a real wobble. I'm stressing about the effect the move with have on my DD as well as how I will tell my DD'S friends mothers and head teacher. I've gone from feeling certain to now having doubts about the distance and whether I'm just not thinking straight ( I do have these tendencies!).

I have spent the last year thinking I want to move her, to now getting in a real state about it all. Can anyone shed any light into whether this a sensible rational move?

My mother moved me to a new school. The effect of being at a good school for years has more effect than a few days/weeks of stress while settling in.
But then the school we were moved from was pretty bad.

I'm a head teacher ........the current head will want to know why you are leaving and I wouldn't, if I were you, think about what reasons you are going to give - it seems to me (and this us only my opinion so feel free to ignore!) that the current teacher hasn't done much wrong other than have a style/personality you don't like! But other than that, he/she isn't going to do or say anything drastic! We don't tell parents off!!!
If you like the other school more, go for it. IME children nearly always settled in to new schools within a week or two and then no one can remember what all the worry was about! But make sure you really have thought this through - not all teachers can or are 'Miss Honey' - and they won't all be in the new school either. If you think it's the ethos of the schools that are different rather than an individual teacher - then do the move. Your dd will be ok x

Would not wouldn't - sigh!

Bump

You're right, the teacher hasn't done anything wrong! I guess that's one reason I'm struggling, there is no definite reason just a feeling that I prefer the other school, a lot has to do with the small homely feel of the place.

I think you need to look beyond the immediate. The other school may be more appealing right now, especially as your DD may have a teacher next year that she is not getting on with so well, but what about the future? The small nurturing environment that seems great for a 5 year old, may seem too small and claustrophobic when she gets older. Also in a year or two, she'll want to do after school clubs and visit friends - how much travelling back and forth are you prepared to do?

I'd also consider that if your DD took a while to settle in her current school, she'll have to go through the whole settling in again. Have you actually talked to school about her current complaints? I think it would be unusual for a Y1 class to do no playing at all, and even more unusual for them to write all day . A big difference we noted with Y1 was that they did do "play" activities, but they didn't have the free play they had in Reception, so although it was a "fun" activity it wasn't necessarily one the DC would have chosen.

do you really want to commit yourself to driving to and fro twice a day , perhaps more if there are parties, playdates, school functions etc, all weathers. Her new friends may equally not be local to school and live further away. One teacher does not a good/bad school make.

Bump

We moved DS in year one from local village school, 2 minutes walk away, to one 6 miles away. Despite the fact that he had been so unhappy at his old school that he wet the bed every single night he still protested that he didn't want to move schools and didn't want to leave his best friend. However, we went ahead because it was definitely the right thing for him and he hasn't looked back (he's now in year 4). He settled in immediately and has flourished in every way at the new school. It means more driving, but it's worth it, and he certainly has no lack of playdates or after school activities.

Thanks everyone for your advice and comments. I suppose I'm worried this move is more about me than my DD, still deciding so any more comments would be appreciated x

I'm a bit with redsky. A 'lovely little school' at 5 is a claustrophobic nightmare in Y6. I would especially think about:

• Mixed age classes: which year groups are mnixed (100 is not enough for each yeargroup to be a separate class)? Are there any year groups which are actually split - e.g. half of Y1 with Reception, half with Y2? Or is each mixed class two full year groups e.g. all of Y3 + all of Y4? If they do split year groups, how would you feel about your child being the one 'left behind' in the lower class? Are all the teachers in the bnew school ones that you would be happy for your child to have for 2 or more years? [At least in your current school, the Y1 teacher is only for a year].

• What level of ability is your child? IME, small schools with mixed age classes are absolutely fine for children around the average ability. 'Outliers' at either end are sometimes - and I stress 'sometimes' - less well suited, because there is less possibility in a small peer group of having children of a similar ability (DS experienced this, which is why his transition from a 1020 pupil school to a 420 pupil school was such a brilliant success), and because by definition the spread of ability in a mixed age class is wider. While all teachers differentiate 3+ ways as a matter of course, in mixed age classes there is often a need for even more levels of differentiatiation, and with the best will in the world the child who is the only one needing the 6th or 7th level of differentiation may fall off the 'to plan for' list of a Sunday afternoon!

• Transition to secondary. Are there genuinely 'feeder schools' with no notice taken of geography? Or is it a 'natural feeder school' arrangement whereby, because of where the school is, the pupils who live locally to it are in the catchment of the good secondary? If this is a strong reason for your move, I would be very, very careful that you have verified the exact arrangement using the secondary transirtion arrangements book from your local council website - and be aware that they may change.

• Distance. 5-6 miles over what terrain? over what roads? On your way to work, or in the opposite direction? Are there other children who come in from a long distance away, or will your DD find herself trying to make headway with a close-knit peer group who have lived in the same village all their lives?

• How much discussion have you had with your DD's current school about her current anxiety? Have you sat down with the Y1 teacher and really gone into the issues DD is having fromn the FS to KS1 and how you might work together to improve the situation? To move schools without having at leas explored such possibilities seems a little premature...

Oops, typo - DS moved from a 100 pupil village school to a 420 pupil town school. As he is an 'outlier' in terms of ability, the move was brilliant - he went from being 'the odd one out' to having 4 or 5 'near peers' who enjoyed learning together.

Bumpz

My inclination would be to go on Monday not with a view to getting the form signed (though why that is necessary I am at a loss to explain, it is your right as a parent to request any school place you want, not when the current head teacher and LA will let you) but to discuss your child' situation with the head teacher.
See what they say and then have another think about it. Are you sure that there is a place available at the other school - if there is no place, then you can only appeal and you might well not get in. That would mean you have gone through a lot of hassle for nothing.

There is definitely a place at the moment with no waiting list although who knows for how long! Still getting into a stress although maybe you are right and I should just chat honestly about my child crying every morning and how she isn't keen on the teacher and what he feels about moving? I've just noticed as well that the sats are excellent for the other school while they are just below average for her current school. I'm looking for things now but please tell me that this means nothing!

The SATs will tell you they have more bright children, not that progress is better or that they have better teachers. I think you may find an unsettled child is unsettled at a new school and will still have to do what they don't want to do. I cannot remember my children playing in year 1 at all! They did do art and other fun things though such as learning the recorder.

I agree with others about friendship and work groups in small schools but you will have to put up with any shortcomings if you move. On balance I would probably move but I would not expect your DD to be magically more confident. However, if you are really positive about the move and she really wants to change, I would give it a go. You seem to suggest she only has one friend. They can stay friends if you work at it.

What would worry me about a lovely small village school that is 5/6 miles away is that every other child may live in the village. Which means that they all know each other and -far harder - all the mum's know each other. At this age mums are still controlling play dates etc and they are obviously going to be more enthusiastic about a play date with child they have known since they did tumble tots at 8 months and lives 3 streets away than someone they don't know that they have to travel to.

Of course if the school takes kids from 20 miles away then this isn't a problem.

Some local authorities publish admission stats for all their schools. Can you try and find out how the admissions for the school goes. And look at how big the catchment area is.

My niece moved house and school, from a suburban 60 intake to mixed year groups, in yr3.
She absolutely hated it, the fact that there were so few children to pal up with. As somebody up thread said, all the children and mum's knew each other so well, it was practically incestuous.
It was only when she moved to high school that she finally made friends from other villages.
She was desperately sad for years.
My sister eventually moved house so her other 2 dc's didn't have to endure years of unhappiness.

Thanks for the comments. I did ask the head if the children were local and he said most were but some were from out of the area which didn't really help me! I know someone in reception who is fairly near me and who my DD has met and liked. However, she will be in a different class. Mmmm lots to think about, anyone else?

Village schools are often named as "feeder schools" for a secondary as they are geographically so far away that if admission was done purely by distance then the children would never get a place anywhere. However, if you don't live in that parish or the catchment for the primary, then going to the feeder school will not help your admission chances.

As for changing schools, it's a lottery really. It could be better, it could be just the same. Does you daughter cry all day or is it just a bit of tears as you drop off? The latter is not uncommon.

Thanks for the info about the feeder schools. My DD cries when I drop her off and sometimes at night but I'm told she is fine when at school. I just hate seeing her in floods of tears when her friends seem so confident.
I've been trying to pinpoint the reasons behind the not wanting to go to school and things seem vague as they change. However, the main ones seem to be a child in her class who is not nice to her, teacher shouting all day although apparently not at her! No more forest school or home corner/painting in her new class.

The other school had options for role play, art, it etc in the afternoon and had a decking area with creative activities. Forest school also continues until end of key stage 1. I haven't seen my DD classroom or been introduced to her teacher. I don't get any feedback and it's chaotic at the end of the day and teacher is not visible.

I'm hoping by seeing head on Monday ( with husband, hope that isn't OTTER but need some moral support! To discuss the above with him. Do you think that sounds reasonable?

Sorry I meant OTT not OTTER

Bump

I haven't read the whole thread, just the OP, i could have written your exact OP 6 months ago (including the description of the teachers and schools!) I've just moved DS1 to the small village school with forest school (except ours the distances are the other way around, much closer to school now) he has settled in amazingly well, absolutely loves it, comes out animated about his day and I can honestly say that I would drive the 5/6 miles to acheive that!

I worried myself sick about moving him but it has been seamless so far.

Good luck, will watch your thread with interest :)

I keep back tracking as part of me feels she could be unsettled anywhere! We would also have to buy a run around car for the school run and money is tight at the moment. It's a real tough one isn't it? I originally planned to see the head to get the form signed but now I'm thinking more along the lines of discussing the reasons she's unhappy and she what he has to say. I think I also worry what I will tell the other parents especially my DD'S best friends mum who is also my friend! I haven't brought it up at all yet. Did you have any similar issues?